You Can't, You Won't And You Don't Stop. Mike D Come On And Rock The Sure Shot.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Oh Texans, you’re incorrigible. Oh and can someone please slap the Tebow taste of out of the mouth of Don Criqui?
As for this rumor of Gary Kubiak out while Rick Smith stays, well, uhhhh, that’s just f’n stupid. Maybe Rick Smith is the greatest ass kisser of all-time, I don’t know. All I know is he was hired by Kubiak and he’s done nothing to distinguish himself or justify allowing him to select this franchise’s next head coach.
Stephanie Stradley pointed out Rick Smith's bio on HoustonTexans.com and yeah, let’s look at the second sentence.
“After inheriting a two-win team, Smith has helped guide the Texans to 31 wins since 2006, giving him the most wins for a general manager in franchise history.”
Wow, what an accomplishment! But wait there’s more…I mean seriously we’re going to point out on Rick Smith’s bio that Matt Schaub was a Pro Bowl MVP? Sure why not. I mean the bio also takes pride in the fact that in 2009 the franchise had its best ranked defense (13th) yet.
Please just wake me when this nightmare is over.

--Our Stupid Pardon of the Week comes to us from New Mexico where Governor Bill Richardson is deciding whether to pardon Billy the Kid for one his murders. Click here for outrage from people who need better things to do with their time.

Rick Smith: "Hey, Gary how come they ain't firing us?"
Gary Kubiak: "Cause we're in the spirit world asshole, they can't see us."
And yes, Frank Bush: "Did you guys see the size of that chicken?!?"

Sean with his awesome as usual blog for the Houston Press tells you what Frank Bush was doing at 2am last Sunday.

--Until finding this article I had no idea about the scourge of paper airplanes threatening Cleveland Browns fans in 1974. Thankfully we have the complaint and greatest response from an NFL team’s general counsel ever. Gotta love “Cc: Arthur Modell.”

--Because I thought I was in the mood for something like Iron Man 2. I watched Iron Man 2. My bad. I seriously don’t think I found one redeeming scene or actor in the entire movie.

--If you’re keeping score at home the Patriots have now gone seven straight games without committing a turnover. They’ve committed nine on the year. Record for fewest in a season is 13.

--Vikings face the Lions on the road next week so I don’t know what weather-related disaster Detroit is in for, but something has to be coming. I’m not saying God hates Minnesota. I’m just saying he’s not a fan.

--So Rachel Weisz has moved on from Darren Aronofsky to Daniel Craig?

--And after 14 minutes in four games Steve Francis’ basketball career in China is over. Apparently things came to a head when Steve decided he wanted to take Christmas off to spend time with Cuttino his family instead of practice. Now please Steve come back to America and eat something.

--Manny from Modern Family (Rico Rodriguez) has his own clothing line?!

--Hugh Hefner is engaged to someone 60 years younger than him? Your move Jeff Goldblum.

--Manny Pacquiao and Shane Moseley. Bravo boxing, brav-o. I mean c’mon Manny. C’mon Bob Arum. I refuse to pay for this crap. Even I have standards…and like I said I just watched Iron Man 2.

--My man crush on Josh Freeman grows every week. It must be a cool to have a young, stud quarterback. How lucky did Tampa get that Tennessee left LaGarrette Blount unprotected? Titans fan can’t be nearly as pissed about that as Jets fan is about cutting Danny Woodhead only to see him immediately go to the Patriots back in Week 2.

--Congratulations to Matt Schaub for becoming on the second quarterback in NFL history to have four straight 300-yard passing games that coincided with four straight losses. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again Matt Schaub doesn’t look nearly as good as he did a year ago, but he’s far down on the list of problems with this franchise.

--Kansas City (10-5) and St. Louis (7-8) have each surpassed their respective win totals from 2009…and…2008…and…2007…combined.

--Natalie Portman is engaged and pregnant and I'm not the fiance or the father despite what rumors you may have heard. You know the rumors, it all started years ago when I mentioned to a friend that I thought Natalie was cute in Garden State. So word somehow got back to her and she started doing all these Star Wars movies because she heard I liked the first few. But Hayden Christensen was so awful in the second trilogy that I kinda cooled on Natalie a bit. Then she was clearly throwing herself at me in Closer.

