A beautiful end to a roller coaster of a journey!
Since my last post i am glad to say that i am not the same person who i was two weeks ago! So many things have changed around me i feel the difference but i don't know what to make of it. I think it is because of Junpyo or rather the whole of F4 because before them i wasn't hopeful or in "dreamland" i was very conscious of reality but they gave me hope and wishes and an alternate world with dreams and love! Now that they are gone i am left here in this beautiful world all alone with no one to make me smile at the end of the day, no one to give me more hope or make me want to wish any longer! There is no one to make me cry but at the same time make me feel so much better after my tears dry. Without them, i feel like i have no purpose, no dreams, no connection with life. I feel like a big part of me is missing and i don't know how to feel this void space.
I find myself sitting down and wishing i had a love like that! Before, i had come to the real conclusion that love that is in the movies and that it does not exist! I had come to terms with the fact that i may never see anything like that ever! Now i just wish, hope, pray and beg that it does exist! I dream of the day that i will have something like that! At the back of my mind, i know that it is not true and in this day and age, there is no such thing that exists! Am i naive for wanting something so beautiful for myself? Am i just lying to myself? I probably am but if i don't make myself feel better who will? If i don't give myself hopes and dreams nobody else can! Boys over Flowers is now gone and i may be lost for a while but i know that i will survive the important thing here is that it taught me more than i expected to be taught in one million lifetimes! It taught me that love is a beautiful thing and embracing it is the hard part people are just scared of getting hurt! Just as i was but once you get past all the hurt and the pain and the fear, everything becomes beautiful and true. It becomes almost unreal and out of this world and most of the time, people don't understand what they feel so they run the other way when it happens to them not knowing that they are getting away from the most beautiful thing in their lives!
Junpyo and Jandi found that beauty and i know that everybody else can have it they just don't know what they have till its gone! So if you think you have something good going for you embrace it and destiny and fate take its course!
and thats just LIFE AS WE KNOW IT! =*
