I'm, I'm Sky High

We’re Talkin’ Baseball…

Opening Day is right around the corner and I can’t wait. Well, actually I could wait until Tuesday. I don’t get why baseball wants to really get going on the same day as the NCAA Championship Game. Oh well, it’s better to have too much sports than not enough. Let’s get to my no-guarantee, throw a dart at the wall, drunk off my ass, won’t remember a week from now predictions….

National League

Central- St. Louis …The Cardinals are, once again, rock solid and Scott Rolen has had a decent spring so no reason to think St. Louis won’t win the division. The real competition for the Astros comes from the young and talented Brewers. If Ben Sheets gets right and Chris Capuano and Doug Davis improve then Houston is staring at third place. Ken Griffey Jr. is going to have a monster year that would only be better if he got to face Cincy’s pitching.

East- Atlanta …The Mets have spent, spent, spent and all the Braves do is continue to win, win, win. Make it 15 straight division titles for Atlanta.

West- San Diego … The Giants aren’t horrible, but they have Barry so I can’t pick them. San Diego has just enough pitching, just enough hitting, and Jesse’s son, Josh Barfield, from Klein HS at 2nd base to get the job done. Spring means nothing, but Josh is hitting .392 with 17 RBIs.

Wild Card- Houston … I think the ‘Stros, Brewers, and Mets will be the top contenders for another packed wild card finish. I’m thinking typical slow start for Houston and then Roger Clemens gets on board and things pick up around the all-star break. It would be nice if Brandon Backe would start getting his sh…stuff together.

American League

East- New York … Simply too much hitting. The Red Sox and Blue Jays will follow. Although don’t count out the Devil Rays, particularly is Ol’ Pinkeye himself, Dan Miceli, gets that closer’s job.

Central- Chicago … The Indians have the hitting, but not the pitching. The White Sox have just enough hitting and added Javier Vazquez to the deepest rotation around.

West- Oakland … The A’s have almost as deep a rotation as the White Sox. The Angels don’t have the starting pitching to take the division again.

Wild Card- Cleveland … I don’t have any solid reasoning except I’m tired of the Red Sox.

Playoffs….The Cardinals beat the Astros in the NLCS. The White Sox down the Yankees in the ALCS. And when all is said and done the Cardinals top the White Sox.

--Pinnacle Sports has released its list of odds on what manager is going to get canned in their respective league first. Texas’ Buck Showalter and Arizona’s Bob Brenly are co-“favorites” at 5-1. Chicago’s Dusty Baker is 6-1. Joe Torre is the biggest AL long shot at 19-1. Phil Garner is 13-1. The long shots in the NL are Bobby Cox (27-1) and Tony LaRussa (40-1).

Happy Preseason Schedule!!

--Good luck getting that job in the NFL front office, Charley. No, really, good luck.

--Don't look now, but the Texans have themselves a real #2 receiver!!! Eric Moulds is a very solid guy to line up on the other side of Andre Johnson. He’s not as good as he was a few years ago, but we'll take him. His yards per reception have gone down in each of the past seven seasons to a career low 10.1 yards last season. That probably has as much to do with him as it does the Bills QB crap carousel. I am a little worried that he only managed four catches and forty yards against the Texans last season.

--You know what sports needs right now? That’s right, a little 2 Live Crew. Luther Campbell is setting up shop as “Luke Sports and Entertainment.” "I'm not offering to negotiate NFL or NBA contracts. I'm offering to do what I know . . . turning people into entertainment superstars." Entertainment superstars or get them banned in the U.S.A.

--Tell me I didn’t just check Antsports.com in March to see if average draft positions were up for fantasy football yet. Perhaps I have a problem.

--Note to Vikings coach Brad Childress: Daunte Culpepper is no longer a part of your team. You do not need to continue to run your mouth about him. "You ask, 'Where is he rehabbing?' " Childress said. "He's rehabbing in a HealthSouth place in Orlando. ... I've spent some time in this state. ... I close my eyes. I'm seeing a Chinese restaurant, a HealthSouth place, a laundromat. Basically a strip mall that he's rehabbing himself at. So you can understand where I'm coming from. I'm like, 'What's wrong with this picture?' ... This is our franchise quarterback. ... Is he better served here in the fieldhouse or in the Wal-Mart parking lot?”
Okay, would Daunte have been better off rehabbing in Minny, maybe. But he’s gone now, let it go.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Thank you to Thief for filling my Tuesday night FX fix left void by The Shield.

Not many better actors than this guy.

--If you feel like your life wouldn’t be complete unless you own a flooded school bus from New Orleans then head over to eBay.

--It’s not even here yet, but I’m already sick of all the lame April Fool’s Day jokes. Remember a few years back when our afternoon guys switched spots with the morning crew on April 1st? Hilarious.

--Donna Martin got a boob job?! Check out the pic of her boyfriend's tattoo of Tori on his arm.

--Production will get started in July on Ocean’s 13.

--Call me crazy, but I’m thinking Morrissey isn’t thinking Smiths reunion, “I would rather eat my own testicles than reform The Smiths, and that's saying something for a vegetarian."


--Your idiot myspace.com profiles of the week come to us from…here comes the surprise…wait for it…wait..for..it…Kentucky (didn’t see that coming, did ya?). Several Lexington cops are in trouble. They congratulated themselves on arresting John Michael Montgomery even altering some photos of the country singer. They dumbasses said they work for the “snobby people of Lexington” or the “Lexington Fayette Urban Communist Government.” How stupid can you be, even taking into account this is Kentucky? For good measure the morons in blue made fun of mentally disabled people and of course, gays. One of the dumbasses posted a photo of a disabled child running in a race. Underneath the cop put the caption, “What’s better than winning the special Olympics? Not being retarded.”
Aren't cops just the funniest?

--Your 5th host of Family Feud following in the footsteps of Richard Dawson, Ray Combs, Louie Anderson, and Richard Karn will be....wait for it...Peterman or John O'Hurley as some people call him.

--Your match made in heaven...Three 6 Mafia and Paris Hilton. The Simple Lifer asked the boys to help her out on some tracks. This is promising.

--Good Night, and Good Luck was very, well, good. Although Edward R. Murrow’s views on television make me think about it in a way I don’t want to. “This instrument can teach, it can illuminate; yes, and it can even inspire. But it can do so only to the extent that humans are determined to use it to those ends. Otherwise it is merely wires and lights in a box. There is a great and perhaps decisive battle to be fought against ignorance, intolerance and indifference. This weapon of television could be useful.”
By the way, this was the first completely black and white movie to be nominated for Best Picture since…1980’s The Elephant Man.


--A Sienna Miller sex tape is out?!


--Perhaps you’ve seen the pics of Ryan Seacrest and Teri Hatcher k-i-s-s-i-n-g. I’m thinking Terri can come up with a better hat than one from American Idol. I might be wrong. Actually I’m sure I’m wrong. Allow me to retract the above statement. I apologize for causing any undue stress upon Miss Hatcher and her beautiful, never once Botoxed face.

--Dane Cook and Jessica Simpson?!

--Congratulations to Indiana for stepping into the 20th century by now following daylight savings time.

