The Choice is Yours...This or That

D-Day

That ‘D’ stands for draft, but I guess can also stand for dumb considering the oh so wonderful past Houston draft selections like Dave Ragone, Charles Hill, Jason Babin, etc. Oh well, what’s past is past and this draft, like the offseason, is the Texans rebirth. Like everyone else after the Rose Bowl I wanted to see Vince Young come home. As time passed I got back on the Reggie Bush bandwagon that I hopped on last year about Week 8. Reggie is absolutely incredible and absolutely the right pick for this team. I don’t understand the supposed Texans fans who will become Titans or heaven forbid, Cowboys fans when Houston passes on Vince. However, having said (written) that if the Texans trade down or draft Mario Williams, well let’s not think about those possibilities.
Reg-gie! Reg-gie!
Can't nobody hold me down.

--So I'm switching between ESPN's draft special and the replay of Ohio St/Texas on Classic. Sean Salisbury just said that not Vince, not Leinart, but Brodie Croyle is the best leader among the quarterbacks. This is not new, but Salisbury is an idiot. A complete and total idiot.

--Easily the most intriguing player in this draft is this Vince Young guy. I want to see him go high, but not to the Titans. Please not to the Titans. Please don’t let the Texans have to play this ridiculous talent twice a season. All the best Vince, just not in Tennessee. By the way, you can follow his rookie season wherever it is when Vince’s reality show on B.E.T. premieres. I’ll have a date and time on that next week.
We'll always have Pasadena.


--The top pick is huge, but the next three selections will be just as vital to the success of this franchise. The Texans can’t afford to blow those selections. I don’t see how they can considering all of the positions of need, but we’ll see. Personally I’d like to go defense with that 2nd round pick and take Ohio State linebacker Bobby Carpenter. Let’s take a look at the wide wonderful world of mock drafts to see what the Texans will do with the draft in the first few rounds…
nfl.com- Reggie, LSU OT Andrew Whitworth
Scouts Inc.- Reggie, Miami OT Eric Winston, Georgia G Max Jean-Gilles, Texas DB Cedric Griffin
Mel Kiper Jr.-Reggie,Eric Winston, South Carolina DB Ko Simpson, Ga Tech LB Gerris Wilkinson
Gbnreport.com- Reggie, Auburn OT Marcus McNeill, Texas, DT Rod Wright, Indiana DE Victor Adeyanju.
Footballsfuture.com- Reggie, OT Marcus McNeill, LB Gerris Wilkinson, Abilene Christian DB Danieal Manning.
Saturdays2Sundays.com- Reggie, Penn State DE Tamba Hali, DB Cedric Griffin, OT Andrew Whitworth
Nfldraftalmanac.com- Reggie, Texas OT Jonathan Scott
Profootballtalk.com- Reggie, FSU CB Antonio Cromartie
That’s all, I’m tired of surfing.

Taking Care of Business

Before the Dodgers series it was pretty boring watching the Astros roll to the World Series. Now it’s just boring while the Houston starter is in. After that, it’s on. I’m not pushing the panic button on Brad Lidge, but he’s allowed more home runs (3) than anyone except Andy Pettitte. Lidge’s ERA is now worse, worse than Chad Qualls’. His 10 walks are tied for the team lead. No need to dial 9-1-1, but it’s not a bad idea to dial 9-1 and wait while watching the next few save opportunities.

--Wandy is 4-0. 4-0?! Where did this come from? He has more quality starts than Roy Oswalt. In 4.1 fewer innings he has only two fewer K’s than Roy. I almost hesitant to talk about how good of a roll he’s on because I’m afraid I’ll jinx it.

--So who leads the team in on-base percentage? Not Lance Berkman, not Morgan Ensberg, but none other than Brad Ausmus.

--Jason Lane is tied for the team lead in walks with 19. Last season he got his 19th walk on July 19th.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--From the same people who brought you the script poster of Reservoir Dogs comes this one with Bob Marley created entirely out of the lyrics on the Legend album. Fantastic.

--Maxim came up with a list of the five most whipped athletes. # 5- Kurt and Brenda Warner. # 4- Antonio and Kendra Davis. # 3- Nick and Danielle Harper (the wifey who stabbed Colt DB Nick with a knife before the Pittsburgh game). # 2- Kris and Anna Benson. # 1- You and I both know it has to be Doug and Jackie Christie and….wait for it…it is.

--They don’t come much harder than Michelle Rodriguez/Ana Lucia. She was recently arrested for drunk driving as was Libby from Lost. Michelle was given a choice of 240 hours of community service or five days in jail. She chose jail without batting an eye. I wouldn’t be surprised to see this crazy woman killed off on the show. Also the newest Lost real life couple is Boone and Shannon, which is just a little gross. I mean c’mon you’re brother and sister.


--Once upon a time Chris Rock hired Hollywood detective Anthony Pellicano who is now in a bit of trouble. When Rock hired him it was to investigate the claims of a Perfect 10 model who said the baby she was having was Rock’s. It was not. Not a bad google image search: Monika Zsibrita.

--Quentin Tarantino is going to direct the biopic on Jimi Hendrix?! That’s a very promising thing.


--If you wanna compare your gas price horrors to other places around the country. Here ya go…
--Denise Richards and Richie Sambora?! C’mon Denise you’re better than that.


--Ashlee Simpson will “perform” in The Woodlands come June 16th. Oh boy!

--Al Pacino in Ocean’s 13?! However, no Catherine Zeta-I married a very old man or Julia Roberts.

--This week back in 1996 L.L. Cool James’ “Doin’ It” was certified Gold. Probably should have left music at that point, but whatever.

--19 years ago this week “The Joshua Tree” hit # 1 on the album chart. Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive” broke into the Top 40. “Brass Monkey” peaked at # 48 on the singles chart. That, my friends, is a very good week.


