I'm as cool as a cucumber in a bowl of hot sauce...

So Far, So Good

The wins have been close, the losses just plain awful, but the Astros are taking care of business through seven games. Fortunately those seven were against the youngest team in league history and a mediocre team looking for an identity. The only two negatives of the 5-2 start were the beat down Andy Pettitte took against Florida and the bullpen’s shakiness with Chad Qualls and more importantly Brad Lidge looking human. I guess it’s too early to worry about those guys. Fortunately the worries about the offense have subsided even if just for a few days. Lance Berkman is on fire and Preston Wilson is bombing away. You know things are going good when Willy T’s hits are landing in the outfield. Morgan Ensberg has just two RBI’s from the clean up spot, but does lead the team in hits with 9. The bottom of the order is, well the bottom of the order for a reason. Now it’s off to San Francisco and Arizona for six on what should become a winning road trip.

--Barry Bonds is off to a slow start. His knee is bothering him and forced him to miss a game and he may miss one or two against Houston as well. Bonds, Barry Bonds is hitting .167 while walking seven times in 19 plate appearances. His low point had to be getting struck out by some Brave named Ken Ray with Barry flailing and missing at three pitches for the first time in a long, long time.

--The only guys to homer for San Fran are Moises Alou (2) and Lance Niekro (1).

--Steve Finley needs just three home runs to become the 5th member of the 300 HR/300 SB club. The four already in are the Bonds duo, some guy named Willie Mays and…wait for it…Andre Dawson.

--Milwaukee closer Derrick Turnbow became the first pitcher since the save stat was created to save each of his team’s first three games and first four games of the season. Milwaukee also joined the 1901 Tigers in becoming the only teams to ever win their first five games of the season by coming back to win each of them. Now you know and you know what they say about “knowing.”

--The Tigers didn’t homer on Sunday, but the 17 they hit before then are still the highest total ever for a team through its first six games of the season.

--Don’t look now but Cubs closer Ryan Dempster has 20 consecutive saves.

--If you want to relieve the fun of Game 6 of the ’86 World Series, but not through a boring ol’ video, but instead through the magic of RBI Baseball then here ya go. Great stuff especially hearing Vin Scully with the call.


--If you thought Jason Lane was in a slump check out Atlanta’s Jeff Franceour. Jeff is hitting a robust .061 with 2 hits in 33 ABs.

Figures

I guess there was only one way for this miserable Rockets season to end. Oh well, what are you gonna do except maybe get some love from the ping pong balls? The only teams the Rockets won’t sink below are the Blazers, Knicks, Hawks, Bobcats, and Raptors. So best case scenario is the 6th pick overall. That should be enough to get the versatile shooting guard Brandon Roy out of Washington. The Rockets probably won’t lose all of their last four games, but I won’t be mad if they do.

--If you really need to know what a complete Yao Ming family portrait would look like then here ya go.

--Without further ado your 2005-2006 MVP is the man, the myth, the king,

Mr. LeBron James. No one is closing like Bron Bron. In April he’s averaging over 37 points to go along with 7.5 rebounds and 6.5 assists. 54% from the field ain’t bad either. For the season LeBron ranks 3rd in scoring, 1st in minutes played, 1st in made free throw attempts, 2nd in efficiency, 11th in assists per game, and 15th in steals per game. More importantly his Cavs have won 11 of their last 12 as they head down the homestretch. That lone loss was to the Knicks. Nobody’s perfect, but LeBron is the closest we have right now.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Apparently Prince is a no-go for an American Idol appearance.


--Ciara and Bow Wow are no more. We shall somehow move on.

--Beginning in May ABC will offer up its better shows (sorry Freddy) like Lost online for the price of free. Kate and Jack sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g this week?
How did Dominic Monaghan pull this?