--As she shamelessly tries to plug Basic Instinct 2, Sharon Stone told this amusing/disturbing anecdote to Contact Music UK: "I was in the store the other day and I watched a young girl trying on clothes, showing her abdomen. "Her mother was trying to talk to her about not being inappropriately luring. I said, 'Gee that would look much nicer with a camisole under.' "Her mother walked away, and I said to the girl, 'I'd like to give you a two-minute conversation about sex.' "Young people talk to me about what to do if they're being pressed for sex? I tell them (what I believe): oral sex is a hundred times safer than vaginal or anal sex. "If you're in a situation where you cannot get out of sex, offer a blow job. I'm not embarrassed to tell them."
Really nothing to add to that.

--Matthew Perry and Kristin Davis?!


--WrestleMania is this Sunday and I could care less. The card does nothing for me. With WrestleMania comes the newest inductees into the WWE Hall of Fame. Eddie Guerrero headlines the list with Bret Hart, Mean Gene, The Blackjacks, Tony Atlas, Sensational Sherri, Vern Gagne and The Fridge joining Latino Heat. The Fridge made one whole appearance in the WWE so that makes a lot of sense. His claim to fame was eliminating Big John Studd and Tony Atlas in a battle royal at WrestleMania 2. You can watch it all beginning at 8 Saturday night on WWE.com then at 10 it’ll be on USA Network.

Questions, comments or if you're the guy who keeps bothering Nelson at GameStop then this message is for you...And to everyone waiting on a PS3, STOP CALLING MY STORE! I don't know when it will come out and for damn sure it will be very costly. When the damn head of Sony says that this is the system that families will "have to save up for" then you know you are in trouble. Everyone should just enjoy the 360. Just play Fight Night rd 3 and everything is right with the world.

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Inspiration Comes from Anywhere

In the March 2006 issue of Bazaar, there is an interview with designer Marc Jacobs on the occasion of the opening of the latest Louis Vuitton store in Hong Kong. Marc speaks about design inspiration when he states, "Everything I see and do gets digested and comes out (in my designs) someway, somehow." Designers have a distinct way of looking at the world around them and translating what they see into something new and beautiful.

Take beadweaver and designer Susan Mandel as an example. Sue just bought this lovely Victorian era reticule from me. Sue states, "I find a lot of inspiration for my beadwork from past styles and designs - some designs are timeless."

We can't wait to see how Sue translates this Victorian design into something that works for today! Take a look at Sue's Beadweaver Blog. Or, if you're feeling inspired, purchase her beadweaving patterns.

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Go, Go Gators!!

Are We There Yet?

If there is one Houston sports franchise we can count on it’s the Astros, right? I don’t mean count on right away, of course. I mean count on, once July and August roll around and they look deader than the Hawks in October. These first couple of months will be fun because they will look so bad and so unlike a team capable of being .500 much less a playoff contender. I don’t know what exactly will happen, but it’s likely the offense will be missing first and then when it produces, the back end of the rotation will fail in spectacular fashion. Perhaps a key injury or two, perhaps the new radio crew won’t work out, perhaps Peanut Dude’s tosses will be just askew, perhaps Clemens will sign with the Cubs, or perhaps Junction Jack just won’t bring it like he used to. I don’t know how the Astros will lose at the start, all I know is they’ll be there winning at the end.

--Thank you Jeff Bagwell.


--Let’s take a look at some of USA Today SportsWeekly’s projected numbers for some of the boys. Lance Berkman is down for .306 with 26 HRs and 93 RBIs. Seems about right to me. It has Morgan Ensberg topping out at 29 bombs as opposed to his 36 last season. Because at the time this was written Jeff Bagwell was still a possibility SW has Preston Wilson hitting 19 HRs and 74 RBIs. I’m thinking Preston will make 30 easily. Everyone else’s numbers look nearly identical to their numbers from a year ago. On the pitching side Roy Oswalt is #1 with the comment being, “Cy Young, here he comes.” I don’t doubt that. It has him for 19 wins and a 2.68 ERA. I’ll take the 15 projected wins with a 3.32 ERA for Mr. Pettitte. Mr. Postseason, Brandon Backe, is down for just 9 wins and a 4.32 ERA. Yeah, they have him ranked lower than Ezequiel Astacio. Ouch.

--I think and hope it’s safe to say Taylor Bucholz has the 5th spot in the rotation sealed up. Taylor has a 1.96 ERA in his 23 innings. He’s given up 21 hits and just 4 walks without allowing one home run.

--These next numbers mean even less than the ones above, but just taking a look around the spring stats leaders. Philly’s Ryan Howard has 10 home runs, four more than anyone else. Ryan’s 18 strikeouts are tied for third most. The ‘Stros have three in the top eleven in that category with Charlton Jimerson, Preston Wilson and Eric Bruntlett. Cincy’s Edwin Encarnacion tops the RBI chart with 20 followed closely by Lance Niekro’s 18. Jason Lane is 12th in that category. Roy Oswalt and Brandon Backe are 5 and 7 in innings pitched. Backe is #1 by a wide, wide margin in homers allowed. He’s given up 11 in just 23.1 innings to help contribute to a 8.87 ERA. Randy Johnson leads is 4th in innings (24.1) and 1st in strikeouts (24). Now you know.

The Final Countdown...Doo-do-do-doo, doo-do-do-do-do....

George Mason?! Are you kidding me? Let’s learn more about this tradition rich basketball factory. Scratch “tradition rich,” GMU was founded in 1972. Actually put back in “tradition rich” now that I read about the Spirit Bench, which incoming freshmen sign at Orientation over the summer. Apparently during Family Weekend they get their pictures taken on the bench. Well, isn’t that special? They don’t have a football team so Homecoming happens on the basketball court. As for the man himself, George Mason was born in 1725 in Fairfax County, Virginia. Mason fought against the ratification of the Constitution because it lacked a Bill or Rights, which he authored for the state of Virginia years earlier. At the Constitutional Convention Mason proposed adding a Bill of Rights, but the offer was turned down by a vote of ten states to none. Basically the man, like apparently the basketball program, has long been overlooked and now you better recognize, George Mason. Respect, (Ali G. finger-snap).

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Are you ready for some football? Yes, even if it is the Redskins and Vikings. What a crappy first Monday Nighter. Two hours after that kicks the Chargers and Raiders get it on and that should be a fun one. Let the coach speak begin Joe Gibbs, “I'm not happy about opening up against a tough opponent like Minnesota.” Yeah, real tough. Good luck.

--The No Fun League is back in full effect. Oh wait, it’s not about fun, it’s about those celebrations making the game too long, at least that’s what the powers that be say. The competition committee doesn’t want the ball to be used as a prop anymore or players to go to the ground to celebrate or the celebrations to take too long or excessively. Chad Johnson says, “I don’t follow the rules anyway. I don’t think that affects what I do. I’m not going to get a penalty. I don’t use the ball for a prop.” Uh, you do, Chad, but that’s all right.


--DrudgeReport headline of the day…”Sharon Stone advocates oral sex.” That’s funny because her movies both blow and suck.

--If there is one human being I feel will never, ever make me laugh it would have to be Larry the Cable Guy. I’d rather go down a slide of razor blades into a tub of rubbing alcohol than see one minute of that “movie.” Thankfully it didn't open up at #1 over the weekend. It ended up in 7th.

