No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn

Bad Trip, Man, Bad Trip

Eight games in on a ten-game trip and the boys are 2-6. I think I speak for the entire city when I say, “How in the hell did they win two?” You name it and the Astros have a problem with it. The starters not named Roy have either been inconsistent (Buchholz) or consistently terrible (Pettitte). The bullpen still has guys like Trever Miller and Mike Gallo in it so that’s not good. The lineup is full of holes and .200 hitters. Lance Berkman was an MVP candidate in April, but can’t stay healthy in May. The fielding has been little league-like (no offense to little leaguers). The manager whose baffling decisions last season worked out isn’t getting the same luck out of his moves this time around. The general manager, well the general manager has done the same thing as last season, nothing. I guess they’re all waiting for a miracle. I’m just waiting for a series win. Let’s see how long that takes.

--Brad Lidge hasn’t allowed a run in 7 of his last 8 appearances.

--The ‘Stros own Sunday at 7-1.

--The lone Astro with 2 games of 4 or more RBIs this season? Adam Everett, of course.

--Brad Ausmus is now down to .303, good for 27th in the NL.

--Preston Wilson is the only ML player in the top 35 in strikeouts (tied for 4th) who hasn’t walked at least 10 times.

--Andy Pettitte is 2nd in hits allowed in the Majors while Roy O is 4th.

--It took Albert Pujols a whole 51 games to get to 25 homers. Back in ’98 it took Mark McGwire 49 and in ’01 Bonds reached 25 in just 47 games. Go, Albert, go. That’s 10 more HRs than strikeouts for those of you scoring at home. Pujols also now has 64 RBIs. No one else in the bigs has even 50. Ridiculous. He’s 2-6 off Chad Qualls with 2 HRs. He’s 3-10 off Brandon Backe with 3 HRs.
That sucked.

--Prince Fielder has 4 stolen bases without being caught once. His poppa had 2 in his entire career.

--Philly’s Ryan Howard has 13 HRs this month. No one else has more than 11. He also has 35 RBIs in May, which is 3 more than Pujols.

--Brandon Webb is having a ridiculous year in Arizona. He now has just one walk fewer (9) than wins. Same exact thing for Curt Schilling thus far.

Bas-ket-ball, They’re Playing Bas-ket-ball

I can’t stands the Heat, but a 3-1 lead on the Pistons looks pret-ty, pret-ty safe. Either way this series has been unwatchable. And not just because of that silly white-out thing the Miami crowd has working. The Mavs/Suns has been fun, but Phoenix absolutely has to take care of business Tuesday in Game 4. They will and hopefully get Raja Bell back for Game 5.

--The 88 points the Suns scored in Game 3 were a playoff-low for them.

--The Mavericks are 23-0 when Josh Howard goes for 20+.

--Dallas has trailed Phoenix each game at the half, but has also held a lead in the 4th quarter of each game.

--That Wade guy who spells his first name funny is averaging 30.8 points in this series on ho-hum 70% shooting.

--Pat Riley teams are 11-0 when holding a 3-1 series edge.
Showoff.

--I think we really need to begin questioning whether or not Stephon Marbury wants to remain in New York after he told the NY Post, “I want to be a Knick, I want to die a Knick. If I ever was cremated, I’d want my ashes sprinkled on top of the Garden.”

--Gilbert Arenas upped his status to superstar after a solid season and phenomenal postseason. Unfortunately the police in Miami Beach weren’t all that impressed. Gilbert’s teammate, Awvee Storey, was arrested after repeatedly being told by police to get out of the middle of a busy street. For whatever reason Storey refused and then Arenas got out of a car and walked toward the cops. They told him to get back and of course, he didn’t. According to the police report Arenas said, "You can't arrest me. I'm a basketball player. I play for the Washington Wizards and I'm not going to leave my teammate."
This marked the first time anyone bragged about playing for the Washington Wizards.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--In just two Sundays we get a new season of Entourage that’ll be paired with the gentle, kind ways of Deadwood. And now a valuable life lesson from Al Swearengen:

"In life you have to do a lot of things you don't flippin’ want to do. Many times, that's what the flip life is... one vile flippin’ task after another."
Flip! I can’t wait for June 11th. By the way, this is the final season of Deadwood.

--Lost action figures?! Apparently McFarlane Toys is going to come out with a set of six to kick things off. The Lost six-pack includes Jack, Kate, Hurley, Locke, Charlie, and “Sticks” Shannon. No Sawyer?!

--I like Heinken. I like (watching) the Pussycat Dolls. I will shoot myself if I see that commercial one more time.

--In news related to the above two items...Hasbro has decided to cancel the line of toys based on The Pussycat Dolls. That's a step in the right direction. Now if we can do away with those Bratz stripper dolls we're getting somewhere. If I ever see my goddaughter with one of those it's going straight in the fireplace.

--I think there are five of us in this country who have seen neither The Da Vinci Code or X-Men: The Last Stand.

--Peter Brady and Adrianne Curry were married over the weekend. I’m sure this won’t soon appear on a VH-1 special or series near you.


--Your meter maid vs. cop story comes to us from Chicago. Jackie Fegan wrote officer Robert Reid a ticket for his personal minivan, which was illegally parked. When Reid got the ticket he got Fegan’s attention and told her that he was on official police business and wanted the ticket torn up. Miss Fegan disagreed and walked across the street. At that point Officer Reid arrested her for jaywalking. Out-standing. She was taken to jail and given after not being charged with anything was released after thirty minutes. I’m sure no lawsuit will result from this.

--Fantastic Four 2?! Yes that's just an excuse for this...


--If you haven’t seen the new Superman trailer, here ya go...

--No arms on person’s shoulders in front entrance, no gi, no win for Royce Gracie against Matt Hughes at UFC 60.

--Tell me, The Insider’s Victoria Recano did not go to The Break-Up movie premiere and ask Jennifer Aniston what her worst break-up ever was.
The good ol' days.

--There was actually something funny on Jay Leno not too long ago. I guess funny because Leno wasn't involved. Pumpcast news in 3, 2, 1, now.

--Pepper Dennis cancelled?! Shocking, absolutely shocking.

--The new Batwoman is going to be a lipstick lesbian?! When's the movie?

