Hey Ladies in the Place I'm Callin' Out to Ya

Que Milagro

I really have no idea what to say about a team that did nothing, but disappoint and underachieve for months and months. And yet the Astros wake up Tuesday morning a mere 2.5 games out of first place in the division. Incredible. And here I thought it was time to focus on football and forget the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad baseball season. I say nothing more for fear of jinx, except thanks Astros. Even if it’s just for a couple of more days you’ve made this last week feel like the best parts of last season’s run.

--Someday I will understand why Phil Garner thinks Wandy Rodriguez is good. Okay, that’s a lie. I’ll never understand it. What the @#$^!# are you doing? I mean the guy loaded the freakin’ bases and he gets to face the possible MVP of the league in Ryan Howard? Why, cause it’s a lefty-lefty match up?! Chris Sampson, who has pitched great when given the chance, didn’t get the opportunity to work out of a jam when he let guys on first and second, but Wandy is good enough to work out of his mess? Huh? If you’re treating every game like a Game 7 then maybe you should have brought in Trever Miller to face Howard. Anyone, except Wandy freakin’ Rodriguez. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Okay, I feel better.

Surprise, Surprise

NFL, why have you forsaken the Texans? Please let them use 11 players on defense like everyone else. I know as Texans they should be tough enough to get by with eight players on defense, but it’s just really difficu…what’s that? The Texans are playing with 11 players on defense including the number one overall pick from this year’s draft?!? Oh, umm…please let the Texans use 14 players on defense, you see the problems they have with only 11. Playing with just 11 skews all of the stats and records. I hope you put an asterisk next to Mark Brunell’s record of 22 straight completions in one game. Who celebrates records they get against the Texans? Like that’s some kind of a big deal. Whoop-de-freakin-doo we set a record against the laughingstock of the football world. What a joke. C’mon Isiah Kubiak you’re better than this aren’t you? I know you’re not Mario Williams. Bust-a Whines said this after the game, “He (Brunell) was throwing the ball quickly for one thing and I was getting double- and triple- teamed.” Waaah, waaaah. When you are supposed to be the next big thing the fans, who already need to be persuaded and perhaps drunk to give you a chance, don’t want to hear you cry about a double-team. Especially when the fans didn’t see double, much less triple teams taking you out of the plays. No what the fans saw was you getting blocked rather easily by a fullback or a tight end. What makes you think teams think you deserve two blockers on you? This is what you say, “I’m still learning and I know I’ve got a long way to go. This franchise has shown faith in me and I won’t let them down and I won’t make excuses. We’re losing as a team and I’m getting my butt kicked as an individual. I’m as sick as the fans are, but I ask them to not give up on us because we will turn this mutha’ out!” Sorry to go Hammer on you right there, but you get the idea.

--Okay enough with the negativity. I’m Mr. Brightside so let’s get to those positives from Sunday’s game.
# 1- No one got seriously injured.
# 2- They made the Redskins punt twice, which is once more than the Colts had to.
# 3- Sure every time it was a penalty, but they, in fact, touched Mark Brunell.
# 4- Phillip Buchanon didn’t get hurt.
# 5- Washington didn’t have two 100-yard rushers like it did last time they beat on Houston.

--How sad is it when in fantasy leagues you start a team’s back-up running back if it is playing the Texans? I mean next week Lee Suggs and Marty Booker are must-starts right?

--Good luck to Chris Simms.

--We all know Vince is someone who just gets it and more proof of that came after he didn’t play for the first time this season, “I’m a team player, I’m not about Vince. Losing hurts. If losing feels good to anybody, I don’t know what that is.”

--Cellblock Cincy is at it again and this time is bringing down Reggie McNeal with it. Apparently Odell Thurman, who is serving a suspension for violating the league’s substance abuse policy, was out and about with Reggie and Chris Henry. Thurman was driving and at 3:05 AM was pulled over and quickly blew a .17 on a breathalyzer. That’s more than double the legal limit so he was arrested for driving under the influence. McNeal and Henry avoided charges, but Henry didn’t avoid embarrassment as he threw up out of the car window. I’m pretty sure Marvin needs to tell Chris Henry and Odell Thurman they aren’t allowed to hang out together. Reggie just needs to be straight-up grounded.

--The ’92 Chargers, ’95 Lions, and ’98 Bills are the only teams to ever start 0-3 and still make the playoffs. This year’s 0-3 teams include your Houston Texans, the Browns, the Titans, the Lion, the Bucs, and come next week the Raiders.