--Why do people follow “needless to say” with words?

--Askmen.com has six ways to tell your girlfriend to drop some weight before people start asking her when the baby is due. The highlights, “I don’t like the way that outfit looks on you.” I cannot support this line enough especially if you tape the exchange and let me watch her reaction. How about, “I have a new female trainer at the gym.” Great advice. My favorite for the end, “Let’s help each other lose a few pounds?” These are fantastic suggestions. Why not something less subtle like staring at her stomach and saying loudly, “Why is there no food in the fridge?” or maybe let her know that in Sopranos term she’s looking more like Johnny Sack’s wife Jenny and less like Meadow.

--FHM released its top 10 of the 100 women on its Sexiest Women list. At number 1 we find the lovely and talented Scarlett Johansson.

Angelina Jolie follows her. My personal #1 is 3rd here, Miss Jessica Alba. Jessica Simpson and Keira Knightley round out the top 5.

Halle Berry at 6 with Jenny McCarthy at 7 for some unknown reason. Maria Sharapova at 8 is a stretch. Carmen Electra is 9. Teri Hatcher is a very undeserving 10. Unfortunately I can’t go into much more detail because evidently Teri’s lawyers have my Diatribes bookmarked. Sensitive much?

--Because some of you love your dogs more than your children (just a joke, mom) there is K9waterco.com to fill all of your doggie bottled water needs. It offers such flavors as Gutter/beef, Puddle/liver, and Hose/lamb, but sorry they’re out of Toilet/chicken. A 12-pack of these vitamin packed drinks will run you about $20.

--Apparently our local PBS station broadcasts the British version of The Office. I caught it on Saturday and holy crap it’s hilarious. Since I started watching our version the British one is the Bizarro Office. You can’t go wrong with either version.


--There’s a lot of crap on VH-1, but there’s also quality programming like Web Junk. Last Sunday afternoon on VH-1 Classic a man got to pick an entire hour’s worth of videos because he donated $35,000 during a relief drive for Katrina victims. So what sorts of wondrous videos did he fill 60 minutes with? Well, just one video. Nena’s “99 Luftballons.” Love that song, particularly its masterful use in Grosse Point Blank.


--Fez was on Howard Stern recently and talked about some of the ladies in his life. Fez gave Jennifer Love Hewitt an 8 on a bedroom scale of 1-10. He said Ashlee Simpson was loud and Lindsey Lohan was one of the best girls he’s ever had. Life is unfair.

--If you’re keeping track…Chef did, in fact (at least for right now), not have a stroke back in January and his decision was not made by his freak Scientology friends.

--My new favorite Daily Show contributor…Demetri Martin.

--Hot 97’s DJ Envy talked to MTV and rated Terrell Owens’ rap among other athletes. Envy said, “it was better than Deion and Lakers star Kobe Bryant's efforts but not quite as good as Shaquille O'Neal's hookup with the Notorious B.I.G. on "Still Can't Stop the Reign." C-Webb:
Success is nothing
unless you got someone to share it with.
Come home to hug and kiss
Trick u good
Buy a gift.
My love’s the bomb
Everyday will be like prom.

And I think I’ll stop there.
If you want to entertain yourself for an hour with samples from C-Webb’s 21 track wrapped up in the masterpiece known as Too Much Drama.

--I thought History of Violence was supposed to be good. It was not.

--John Claassen is suing e-Harmony, not because of their annoying television ads (their radio ones are excellent), but because they won’t let him join. Why? Well, Mr. Claassen is still considered married though he and his wife are legally separated. How funny for Mrs. Claassen to see her husband making national news trying to get a date.

Questions, comments or if you have a box a day orange tic-tac habit…

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Just Tip me Over!

We've talked before about how a designer sometimes uses the design of the fabric for inspiration. Such is the case with this sweet late 1950's dress. The fabric is a cotton pique with a large scale black and white plaid. Line drawn daisies fill the white squares of the plaid.

But the designer of this dress decided to make things more interesting by cutting the pattern on the crosswise grain, thereby tipping the daisies on their sides! What a great idea to add a bit of whimsey and visual interest to a simple summer sundress!

See this dress and more at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion .

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We Shall Not Acquiesce!!!

One

Not that anyone was watching, but hallelujah the Rockets have won a game in their own division. This was the best opportunity against a sliding Hornets and the boys took care of business. Nice job. Now let’s concentrate on getting more balls in the hopper. Not that he’s made a decision on leaving, but Tyrus Thomas anyone? Perhaps Randy Foye?

--Stats going into Thursday’s games…

--Yao is 16th in scoring at 22 points per. That’s better than guys like Kevin Garnett, Shawn Marion and Shaq. The biggest man has also edged past Elton Brand for 7th in rebounding at 10.3 a game.

--Two players in the top 10 in scoring average are shooting 50% or better…Elton Brand (53%) and Dwyane Wade (50%). D-Wade is shooting a nice 18% (12-68) from beyond the arc. Another fantastic inside the paint scorer who has troubles in 3-point land is Tony Parker who is 7-28 for 25% shooting.

--If you’re keeping track of former Rockets still hanging around. Randy Livingston has landed with Chicago.

--Mild-mannered Tim Duncan is tied for 9th in the league in techs with 8. Dikembe not too far behind with 7. Shockingly ‘Sheed leads everyone with 17 followed by Kobe’s 13.

--After a long run at the top Tyronn Lue has lost his league lead in flagrant fouls to none other than Steve Francis who recently committed number 4. Congratulations Franchise.

--Why the Clips gave up on Chris Wilcox is beyond me? So far, so good for the man dealt to Seattle for Vladimir Radmonovic. In 29.7 minutes a game with the Sonics he’s averaging 14.1 points on 62% shooting to go along with 7.2 rebounds. In his last two games he went for 16 and 19 and then 30 and 14.

--How about Gerald Green’s dunk off of Tony Allen’s backboard pass? The Raptors may not have liked it since it was in the final seconds of a game long decided, but to bad.

--Congratulations to the Nuggets and their fans for setting the Guinness World Record for number of people doing The Twist. Safe to say Denver is ready for the playoffs now.

The Madness

I don’t even know where to start. I’m not surprised LSU beat Duke and it should be a helluva game against UT Saturday afternoon. When West Virginia had the ball down 3 with seconds left I knew it was going to make a 3. I was already conceding overtime. Thankfully Kenton Paulino and crew did not. What a shot. Long ago in the days of Richie Frahm and FP Santangelo I adopted Gonzaga. So UCLA’s closing 11-0 run was one of the most horrific things I’ve ever seen in the tournament. I’m still trying to figure out how that happened. All I know is J.P. Batista choked when all he had to do was give it to Derek Raivio. Adam Morrison and J.J. Redick have been matching each other all season long so I guess it’s fitting their tourneys and collegiate careers end on the same night.

--LSU hasn’t been to a Final Four since 1986. UCLA is in its first regional final since 1997.

--Despite it goes predominantly with four guards, for the season, Villanova averages more rebounds a game than Boston College.