--The parent of the year comes to us from New York. Luann Waden is planning to sue the Honeoye school district and for once, it's a good reason. At the beginning of the year Ms. Waden made it clear on a consent form that her 15-year-old daughter was not to have Internet access. Well, the 15-year-old got on the Internet and through the magic/misery of MySpace she met an 18-year-old guy who ran off with her after school, well until the cops found them.

Questions, comments, or if you can think of a better example of reverse psychology than when Brer Rabbit tricked Brer Bear into throwing him into the briar patch then e-mail…

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Paid In Full

Pathetic

The Nationals came into that series with a miserable 5-11 record at RFK and now it’s 8-12 because the Astros just plain sucked. Really no other way to say it. The starters didn’t throw shutouts, the offense still includes Jason Lane, the bullpen lost it, and Phil Garner continues to make baffling decisions. Howevah, Thursday’s game was about as entertaining a loss you’re going to have. What was your favorite part? Andy not getting past the fourth? Ryan Zimmerman’s web gem after web gem? Brad Ausmus getting doubled off first? Lance Berkman leaving with an injury that was apparently good enough for him to run the bases, but not come out for the next inning? Not scoring in a bases loaded, no-out situation? Losing when Preston goes 4-5? Losing when you steal seven bases? Losing when the other team pulls its catcher in the middle of the inning? Losing to a team whose manager cried, cried after the game? I think that’s my favorite. I’ve never seen a winning manager shed tears after a game in May. Crazy. You can’t lose three of four to one of the worst teams in the league when you’re trying to get some space between you and .500. Now it’s off to Pittsburgh for a 14-win Pirates team. If Houston drops this series before heading to St. Louis we got real problems. Hurry up and make up your freakin’ mind Roger.

--Thanks to Houston, Washington now has its second three-game winning streak of the season.

--It’s now 9 losses in Houston’s last 11 road games. Let’s run through the teams with fewer road wins that the Astros: Royals, Pirates. That didn’t take long.

--If you’re looking to Triple-A for help Jason Hirsh is 3-0 with a 0.50 ERA in his last five starts with Round Rock.

--Greg Maddux was 5-0 in April. He’s now 0-4 in May. Sounds very Astro-like.

--Wandy Rodriguez and Sean Marshall lead the Majors in walks this month with 17.

--Bad year and bad May for Dontrelle Willis who is 0-4 with a 7.11 ERA.

--Through Thursday the Astros are averaging 3.95 runs a game in May. That’s not great, but it’s a helluva lot better than the Cubs who are averaging 2.5 runs a game this month. Chicago has a whopping 12 home runs this month. Ryan Howard has 10 this month.

--My 8th overall fantasy selection, Carl Crawford, broke out big-time Wednesday at Toronto. He went 5 for 5 with 5 runs scored and 4 stolen bases. The last player with a 5-hit, 4-steal game was??? Elias says that it was none other than Rickey Henderson way back in ’88.

--Sticking with Devil Rays with Houston ties, Scott Kazmir is in line for the AL Pitcher of the Month. He’s 4-0 with an ERA of 0.65. Kazmir has 32 Ks in 27.2 innings.

--After blowing a 6-0 1st inning lead, including back-to-back-to-back HRs, on Thursday the Royals have now lost 13 straight. Before this streak Kansas City swept Cleveland. That’s good. Two double-digit losing streaks before the end of May is bad.

--Michael Barrett probably deserved at least 15 games instead of the 10-game suspension he received. But how does AJ Pierzynski even get fined? He did nothing except get punched for no good reason.

B-Ball

What a Game 1 between the Suns and Mavericks. If we’re very lucky they’ll all be that entertaining. Steve Nash has been good for most of the postseason, but he was great in that one. Ten points in the final 3:26 to go along with a ho-hum 16 assists, not bad. After going 0-8 this season in games decided by 3 points or less the Suns have now won their last two in that situation. Is anyone even watching the Heat/Pistons before there are two minutes left in the 4th quarter? Miami’s 17 points in the final 1:46 was five more than it scored in the entire 12 minutes of the first quarter.

--Larry Brown wants Patrick Ewing on his staff?! How are the Rockets supposed to survive that loss?

--Next year Amare Stoudamire will wear jersey # 1. Now you know…

--Why is Scottie Pippen employed?

--Nineteen years ago this Friday Larry Bird stole the inbounds pass and passed it over his shoulder to Dennis Johnson for a 108-107 win over the Pistons in Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals. There aren’t a lot of games better than that one was.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--The season finale of Lost was absolutely incredible. If you never watched this show then I highly, highly recommend you buy season one, watch it over the summer, then get ready for season two on DVD come early October. Best Damn Show Period.


--24 finally wrapped up and clearly the turning point in the entire season was when the President was revealed to be the bad guy. Since that point the show only got worse. Did the First Lady know going in that having relations with the President was only going to stall him one minute and not the ten Jack needed? Surely the President will pop up in a Viagra commercial. The guy needs some kind of help. I’m supposed to believe Jack is stupid enough to think his daughter called him on a landline?! Whatever. I like that Bauer is off to China I just don’t like how he got there.

--If you’re keeping track of former Texans (and who isn’t)…Dave Ragone landed in Cincy, Moran Norris in Frisco, and Junior Ioane with the New York football Giants.

--Entertainment Weekly ranked the 25 worst sequels ever made beginning at 25 with Matrix Reloaded. The rave scene alone guarantees this a spot on the list. At 24 we find The Next Karate Kid starring now two-time Oscar winner Hilary Swank. Teen Wolf Too at 22. C’mon Jason Bateman owned that role although without Boof it really didn’t have a chance. At 16 we get Ocean’s Twelve and I completely agree. Even with Wilt, Ah-nuld, and Grace Jones Conan the Destroyer checks in at 14. The Phantom Menace at 12 although it clearly could be in the top 5. Jaws the Revenge at 10. If you don’t remember that’s the one with Michael Caine that takes place in the Bahamas.