--The Los Angeles Police Department enjoys such a stellar reputation that this next story only backs up further. Mayvis Coyle, 82, was at an intersection backing February, she waited for the green light and then tried to cross. While she was going across the “don’t walk” sign popped up. Uh-oh. Next a cop directing traffic at the intersection waited for her on the other side of the street. When she got there the cop handed the elderly woman a $114 ticket for “obstructing the flow of traffic.” Nice job, LAPD. Way to make senior citizens the focus of your crime-stopping efforts. What’s wrong, run out of rappers to kill (allegedly)?

--How much does Phil Mickelson with his mullet look like Fat Chandler Bing?

--Kiefer Sutherland has signed on for three more seasons of 24. More importantly are we going to ever see Elisha Cuthbert again?


--MTV has come up with its 10 Greatest MCs of All-Time list. At # 10 we find LL Cool J, which is just fine by me. Eminem checks in at 9. Ice Cube comes in at 8. I probably need to revisit Predator on iTunes. Cause he can do it right, I absolutely love Big Daddy Kane at 7. His slow jam, “All of Me,” with Barry White is priceless. Number 6 we have KRS-One. His music is probably the least known to me, but what I have heard I’ve always liked. I hadn’t started listening to # 5 until recently, but gotta love Nas. MTV will release numbers 4-1 the rest of the week and I’m sure I’ll run them down Friday or next Tuesday.
Probably not on the list. Probably.

--If you read one story about a Florida state senator who avoided television cameras by scaling a fence “with the ease of a schoolboy” then make it this one…

--Sean Connery is retiring?! Such a shame a man with so many great roles and so many great lines will always be remembered by me for his priceless, “You’re the man, now, dawg!” line from Finding Forrester.

--Joe Dirt 2?! Really?! Weren't all of the questions left from Joe Dirt 1 answered already?


--Drudge Report headline of the week: Gang of Women Beat Bingo Winner to Death Over $1,000 Jackpot.

--Your dumbass parents of the week come to us from Waterloo, Iowa. It’s there that Mary Jo Jensen and boyfriend James Snyder work at Tyson Foods. Apparently it’s very stressful and difficult work because the pair hatched a plan to get some time off. Great plan, with Mary Jo claiming that her 17-year-old son was hospitalized with an illness. So Mary Jo started taking time off of work in December along with her boyfriend James. So the pair took days off whenever they felt the need. Mary Jo kept stringing along Tyson Foods until she felt the need for an extended break so she told them that her son died at the Mayo Clinic. Good move, Mary Jo. So the pair decided to take more days off for funeral leave. However, their employers wanted verification for their absences. No problem, the slackers then placed Mary Jo’s son’s obituary in the paper. Bravo, bravo, well except that some family friends saw their “dead” relative enjoying pizza at a restaurant. So they called the cops and James and Mary Jo are in trouble, the real kind. Dumbasses.

--Louvian Beer Therapists in Belgium say low alcohol beer would be healthier for children than sodas. Their spokesperson says, "A light alcoholic beer is far healthier than soft drinks which are often too sweet. Why don't schools put a bottle of light beer on the table anymore like they used to do?" Uhhh, your school used to put beer on the table? I need to teach there.

--If you have HBO On Demand you will not regret watching Epitafios. Trust me.

--I'm always down for cooking shows or competitions, but NBC's version with celebrities like Big Kenny (who?) starts next week and doesn't look so promising to me. We'll see. By the way, the chefs on the show are Wolfgang Puck, Cat Cora, and Govind Armstrong. Time has a good story this week on my favorite chef Molto Mario.


--Sigma Delta Pi at Westborn College in Tampa is in a bit of trouble. Yeah, it seems the school frowns upon their hazing techniques for pledges, which were “required to have sex or oral sex on a first date with 7 partners in a two week period.” Those partners had to be chosen from an online dating service. Classy girls, those Delta Pis.

--Your disturbing e-Bay item of the week is a positive pregnancy test so you can scare your man. Thankfully the bidding is at a penny thus far.

--If you watch one series on the 10 Days that Unexpectedly Changed America then make it the one History Channel is showing this week.
Elvis and Ed are on one of the days that unexpectedly changed America.

Questions, comments or if you’re under the mistaken belief that you have a cuter goddaughter than Brianna Elise Toro…