Be A Father…

Father of the Week comes down to these two role models…

Your first candidate comes to us from Tulsa, Oklahoma. Christopher Killion, 31, decided to take a trip by the strip club. Not a bad idea except his toddler son was with him in the car. Oh well, I’m sure the boy can entertain himself in the car while Poppa entertains himself in the club. At least that appears to be daddy dumbass’ reasoning. About 30 minutes after Pops went in, the club manager says a 3 to 4-year-old boy came in looking for his father. Geez, it’s one thing to have your wife come in the club and get you, but if your toddler son is coming in to get your ass out, you have got REAL problems.

Next up we head to Denver, Colorado. Oscar Garcia’s two juvenile sons found themselves in jail after a drug bust. Like any good father Garcia traveled from Texas to Colorado to get his boys out from behind bars. His plan? Sell marijuana, of course. Yeah, daddy already had outstanding warrants in Denver in addition to 50 pounds of pot in his luggage, which can go ahead and be redirected to prison.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Will CSI: VY end once the draft is done or are we going to have to watch him get picked apart until he wins a Super Bowl?

--Best news I’ve gotten in an otherwise insignificant week…Stephen Colbert has a book coming out next Fall.


--Let’s take a look at one of Sharon “Surreal Life by ‘08” Stone’s definitions for the word “trauma.” Miss Stone’s version of “trauma” in the New York Daily News, "You date somebody and three months into the relationship you get the flu and he's so furious, he goes to his front-row seats at the basketball game without you because he doesn't want to be with the person who gets the flu. I stopped dating about a year ago, and decided to take some time to heal myself from a variety of traumas, that being one of them."
Yeah, that’s fairly traumatic. How she soldiers on is just beyond me. Thank you Miss Stone for being an inspiration to all of us.

The Oscar worthy duo who brought us the unforgettable Catwoman. Thank you ladies.

--Worry not America. Charlie Sheen isn’t accepting the government’s explanation for what happened on 9/11 so if anyone is going to get the truth about one of the darkest days in American history I’m sure it’ll be Charlie Sheen.

--Perhaps some of you enjoy MTV”s 8th and Ocean. Kelly Aldridge’s (not sure if that’s the sister with the zit problem) imdb.com page lists two credits for her. 8th and Ocean and Tight Teenage Escorts 2. Whaaaa?!?

--Senators in Maryland are arguing over whether to mandate some safety requirements for its little league players. Some of them want the players to wear face masks at the plate and goggles, yes goggles in the field. Unbelievable.

--Are we supposed to be surprised that there’s a double standard and Debbie Lafave had the charges against her dropped? Besides, “thank you Lord” the hot teacher said, “I am a strong Christian woman. I believe that God has a path for me, and this was just a bump in the road.” Being a 25-year-old teacher and having sex with a 14-year-old student while his 15-year-old cousin is driving you around is a “bump in the road?”

--I love Meadow Soprano just as much as the next guy, but c’mon there’s no way she takes down Jamie Pressly in The Nightshift’s Babe Bracket. Jamie not only has her memorable role in Poison Ivy 2 or 3 or whichever, but let's not forget her Playboy pics back in the day, which should have easily elevated her above Meadow. She also carries My Name Is Earl. Simply google image search both and you tell me who should win.


--Pros vs. Joes is pretty worthless, but Man vs. 650 lb. Black Bear has potential. World Animal Studios, Inc. travel around and with the big, bad bear known as Ceasar Jr. and for a small fee you can wrestle Big Winnie. You might be surprised, but PETA has a problem with all of this. Apparently wrestling bears is banned in 20 states, but not Ohio where Studios is located. Lucky us bear wrestling is not illegal in Texas according to my exhaustive research. Let’s get it on!!

--Nursery school teachers in England are changing the words from “Baa Baa Black Sheep” to “Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep” so as not to offend anyone. Wow. Apparently some company over there also changed Humpty Dumpty to end with this, "Humpty Dumpty opened his eyes, falling down was such a surprise, Humpty Dumpty counted to 10, then Humpty Dumpty got up again." What the?

--Big Poppa Pump and Sting on TNA Wrestling?! I’m sure you didn’t see it, but White Sox A.J. Pierzynski has a feud going with Simon Diamond. Simon visited Chicago’s spring camp and started running his mouth. That is until Ozzie Guillen smacked across the back with a chair. Priceless.

Most unpredictable mic worker ever.

--On last Wednesday 73 years ago our great President Mr. Franklin Delano Roosevelt signed the Beer and Wine Revenue Act which was the beginning of the end of the dark ages known as Prohibition. Here’s to you, FDR! By the way, two years earlier on that date Mr. William Shatner was born.

--If you see Matt Robison (and you should be able to pick him out of a crowd) congratulate him. The 21-year-old just set a Guinness World Record by getting 1,016 body piercings in one sitting. Out-standing. Your comments Mr. Robison, "I feel like I've done something memorable with my life. At our 10-year class reunion, we can say we've got a world record in our name." By we he means him and his friend who did all the piercings at a pace of 70 an hour.

--Happy birthday to Mr. Yuk who turned 35 this week.


--I tried Sudoku the other day for the first time. Two minutes later I went back to the crossword so my brain wouldn’t hurt as much.

Questions, comments or if you’ve ever sent in a $100 money order to pay for the option to take defensive driving to erase a ticket only to have them sent it right back to you saying that you only needed to pay $95 so do this all over again….

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Madness I Tells Ya, Madness!!

Draft- June 28th

Seems like nothing’s changed since I’ve been gone regarding the Rockets. Yao = great, rest of team = opposite of great. The playoffs are clearly out of the question so now the only suspense is whether or not this team is going to get a win in its division and also just how many lottery ping pong balls it’ll have in the hopper. Houston has just four more chances to get that Southwest win. First opportunity Tuesday night against the Mavs. Okay that ain’t happening. Next up is Thursday night on the road against the Hornets. Maybe, just maybe it will happen then and the Rockets can get that win and stop what’ll be a six-game slide by that time.

--For what it’s worth nbadraft.net and insidehoops.com have the Rockets taking Temple guard Mardy Collins at #12. He’s 6-6, not particularly athletic and not a particularly good shooter (60% FT, 31% 3-pt). I’m not real big on Shelden Williams, but I’d rather have him. If Houston goes guard you could do worse than Washington’s Brandon Roy who was Pac-10 Player of the Year averaging 20 pts, 5.7 rebounds, and 4 assists. In the one day since I checked in nbadraft.net now has the Rockets taking UConn’s Marcus Williams who, despite that outburst against Albany, can’t shoot a lick. If LSU big freshman Tyrus Thomas comes out that would be a guy I’d love to see in a Rockets uniform. The boys might have to lose a few more games to be able to grab him. I’m thinking that won’t be a problem.

It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I was watching an Applebee’s commercial and a basketball game broke out!!
I was traveling a lot over the weekend so I didn’t get to see nearly as much of the tournament action I would have liked, but I saw enough to toss my bracket in the trash when Kansas lost. Thankfully for the first time in years I didn’t enter a bracket pool, but only an auction up at the station. So far, so good as I’m up at the top with Texas, Florida and Washington. Thursday can’t get here soon enough.