--I know you’re wondering what happened during last weekend’s pay-per-view séance to see how things were going for John Lennon (still dead). Apparently Lennon’s message was, “Peace – The Message Is Peace.” I know you’re saying this is all crap and the Electronic Voice Phenomenon used in that awesome movie known as White Noise is b.s. But EVP specialist Sandra Belanger has examined the tape and declares it to be the voice of John Lennon so there ya go.

--One of my cooking heroes, Mario Batali, has a new $12 million dollar restaurant, Del Posto, in Manhattan. I’m not saying this is the most expensive restaurant in the world, but valet parking is $29. The dish creating all the talk is a pasta dish with black truffles, coxcombs, and duck testicles. Let Mario tell you how those taste, "They're delicious, they don't taste like anything you've had before. They're whole and they're white.” Mario’s- whole and white. South Park’s Chef- chocolate and salty.

--Your dumbass of the week comes to us from Oregon. There 20-year-old Dusten Williams was arrested the other day outside of a middle school. Why? This genius thought it would be funny to stand outside the school and wave a fake Glock around and even stick it in a student’s stomach. Oh, did I mention his getaway transportation was a skateboard? Oh, did I mention he painted his face to look like Darth Maul? Thankfully the Smoking Gun has pics…

--If you are dumping your bags of vomit in Mount Pleasant, Iowa the police would like you to stop. Apparently over the past three years over 50 bags of all sizes filled with vomit have been dumped in ditches in the northeast part of the city.

--Cindy Margolis will pose for Playboy. If you saw the P. Diddy produced Celebrity Cooking Showdown you saw her bounce and jiggle her way to victory over Sami from Days and Tony Gonzalez.

--That freak of a teacher, Pamela Rogers, whose MySpace we talked about a week or two ago is in trouble. Somehow the police figured out she was referring to her 13-year-old lover when on her MySpace she mentioned his basketball jersey number instead of his name. Apparently she also sent a porn video of herself to the kid. I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before that video surfaces online.
The Teach

B-Ball

I’ve watched little of the NBA playoffs and apparently I haven’t missed all that much. Wake me when the Spurs and Pistons go at it.

I can’t believe it, but I actually kind of agree with Ron Artest on something. Artest got suspended because it was him, not because it was a vicious foul on Manu Ginobili. I don’t have a huge problem with that, although I think a suspension was a bit much. Afterwards he said,
"They're changing the game from how it was back in the days, back when the game was really hardcore. The game was so hardcore back when Larry Bird played and Bill Walton and those guys. Those guys were playing hard. Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, the Detroit Pistons. Those guys were playing flat-out hard and aggressive. And now, it's like they're changing the game. It's a new game. All the records that everybody's setting, like LeBron James and all these new stars, they're very good, but it's not like it was back in the day. All the scoring titles and everything; it's easier to score now. The whole game is so soft now. I was watching a game on ESPN Classic today, and guys are fighting each other and stuff. Nobody got kicked out. That's a long time ago. And this is just a minor, minor, minor incident, and they could've given me a flagrant one and a fine, but they want to take a whole game. It's very disappointing."

I was watching the same games on Classic and completely agree with his entire take.

Questions, comments, or if you want to slap that anorexic blonde on The Real World…

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Slip Into Something

I am an admitted old movie addict. You know that line where the femme fatale says, "Let me slip into something a little more comfortable...". These pajama sets are what she was talking about. Ah, those were the days, when sweatpants and oversized t-shirts didn't exist!

Pale peach silk charmeuse pajamas from the 1930's.

Luxurious rayon satin pajamas from the 1940's.

Asian influence rayon pajamas, also from the 1940's.

See these pajamas and more at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion .

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Interesting Details

I don't think there is anything sexier than a vintage 1940's suit. Fitted through the waist, with flared hips and shoulder pads to balance the hip width, nothing is more flattering to the feminine figure. As an added bonus, these suits always feature unusual design details that make them totally unique and unlike anything you can buy today.

This particular beauty is fashioned from a black and brown boucle knit. The designer has decided to use a plain boucle for the A-line skirt and a co-ordinating plaid boucle for the jacket. The lines of the plaid are very subtle and are fashioned from an ombre yarn in the primary colors of the rainbow. If those lines in the plaid were any larger, it would be too much, but the single strand of yarn makes this suit go from good to gorgeous!

Note how perfectly the plaid is matched from the body of the jacket across to the sleeves. To get this right, the pieces of the jacket must be laid out on the fabric with great care when cutting. Then the seamstress has to get those lines matched up perfectly when sewing the garment. As a final touch, the collar and lapels have been finished with topstitching in the ombre yarn.

I also like the fact that the back darts have been placed in such a way that the vertical lines of the plaid form a gentle curve, serving to visually make the waist smaller.

See this suit and more at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion .

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Just starvin' like Marvin for a Cool J. song

Who Wants Some?

This sure is shaping up to be one boring trip to the World Series. Thankfully the bullpen is keeping things somewhat interesting. Lance Berkman and Morgan Ensberg are crushing and if Preston (swing and a miss) Wilson gets it going forget about it. How about the bottom of the order guys? Yeah, Adam Everett and Brad Ausmus probably won’t both be over .300 a week from now, but right now it sure is fun. That wild one on Wednesday is going to be hard to top. I don’t think the HR Derby at Minute Maid two years ago featured as many straight-up blasts as that game had. I have a hard time believing Prince Fielder’s shot went only 410 feet. Gabe Gross doesn’t start for Milwaukee, why again? Anyway another series, another series win. Next up the last place Pirates. So Pittsburgh would you like your butts kicked or simply handed to you?

--Jason Lane has 14 walks already. Lane had a whopping 32 all of last season and 16 the year before.

--The only starter who has yet to allow a homer? Wandy Rodriguez.

--Congratulations to Brad Lidge and Dan Wheeler for being the only relievers with ERAs under 6.00.