You're only embarrassing yourself Natalie.
Sad, really. Then she heard I liked Mila Kunis in Forgetting Sarah Marshall so she tried to make me jealous with Black Swan especially with one specific scene. Now she's all "oh, look at me Danny! You got engaged and I can too! Pay attention to me!!!!" Oh Natalie, I hope someday you find your true love like I found mine.

--Kerry Collins is one of those names you need to remember when answering a Sporcle on all the QBs who’ve thrown for at least 40,000 yards. 98 more yards and he’ll go past Johnny Unitas on the all-time passing list. Wow.
I’m gonna venture to say that none of the other 11 quarterbacks ahead of him on that list have ever concussed a teammate on the sidelines before with an errant pass like Collins did to DE William Hayes on Sunday.

--Your Florida Story of the Week comes to us from Daytona Beach. 61-year-old Lawrence Gauthier has made it a habit of dialing 911 and that’s a no-no. Sixteen times he’s called since November. Why? To ask for business cards and check up on deputies. Oh and to tell them he wanted “the media arrested.” Yeah, he went to jail. As did Cynthia Colston who had a dispute with an employee at a nail salon. Colston called 911 three times and even when a deputy was there trying to resolve the dispute she decided it would be a good idea to call 911 a fourth time. She was wrong.

--Nice job America, $34 million for Little Fockers. Let’s take a look at some of the Rotten Tomatoes reviews for this movie that scored a miraculous 10%:

Mike Ward - Richmond.com: “I'm guessing there will be a fourth and a fifth Meet the Parents sequel: "Stepfockers," and "Tween Fockers" or maybe even "As Long as She's Your Second Cousin, You Can Still Focker." Who knows, or cares.”

Jason Goodyer – Little White Lies: “Just when you think things can't stoop any lower, Owen Wilson performs acrobatics in blue lycra.”

Colin Covert – Minneapolis Star-Tribune: “I thought it would take years for Owen Wilson to appear in a movie worse than How Do You Know, but he has outdone himself.”

Kyle Smith from the NY Post with my favorite movie review of the year which includes:
"Little Fockers may not be the worst, most vulgar, most pathetic and least funny picture of the year. But it's a strong contender for second place behind the picture Brett Favre allegedly sent over his cellphone.”
“De Niro and Harvey Keitel, as a lazy contractor, come face to face and . . . yell boringly at each other about a hole in the ground that isn't supposed to be there. One wonders at what point, on the set, Harvey and Bob caught each other in a gaze that said, ‘You know -- we did Mean Streets and Taxi Driver together.’ More likely: They simply averted their glances in shame.”
“Little Fockers, which is as funny as the two heart attacks suffered by Jack, sprints past ‘unfunny,’ is still going strong when it reaches ‘disaster’ and easily reaches ‘cautionary tale.’ Director Paul Weitz has made three straight movies (including American Dreamz and Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant) of such boundless ineptitude that I'd rather watch student films, or even Glee.”

--You’ve been missing out if you haven’t been following the four-part 24/7 on the Capitals and Penguins before their Winter Classic on New Year’s Day. Great stuff and I always enjoy it when coaches drop f-bombs as often as teenage girls use the word “like.” By the way, the latest weather report calls for temps in the 50s and rain. Yeah, that's not good. They could push it back to later on Saturday night or Sunday.

--Remember former Top Chef winner Stephanie Izard? Food & Wine talked to her recently and she provided a recipe for a mushroom ragout that you can find here. I link to this because if you like mushrooms then you’ll love this. I’ve made it three times in the past two weeks and it’s money to put on anything though my weapon of choice is udon noodles.

--Jeff Bagwell Hall of Fame love courtesy of Peter Gammons.

--Uhhh, Donte’ Stallworth did drive under the influence and end the life of a fellow human being, right? So why then did his Baltimore teammates select him as the Ed Block Courage Award winner for the team? For the courage it took to spend 24 days in jail? For the courage it took to come back from a year-long suspension? I’m not saying Donte’ should be held in contempt forever, but an award for “courage” 20 months after killing someone seems a little much.

Questions, comments or if you started P90x and you hope to regain the use of your legs someday…