--It’s Tuesday now and thankfully the hysteria caused by Candace Parker’s “dunks” has faded away. They weren’t historic or important or anything like that because they weren’t dunks. Back in her Tennessee days Michelle Snow dunked, Lisa Leslie has dunked, Candace Parker has not. It’s just silly the way ESPN showed those over and over and the local news stations as well. Dunking for girls is not new and those weren’t dunks in the first place so let’s move on, nothing to see here.

Atlantic City, Baby!

The best part of my incredibly lucrative job at Sports Radio 610 is the occasional boxing trip that HBO hooks up. Matt and Adam get the Vegas trips and I get the leftovers and that’s fine by me. I’m probably one of the few American males who has been to Atlantic City twice without ever setting foot in the setting of CSI. I don’t know why I love Atlantic City, but I do. Maybe it’s because it has a real winter or maybe because I’m the best looking guy here or maybe because of the 10 Bon Jovi cover songs I heard in the hotel bar or maybe because of the salt water taffy or maybe because I get a sense of gangster history here or maybe because I met a Penn State female on the plane who is my Boardwalk guide or maybe because everyone has Vegas stories, but who has Atlantic City ones or maybe because $8 Jager shots taste better than reasonably priced ones or maybe because it’s the outlet store capital of the world or maybe because the locals hate T.O. or maybe because I saw two homeless people run a snack raid on the media’s free Tastykakes or maybe because the only thing better than cab driver fights are cart pusher brawls or maybe because people here find it so easy to talk loudly and incoherently to themselves or maybe because I saw two taxis have an entire conversation with their horns or maybe because of the 40/40 Club or maybe because everyone has to have the last word or maybe because Stephanie has spectacular, beautiful, big eyes or maybe because men’s ponytails are still in style or maybe because Dunkin’ Donuts rules or maybe because people don’t apologize or maybe because I still have some cash in my pocket. Whatever the reason I heart Atlantic City.

--The best part of my trip was going down the escalator at the airport and seeing my name on the placard my driver, yes my driver, was holding. If you haven’t had a chauffeur drive you from Philly to the Boardwalk I highly recommend it. The worst part of my plane ride was sitting across from a guy who gave a foot rub to his girl and followed that up by biting his fingernails the rest of the trip. I’m all for foot rubs, but come on.

--Another highlight for me was getting to interview Jim Lampley and among other things asking him his thoughts on who was a bigger choker: Bode Miller or Calvin Murphy at the Baton Twirling Championships back in the day? Lamps (as I now refer to him as) gave the edge to Bode. Before I interviewed him I heard Jim get into a little political discussion and discovered he’s not so fond of Dubya. So with apologies to Stephen Colbert I asked Lamps, “George W. Bush: great president or greatest president?” After he stopped laughing he responded, “George W. Bush is the worst president in the history of the republic!” So I put him down for “great.”

--As for the fight itself I thought James Toney edged Hasim Rahman, but I’m in the minority. The first several rounds were great stuff and then the guys, mostly Toney, just got winded down the stretch. I don’t know what the heavyweight division can do to get back in the public eye, but draws aren’t it.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I guess it was inevitable that T.O. would end up with the Cowboys. Hopefully ESPN just gives them a 30-minute show to replace 1st and 10. That way we don’t have to be bombarded with all-T.O. all-the-time on the other shows. And how about that joke of a book coming out about Owen’s two years in Philly? It’s written by his agent Drew Rosenhaus’ brother so I’m sure it’ll be as fair and balanced as Fox News is.

--Note to Sopranos: Please don’t try and make AJ act anymore.


--According to an interview Eva Longoria did with Allure she gabbed about their sex life. The lovely said, “Tony’s only been with one other person in his life. He’s very sweet. I’m the experienced one.” Anyone believe that Tony Parker has been with just two women in his life?

--How exciting does the new season of The Surreal Life look? Yeah, not at all. You got problems when a sober C.C. Deville is the highlight of the group.


--No, it’s not as good as it once was, but it’s still The Simpsons and Fox has picked it up for two more seasons.

--A fight breaks out between a guy with a nail gun and a guy with a baseball bat, who wins? This showdown happened in Boston with nail gun guy charging baseball bat guy after the two had an argument. Nail gun guy couldn’t get a shot off while baseball bat guy went BP on nail gun guy’s head. Unfortunately this was a loser leaves life match.

--Now apparently Isaac Hayes/Chef had a stroke back in January and it was his Scientology boys who quit South Park for him. Stay tuned, children. Wednesday night the new season of South Park kicks off and it’s Chef-centered.


--If you haven’t heard Kevin Federline-Spears’ new song on his MySpace page then I highly recommend you don’t.

--Everyone knows the craziest teenagers in America are found in New Hampshire. There dozens of minors got an adult to help them rent out an American Legion hall in order to raise bail money for a teenage friend who got himself thrown in jail in Massachusetts. Surprisingly the minors broke out some alcohol and the cops weren’t far behind. So in trying to help a friend get out of jail 76 minors were taken into protective custody and six were arrested on a variety of charges. Typical Saturday night in New Hampshire.

--On NBC.com this summer we’ll be treated to ten extra episodes of The Office featuring the accounting staff. That should be good. Dwight might be the most hilarious character on TV right
now.


--I can’t accurately convey how bad Snakes on a Plane looks so I’ll let the trailer do it for me.

--Prince has a new album dropping this week and it’s supposed to be pretty good. None other than Carlos Boozer has beef with the tiny basketball superstar. Apparently Prince was renting out a Hollywood mansion from a group Boozer heads. The man, the myth, the Prince is alleged to have put some purple striping on the crib and adorn it with “3121” and his Prince symbol. If Prince moves into a place I own and does that with his own money that’s fine by me. We’re talking about freakin’ Prince here c’mon Boozer get over it.

--I can’t believe we’re already at the season finale of The Shield.


--Bruce Willis and Petra Nemcova?!


--There’s me and then there are crazy substitute teachers. One such loony subs in Newark and was having a problem getting a kid to do his homework. So he did what all good subs do he asked the boy if he knew about strangulation. Then the 61-year-old sub made the boy stand on a chair, put the looped end of a decorative string hanging from a light around his neck, and then kicked the chair. The kid is fine and the sub said he never actually put the string around the kid’s neck. Yeah, the old man is no longer a sub and shockingly the student’s parents are suing.

Questions, comments or if you can explain why that kid with asthma throws the Bettis jersey to the Bus and Bettis keeps it…

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Mom Said "No!"

I must admit that I am old enough to have been able to wear this jumpsuit during the Disco era 1970's. But there is no way my mother would have let me out of the house in this ultra-sexy jumpsuit by Mr. Boots.

The designer plays a trick by making the back of the jumpsuit look especially demure and plain. But turn around, and you'll have all the guys panting! The bare midriff is accented with criss-cross corset lacing that holds the front upper bodice in place over the breasts.

See this jumpsuit and more at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion .

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Details Make the Difference

Details can make such a difference! This cute red, white, and blue stripe dress dates to the early 1940's. This is not a "designer" garment. It is an everyday dress that was probably purchased at a small town dress shop. But, even though it wasn't an expensive dress, take a look at the attention to detail in the construction.

