And If You Think That You're Slick You'll Catch A Brick Y'all

Who’s Next?

The Rockets handled the Heat with relative ease although it should’ve been much easier once Dwyane Wade left the game. Sucks for you Miami. Dwyane is about the only guy I can stand on that aging, overrated, whiny team and even he gets on my nerves with his 11 free throw attempts a game. Hopefully they hang onto that 8th spot and get eliminated in the first round and don’t get a chance to get lucky in the lottery. Enough about those has-beens, how ‘bout dem Rockets? It’s February 22nd and they’ve matched their win total from a year ago. Yao will be back in a two or three weeks and Bonzi is starting to come around once again. Next up the Hawks on Friday and they did make a third quarter field goal on Wednesday unlike their game Tuesday so they’re hot. Sunday the boys will see Dwight Howard and the Magic and maybe some new Magic depending on what happens before the trade deadline.

--The biggest, baddest kid in the league is Dwight Howard. Whether he’s slapping stickers of himself on a backboard or “acting” out scenes from Friday or whether he’s driving by New York, New York in Vegas and sees his jersey on the Statute of Liberty. Dwight was with Jameer Nelson when, "We were driving and we saw it, and we went crazy. I was like yelling and screaming, 'That's my jersey!' We stopped the car, in traffic, to get out and take a picture in front of it. It was cool."

I don't remember, but I assume Yao blocks this.

--LeBron and Tracy McGrady are the only two players in the top 15 in scoring average who are shooting below 70% from the line. Out of players who are on pace to make at least 125 free throws Tracy’s free throw percentage of .685 is good enough for 126th place in the league.

--Dikembe Mutombo is 2nd in the league in rebounds per 48 minutes at 18.5.

--There are two East teams averaging at least 100 points a game. Name ‘em. One is Washington and you probably got that. The other? Not the Bulls, not the Raptors, not the LeBrons, but none other than the Knicks. New York is averaging more points a game than Dallas. The Rockets are 23rd at 95.9 per and face the 30th and 27th worst scoring teams this weekend.

--The most dominating performer of All Star Weekend David Lee now leads the league in field goal percentage at just over 61%.
Don't feel bad Desagna, this happens a lot.

--How ridiculous are the Suns who as a team shoot 40% from beyond the arc and 80% from the free throw line? Oh yeah, 50% from the field overall.

--Steve Nash has 35 double-doubles or the same amount as Jason Kidd and Dwyane Wade combined.

--DeShawn Stevenson and former Destiny’s Child member LeToya Luckett?! That’s a step up from getting a 14-year-old drunk on E&J Brandy and then getting charged with statutory rap so congratulations DeShawn.

--Fan sign of the week goes to a Kentucky student who during its game with LSU held up a sign reading, “Tim Hardaway hates LSU.”

--I’m not here to condone drug use in college or anytime for that matter. But c’mon we’ve all done our share of mushrooms and watched American Pop or Akira. Anyway, my Gonzaga boy Josh Heytvelt was busted two weeks ago with an ounce of ‘shrooms and three brownies that also had ‘shrooms in them. He said they weren’t his and he didn’t know they were in the car. Maybe, maybe not. What I find crazy is that in the state of Washington possessing any amount of mushrooms is a felony offense punishable by a maximum of five years and a $10,000 fine. Now, he’s not likely to get that as a first offender, but still. Apparently a typical sentence involves six months or less in jail and going through some programs. Can’t we leave jail for the criminals and not the college kids who just want to eat some vegetables and trip?
Purple potatoes are good so I don't see why purple mushrooms wouldn't be.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent/Two Face in the next Batman is a good thing. Katie Holmes out is a better thing.

--The cast for the next edition of Dancing With The Stars is out and as I’m sure you know by now Clyde Drexler is in it to win it. Although I can’t see him coming close or doing much better than Evander Holyfield. I think he’ll be a quick out. Other “stars” without a chance to win are Laila Ali, Anton Ohno, Heather Mills who may get the sympathy vote seeing as how the former Mrs. McCartney has a prosthetic leg. The eye candy for the fellas includes Paulina Porizkova and Miss USA 2004 Shandi Finnessy and maybe Leeza Gibbons. The ladies get Billy Ray Cyrus, Joey Fatone and super hunk Steve Sanders/Ian Ziering. Big Pussy becomes the first Celebrity Fit Clubber to join Stars.
Steve Sanders and David Silver with the cameo of the decade in Domino.