If you still don’t remember congratulations for never wasting your time with that one. At 6 we finally get to Weekend at Bernie’s II. I think Bernie was still dead in that one, but I might be wrong. Batman (George Clooney) and Robin at 5. Blues Brothers 2000 at 4. EW puts Leprachaun: Back 2 Tha’ Hood at 3. That might be the best movie title of all-time. Number 2 is Caddyshack II, which I’ve erased from memory. And now your worst sequel of all-time is…pause for drumroll…ah, ah, ah, ah, Stayin’ Alive, Stayin’ Alive.
Never saw it and I’m guessing never will. I probably would have found room for Crow 2, 3, and 4, but that’s just me. Did you even know there was a Crow 4?! It came out last year and “starred” Tara Reid and Tito Ortiz among others.

--If you’re wondering what Borat has been up to lately…

--Your deserving Top Chef is Harold. Eat it Tiffani!

--A student at a school in Pennsylvania has been suspended three days because he violated the school’s drug awareness policy. How, you ask? Well, the kid was chewing on and gave his friend some Jolt gum, which has caffeine and ginseng. Caffeine is considered a stimulant much like everything in the soda machines. What a joke.

--Most votes for a U.S. presidential candidate- 54.5 million for Reagan in ’84. Total votes cast on American Idol’s season finale- 63 million.

--What do you do if there’s a helicopter hovering over your house and you think it’s gone on too long? If you’re Emarjorie Thompson in Orange County, Florida you shoot a bottle rocket at it. Yeah, she’s in jail. The chopper was looking for a stolen car.

--Apparently six or seven actors will portray Bob Dylan in his upcoming biopic. Heath Ledger, Richard Gere and Cate Blanchett will all be Bob at various times in his life. Cate Blanchett?!Evidently Dylan went through an androgynous phase, so uhhh, yeah Cate Blanchett will portray Bob Dylan.

--Your YouTube video of the week features Brazilian Ping Pong courtesy of Ronaldhino. Do yourself a favor and skip the first minute and a half of it unless you get giddy watching people put Nike soccer shoes on.

--HBO’s Baghdad ER is probably the goriest one-hour of television I’ve ever witnessed. Powerful stuff.

--Your teenage idiots/MySpace story of the week comes to us from New York. These two guys, 18 and 19, allegedly hacked into the site and stole some personal information from users. MySpace found out and then kicked them out. The extremely intelligent boys then threatened MySpace saying unless it paid them $150,000 it was going to distribute foolproof ways for people to hack into other people’s MySpace profiles. These idiots somehow thought they were going to get away with this and so they actually flew to Los Angeles to get paid. They did not get paid, but they did get arrested on extortion and illegal computer access charges. Congratulations.

--Congratulations to Team Shamrock for finally taking a match against Tito’s boys. Next week the Shamrock Royals will, no doubt, start on a new losing streak.

Questions, comments, or if you believe that cherry is the best popsicle flavor in the world…

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What a Beauty!

It's not often that I run into a dress like this - what I like to call "Over the Top". This dress dates to the early to mid 1950's, when tulle confections were all the rage. And what a beauty this is!

Pink tulle is layered over more pink tulle with a lining of pink taffeta. Adorned with silver embroidery, silver beads, and silver sequins, this dress literally sparkles. Add to that the white ribbons that are woven over and under the silver beading, and you've got a real attention grabber! Notice how the skirt side panels are even more elaborate than the front and back.

And all of that embroidery and beadwork? Completely done by hand!

See this dress and more at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion .

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Oneovdabigboiz

That's Better

Thankfully the Astros looked like they've put that Giants debacle behind them. I guess this is the way it's going to be when you have three kids, two of which are rookies, in the starting rotation. What can you say about Taylor Buchholz? Dude combined to allow 16 runs in his previous two starts before shutting out arguably the best offense around on Sunday. Monday, Wandy looked better than he has in a while. We'll see what Fernando Nieve can do Tuesday night. I just hope Phil Garner stops yo-yo-ing Lance Berkman between 1B and the OF. Yeah, Mike Lamb has been hitting the ball good. But to me it doesn't make much sense to stick a Gold Glove caliber first baseman who has hamstring problems in the outfield. Hopefully the Astros can make some hay against the Nationals and Pirates before that 3-game set next week versus the Cardinals.

--When the Baseball Tonight boys were discussing Barry and Babe Tim Kurkjian busted out this beauty. Babe Ruth and Pedro Martinez each have 17 shutouts. In a sign o’ the times Babe had 148 starts and 107 complete games. Insane. Although MVP Awards weren’t handed out until about midway through Ruth’s career in 1923 he won how many? The loneliest number, 1 (Aaron also won just 1). Ruth also had 123 career steals, which is pretty good. He was thrown out 117 times, which is pretty bad.

--Props to the Astros for using the opening credits of Napoleon Dynamite as inspiration for all-star voting complete with the White Stripes’ “We’re Going To Be Friends.” Now do something about those worthless Junction Jack weight loss spots.

--You ever at an Astros game, look up at the train in left and wonder what the hell they were smoking when they came up with that?

--The ‘Stros are 15-0 when they out-hit their opponent.

--On Saturday the Rangers dropped down their 9th sacrifice bunt of the season. Last year they set the ML record for fewest sacrifice bunts in a season…9.

--Mark Teixeira has played in 328th straight games, which is second best in franchise history to who? No, not Rusty Greer, not Mickey Rivers, not Bump Wills, not Buddy Bell, not Johnny Grubb, but none other than Alex Rodriguez with 482 games.
Best Bump Ever.

--The White Sox, Yankees, and Phillies are the only teams who’ve yet to be shutout.

Best of 9 anyone?

Oh well, I guess every game can’t be like the Mavericks and Spurs. That was one helluva series. I would have loved, loved to see what a loss like that would have done to Dallas. Dirk and Tim were just incredible. Over the 7 games Timmy averaged 32.3 pts, 11.7 reb., 3.7 ass., and 2.6 blocks. Ri-Dirk-ulous averaged 27 and 13 while shooting 51% from the field and 91% from the line. What a 3 by Manu Ginobili late. What a foul he followed it with on Dirk. What was he thinking? Give him the easy dunk, who cares? Stupid, stupid, stupid. Either way it was a fantastic series and we'll be very lucky to get anything like that the rest of the way. Suns/Mavs should be entertaining and I'll go with Phoenix because the other team is from Dallas. Out East I'll take the Pistons over the Heat. If that happens it'll be one boring Finals sweep.
Kelly Leak and some German guy.