The patch pockets are made from 3 separate pieces for visual interest by varying the direction of the stripes. The red, white, and blue circles of the buttons complement the stripes.

Also notice the attention given in matching the stripes at the center front and back seams of the skirt. If you sew, you know this is not easy to do. The pattern pieces must be cut and then sewn with great care to get the match exactly right. This type of matching is only found in the most expensive garments today, but was considered the norm back in the 40's!

See this dress and more at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion .

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Let The Madness Begin…

Idiot that is me is flying out to Atlantic City Thursday afternoon ensuring I’ll miss the meat of the action on the first day of this most holiest time of year. Oh well, by the time I land the damage will, no doubt, be done to my auction team and bracket pools and then I can simply concentrate on the games themselves. My Elite 8: Duke, Texas, Kansas, Gonzaga, UConn, North Carolina, Villanova and Florida. Final Four: Texas, Kansas, UConn and ‘Nova. I’ll take UConn over Kansas to win it all. Now you know how not to fill out your bracket.

Yao and uhhh…uhhh…

What else can go wrong with the Rockets this season? Granted a lot of their problems have been self-inflicted, but geez is it to much to ask that the rotation players all be healthy at the same time for a 10-game span? Obviously losing Tracy McGrady is a huge, huge loss, but David Wesley was easily the team’s most consistent 3-point shooter. He’s been ice cold since getting banged up earlier this month, but you figured he’d turn it around and boom now he’s week-to-week with a cracked rib. Such is life for the ’06 Rockets. The only positive continues to be the dominance of Yao. It’s gotten so good that a 36-point, 9-rebound night was considered an off-night against the Nets. Is anyone going to help him out? I doubt it. It’s not for heart or lack of desire, it’s just a lack of talent. You can’t take all of these hits and expect to make up ground in the playoff race especially with the schedule getting tougher by the game. The Rockets close out the week against the Mavericks and Spurs. Good luck with that.

--NBA.com has a dance team bracket. The Power Dancers have advanced to face whatever the Nuggets’ girls are called. Rocky Mountain Hos?

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--This will be the only time I update this week because this weekend I’ll be in the original Vegas, Atlantic City for the Rahman/Toney fight. I wasn’t overly excited about this fight when it first came about, but as it draws near I’m thinking it’s going to be the most entertaining heavyweight match up in a long time. It’s a division that boxing needs to be popular so it’s a bit sad that its hopes for the immediate future hinge upon two guys well into their 30’s. However, until some of the kids are ready James Toney and Hasim Rahman can make things interesting. Toney always brings the skills, which are only surpassed by his mouth, and that’s a good thing for a division seemingly void of personality. Rahman has been champing at the bit after all the postponements with Vitali Klitschko and a lackluster win against good friend Monte Barrett. Evidently he’s got his house in order now both physically and mentally. The best part about the first big heavyweight fight this year? It’s not on pay-per-view.

A long, long, long, long time ago.

--Props to Kostya Tszu for making it past the third round in Australia’s version of Dancing with the Stars.

--I know most aren’t paying attention, but these World Baseball Classic games have been on! The crowds here have been okay, but those games in Puerto Rico are freakin’ ridiculous. I wish the U.S. was playing there in front of those raucous fans. Well, maybe not, considering they can’t even beat inferior competition on its own soil. Yeah, they’d roll if our best were actually playing, but they’re not so no more whining about who’s not there. Just take care of business…without the help of the umpires.

--What a joke that Isaac Hayes is leaving South Park because it promotes intolerance and bigotry. Just because the boys ripped on Hayes’ religion, Scientology, he got all upset. Trey Parker and Matt Stone sum it up, "This is 100 percent having to do with his faith of Scientology... He has no problem - and he's cashed plenty of checks - with our show making fun of Christians. He wants a different standard for religions other than his own, and, to me, that is where intolerance and bigotry begin."

--Did Meadow put the Bada in Bada Bing! last week on The Sopranos or what?


--Rest easy America, The Cars and Genesis are both reuniting.

--I’m not trying to be rude or mean or anything like that, but why was Miss Deaf Texas walking along train tracks before she was sadly struck and killed?

--A long, long time ago in a land before reality television Fox tried Fastlane. It sucked, however more scenes like this between Tiffani Amber Thiessen and Jamie Pressly might have made put it on the Mount Rushmore of television shows.

--Because I know you care Flava Flav chose Hoopz over New York on Flavor of Love. Okay, that’s done and now it’s time for Flav and VH-1 to take a break from each other.


--Welcome Back, Kotter with Ice Cube taking over for Gabe Kaplan?! Does that mean Freddy "Boom Boom" Washington is going to be white? At least Ashton Kutcher finally has the role he was born for in Vinnie Barbarino.


--Teri Hatcher and Ryan Seacrest?!

--Those wacky guys of the ECHL’s Las Vegas Wranglers are holding a “Dick Cheney Hunting Vest Night.” The club will give fans hunting vests with the words, “Don’t Shoot, I’m Human” emblazoned across the front.

--Website I won’t be visiting…dogcondoms.com.

--Myspace.com profile of the week comes to us from The Boondocks. Gotta love Grampa.

--Your Mother of the Year candidate comes to us from St. Paul, Minnesota. There a 3-year-old boy found mommy’s 9mm handgun. Silly boy. Mommy took the gun and the bullets, except for the one in the chamber, and cleverly hid the gun underneath the cushions in the couch. Some how, some way the boy stumbled across the gun again. This time when the boy picked it up it fired shooting mommy in the kneecap.

--Angelina Jolie in Sin City 2?!

--John Travolta will portray J.R. Ewing with J-Lo as Sue Ellen?!


--I don’t think I need to tell you, but Will Ferrell, did, in fact, not die in a freak para-gliding accident this week. How great was it on Family Guy when Stewie watched Will Ferrell on Bewitched answer Nicole’s character who says, “Guess what? I’m a witch,” with, “Guess what, I’m a Clippers fan.” That prompted Stewie to leave without saying a word, fly to L.A., take a taxi to Will Ferrell’s house, climb a ladder, ring his doorbell, and then slap the **** out of Will screaming, “That’s not funny!!!” Funnier than I just described it.

Questions, comments or if you want me to bring you back some salt water taffy from Atlantic City…

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R.I.P. Texas Cyclone

Month of the Yao

Last week I washed my hands of the Rockets and of course, they’ve now reeled off four straight w’s. Figures. Obviously the remarkable part is that Tracy missed one complete game and the second halves of two others and yet Houston still emerged victorious. I think that right now Yao is the best player on the Rockets while Tracy, despite those wins in his absence, is the most valuable. Yao has simply been dominating and thankfully the negative sports talk calls have stopped. There was no reason Scott Pollard and the Pacers should have shut or slowed Yao down and they didn’t. He’s playing incredible ball and maybe six weeks off should be a regular part of his season now because if he can keep this up then the Lakers better start getting worried.

--This month Yao has played 37 minutes a game averaging 28.6 points, 11.6 rebounds, and three blocks. Oh and he’s also shooting 53% from the field and 84% from the line. The other guys averaging at least 20 points and 10 rebounds for the season besides Yao (21.4, 10.1) are Kevin Garnett (21.7, 12.4), Shawn Marion and Elton Brand (25.8, 10).