--Mini-Preston a.k.a. Charlton Jimerson has 27 strikeouts in 63 at-bats with Round Rock. IN 13 games at Corpus Hunter Pence is hitting .385 with 4 HRs and 14 RBIs. In 11 games in low-A Koby Clemens is hitting .212 with 10 RBIs.

--We can probably do without the Smile Cam. I mean all you’re doing is showing someone on the big screen. We don’t need a special cam name for that.

--If you hurry you can buy the 8 x 10 autographed Tim Redding picture I saw at the souvenir shop at Minute Maid. It’ll cost you a mere $42. That’s a joke, right. Surely you meant $4.20.

--Congratulations to Derek "Operation: Shutdown" Bell for being pulled over and found with a still warm crack pipe in his car.

Yeah, That’s About Right

The Rockets season was done a long, long time ago and officially done on Wednesday. In case you missed it then let me tell you what happened. Down 1 to the best team in the Western Conference Rafer Alston stepped to the free throw line with 7.5 seconds left in Houston’s season. Clank. Clank. Game over. Fan-tastic. We’ll find out Friday whether the Rockets pick 8th or 9th. We could be talking about a possible selection at # 6, but noooooo Chuck Hayes had to make his first lay-up of the season in beating the sliding Nuggets. Oh well, nobody’s perfect.

--The Rockets finished with a .366 winning percentage at home (15-26) while going for a .463 percentage at 19-22. That’s the biggest discrepancy (97 points for those of you who are math-challenged) since the ’76-’77 Celtics.

--Fan favorite Chuck Hayes came up with 14 in that finale, which was a career best.

--The games are set and the playoffs get rolling on Saturday. The Pistons and Spurs look like they’re on the best collision course since Jay-Z and Linkin Park. I’ll take the Mavericks over the Grizzlies and the Clippers over the Nuggets. I think it may go seven, but the Suns will get past Kobe who will go for 40+ in three of the games. In the East I’ll take the Nets over the Pacers and the Lebrons over the Wizards even though there’s a rumor that nobody beats the Wiz. My upset pick has the Bulls eliminating 2 seed Miami.

--Tilt your 40...Greg Ostertag is retiring. We shall, somehow, move on.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Celebrity Cooking Showdown on NBC proved not all food-related programming is money. By the way, is there a better hour of Food Network programming than 10:30-11:30 AM on weekdays when Boy Meets Grill and Molto Mario are on back-to-back? I think not.
Bobby and his wife, Stephanie, who is on some NBC legal drama (which probably doesn't narrow things down for you).

--Good luck to Tom and Katie’s kid. She’ll need it.

--I’m more of a Cheez-Its guy than Cheese Nips, but the new Cheese Nip Chips are strong. However it comes in those bags that have that long sticker that’s supposed to fasten over the bag once you roll it down. Does this sticker ever work more than once? C’mon Cheese Nip Chips, c’mon Popables, y’all are better than that.

--Scary DrudgeReport.com headline of the week: Hiccups a possible sign of cancer: study…

--Fantastical DrudgeReport.com headline of the week: Panasonic unveils 103-inch TV screen.

--Jack White has another band to go along with the White Stripes. Jack is part of The Raconteurs whose debut album drops in May. That’s a very, very good thing judging by the single that’s out now. Perhaps that album will finally get me to end the reign of Death Cab for Cutie on my iPod.


--Just because Bob Saget got some cool points for his spot on Entourage doesn’t mean he should be doing his comedy act in front of drunken college students. Apparently Northwestern’s students feel the same as they heckled him during a recent concert. The ladies in the crowd threw tampons on the stage with their phone numbers written on them. Stay classy, Northwestern.

--There’s a millionairematch.com?! Ladies if you’re interested apparently Charlie Sheen is trolling around there. You think you get lies on other online dating services can you imagine the b.s. on that site?

--MSN.com has a list of 59 things men should never do past the age of 30. Let’s take a look at some…

-Use a wallet fastened by Velcro (umm, yeah, you probably shouldn’t do that past the age of 12.)
-Ask a woman, “Hey you got a license for that ass?” (so this is acceptable for 25-year-olds to ask?)
-Skip (really what male skips past the age of 8?)
-Name pets after Middle Earth characters.
-Wake up to a “morning zoo.” (waking up to John, Lance and Jeremy…highly recommended)
-Hug amusement park characters (once again who does this once you discover girls?)
-Choose 69 as his jersey number (sadly there are many men who don’t follow this advice)
-Eat Oreo cookies in stages (why the hell not?)
-Call “shotgun” before getting in a car. (agreed, just get in the back and shut up)
-Put less than $10 worth of gas in the tank (impossible nowadays)
-Keep a miniscule amount of marijuana extremely well hidden. (agreed, why hide it?)
-Watch the Pink Floyd laser light show at the planetarium (but it’s been so long, just one more trip?)

--On wagerweb.com you can bet on who Terrell Owens will first get into a verbal/physical confrontation with as reported on ESPN.com. Drew Bledsoe is –400. Next is Bill Parcells at +100. Jerry Jones +300. Mike Vanderjagt +400. Drew Henson +500. Terry Glenn +1000. Roy Williams +2000. Give me the field at +200.

--It’s so sad that the highlight of my Thursday was finding out who was going to be on the cover of Madden ’07. The curse will be put to the test with the durable Shaun Alexander getting the cover. Of course, he signed that big contract as well so that’s a double jinx which may cancel each other out or he’ll tear an ACL in week one. Either way he won’t be on my fantasy team.
How'd that work out for ya?

--Your dumbass by tragic circumstances of the week comes to us from Florida. It was there Maria Ramoutar and her sister were on their way back from Miami Beach in separate cars. Maria spotted a fiery crash on the road and did what any good citizen would do…she taped it using her cell phone. Unfortunately she was taping the death of her sister and three other people. Now Maria says she wishes she would’ve done something beyond just taping it all. Dumbass.