--The Steelers loss was their first in 32 games in which they had a 100-yard rusher. Willie went for 133 and had his first two touchdown game.

--How awesome were U2 and Green Day?! I’m sure it’ll be on YouTube by the end of today.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I thought Lucky Number Slevin was going to be good or at least hold my interest, but I was wrong. It thought it was much more clever than it really was.

--Nice job at the Ryder Cup Phil, 0-4-1. Glad you and your little smirk made the trip.

--How can you not love Prince? The basketball phenom who also dabbles in music was spotted in Vegas at Tao ordering 40 shots of Patron tequila and a veggie burger. That, my friends, is a good night.

--Miss Cleo is a lesbian?! Who saw that coming…I mean besides her?

--Aaron Carter made the stupid mistake of taking back his marriage proposal to former Miss Teen USA Playboy model Kari Ann Peniche.

--If I’ve learned one thing in the past six months it’s that the Texans suck. If I’ve learned two things it’s that Bill Buford writes great books. First there was Heat, which was his exploration of cooking at a Mario Batali restaurant among other things. Then after watching Green Street Hooligans I was pointed in the direction of Buford’s Among the Thugs in which he throws himself into the world of firms. Fun things like this happen, “Harry wrestled one of the policemen to the ground, lifted him up by the chest and then head-butted him-inflicting a hairline crack across his forehead. With the blow, the policeman must have lost consciousness if only because he seemed to offer so little resistance to what Harry did next: he grabbed the policeman by the ears, lifted his head up to his own face and sucked on one of the policeman’s eyes, lifting it out of the socket until he felt it pop behind his teeth. Then he bit it off.” Oh, those wacky English football fans.


--Michelle Dessler/Reiko Aylesworth has come and sadly gone on 24. However, she will be one of the leads in Alien vs. Predator 2, so uhh, yeah, her career is going well.

--On Saturday I was all set to broadcast and you were, I’m sure, set to listen to the Woodlands College Park vs. Kingwood football game when the weather cancelled things. So the back-up plan for my evening’s entertainment was the UH/Oklahoma State game. We headed over to a Fox n Hound sure that the UH game would be on. So sure that the $5 cover charge for the UFC PPV didn’t dissuade us. The game wasn’t on, but the pay-per-view sure as hell was. Great, great stuff from top to bottom. BJ Penn was beating Matt Hughes the first two rounds and then Penn’sJames Toney-like conditioning cost him in the third and Hughes pounded him out. I love boxing, but MMA has a loyal following that the boxing world can only dream of. By the way, when Jorge Arce fights, like he did on Saturday on HBO you should watch.

--Lisa Evers’ job is difficult, but the pay seems to be good. The fun begins at the :35 second mark.


--A new season of My Name is Earl and The Office is underway and all is right with the world. Earl is great, but they could just show Jamie Pressly for 30 minutes and it would outstanding ratings. Dwight Schrute has a blog on NBC.com and this is what fall means to him...
"Football season starts. Campaigns get under way. Deers get ready to get hunted.
AND THE NEW SEASON OF "LOST" BEGINS!!!
What the $^$fjol!!09 is going to happen? Sawyer andKate and Jack have been absconsed by the OTHERS andtheir mysterious, charismatic leader (who played thatpsycho killer from "The Practice") I am on pins andstaples!
I would also like to say a few words about gays.
"Gay" used to mean jolly. Now it means a man or awoman who likes to make out with other men or women."

--Rarely do my picks turn out to be right, but I had Sergio from the beginning on the first Contender and I took Steve Forbes at the outset in this one. Forbes and Grady Brewer Tuesday night.

--If you look at one picture of a track and field judge with a javelin stuck in her foot make it this one.

--There’s a “Yung Onyx”? Apparently one of the members is the son of original Onyx member Big Kie.


--Six Flags Great America in Illinois (didn’t there used to be one here?) will give you unlimited line jumping privileges during FrightFest to anyone who eats a Hissing Madagascar cockroach, which are up to three inches long. Gee, you’ll never guess what group is upset about this. PETA, but you knew that already.

--Kurt Angle to TNA?! Seriously Kurt, take a freakin’ break!

--Lupe Fiasco is going to be kind of a big deal.
and coast...

--R.I.P. Dale Lloyd.

Questions, comments or if you’ve made the mistake of not listening to Ritual de lo Habitual from beginning to end since this century began…