--A huge rally now has Steve Francis tied with long-time leader Tyronn Lue for tops in flagrant fouls with 3. Juwan Howard is one of five players with 2. It’s on!

--Sports Illustrated has its run of the mill Bonds on ‘roids story this week, but also has a poll of NBA players on just who is the NBA’s worst coach. 248 players participated with 15% naming Toronto’s Sam Mitchell the “winner.” Mitchell was followed by Atlanta’s Mike Woodson and then our very own teddy bear Jeff Van Gundy. By the way, Popovich was voted the best with Phil Jackson and Larry Brown right behind him.

--I hated to see Mike James go, but I like Rafer Alston a lot. Here’s more from a Sportsline.com interview this week about how James hated to leave: "I gave a lot towards that city. That was my home. It's still home, but I just assumed I was going to spend the rest of my career there. I took a chance and was hopeful, and that's something I'll never again do. I let my guard down. I've never told this story before, but I was driving my two daughters to school with my wife and I was just thinking, How much have I done for this city, for the Hurricane Katrina relief fund? I just didn't see it coming. I started to cry. I was asking my wife, 'When am I going to get the respect that I deserve?'”
Hopefully the Raptors will take care of that.

--Your foul leaders: Al Harrington-4.1, Shaq-4, Samuel Dalembert-3.9 and Nenad Krstic-3.9.

--Paul Pierce now has seven straight 30+ games and that’s something Larry Bird has never done. That’s The Truth.

--Only one player has made at least two 3-pointers without missing…That would be Corliss Williamson, of course. Those makes are two of the three field goals he has since February 5th. Stay hot, kid.

--Sounds like Maurice Taylor isn’t having much fun in New York especially after being put on the inactive list, which was a surprise to him. Mo said, "It's typical of what goes on here. It's a slap in the face. Nobody ever knows who's going to play and who's not. The season is coming to a close. There isn't much, obviously, that I can do. I wish things had been handled in a better way, a more respectful way. But I'm going to be professional and do my job and do whatever they ask."

--C’mon Cougars!!

--Nice job, Florida State although honestly all of those Florida State football pictures of their lovely fans that are online should probably get them a spot.

--A nice “u suck” to George Washington for losing to a mediocre Temple team costing a deserving team a shot, like the Cougars or to a lesser extent Aggies, at the Big Dance. GW and Gonzaga were the only teams to go undefeated in conference play.

--Perhaps I’m alone in this, but I like Championship Week Friday more than NCAA Tournament First Round Friday.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Whoa, whoa, whoa…Barry Bonds used steroids?!

--Black. White. might have been the worst show I’ve seen this year and that includes the two minutes of Freddy I saw before Lost came on the other night.

--David Hasselhoff and Yanni both facing domestic violence charges?!

--Nick Lachey and Kristin Cavallari?! Jessica Simpson and Jude Law?!

--Warning: If you go to see Failure to Launch with Matthew McConaughey and Horse Face be prepared to get a look at Terry Bradshaw’s bare ass. You’ve been warned. Terry's best movie will always be Cannonball Run.
What the hell is this?


--If you’re traveling to Beijing anytime soon make sure you stop in at its newest restaurant that features a variety of beers on tap and 30 different animal penises for your eating pleasure including yak and seal.

--This week’s candidate for Mother of the Year comes to us from Florida. The other day at 10 AM Shenta Brown was swerving around and driving over medians in her Blazer when she was pulled over. She was drunk off her ass and wisely had her baby in the car with her. The baby was not in a car seat much less with a seat belt on. Still not good enough to knock off Katherine D. for the top spot on the Mother of the Year list.

--A tour with Jodeci and Jamie Foxx?! That’s not bad.

--Why does Sharon Stone still think she’s hot?

--I know it’s been torn down for a while, but how depressing is it looking at what used to be AstroWorld as you drive by now?

--Don’tDateHimGirl.com?!

--A Poughkeepsie man was busted for selling crack and was sentenced to 6 months in jail and 5 years probation. The man’s name was Landocalrissan Butler. Lando? Who does that to their kid? Keep in mind this was before Peter made it a cool name when he went undercover on that Family Guy.


--My favorite county and yours Licking County in Ohio was the site of some phone fun. It was there that James Hood was arrested for making obscene phone calls. How many you, no doubt, ask? All 2,623 calls were made between 2-3 AM over a 20-day span. Now that’s some drunk dialing.

--I’m not sure if Oklahoma has court bailiffs, but the House voted 94-4 in favor of allowing judges to carry firearms into their courtrooms.

--Some teenage boys in California had a friend who was down in the dumps because he and his girl had broken up. So these good friends invented a girl, gave her a profile on MySpace.com and flirted a little with their friend. That is until some 48-year-old man started sending messages to the “girl.” He started making sex talk and then asked “her” to meet him at a local park. When the boys saw the guy show up they called the police and now his space is much, much smaller.

--Elisha Cuthbert back on 24. Took long enough.

Let's see two of these people are dead, another in critical condition and I'm pretty sure the guy on the right only has one hand now. Bottomline, it pays to be related to Jack Bauer.

--I’m pretty sure my life won’t be complete until I own this…

--Your dumbass mayor of the week comes to us from…are you sitting down?…Tennessee. There while driving through Cooperstown T. Allen Morgan was cited for speeding. So Mr. Morgan sent in his check with the words “for speed trap” on it and also accentuated that with cute little stars. Apparently that was an insult to Mayor Danny Crosby who refused the check and demanded Morgan come down from Nashville to Cooperstown for his court date. Now the TBI is investigating. You know TBI the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation. How great would a CSI: Nashville be?

--Your time is coming Kavanaugh. You messed with the wrong cop killer cop.


--DrudgeReport.com headline I won’t be clicking on this week: Protest: Man plants used condom garden in Florida.

--Like me you probably haven’t seen it, but that new NBC drama Conviction has Bobby Flay’s wife, Stephanie March, on it.

Has there ever been a better titled Food Network show than Boy Meets Grill?

--Questions, comments or if you’d like to die underneath an avalanche of Deal or No Deal models…