Fantasy Fix

Yes it’s not even June and yes these are about as close to meaningless as you can get, but the footballguys have fantasy projections out for the upcoming NFL season. Not a lotta love for David Carr as he ranks 24th behind Chris Simms, Mark Brunell and Jon Kitna. They have Carr throwing for 2,715 yards with 16 TDs and 11 INTs. I think that’s the very, very low end of what Carr should be able to do this season. Domanick Davis comes in at 15 for RBs. Fantasy or not I’ve gotta believe Andre Johnson will perform better than the 24th best receiver. 78 catches and 7 TDs are also on the low end. I can’t see guys like Eddie Kennison and Ernest Wilford putting up better numbers. Mario Williams is projected as the 18th best d-lineman checking in with 9 sacks. I know he’ll get in double-digits, right? By the way, looking at the running backs overall Larry Johnson is first followed by Shaun Alexander and LaDainian Tomlinson. If you don’t get one of those guys then good luck on your bid for second place.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Die Hard 4?! Apparently the original screenplay had a huge oil tanker exploding in the Gulf sending huge waves into New Orleans. Yeah, that’s gonna be changed.

--I was never, ever aware that Mr. T set his love and respect for moms everywhere into a wonderfully entertaining music video. The magic of YouTube.

Clubber Lang celebrated his 54th birthday over the weekend. That’s the second best YouTube clip I came across this week. The best involves Jason Bateman, Alyssa Milano, and the Mario Brothers on ice, oh, and Mr. Belvedere. It’s worth it to make it past King Koopa’s song because the princess’ voice is just as I had always imagined a princess’ voice would be.
Streaks on the china...

--Tommy Hilfiger and Axl Rose threw down at a birthday party for Rosario Dawson?!

--DrudgeReport headline of the week…”Ex-NJ Gov: I cruised truck stops for sex…”

--It probably shouldn’t have come to this, but some ambulances in Tampa Bay have been created to hold those of us on the heavy, heavy, ranch dressing as a permanent mustache side. The new ambulances can hold patients up to 700 pounds. Those who are over such as Shamu or Godzilla can now be placed on a stretcher outside of the vehicle and then winched up inside. If you have to be winched into an ambulance what exactly is a trip to the hospital going to fix?

--It took me way too long to finally watch Kung Fu Hustle. Apparently a sequel is in the works and that’s a very, very good thing.


--Speaking for myself, I wouldn’t get into an argument with anyone dressed as Freddy Krueger. Some homeless guy on Hollywood Blvd. thought otherwise and got into an argument with a look-alike whose glove was outfitted with real steel blades.
Freddy Krueger- 1
Homeless People- 0.
Freddy was arrested for suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon. I’m sure the homeless guy is still trying to avoid going to sleep.

--Was that Hutch I just saw on TV for a consolidated credit commercial?! I didn’t know Hutch/Paul Michael Glaser wrote and directed Shaq in Kazaam. Ouch.

--I’m not a horse racing fan at all, but that was about as sad as it gets watching Barbaro pull up at the Preakness.

--What a performance by Rocky Juarez against Marco Antonio Barrera. Out-standing!! I gave Rocky just about no chance to beat Barrera and he very nearly did. Credit to the baby faced assassin for picking someone like Rocky to replace the guy he was supposed to face. Zero credit to the judges for making a mockery out of what was a very entertaining fight. The bout was originally a draw, but then two judges’ scorecards were changed and the draw turned into a Juarez loss. I thought he lost, but taking that draw away twenty minutes after the fight is just ridiculous. There aren’t many left hooks better than Rocky’s and I’m sure we’ll see a lot more of it on television after his showing last Saturday.

--The Lost season finale is almost here. Rejoice!

--I caught just a bit of George Foreman on Quite Frankly the other night. He and Stephen A. were talking about Mike Tyson when the camera went to a close-up of George with a graphic below reading:

George Foreman
Never Fought Mike Tyson

Thanks for that breaking news Stephen A.

--According to a poll the lovable People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals did, the sexiest female vegetarian in the world is Kristen Bell/Veronica Mars. Sexiest male went to Prince. Now you know…

I Heart Food Network

The Chronicle’s Food section recently busted out a list of their top five Food Network stars. Counting backwards Sandra Lee, Paula Deen, Rachael Ray, Giada de Laurentis and at the top spot is…wait for it…Alton Brown. As a dedicated Food Network watcher my top five based on their shows and their recipes I use rolls like this…at # 5 I have everyone’s favorite TV grandmother Paula Deen. Most of her recipes begin with a stick of butter and end with a stick of butter. What’s not to like about that? At # 4 I go with Bobby Flay. He drinks while he cooks. I drink while I cook. We get along fine. Anyone catch Vito Spatafore with Bobby on Boy Meets Grill Tuesday morning? At # 3 I put Mario Batali. I love Molto and the history lessons he gives on Italian cooking. He uses a ton of items I don’t have access to or don’t want to have access to, but he makes them look damn good. My # 2 is Tyler Florence. Food 911! provides a ton of basic information and the recipes are fairly easy and that’s a good thing. Also Tyler’s Ultimate showed me the path to the Ultimate Omelet. At # 1 I put

Good Eats is so informative with just the right amount of cheese factor. He uses too many tools I don’t have, but he always tells us alternatives to those tools. His book, I’m Just Here For The Food, is outstanding. The best compliment I can give his show is that even if the ingredient is something I hate like brussel sprouts or beets I still watch because I know I'll learn something I can use at some point. I like Rachael a lot, but sometimes I’m not in the mood for non-stop smiles and giggles. Maybe because it seems like I’ve seen every Emeril Live, but I like watching Essence more. Giada’s show is good and she’s easy on the eyes, but for whatever reason I find it annoying and forced when she pronounces Italian food items in her best Italian. Also what kind of true Italian chef gets their training in France? Michael Chiarello's Easy Entertaining is very solid and you gotta love the setting. Sandra Lee is the hottest, but I have zero interest in learning how to make doilies and make decorative fruit cups.

Questions, comments, or if Tic Tac Bold have become your mints of choice...

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Buggin' Out

How’d They Ever Win 22?