--This week back in the great year known as 1989 Milli Vanilli unleashed "Baby Don't Forget My Number" and the world was never the same.
"I sat back and thought about the things we used to do, it really meant a lot to me. You mean a lot to me."
Girl: "I really mean that much to you?"
Milli: "Girl, you know it's true."
I can't remember what I did last night, but I can recite every Milli Vanilli lyric there is. Gift or curse?

--I'll never jump ship on 24 (though not giving Tony Almeida a silent clock was inexcusable), but please just a tad more believability.

--My next big (considering I work in radio) purchase, the first season of BBC's The Office.
There's funny then there's Ricky Gervais.

--In NBC Office news the network is finally offering...
I must have this.


--Your worthless human being of the week comes to us from Charlotte, North Carolina. There an 18-year-old piece of crap was visiting with his 3-month-old baby. This moron put brandy, brandy! in the baby’s bottle because he “wanted to get tipsy with his son.” It’s a mad world.

--Video crack thy name is Fight Night Round 3.


--"Get your paw off me you dirty grizz." I've said it many a time, the first segment of The Colbert Report is pure gold.

--Because you need to know where countries stack up in terms of the percentage of its citizens are sexually satisfied. This courtesy of University of Chicago researchers. Austria is at the top of the list with 71.4% satisfied with their sex lives. Spain, Canada and Belgium follow with the U.S. rounding out the top five. The bottom five: Thailand, China, Indonesia, Taiwan and finally Japan. Now you know…

Questions, comments, or if you eat ballpark peanuts with the shell on...

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I'm the Lyrical Jesse James

Just Win Babies

Brandon Backe goes on the DL, Roger Clemens can’t get here until at least mid-May, and so it’s up to the kids to keep the Astros afloat. So far, so good after the weekend’s games. Wandy was just sick on Saturday and probably would have had a no-hitter had I not left the place where I was watching the game. My bad. Fernando Nieve looked solid on Sunday. Yeah, the Diamondbacks are the worst hitting team in the Majors, but the guys got it done . Taylor Buchholz gets the ball Monday night and he’s looked legit. Lance Berkman is off to one sick, sick start. Willy Taveras has a 9-game hitting streak going into this homestand hitting .333 over that span. So far, so good.

--The last time the Astros had pitchers make their professional debuts on consecutive days was 1963. Larry Yellen (you know I’m gellin’) and Jay Dahl were those guys. Apparently the Colt 45’s were doing some kind of all-rookie publicity stunt at that point of the season and that's why they were brought up. Yellen only pitched one more season in the bigs. It was 17-year-old Jay Dahl's only Major League appearance as he was tragically killed in a car accident just two years later. The Lord works in mysterious ways. Yellen was just 20. Sticking with that team for a bit. Joe Morgan was a 19-year-old who hit .240 in eight games. Twenty-two year old catcher John Bateman led the team with 10 HRs and 59 RBIs. Six of the eight regulars hit .210 or worse. Ouch. The best ERA among the starters was Ken Johnson’s 2.65, which helped him compile an 11-17 record. Harry Craft’s team finished second-to-last in the NL at 66-96. There endeth the history lesson.

--The ‘Stros are 3-2 on the road now. Last year that third road win came on May 25th.

--Milwaukee’s bullpen, which was one of the best last season, had a 14 consecutive scoreless innings streak snapped on Sunday. Its 3.38 ERA is 3rd in the NL.

Stats through Sunday…

--Manny Ramirez has 1, 2, zero extra-base hits thus far.

--Albert Pujols smacked 1, 2, 3 homers on Sunday including a walk-off job. He tied his career-high with 5 RBIs. I would have thought with a guy like that his career high in RBIs would be more than just 5.

--Congratulations to Oakland’s Dan Johnson who ended his 0-27 last Friday. He’s now at .031. Good luck with that.

--Seattle’s Adrian Beltre had an outstanding spring and was a guy I was targeting in fantasy drafts. Thankfully I didn’t get him. Beltre is now “batting” .143 with no HRs, no RBIs, and no extra-base hits. Oddly he does have four SBs. By the way, Ichiro is still under .200. If you didn’t know Seattle is Carl Everett’s new home and he’s off to a bad .150 start.

--On Saturday the Phillies beat the Rockies 1-0. It was the first time Colorado was beaten at Coors by that score.

--Yeah, the days when the Braves rolled out vaunted starter after vaunted starter are in the past, but this season Atlanta was the last team to get a win by one of its starters. After starting 2-36 Jeff Franceour is 9-17 with 3 HRs.

--Edgar Renteria has a 12-game hitting streak. The last Brave to start off a season with a 12-game hitting streak?? C’mon, not Chipper, not Jeff Blauser, not Biff Pocoroba,
not Claudell Washington, not Lonnie Smith, but none other than Deion Sanders who opened up with 14 straight games back in ’92.

