Hey Ladies, Get Funky
Won’t You Be Our Rival?
The Texans only get the Cowboys once every four years. You can’t really have a good rivalry if both teams are down so that eliminates the Titans, plus it’s hard to root against Vince. That leaves us with the Jaguars who’ve brought out the best of the Texans. The all-time series sits at 4-4 with Jacksonville sweeping last year. This season the Jags are 3-2 losing by 7 to the Colts and then somehow getting into and losing a shootout against the Redskins 36-30. Of course, they followed that with a 41-0 smackdown of the Jets, so who knows what to expect from them Sunday. Jacksonville averages nearly 24 points a game, a threshold the Texans have gotten to once this season. There will be a lot of Byron Leftwich to Reggie Williams, a lot of Fred Taylor slashing, and a lot of Maurice Drew-Jones dashing. We know how good that defense is although Marcus Stroud could miss this one. I don’t give the Texans a chance against many good teams, but the Jaguars are one that Houston always seems to play tough and hopefully Sunday is no exception. I don’t expect a win, I’m just hoping for a non-collapse.
We Must Protect This House!!!!
Obviously a big story this week has been about the “dirty whores” supposedly targeting Reliant Stadium this very Sunday. That’s right on a Sunday, the day of our Lord, these “dirty whores” are alleged to be arriving by the truckload. Trucks?! What your heels are too uncomfortable to transport you there? How many of you tailgaters are enticed? What would your family say? We’ve long had a problem with “dirty whores” in this community.
(Danny, it’s dirty…)
No, wait, let me finish,
Why just the other day I was offered a, well a, umm…well, bottom line is she said it would cost me 20 f@#%in’ dollars. So I says, “20 f@#%n’ dollars?! You dirty whore, last week that dirty whore over there said it would cost me only 10 f@#%n’ dollars. What’s wrong with you dirty whores?”
And both of these chicks looked like they couldn’t even get on Flavor of Love. If you’re gonna be a “dirty whore” at least appear like you’ve seen a shower and met a toothbrush since last spring.
(Danny, you’re getting this all wron…)
Wait! You had your turn and now this is my time.
“Dirty whores,” you’re representing this city to out-of-towners and I don’t like travelers going back home and telling their friends about Houston’s ugly, dirty whores. We’re already one of the fattest cities so we could use some good pub. And won’t somebody please think of the children? All week they’re gonna be hearing about the “dirty whores” at Reliant Stadium and they get enough of “dirty whores” from watching the Bratz. And pimps, let’s not forget about you. Dropping off “dirty whores” by the truckload at NFL stadiums is just too easy. C’mon guys, why not take a challenge and drop them off at a WNBA game and try to sell them to those guys? Then we’ll see what kind of skills you have. Bottom line, call the Texans and tell them if “dirty whores” are going to be at the game, you won’t be. Thank you.
(Danny, it’s actually “dirty bombs.” A web site said “dirty bombs” would be set off at Reliant.)
Oh, that’s something different entirely.
Nevermind.
--The Texans have more sacks (10) than the Bucs (9) or the Colts (8).
--The Broncos are allowing just 7.4 points per game. The record is 9.2 by the ’77 Falcons. As good as Denver’s defense is it has as many sacks as Houston and is -2 in turnover ratio. Who leads in takeaway-giveaway? No, not the Bears (thank you Rex), not the Ravens, but the Rams at +11. You’ve probably heard that Denver has allowed just one touchdown. Atlanta has allowed just two.
--Despite not playing the last two weeks, Daunte still leads in sacks with 21.
--Now that David has come back down to earth, the only QBs with ratings over 100? Donovan McNabb and? And? Phillip Rivers. Who’s completing a higher percentage of passes than David’s 69.6%? No one.
--Guys with more receiving yards than Chad Johnson’s 300. Desmond Clark, Amani Toomer, Mike Furrey, Derrick Mason (0 catches last week), Wes Welker and so on…
Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts
--Sadly “E” couldn’t hang on to Nicky Hilton. “The Old E” would have gotten away with cheating on a Hilton sister. Let’s take a look at “Old E” in my favorite Rocky, Rocky V…