Wow. That was u-g-l-y. The good news was Barry didn’t go yard. The bad news was everything else. The games lasted close to three hours, but they were really over about 15 minutes in. The Astros didn’t throw the ball, didn’t hit the ball and for good measure didn’t field the ball. Final combined score of the sweep: 34-5. Not since the first year of the franchise did the Astros give up double-digit runs in three consecutive games. The young pitchers looked absolutely lost. Lance Berkman didn’t play. Adam Everett made his first error. Willy Lamb dropped fly balls. Preston Wilson struck out five times, oh wait that’s normal. Bottom line is the Astros aren’t that bad, but they probably aren’t as good as the 19-9 start they got off to either. It doesn’t get any easier wit the Rangers this weekend. Thankfully they’re back to the top of the rotation, well, at least until Sunday.

--I was there for all three beatdowns, but unfortunately never got a chance to speak with my idol Barry Bonds. It was an absolute zoo with the media contingent, which to my surprise didn’t include Pete Gomez. After the game Monday the media poured into the Giants’ clubhouse. Everybody knew Barry had already left, but no one was leaving. After the Russ Springer fun on Tuesday the media piled into Felipe Alou’s office. It was surreal and then out of nowhere the clubhouse speakers start blaring the opening beats of C&C Music Factory’s “Everybody Dance Now.” I don’t think Felipe knew what was going on, but I couldn’t stop laughing. I don’t know who put that song on, but it was an awesome, awesome selection.

--Thank you to Russ Springer for giving us one memorable moment from that sweep. Such a shame he couldn’t harness his control to face Barry.

Barry

The Giants have this huge news release that has tons and tons of details and stats regarding Barry’s homeruns and some of the other prolific sluggers in history as well. You know I love looking at that stuff.

--Let’s look at theBabe, Hank, and Barry in a few categories.
Babe and Hank each hit 16 grand slams. Barry has 11.
Babe had 10 inside-the-park homeruns while Barry has 3 and Hank just 1.
Babe hit 16 of his 714 in extra-innings. 14 for Hank and 11for Barry.
In a sign o’ the times Babe hit all of his homeruns in just 12 different ballparks. Hank hit his in 31 different stadiums while Barry has gone deep in 35 different parks.

--Barry has hurt the Padres the most with 82 bombs. He’s hit 37 off the ‘Stros with the last one being # 659 off Roy Oswalt on 4/5/04. He hit # 14 off of Jim Deshaies on 8/30/86. Jimmy D. also served up #’s 51 and 165. That last one when Jim was with the Padres. Barry’s 150th came off of the X-Man, Xavier Hernandez on 5/2/92. # 490 came against Octavio Dotel the last time 9/11 meant nothing, back in 2000. # 613 came off of the worst 15-game winner in the history of the game, Jeriome Robertson in 2002.

--So who’s served up Barry the most homeruns? No, not Jose Lima although LimaTime has given up five to Barry. Terry Mulholland, Greg Maddux, Curt Schilling and John Smoltz have each seen Barry round the bases eight times off of them.

--Willie Mays hit his first HR off of Warren Spahn in 1951 and then nearly seven years to the day hit # 200 off of Spahn. Willie’s 500th came against Astro Don Nottebart in 1965.


--Your top homerun hitters of all-time on August 21, 1931…
Babe Ruth- 600
Rogers Hornsby- 293
Cy Williams- 251
Lou Gehrig- 221
Hack Wilson- 205

It’s On!!

Going in I thought the Cavaliers would win two games off the Pistons. Never in my wildest dreams did I think three, much less three in a row. Unbelievable. LeBron wasn’t MVP why? The guy did get the most All-NBA first team votes. Does that make sense? Anyway, we’ll see how Detroit reacts, but I don’t know if there’s ever been a swing in a series like this one. Cleveland hasn’t even had Larry Hughes at its disposal. Amazing! The Spurs and Mavericks has been just as good as expected. I’m thinking it’s coming down to a 7th game just like I expect the Suns and Clippers to. After just one Game 7 in the first round we could be lucky enough to get three this round.

--Okay, I guess I can understand if Yao isn’t beating out Shaq yet for first time All-NBA. Even though I think Yao had the better season. Shaq is Shaq and he’ll get the votes. But come on, Ben Wallace on the second team ahead of Yao is just wrong. Yao averaged 15 more points and just one fewer rebound. Yeah, Benny Wallace is a helluva defender, but Yao ain’t too shabby either. And Yao is a much better defender than Ben is an offensive player. Whatever.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--C’mon Sopranos you’re better than this. Anytime you want to keep a storyline for more than one week (besides Johnnycakes and Vito) it’s fine with me.

--Sadly there is but one more episode of Lost left this season. Can’t wait for the showdown. Thankfully Sayid isn’t an idiot unlike Jack apparently. Anyway those of you waiting for Season 2 to come out on DVD will have to wait until October 3rd.
Trouble.

--David Spade and Heather Locklear no more? David Spade and Krista Allen?! What the?!

--If you’re Paul McCartney how in the hell do you not get your future wife to sign a pre-nup?!!! See ya later $300 hundred million.

--One of the message boards I frequent is holding an ugliest athletes draft. Fan-tastic idea! The first round went like this…Jack Lambert, Gheorge Muresan, Al Davis, Ezequiel Astacio, Julian Tavarez, Larry Bird, Scottie Pippen, Marge Schott, Patrick Ewing, Randy Johnson, Lanny McDonald and Sam Cassell. The first pick in round two was Popeye Jones followed by Pat Summit. Ouch. Dennis Johnson, anyone?

--A Tribe Called Quest reunion tour?!

--The Maxim Hot 100 is out and on Tuesday I went through the top 10. If you missed it it’s below. Some other notables…At 99 we find Jennifer Aniston. The FSU Cowgirls at 97 though they should obviously be higher as should sexy cylon Tricia Helfer at 95. Elisha Cuthbert at 92?!

How is she not in the top 20 at least? I like Rachel Perry, but 11 spots higher than Elisha?! Teri Hatcher at 73. Is that a joke? Anna Kournikova is one spot higher. The lovely Evangeline Lilly is 67th. C’mon! She’s top 20 material even if she's dating a hobbit. Well maybe not after watching her on The Tonight Show tell a story of how she accidentally drank a friend's urine. She tried to make up for it by doing 10 fist push-ups.