Best One-Liner Ever

Britain’s VH-1 ran a poll on what people’s favorite lyric evah was. Let’s take a look at some of what the top 20 had to offer. At 20 we get The Police with “Every Breath You Take”…
“Every Single Day, Every Word You Say, Every Game You Play, Every Night You Stay, I’ll Be Watching You”
Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” at 16 with…
“Is This The Real Life? Is This Just Fantasy? Caught In A Landslide, No Escape From Reality”
Tupac’s “California Love” which seems out of place here at 15 with…
“Now Let Me Welcome Everybody To The Wild, Wild West, A State That’s Untouchable Like Elliot Ness”
I thought this next one would be in the top 5.
Pink Floyd’s “The Wall.”…
“We Don’t Need No Education, We Don’t Need No Thought Control. No Dark Sarcasm In The Classroom, Teachers, Leave Them Kids Alone.”
U2’s “Where the Streets Have No Name” at number 11 with…
“I Want To Run, I Want To Hide, I Want To Tear Down The Walls, That Hold Me Inside”
Another lyric that should be higher up the list comes from Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Going On?”…
“Father, Father, We Don’t Need To Escalate, You See, War Is Not The Answer, For Only Love Can Conquer Hate”
Another one for my top five would be Radiohead’s “Creep” which was 9th…
“I’m A Creep, I’m A Weirdo, What The Hell Am I Doing Here? I Don’t Belong Here”
Now for the top five from 5-1…
One that should be way, way lower Coldplay’s “Yellow”…
“Look At The Stars, Look How They Shine For You”
Excellent selection at 4 with
“Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, None but ourselves can free our minds, Have no fear for atomic energy, Cause none of them can stop the time”
Numero tres belongs to Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit”…
“I Feel Stupid And Contagious, Here We Are Now, Entertain Us”
At 2…The Smiths “How Soon is Now?”…
“So You Go, And You Stand On Your Own, And You Leave On Your Own, And You Go Home, And You Cry, And You Want To Die”
Taking us to # 1 and the best live act around…drumroll…U2’s “One”…
“One Life, With Each Other, Sisters, Brothers”


Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--The man, the myth, the Sawyer a.k.a. Josh Holloway on his relationship with his fiancée once Lost became the mega-hit it is, "When Lost took off, part of me thought, 'Do I cut and run?' I still like to look around, but respectfully and with no intentions. 'Married, not buried,' I always say. If I were single?... Damn, I'd have one girl doing my laundry, one shaving me, one bringing me a cocktail and another one coming out of my tent all hung over."
So many priceless Sawyer one-liners including this one from Season One,
SAWYER: So a tribe of evil natives planted a ringer in the camp to kidnap a pregnant girl and a reject from VH1 has-beens. Yeah, fiendishly clever. And why am I getting the evening news from a six-year-old?
WALT: I'm ten.
SAWYER: Okay, then it must be true.
My new favorite site…islostarepeat.com. It has the answer and nothing but the answer to the biggest question I face every week.

--At what point did Robin Williams and Cheryl Hines think making RV was going to be a good move?


--So on Around the Horn the topic at the bottom reads "Gay/Thomas". Why can’t it say Rudy/Tyrus? And does that question make me homophobic?

--I don’t know if you’ve heard about this anywhere, but apparently there are some issues in this nation regarding immigration. Who knew? One elementary school in L.A. dealt with the walkouts with a lockdown. A lockdown that in the school district’s handbook is reserved for nuclear attacks. So that meant students couldn’t go to the restroom. Well, they could, but it would have to be in the bucket in the corner. Yes, bucket in the corner. Nice job, Worthington Elementary. Cant't wait to see those test scores if that's the intelligence of the principal.

--I like Heineken Light, but can definitely do without the commercials playing "Don’t Cha." Won’t have that in my head for another week. Word of advice: If you are dating a girl who has that song playing as hold music on her cell then you should probably walk away from that relationship.

--One invention I’d like to own, but probably shouldn’t is this Opticon device that changes lights from red to green. These things are on sale, but only supposed to be used by fire departments, doctors, and other kind of important people. Some guy in Colorado paid $100 on e-Bay for one and used it for two years until police caught him in the act.

--We head to Edison Mall in Fort Myers for our Easter Bunny violence story of the weekend. So it’s Saturday night and there’s a long line of kids hoping to get a pic with the Bunny. The Easter Bunny’s wife is the manager of the set-up and the two decided to stop the fun about 10 or 15 minutes before it was really supposed to close. So one mom took offense and asked the 25-year-old female manager what was going on. An argument ensued and escalated when Bunny’s wifey decked the mom, pulled her hair, and took her to the ground. That’s when the Easter Bunny ripped off his head and jumped in on his wife’s behalf. No word on if any rabbit punches were thrown. Sorry about that one (not really).

--Because for better or for worse this is who we are…Scary Movie 4 became the best ever Easter weekend debut at the box office. On the plus side is the trailer for Clerks II which you can see before Scary Movie 4 or you can see right here.

--Ali G will have a part in Ocean’s 13?!

--Coming this fall to a USA Network near you…Major League Gaming. Get ready to see a whole lotta Halo 2. I’m tempted to rent 24: The Game, but I need to master Fight Night Round 3 first.

--Seriously why is 1st and 10/Cold Pizza still on the air?

--There was pretty big house fire in Wadsworth, Ohio recently. When firefighters got there they were a bit bewildered when the owner of the house jetted. That is until they discovered 239 marijuana plants worth roughly $700,000 in the basement. That must’ve been as tough a walk-away as Robert DeNiro was forced to do in Heat.

--Your disturbing story and resulting quote of the week comes to us from Purcell, Oklahoma. 26-year-old Kevin Underwood is accused of killing his neighbor’s 10-year-old daughter. This sicko should die a slow and excruciatingly painful death. The Purcell Police Chief David Tompkins with this, "Regarding a potential motive, this appears to have been part of a plan to kidnap a person, rape them, torture them, kill them, cut off their head, drain the body of blood, rape the corpse, eat the corpse, then dispose of the organs and bones."

--At WWE’s next PPV Vince McMahon and Shane McMahon are wrestling Shawn Michaels and God?! God works on Sundays, now?

If that's not the real showstopper I don't know who is.

--Congratulations to the Pearl River Central School Board in Mississippi. These geniuses have a policy, which doesn’t allow people 21 or older to attend high school dances and in this case the prom. Okay, that’s probably an okay policy. However, one of their seniors has been dating a guy she met back when she was a freshman and he a senior. They’ve been off and on with “on” being the case for a while now. Christopher Raffo is the guy and this guy happens to be a Marine who is going to Iraq soon, but does have 30 days off when the prom rolls around. So the board was asked to reconsider its policy. Parents for each went to bat for their kids. The board listened and still said no. Nice job, Mississippi. Your stellar reputation remains intact.