--I guess that topless Jennifer Aniston photo from The Break-Up was the real deal since Universal Studios is suing Perez Hilton for displaying it first.

--It’s been far too long since I’ve seen this movie…








--Note to Battlestar Galactica: Fraggin’ pick it up people! I’m tired of these “day in the life” filler stories, get me some cylons and never again go an entire episode without showing Tricia Helfer.

--Come Thursday at 9 the O.C. is O-ver. Thank you for giving us Rachel Bilson.

--Seriously Dallas Clark, getting ejected from a high school girls basketball game?!

--Police in Vegas want to talk to Pacman Jones regarding three people getting shot at a strip club?! Are we talking about the same Pacman Jones, here? Because this doesn’t sound like him. Biting a bouncer?! Punching a woman?! Telling on his boys to smoke a bouncer’s ass?! And then a bouncer gets shot in the spine paralyzing him from the waist down?! No, it must be a different Pacman Jones.

--If you’re keeping score Britney is back in rehab, wait, she’s out, now back in, back out, now her family is saying she’s on the run, now back in, back out, trying on wigs, getting no answer at Kevin’s house, now back in rehab.

--If you’re keeping score on the Anna Nicole Smith sage how are ya doing it? It’s easier to decipher a David Lynch directed episode of Lost while you’re high than it is keeping up with that craziness.

--If you were wondering where the worst soccer officials in the world were on Wednesday they were in Costa Rica helping Puntarenas down the Dynamo 1-nil in the Copa de Campeones. F’n two b.s. yellow cards on Eddie Robinson so he won’t play next week. F’n goal in injury time. F’n flopping Costa Ricans.

--Michael Irvin didn’t really tell Fox Sports Radio about his ESPN departure, "When I talked to Tom (Jackson) we cried like babies. We just cried like babies. We had such great times together. And it was so amazing to have two grown men on the phone crying like we were crying...about not working together again. But then it says so much to how we enjoyed working together."
Really?! Because Tom wasn’t joking when he asked you if you were retarded.

--The Food Network will get some Hispanic flavor to add to well, uhhh, Doc Gibbs is black so I guess he’s closest. Anyway, Ingrid Hoffmann will come over from Galavision’s Delicioso.

--El Guapo (the pitcher not the bad guy from Three Amigos) is back playing minor league ball in Nashua and the svelte former Red Sock is down 15 pounds from his Boston days to 235.

--In the Transformers movie the lovable, huggable Bumblebee will go from a VW Bug to a Camaro?! Weak.

--Penelope Cruz and Orlando Bloom?!

--I haven’t been to a library in years so I don’t know how the online thing works there, but a piece of crap with three child porn convictions should probably not be allowed online in a library. Mark Sullivan of Norwell, Mass. was surfing when thankfully an employee came over and asked if his computer was fine and at the same time out of the printer came a nude photo of a young girl. So the employee called the cops and thankfully he faces 10 years. But what if that employee didn’t just happen to come along right then? How does that piece of crap almost get away with that? The waste of space was also surfing to sites trying to find police uniforms and badges. Rot in jail motherf******!

--Your dumbass couple of the week comes from St. Paul, Minnesota by way of Washington. This dumbass couple pulled into a Midas shop complaining their car was having fuel problems. The mechanic noticed some unusual welding around the gas tank and called the cops who found 150 pounds of pot in a secret compartment. Apparently herb is not, I repeat, is not a legitimate fuel additive.

--Oh yeah, waaaaay too long since I’ve seen this movie…Haven’t even gotten to my boy Drexel. It ain’t white boy day is it?


Questions, comments, or if your favorite Mardi Gras memory is when someone, let’s call him Hector, slapped a horse’s ass in Galveston. A cop’s horse’s ass. Good times…