Kelly Clarkson at 69. She shouldn’t even be in the top 100 despite the fact Matt Jackson is the president of her fan club. Shakira deserves a better fate than 60. Nicollette Sheridan at 48?! Jamie Pressly should be much better than 34th. Kristen Cavalleri at 23. At 19 we find Meadow Soprano. Like I said the top 10 is below.

--Celebrity Fit Club alum Daniel Baldwin is apparently now trying the cocaine diet. He and a friend were busted with the white lady recently. Perhaps a visit from Bibleman/Willie Ames is in order.

--Your crackhead elementary students of the week come to us from Pennsylvania. Apparently some kids thought it would be funny to mix up some sugar and kool-aid crystals, put it in plastic bags, and label it “Happy Crack.” Yeah, they were suspended. That makes sense, I mean it was sugar and kool-aid.


--Your eBay item of the week is a Pamela Rogers action figure. Miss Rogers is that easy on the eyes, mental case of a teacher.

--I don’t even know where to start with this. In Mount Clemens, Michigan some 37-year-old named Wayne Koch needed a place to live back in 2003. So he found a garage he could stay in compliments of some 13-year-old girl. She lived with her father and he had no idea about the houseguest. When it was cold Koch stayed inside the house and underneath the girl’s bed when Daddy was home. This went on for two years! Not only did Daddy not know his little girl was having relations with a 37-year-old, but it was happening under his roof for years. Unbelievable. The girl finally wised up and told her aunt about the freak under her bed and that the freak had threatened her with one of her father’s guns. Aunt told the cops and the police found Koch underneath the bed clutching a Luger (not a Lex). For Koch’s part he said, “I threatened her with a gun. I didn’t aim it at her.” Well, good for you. Not so good for Daddy as he lost custody. Imagine that.

--This week’s Good Samaritan award goes to Jacksonville nurse Alicia Disney who stopped her SUV to assist some people in a car wreck. As she was on the phone with 911 one of the people involved in the accident jumped in her SUV and sped off. Did I mention Alicia’s five-month-old son and grandmother were still in the car? The guy was nice enough to drop them off after a fun ride. The car was found abandoned several blocks later.

--The BBC cancelled Celebrity Pole Dancing before it even started. For some strange reason women’s groups were protesting.

--I’ve never been to the Mall of America in Minnesota, but apparently there was a store you could purchase naps at. Huh? For the low price of .70 cents a minute you could nap there. Store’s name? MinneNapolis. I’ll pause for your laughter.

Questions, comments, or seriously if you have Ramonce Taylor’s phone number…

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Cause I Can Do It Right

Not In Our House

So far, so good. Don’t go away mad Barry, just go the hell away from Minute Maid stuck on 713. I’m so sick of that jerk. I’m not saying I want Bonds to slip in the shower, break a hip, have to retire and die of testicular shrinkage or an enlarged cranium (reader’s choice), but I wouldn’t mind. The king of the a-holes got booed Monday, no surprise. But every single opportunity he has to get some brownie points even if just with one person, he doesn’t. Why? Because he’s a selfish jerk. He was in the on deck circle Monday night when a foul bounced his way. Did he do like every other player does and find a kid to toss it to? Of course not. He’s Barry. Barry just flipped it into the dugout to no one in particular. God forbid he makes a kid’s day. It’d be nice if the Astros won and I know W’s are all that matters in the end, but more than anything else I want that bum outta my city still sitting on 713.


--Pink bats?! What’s next johnnycakes replacing hot dogs?!

--Sure Jason Lane is batting .206, but he’s one of only a handful of players who’ve yet to ground into a double play. Of course, the guys on the list are normally speedsters like Jose Reyes, Alfonso Soriano, Josh Barfield, Dave Roberts, but hey when you’re hitting .206 it’s hard to find a silver lining.

--Adam Everett is the only ML shortstop who has played at least 12 games and has yet to make an error.

--I’d love to see just one fan hold up a sign welcoming former Astros stud now Giants first base coach Luis Pujols back to Houston. The original Pujols played very sparingly in nine seasons hitting under .200 in five of them. His career average- .193.

--The only other Pujols in MLB history is Albert. He only leads the NL in HR, RBI, runs, total bases (most worthless stat ever), slugging %, extra-base hits, RISP batting average, RBI ratio and HR ratio. How he doesn’t lead in walks be they intentional or otherwise is beyond me.

--The Padres have 36 stolen bases while getting caught just 3 times. That’s good…as opposed to the Nationals who have 20 steals while getting caught 16 times!

--For a coke, since 2001 who has made the most appearances in the Majors? Down with the Ray King (417)!

--Alfonso Soriano has twice as many outfield assists (6) than any other NL outfielder?!

--Major props to rookie leaguer Nigel Satch who was traded to Fullerton of the Golden Baseball League for not a player to be named later or cash, but simply a pallet of Budweiser. That would be 60 cases. This is truly the only legitimate measure of a man, how many pallets of beer would he be traded for. By the way, Nigel Satch is none other than…wait for it…Leon from the Budweiser commercials. He signed with Schaumberg of the Northern League last May.


Getting Interesting

Thankfully round two has finally picked up with the defending champs now having their backs against the wall and the LeBrons finally coming out to play. Three starts for Devin Harris and now three wins for the Mavericks. I’d hate to see Dallas in the Western Finals, but it’s hard for me to imagine the Spurs having what it takes to win three in a row. I want to see the Suns as long as possible, but the Clippers probably have the better chance to keep the Mavs out of the NBA Finals. Either way the rest of that series is must-see TV. The last couple of minutes of Pistons/Cavaliers is must-see. Other than that wake me when it’s over. Or wake me when Rasheed runs his mouth again. Hilarious.

--Isiah Thomas coach of the Knicks?! This has to happen. Please. Pretty please with a cherry on top.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--As if it’s not hard enough already to try and wait patiently for Lost’s season finale in two weeks. Co-creator J.J. Abrams says, "The ending of this year in Lost blows the ending of last season out of the water. It's an incredible finale. You'll see what happens, but I can tell you that a lot of it has been there and been building from the beginning of this season. It's not out of the blue, but what happens at the very end of this year, for me, it's the greatest finale I have ever heard."

--I understand a 24 video game, a Sopranos video game, but a Desperate Housewives video game?! Teri and Nicolette might actually look less fake on the video game than they do on television.