--If you want to watch Dolly Parton sing to Hulk Hogan, err…Starlight, Starbright then here ya go.

Questions, comments or if you think Rowdy Roddy Piper’s best movie was They Live…

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Individuality Takes Over

In the late 1960's, we begin to see the influence of "streetwear" on fashion designers. By 1968, young fashionistas had begun to wear clothing found in antique stores, army-navy outlets, and shops selling ethnic imports. It became important for young people to have their own individual and unique look. Designers soon caught on, and in 1968-69, peasant, gypsy, and ethnic looks were prevalent in body skimming styles.

This exotic dress in a high quality cotton is printed with a Far East Indian block print. The gentle A-line shape and bell sleeves are typical of the era.

See this dress and more at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion .

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Ausmus- 4 RBI...Bonds- 1 RBI...Let the Race Begin

Best Rain Song: Eddie Rabbit's "I Love a Rainy Night" or Nelson's "After the Rain" or New Edition's "Can You Stand the Rain?" or Milli Vanilli's "Blame It on the Rain" or Tone! Toni! Tony!'s "It Never Rains in Southern California" or Guns 'n' Roses' "November Rain" or Prince's "Purple Rain"?

So far and, I guess, so good for the Astros on this now 5-game roadie. Hopefully Brandon Backe's injury won't be too severe. Taylor Buchholz took the loss, but he pitched just fine and was just the victim of Mike Lamb's fielding and some bloop hits. How great was it to watch Barry (good luck with that federal grand jury, btw), not once, but twice think he got his first homer of the season only to see it caught on the warning track? Cue Nelson for the ha-ha. The last eleven innings of the doubleheader the bats were fine and hopefully that'll continue against the three solid starters Arizona is rolling out over the weekend. The D'backs are 2nd in MLB in ERA at 3.24 (Astros- 6th). However, Arizona is dead last in batting average at .231. Let's keep it that way. You hear me Wandy?

--How sweet is that Coors Light fan forum segment during Astros games? Maybe not. Guess Fox got tired of asking Phil Garner how he met his wife and Brad Ausmus what his favorite restaurant is.

--Jim Thome is just a little hot right now. The guy has homered in four straight games and scored in each of Chicago’s nine games. Detroit’s Chris Shelton is also mildly hot what with a .514 average and major league-leading 7 home runs.

--If you were one of the fantasy owners who picked up Detroit’s Justin Verlander after his first sparkling start…your bad. Start # 2: 2.2 IP, 7 H, 7 ER, 0 K

--Ice Cold: Scott Podsednick- .059 BA (2-34). Frank Thomas- .138 BA. Manny Ramirez- .219 BA 0 HRs. Rondell White- .088 BA. Oakland’s Dan Johnson- .000 (0-30). Ouch.

--Gary Sheffield hit # 452 tying him with Yaz for 27th on the all-time list.

--How bad are the Devil Rays? Well, Dan Miceli is their closer. Ol’ Pinkeye blew the save on Thursday and I’ll now give you time to recover from the shock of that unimaginable occurrence….Miceli has made five appearances and been scored upon in three of them and yet still has three saves as well. Three saves and a 9.64 ERA. Good luck Tampa Bay.

--San Diego’s Dewon Brazelton is now 0-16 on the road. He’s also off to a horrific start. Thursday he gave up 8 earned in just 4 innings and his ERA went down!!! It was over 34.00 after he gave up 9 runs in 2.1 innings in his season debut. Afterwards he said, "All I need is one good start to turn things around. I'm 0-2. Really, what does that mean? That means nothing. From my point of view, if I was 2-0, I wouldn't be winning the Cy Young, so at 0-2, why should I be totally upset and cash in the season?" Exactly. Who knows? That ERA might be under 15.00 by the All-Star Break. Now Bruce Bochy with the understatement of the year, “I’d be lying if I said there was not some concern.” Just “some” concern??

--Milwaukee closer Derrick Turnbow has yet to allow a run, big deal. But neither has Dan Kolb and that’s an upset of epic proportions. Kolb is back with the Brewers after posting a 5.93 ERA in Atlanta last year. St. Louis’ Jason Isringhausen is now 0-2 with a 15.00 ERA giving up 2 HRs in 3 innings.

--If you watch one Atlanta Braves commercial featuring Sid Bream, Phil Niekro, and MC Hammer then make it this one.

--The Pirates suck as usual and Pennsylvania native Michael Keaton ain’t happy about it. After throwing out the first pitch Beetlejuice said, “At some point, you've got to win. I think fans have been gracious. And maybe not vocal enough. Maybe not vociferous enough with their displeasure. That's my opinion. I fear they (club owners) will take advantage of the good will of the people who continue to show up. For my money, that's disrespectful. At some point, you either have to write the check or do something and not assume, well, we're OK."
Anyone care to guess which television show Keaton made his debut on in 1975. None other than Mr. Rogers Neighborhood.
Scary man.

This Is Rock Bottom

I was one of the few and the proud who took in Wednesday’s Rockets/Timberwolves extravaganza. In a word, wow. I mean where do you even start? It was the worst, most go- through-the-motions game I’ve ever seen. The Timberwolves should be smacked by the league office for this b.s. about Kevin Garnett’s knee tendonitis forcing him out of these games down the stretch. What player in the league doesn’t have knee tendonitis? At least get creative with a Lis Franc or conjunctivitis or something. Whatever, you ladies won so you deserve what you got. As much as I wanted the Rockets to lose it was still painful to watch a home team blow an 18-point lead against a totally talentless and disinterested team like Minnesota. Embarrassing. Oh well, maybe the extra lottery ball or two Houston gets from this loss will be the lucky one come lottery draft time.

--If for some reason you want to see Yao Ming get dunked on a lot o’ times then knock yourself out here.