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Rest In Peace

My favorite athlete growing up was Kirby Puckett. How could you not like the guy or what those Twins teams did back in the mid-late 80’s and early 90’s? He looked nothing like a professional athlete and that imperfection along with that infectious smile and penchant for the dramatic endeared him to me. I easily devoted a single photo album to display all of his baseball cards. To this day I still get Kirby Puckett cards or photos or posters from relatives because it’s such an easy go-to gift that I’ll always appreciate. I first noticed the chubby outfielder during the ’85 season and got to enjoy him before my own eyes when he came down to the Lone Star State for the All-Star Game the following year. The World Series win in 1987 was so improbable (20 games below .500 in ’86) that the Twins instantly became my adopted franchise. That Minnesota team had the worst record to ever win it all and would not have done so if not for the American League getting the four home games in the World Series that year. The one player who hit over .275 in that lineup was Puckett (.332). Then in 1991 came another playoff run that was capped off by the greatest World Series I have ever witnessed between two teams who both went from worst-to-first to get to the Classic. I’m thinking that’ll never happen again. It was the first time a sporting event ever made me so nervous. I couldn’t sit down during any game of the series. All I could do was pace and pray. Puckett and Co. didn’t need my prayers because, once again, they had four games at the Homer Dome. Kirby sealed his legendary status (as well as the World Series MVP) with his incredible leaping catch against the wall and later walk-off home run in the 11th inning of Game 6. I so clearly remember simply collapsing on the floor as my idol rounded the bases, arms raised, with thousands of frantically waving homer hankies in the background. It was just too unbelievable, too magical to actually be happening. It was a moment that reminds you why you love sports and why it’s so easy to fall in love with a professional athlete. Kirby was perfect. He always came through when needed and always did it with a smile. He was everything I wished I could be. The Twins didn’t make it to another postseason, but I continued to follow his phenomenal career the only way you could back then, through the box scores in the paper. The beginning of the sad end came in 1995 when Dennis Martinez broke Kirby’s jaw with a pitch. The following season Puckett was diagnosed with glaucoma and that was it for a truly beloved baseball superstar. In 2001 Kirby Puckett was elected to the Hall of Fame and I was lucky enough to have a father who knew how much Puckett meant to me. So my dad took me and two of my brothers to Cooperstown so I could see my hero honored one last time. It was an absolutely perfect weekend and I’ll never forget sitting on that hill watching my man make his speech. Better than that was when I was fortuitously looking at all of the plaques in the museum when Kirby was making a visit to see where his plaque would be placed. Half of the hallway was roped off for Kirby and family and I just sat there reveling in the fact I was yards away from a guy who gave me so much joy growing up. I was absolutely ecstatic and couldn’t figure out why Kirby didn’t feel the same. He looked emotionless. On the other hand, his wife was incredible. She was the one smiling and thanking fans the entire time. She was the one who made Kirby go sign autographs for all of the kids and that one big kid with the old school Twin Cities hat on. Thanks Tonya. I’ll never forget when Kirby handed me back my Hall of Fame admission ticket with his signature. The moment was once again too unbelievable and too magical for me to believe it was actually happening. Yet, I’m staring at the proof as I type this. It was a weekend I’ll never forget thanks to the Pucketts and my dad. A couple of years later I heard about the Sports Illustrated story that painted my idol as an abusive, cheating husband with loads of problems I just couldn’t believe. It was one of those things you’re so uncomfortable while reading, but you know you have to. I guess as we grow up we have to learn to accept things that as kids we would never care about or believe. I guess it’s just another sacrifice we make as we age. Despite the fact I have cards everywhere and a plaque and a poster in plain view I haven’t thought about Kirby Puckett in a long time until my brother told me about his situation Sunday morning as I saw the blurb myself on ESPNews. It was sad and unfair that his baseball career was taken away from him at the age of 35. It's extremely sad for me to hear that the life of my imperfect idol was taken away too early as well. When he stepped away from the game he loved he said "Kirby Puckett's going to be all right. Don't worry about me. I'll show up, and I'll have a smile on my face. The only thing I won't have is this uniform on. But you guys can have the memories of what I did when I did have it on." Thanks for every single memory Kirby.



__________________________________

It Figures

The Rockets are coming off a typical weekend. One great performance that tells you a run is still possible, one subpar performance against the worst team in the league that tells you this is who the Rockets are, and of course, another injury flare-up for the team’s most valuable player. Such is life for Houston in this increasingly forgettable season.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--For the most part Jon Stewart killed at The Oscars. Ben Stiller’s green screen bit was hilarious. Will Farrell and Steve Carell will always be money. The musical performances were a little weird (Crash’s song in particular) and made for fast-forwarding through. The lovely Rachel Weisz won Best Supporting Actress for The Constant Gardener, which seemed to me to be a lead role, but whatever. How about as she was walking up the stage and the announcer mentions her other prominent roles in The Mummy and The Mummy Returns. That’s supposed to impress us?! George Clooney was great in Syriana although I’ll never understand what the hell was going on in that movie. Something about oil, I think. I liked Crash, but didn’t think of it as a Best Picture-type and though I haven’t seen them I’m sure I’ll like the other contenders better. Nice job by ABC of shooing away the producers of Crash when it won the final freakin’ award of the night. If there’s one winner that shouldn’t get cut off when speaking it should be the Best Picture winner.

--More unlikely Oscar attendee: Don Nelson or Gary Busey? Inexplicably both were there.

--How funny was last week's Office with Dwight Mussolini.


--If you check out one live-action Simpsons introduction make it this one.

--Reno 911!: Miami sounds like it’ll be an instant classic once it opens later this year. The Rock, Pee-Wee Herman, and Danny DeVito among others have reportedly signed on for bit parts.

--It’s not the Chronic (what?) ‘cles of Narnia, but it is another SNL Digital Short. Not as funny, but Natalie Portman is in it and that’s not a bad thing

--Jake Gyllenhaal and Keira Knightly?! Nice pull Darko.

That's just ridiculous.

--Your dumbass principal of the week comes to us from Ohio. There Robert Holloway made a bet on a volleyball game with three 14-year-old boys. He lost the bet and so kissed each of the boy’s feet. Yeah, he’s no longer employed at that school.

--Since they’re now appearing in the U.K. there’s no doubt they’ll be invading the U.S. soon. What I’m talking about are vending machines for sex toys that are appearing in British bars. Step right up, toss some coins in, and choose from mini-vibrators, bottles of “love liquid”, silicone ticklers and much more.

--I know there aren’t many who’ll agree, but I’m looking forward to the World Baseball Classic. I wouldn’t watch a run of the mill spring training game, but what’s not to like when Venezuela takes on the Dominican? Not to mention the fact that that Rocket guy is participating. Nice job by The Boss posting a sign at New York’s spring training site explaining he and the club have nothing to do with the absences of Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, Bernie Williams and Johnny Damon. The sign explains: "We are sorry that certain players will not be present for portions of spring training. These players have elected to participate in the World Baseball Classic. The World Baseball Classic is an event sanctioned by the commissioner of Major League Baseball and the Major League Baseball Players Association. The New York Yankess (spelled wrong on sign) did not vote to support this event. Any comments you have regarding the World Baseball Classic should be directed to the commissioner of Major League Baseball or the Major League Baseball Players Association." Finally a reason to hate the Yankees.

--I don’t know whether watching that Southern Illinois cheerleader cheer from her stretcher was one of the most inspirational things I’ve ever seen or one of the most disturbing.

--I have never seen anyone take a 12 round beat down like Jeff Lacy did at the hands of 33-year-old and the longest reigning champ in the world Joe Calzaghe. That was just brutal. By the way, next week I’ll be in Atlantic City for the Rahman/Toney fight. Can’t wait for that. The best part is it’s not even a PPV event.

Questions, comments or if it's time to get ill...

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Letting the Fabric Define the Design

Sometimes the print of the fabric will dictate the design of the garment. Such is the case with this simple sheath dress by Krizia. This dress was designed in the 1980's and the straight silhouette with the boat neckline and kimono sleeves serves to set off the splashy print of the cotton fabric.

The clean straight lines of the dress with minimal seaming allows the textile to become the main focus here.

See this dress and more at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion .

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