--Congratulations to Lindsey Lohan for her Just My Luck, which became her worst opening weekend movie yet. That’s right, this one sucked worse at the box office than Herbie: Fully Loaded. Wow, that’s a special kind of suck. I don’t know how they tried to advertise this movie at other malls, but at Baybrook they had these banners with scenes from the movie hanging from the ceiling every five feet.


--You likely missed it, but Surreal Life 6 complete with lifeless Sherman Hemsley and clueless Tawny Kitaen is over. Worst cast ever.

--Vivica Fox on the next Dancing With The Stars?!

--The Maxim Hot 100 list comes out later this week. The top 10 is already out and for the first time ever Eva Longoria takes the top spot in back-to-back years.
She’s nice, but c’mon Jessica Alba is still # 1 despite her “acting.”

On the list she’s # 2 followed by Skeletor Lohan (huh?), Angelina Jolie, and Stacy Keibler (I heart you). After that we find Scarlett Johansson (has to be in the top 5), Cameron Diaz (wrong on so many levels), Kate Bosworth, Keira Knightley and Christina Milian. Kate Bosworth is out-standing!! Maybe next year she can find a way to make Matt and Adam’s Babe Bracket. C’mon guys you’re better than that!!


--For some reason Marathon Man has been on cable lately and I finally checked it out. Don’t think I’ll be going to the dentist anytime soon. I didn’t realize William Devane/24’s Secretary of Defense was in it or Roy Scheider for that matter.


--Another week, another misguided teacher that makes me wonder why I can’t get a job at a school. This week’s example comes from Missouri. Michael Maxwell teaches a beginning drafting class and asked his students to write about who they would kill and how they would do it. Yeah, apparently one parent didn’t think that was very fresh. Actually teacher probably could’ve just visited his student’s MySpace profiles and found out their homicidal tendencies.

--You can buy canned oxygen at 7-11s in Japan?! That’s where all the 7-11s went?!

--AccuWeather says the U.S. will be hit by three major hurricanes this season. Yay! The Gulf Coast will most at risk early in the season in June and July. That could mess with the Gulf’s oil production making energy prices rise. Double yay!!
View of a hurricane from the space shuttle.

--NBC is going to have a Friday Night Lights television show in the Fall?! Of course, it’ll air on Tuesday nights.

--I cannot wait for the World Cup. I’m not soccer freak, but I’ll watch as many games as I can once it begins. If the U.S. can’t win then I’ll always go with Brazil and their lovely fans. YouTube.com has some nice videos of Ronaldinho and Ronaldo. They also have a midfielder named Kaka. He can’t be good or at the least he can’t smell good.
Frightening logo.

--Remember the good ol’ days when you’d see alligators eat huge pythons and not people? It’s now three dead women in Florida over the past week due to gators.

--Last week’s senior prank was dropping baby chicks from a second floor balcony this week’s is less disturbing. At Edgewater High in Florida (where else?) about 35 seniors wrapped their school and also busted out some Hershey’s syrup and shaving cream on it as well. It’s a tradition there and this year the school had a cop keep guard. There were too many students for him to handle so he called back up, which came in the form of helicopters (plural) and heavily armed cops. Fortunately common sense and logic prevailed with the five kids who were caught only forced to clean up the mess. The evidently cool principal even helped and none of the seniors will be suspended or miss graduation or anything.

--Worst thing to happen to me in May, my DVR screwed up and I didn’t tape The Office season finale. Such is life.

--You know what slang phrase I don’t really want to know the origin of? Screw the pooch. Yeah, don’t need to know how that became a saying.

--Ricky Hatton probably shouldn’t have picked Luis Collazo to make his big HBO debut. Go back down to 140 brotha. Good luck to Rocky Juarez this Saturday night against Marco Antonio Barrera. He’ll need it.

--The Raconteurs new CD with Jack White is out and that's a very, very good thing.


--If you haven’t seen Christina Aguilera in a while then by all means…

Questions, comments or if you have Ramonce Taylor’s phone number…

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70's Bohemian Brilliance

In the late 1960's, as hippies influenced fashion with their use of antique, folkloric, and ethnic clothing, mainstream designers began to incorporate these styles into their runway fashions. This dress from the early 1970's is an example of the use of folk art in high fashion.

There are no labels, but the designer has used a tablecloth with intricate hand-worked cross stitch as the fabric for the dress. The resulting dress is suitable for evening or entertaining at home.

See this dress and more at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion .

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Dear Mama

Now We Got Problems

1-6?! What’s that about? I guess the balloon had to deflate at some point and I guess that point came over the past week. 1-6 against the Rockies, Giants, and Dodgers?! Not exactly the Cardinals, Mets, and Phillies. The one win came despite another horrible, no good, very bad day from Brad Lidge. It looks like he’s got mental problems, mechanical problems, and location problems. I guess Phil will continue to run him out there so there will probably be some more 9th inning fun this weekend. Hopefully the bats will wake up as well. This team was more fun when everyone, but Preston Wilson was hitting. Now he’s about the only one. Wilson led the team in average at .450 and RBIs with 5. Lance Berkman, Morgan Ensberg, and Adam Everett all hit under .200. Ensberg had as many strikeouts (8) as total bases. Berkman had that 3-run homer and that was pretty much it.

--Not that this is new, but Craig Biggio is hitting .204 away from Minute Maid and .346 at home. Bidge is tops in the league in doubles followed, of course, by Damian Miller. Damian Miller?!

--Adam Everett has still yet to commit an error.

--Lance Berkman has fallen out of the top 10 in average, but Brad Ausmus is hanging in at 4th at .341.

--How is the greatest hitter on the planet, Albert Pujols, not first in walks? Bobby Abreu and Barry Bonds have walked more with Adam Dunn walking the same.

--Your idiot of the week comes to us from Los Angeles. There a psychologist named Michael Cohn is spearheading a class-action suit because he, other males, and fans under 18 were treated unequally by the Angels franchise last May. Cohn evidently feels although he is male he should receive the Mother’s Day tote bag that was given to mommies. He feels all of those who were “treated unequally” should receive $4,000 in damages. Idiot. So anyway this year every single fan male or female will get a Mother’s Day Ladies Tote Bag. Congratulations, moron.

It’s So Easy To Say Goodbye

Goodbye Charley, don’t let the door hit you in the Tony Hollings on your way out.