When Worlds Collide

Gotta love when the daily MySpace story combines with the daily teacher sex story. This all courtesy of one female dumbass known as Pamela Rogers who resides in…prepare for the shock…Tennessee. This crazy spent some time in jail and is now on probation after being accused of sleeping with a student. So this dummy isn’t supposed to go online. Apparently she thought it would be allowed if she just worked on her MySpace page. Yeah, probably not a good idea. Ms. Rogers even wrote a message to her boy toy, but she wasn’t dumb enough to use his name. No, this Einstein used his basketball jersey number. "TO NUMBER ….'My Plans are Your Plans....' 'Nothing's Changed....' 'Say it.....say it....' Always is the word, Baby, always. Listen to "Far Away" by Nickleback.... that's for you." Whatever, freak. Dumbass also had this on her page, "I am not looking for a boyfriend. I am happily single and I went through a divorce about a year ago, so I am not looking for anyone.... I still do believe in LOVE, though... ;p I just think that I will wait for about 3 years before I fall into that..... Always, PJ" Wait 3 years?! Could you be a little more obvious? This dumbass served six months of an eight-year sentence. Time for more time.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Carla Gugino a new addition to Entourage?!


--Straight people can be “outed” and gay people can be “inned”?! In a somewhat related story the Gay Games are scheduled for mid-July in Chicago. If you can’t wait until then Pros vs. Joes is still on Spike.

--Donna Martin and whoever she was married to got a divorce. I almost made it an entire minute through her new show So Notorious (get it?), but decided to switch it to something more entertaining like whatever was on PBS.

--24: The Movie?! Elisha Cuthbert nude scene? Please. I won’t beg.


--Pretty please.

--If anyone wants to take him up on it Tom Cruise claims he can get someone off of heroin in just three days with the help of the Scientology detox program.

--According to MTV your 3rd Greatest MC of All-Time is…No, No, Notorious B.I.G. So we know the top two are Tupac and Jay-Z. Surely Tupac will have the top spot, right? Wrong. Big ups to MTV for putting Jigga at the top spot with Tupac at two. HOVA! HOVA! HOVA!


--Mischa Barton wants out of The O.C.?!


--Another reason to no longer believe in love…Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro are apparently calling it a marriage. Thankfully we still have the genuine, deep love that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes share.


--Yet another American Pie movie?! How do you already get another one after your last was straight-to-DVD?!? See if you can stay out of this one okay, Eugene Levy.

--For David Blaine’s next boring, I-could-do-it-too, but-why-would-I-want-to-trick he’ll live in a specially built human aquarium for a full week. He’ll also try and I’m sure succeed in breaking the mark of 8 minutes and 58 seconds holding your breath underwater. That part will be televised on ABC come May 8th.

--Stacy Steel (not a superhero) was arrested in California for investigation of obtaining controlled substances by fraud. Something about the 3,600 Vicodin pills the former humane society official ordered for her dog.

--Despite the Ms. Rogers story above your dumbass of the week comes to us from…no, not Kentucky…not even Tennessee….but Wyoming. There some teenage boys decided to siphon some gas. The 17-year-old dumbass spilled gas on his pants. It was dark so dumbass used a lighter, that’s right, a lighter to see exactly how much gas he spilled on himself. Turns out it was enough gas to give him second and third-degree burns. Dumbass.

--It took me three seasons, but I'm finally hooked on Ultimate Fighter 3. I like Shamrock's guys, but he looks like an awful coach.


--Dallas is going to be shot in Florida?! Yeah, that makes about as much sense as having Jennifer Lopez as Sue Ellen. This will absolutely bomb. Unlike these awesome Dallas trading cards.


Questions, comments or if you think Vito committed suicide last week thereby robbing him of his chance to be with his true love Finn...

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I'm as cool as a cucumber in a bowl of hot sauce...

So Far, So Good

The wins have been close, the losses just plain awful, but the Astros are taking care of business through seven games. Fortunately those seven were against the youngest team in league history and a mediocre team looking for an identity. The only two negatives of the 5-2 start were the beat down Andy Pettitte took against Florida and the bullpen’s shakiness with Chad Qualls and more importantly Brad Lidge looking human. I guess it’s too early to worry about those guys. Fortunately the worries about the offense have subsided even if just for a few days. Lance Berkman is on fire and Preston Wilson is bombing away. You know things are going good when Willy T’s hits are landing in the outfield. Morgan Ensberg has just two RBI’s from the clean up spot, but does lead the team in hits with 9. The bottom of the order is, well the bottom of the order for a reason. Now it’s off to San Francisco and Arizona for six on what should become a winning road trip.

--Barry Bonds is off to a slow start. His knee is bothering him and forced him to miss a game and he may miss one or two against Houston as well. Bonds, Barry Bonds is hitting .167 while walking seven times in 19 plate appearances. His low point had to be getting struck out by some Brave named Ken Ray with Barry flailing and missing at three pitches for the first time in a long, long time.

--The only guys to homer for San Fran are Moises Alou (2) and Lance Niekro (1).

--Steve Finley needs just three home runs to become the 5th member of the 300 HR/300 SB club. The four already in are the Bonds duo, some guy named Willie Mays and…wait for it…Andre Dawson.

--Milwaukee closer Derrick Turnbow became the first pitcher since the save stat was created to save each of his team’s first three games and first four games of the season. Milwaukee also joined the 1901 Tigers in becoming the only teams to ever win their first five games of the season by coming back to win each of them. Now you know and you know what they say about “knowing.”

--The Tigers didn’t homer on Sunday, but the 17 they hit before then are still the highest total ever for a team through its first six games of the season.

--Don’t look now but Cubs closer Ryan Dempster has 20 consecutive saves.

--If you want to relieve the fun of Game 6 of the ’86 World Series, but not through a boring ol’ video, but instead through the magic of RBI Baseball then here ya go. Great stuff especially hearing Vin Scully with the call.


--If you thought Jason Lane was in a slump check out Atlanta’s Jeff Franceour. Jeff is hitting a robust .061 with 2 hits in 33 ABs.

Figures

I guess there was only one way for this miserable Rockets season to end. Oh well, what are you gonna do except maybe get some love from the ping pong balls? The only teams the Rockets won’t sink below are the Blazers, Knicks, Hawks, Bobcats, and Raptors. So best case scenario is the 6th pick overall. That should be enough to get the versatile shooting guard Brandon Roy out of Washington. The Rockets probably won’t lose all of their last four games, but I won’t be mad if they do.

--If you really need to know what a complete Yao Ming family portrait would look like then here ya go.

--Without further ado your 2005-2006 MVP is the man, the myth, the king,

Mr. LeBron James. No one is closing like Bron Bron. In April he’s averaging over 37 points to go along with 7.5 rebounds and 6.5 assists. 54% from the field ain’t bad either. For the season LeBron ranks 3rd in scoring, 1st in minutes played, 1st in made free throw attempts, 2nd in efficiency, 11th in assists per game, and 15th in steals per game. More importantly his Cavs have won 11 of their last 12 as they head down the homestretch. That lone loss was to the Knicks. Nobody’s perfect, but LeBron is the closest we have right now.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Apparently Prince is a no-go for an American Idol appearance.


--Ciara and Bow Wow are no more. We shall somehow move on.

--Beginning in May ABC will offer up its better shows (sorry Freddy) like Lost online for the price of free. Kate and Jack sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g this week?
How did Dominic Monaghan pull this?

--The Los Angeles Police Department enjoys such a stellar reputation that this next story only backs up further. Mayvis Coyle, 82, was at an intersection backing February, she waited for the green light and then tried to cross. While she was going across the “don’t walk” sign popped up. Uh-oh. Next a cop directing traffic at the intersection waited for her on the other side of the street. When she got there the cop handed the elderly woman a $114 ticket for “obstructing the flow of traffic.” Nice job, LAPD. Way to make senior citizens the focus of your crime-stopping efforts. What’s wrong, run out of rappers to kill (allegedly)?

--How much does Phil Mickelson with his mullet look like Fat Chandler Bing?

--Kiefer Sutherland has signed on for three more seasons of 24. More importantly are we going to ever see Elisha Cuthbert again?


--MTV has come up with its 10 Greatest MCs of All-Time list. At # 10 we find LL Cool J, which is just fine by me. Eminem checks in at 9. Ice Cube comes in at 8. I probably need to revisit Predator on iTunes. Cause he can do it right, I absolutely love Big Daddy Kane at 7. His slow jam, “All of Me,” with Barry White is priceless. Number 6 we have KRS-One. His music is probably the least known to me, but what I have heard I’ve always liked. I hadn’t started listening to # 5 until recently, but gotta love Nas. MTV will release numbers 4-1 the rest of the week and I’m sure I’ll run them down Friday or next Tuesday.
Probably not on the list. Probably.

--If you read one story about a Florida state senator who avoided television cameras by scaling a fence “with the ease of a schoolboy” then make it this one…

--Sean Connery is retiring?! Such a shame a man with so many great roles and so many great lines will always be remembered by me for his priceless, “You’re the man, now, dawg!” line from Finding Forrester.

--Joe Dirt 2?! Really?! Weren't all of the questions left from Joe Dirt 1 answered already?


--Drudge Report headline of the week: Gang of Women Beat Bingo Winner to Death Over $1,000 Jackpot.

--Your dumbass parents of the week come to us from Waterloo, Iowa. It’s there that Mary Jo Jensen and boyfriend James Snyder work at Tyson Foods. Apparently it’s very stressful and difficult work because the pair hatched a plan to get some time off. Great plan, with Mary Jo claiming that her 17-year-old son was hospitalized with an illness. So Mary Jo started taking time off of work in December along with her boyfriend James. So the pair took days off whenever they felt the need. Mary Jo kept stringing along Tyson Foods until she felt the need for an extended break so she told them that her son died at the Mayo Clinic. Good move, Mary Jo. So the pair decided to take more days off for funeral leave. However, their employers wanted verification for their absences. No problem, the slackers then placed Mary Jo’s son’s obituary in the paper. Bravo, bravo, well except that some family friends saw their “dead” relative enjoying pizza at a restaurant. So they called the cops and James and Mary Jo are in trouble, the real kind. Dumbasses.

--Louvian Beer Therapists in Belgium say low alcohol beer would be healthier for children than sodas. Their spokesperson says, "A light alcoholic beer is far healthier than soft drinks which are often too sweet. Why don't schools put a bottle of light beer on the table anymore like they used to do?" Uhhh, your school used to put beer on the table? I need to teach there.

--If you have HBO On Demand you will not regret watching Epitafios. Trust me.

--I'm always down for cooking shows or competitions, but NBC's version with celebrities like Big Kenny (who?) starts next week and doesn't look so promising to me. We'll see. By the way, the chefs on the show are Wolfgang Puck, Cat Cora, and Govind Armstrong. Time has a good story this week on my favorite chef Molto Mario.


--Sigma Delta Pi at Westborn College in Tampa is in a bit of trouble. Yeah, it seems the school frowns upon their hazing techniques for pledges, which were “required to have sex or oral sex on a first date with 7 partners in a two week period.” Those partners had to be chosen from an online dating service. Classy girls, those Delta Pis.

--Your disturbing e-Bay item of the week is a positive pregnancy test so you can scare your man. Thankfully the bidding is at a penny thus far.

--If you watch one series on the 10 Days that Unexpectedly Changed America then make it the one History Channel is showing this week.
Elvis and Ed are on one of the days that unexpectedly changed America.

Questions, comments or if you’re under the mistaken belief that you have a cuter goddaughter than Brianna Elise Toro…

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