B-Ball

How boring would the NBA Playoffs be without the Suns? These 2nd round games have been brutal.

--As inevitable as Casserly’s departure was Chris Paul being named Rookie of the Year. Paul to every single first place vote except one, which inexplicably went to Deron Williams. Paul averaged 5.3 more points, 2.7 more rebounds, 3.3 more assists, 1.5 more steals, and shot better from the field and much better (85% to 70%) from the free throw line. Zero sense to vote for anyone other than Williams. No-brainer. Wait…did Kubiak and McNair have a vote?

--It seems Dennis Rodman and his dad don’t have such a good relationship. Evidently, the two hadn’t seen each other in over 10 years. That is until Daddy Rodman decided to visit Dennis in of all places, Manila where The Worm was playing in an exhibition game. Yeah, things didn’t go well considering Daddy had sold the rights to get himself on camera with Dennis. When Daddy tried to visit for the first time he brought along a camera crew and bodyguards. A scrum broke out and Daddy tried to punch Dennis’ bodyguard, but he missed. Daddy tried again to meet with his son at a hotel, but armed guards had other plans for Daddy dearest and chased him away.

School Daze

--Your idiot assistant principal of the week comes to us from Florida (anything just plain and normal happen there?). Tyrone Tinsley is facing a couple of felony charges. This freak is alleged to have helped a girlfriend get over her fight with her boyfriend by asking is she ever videotaped herself having sex so he could watch it and I guess gain a better perspective on the relationship. What the?!?! Evidently Tyrone liked that girl because another time he was alleged to ask her and her female friend, “if they would get together with each other.” Probably a good idea to keep this guy away from school grounds.

--Your other dumbass teacher of the week comes to us from Chicago. There a 7th grade art teacher is/was employed at a charter school. It seems teacher thought some students got some paint on her jacket. Teacher is then to have allegedly said, “all Mexicans are criminals,” and that they were “only born to clean floors.” Did I mention this was a Latino charter school? La profesora no inteligente.

--On Tuesday we took a look at some ex-lax cookies some kids and a role model of a mother came up with. Now we turn to Hot Springs, Arkansas where two 18-year-olds (presumably 9th graders) decided to spike their teachers’ tea with good ol’ ex-lax. Yeah, they’re in a bit o’ trouble.

--I was never much for senior pranks, senior skip days sure, but pranks not so much. Perhaps it’s because I find the following senior prank not very amusing. Some senior at Ponderosa High in Colorado got 45 baby chicks went up to the second floor balcony and dropped the baby chicks onto the first floor. Fortunately only seven of the forty-five died. I’m thinking this moron won’t be graduating.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I finally got around to checking out Match Point and I’m pretty sure I liked the movie. I’m absolutely positive I loved Scarlett Johansson.


--Happy Birthday to the man, the myth, the Bono who celebrated number 46 last Wednesday.


--Apparently Quentin Tarantino will not direct the Jimi Hendrix biopic that’s in the works. Oh well.

--Heat: The Videogame?! Apparently it’s in the works and DeNiro, Pacino and Kilmer are in talks to provide their voices. I’m pretty sure Tom Sizemore is available to lend his voice. Gotta have Ashley Judd as well. The sage advice from DeNiro/Mr. Neil McCauley:
"Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner."

--Eat it “Great” Britain! Our leader is at a 31% approval rating while yours is at 26%. Ha-ha. We have the best worst leader in the free world.

--My YouTube video pick of the week comes to us from Ron Burgundy so kick back, relax and by all means enjoy a little Afternoon Delight.

--The most annoying arcade game of all-time, Dance Dance Revolution, is going to be made into a syndicated television show. Stupidest game ever.


--On Saturday after a 21-year absence Julia Louis-Dreyfus returns to SNL and becomes the first female cast member to ever return as host. Now you know…

--I’m usually not that big on reunion shows, but Top Chef’s was pretty strong. There’s no way Harold loses, right? I had no idea until I searched around, but the lovely, lovely host Katie Lee Joel is Billy Joel’s wife. He’s a mere 32 years older than she is.

If I can’t come back in my next life as Robert Evans then Billy Joel will do just fine. Speaking of Evans, if you’ve never seen his Kid Notorious then you really, really should.
Two coolest human beings on the planet.

--Very smooth job by New York radio DJ Troi Torrain who rapped on his show about a rival DJ on Hot 97 (my choice when I’m in New York). Dumbass started running his mouth about the other guy, his wife, and then might have stepped over the line with this, “Yes, I disrespected your seed. If you didn’t hear me, I said, I would like to do an R. Kelly on your seed, on your little baby girl. I would like to tinkle on her.” Nice job Clear Channel.

--Your idiot MySpace.com user comes to us from Florida and more specifically the Sheriff’s Office in Indian River County. Christian Mathisen was a part of the K-9 squad and so had pictures of his police dog on his profile. Awww, the pic showed the dog with a beer can in his mouth. Very bright. He also had a pic of himself with a disco-style wig on in front of his police cruiser. To top it off he ran his mouth belittling the police department. Dumb. Ass. Let’s hear from him, “I had no idea everyone could see it if they were searching the (myspace.com) site. If I would have known that, I would have never put those pictures on there. I mean, I could see how someone in the general public who doesn't know me could think this is wrong." Ya think? How did you not know anyone could stumble across your profile? This genius has been suspended for three days.

--Ray Romano is coming back for another TV series and it’s not going to be called Everybody Loves Raymond?!

--17 years ago this week Funky Cold Medina was certified Gold and Platinum. 15 years ago Slaughter’s album “Stick it to Ya” went multi-Platinum. It does not get better than “Fly With The Angels.”


-Note to whomever the jerky is that fills our station’s crappy vending machine. Put Snack-Ens back in!!! Last time I complained Chex Mix showed up and that clearly is not the same. The Chex Mix was eaten by someone clearing the way for Snack-Ens, but nooooooo, you think Munchies are just as good. You are wrong. Very, very wrong.
Have you seen me?

--Apparently Whitney Houston is furious that The National Enquirer reported she’s been diagnosed with a brain tumor. Ummm, considering your behavior I’m thinking having the public think you have a brain tumor would explain a lot of things.

Happy Mother's Day!!

Questions, comments or if you think Electric Company dominated Sesame Street…

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