And When I Say Stupid I Mean Stupid Fresh

Happy Days

I don’t really need to write anything about that pathetic display on Sunday. You saw it and there’s no need to go through it. Let me say this though to David Carr, when you’re handing out apologies to your teammates, coaching staff, and Mr. McNair don’t forget about the freakin’ fans here in Houston many (I know it’s hard to believe) of whom have had your back despite you giving them nothing to smile about for 4 and a half years.
Hope I wasn't supposed to hang onto that.

--Not a lot of sports stuff today because I’m, well, I’m lazy. We’ll get some Rockets stuff working on Friday, but for now let’s just get to the rest of the crap.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--My first trip to Vegas is in the books and you know how the saying goes so I’ll leave it at that. Although I will tell you Jager and I are officially breaking up. We tried like hell to work out our differences, but in the end it’s better for both of us this way.
I could sit out there all day.

--The new preview for season six of 24 is out. Enjoy…


--I know you probably don’t care, but that was one great game between the Dynamo and Chivas USA on Sunday. Apparently Chivas is a bunch of thugs and one of their thugs got a red card. Houston scored its first goal on a penalty kick and then the second and series clinching goal in stoppage time. A nice little mini-brawl afterwards and Houston moves on to the conference final. Unfortunately it won’t have the chance to beat down Dallas in that one.

--Andre Agassi has good taste. Agassi asked Paula Deen if his charity could action off a personal cooking lesson with her. Of course, that was fine by the woman whose recipes begin with a stick of butter and end with a stick of butter. The lesson went for $210,000. Wow.
Paula's Lady and Sons in Savannah.

--Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe no more?!

--Note to celebrities: Never throw anything away or at least invest in a freakin’ shredder so you don’t face what Marcia Cross is facing right now. Apparently Bree/Kimberly tossed about 200 personal pictures including, of course, some nude outdoor shower pics in the garbage, very much to the garbage man’s delight. He’s now offering them up for sell through some Phoenix-based agent who says, "She looks absolutely gorgeous. And yes, the carpet does match the curtains." The classy agent also said that he has her tax returns, but because he’s a gentleman he won’t discuss how much she makes. She can have the pictures back…if…the price is right.

--Evidently a bidding war is breaking out over Sacha Baron Cohen’s next movie project since it looks like Borat is going to knock it out of the freakin’ park. The next movie will be Bruno’s.


--You’re never going to believe this, but two Kevin Federline shows had to be cancelled due to poor ticket sales. I know, who would have thought? In his defense the shows were to be in that remote uninhabited outpost on the edge of the earth known as New York.

--A list of the safest and most dangerous cities in our great country was released using crime rates reported to the FBI. Nawlunz did not send any reports so it isn’t number one. The top spot for the most dangerous city honor goes to St. Louis. Detroit, Flint, and Compton close behind. Next up in places you don’t want to live is Birmingham, then Cleveland, Oakland and Youngstown. Dallas is 23 spots more dangerous than Houston, which is wedged between Columbus and Tacoma in the high 40’s. Round Rock is the 13th safest place to live. The safest is Brick, New Jersey, which may or may not be made up.

--Record low World Series ratings?! Shocking.

--Halloween is here and I know I’ve graded out candies in the past. Nice and sweet this time. Best- Spree. Worst- Chick-o-Stick.
Oh boy!!! Bite-size.

--A semi-amusing mash of Reservoir Dogs and A Clockwork Orange…


--That painting of Stephen Colbert that hangs above the fireplace on his set went for $50,605 on eBay. It was up for sale to celebrate the one-year anniversary of the show. The entire $50,605 went to Save the Children. Thankfully Colbert and Barry Manilow have signed a peace treaty. That could’ve ended ugly.

--iBreath?! Who doesn’t need an iPod accessory that acts as both a breathalyzer and an FM transmitter.

--You probably need to know the odds for the remaining stars on Dancing…Whoa is at 9/1 as is the flexible High School Musical girl. Emmitt is at 7/4 while Mario is the favorite at 5/6. I’ll take Emmitt.

--In a nice marketing move the Brewers’ racing sausages (even the chorizo?) will be visiting Milwaukee neighborhoods handing out free tickets for next season.

--Ivanka Trump and Topher Grace?!

--Simon Cowell is releasing his own fragrance?! (sounds like a fart joke doesn’t it?)

--In case my goddaughter is learning how to read by checking out the ‘Tribes…click here to make your own Simpsons Treehouse of Horror episode. By the way, IGN.com came out with a list of the top 10 Treehouse of Horror segments ever and absolutely nailed # 1 with The Shinning.


Questions, comments or if an airline has ever lost your luggage on both ways on your trip…

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Oh, Maybelle! We like your style!

We recently traveled to Maine to attend an all day auction featuring the entire collection of the Webb Museum of Vintage Fashion in Island Falls, Maine. Frances Stratton, the owner and curator of the museum was a vintage clothing collector for 45 years and filled her 14 room home with displays of vintage fashion. She recently passed, and the entire collection was auctioned off to support several Maine charities. 800 lots of clothing and accessories were auctioned off in a day long affair. We were lucky enough to bring home a huge assortment of garments including some of the finest hats we've found in quite a while.

Many of the hats were tagged "Maybelle Farrell Collection" and were donated by her son Bill. I've seen women express their sense of style through jewelry, color, and specific key wardrobe items. Maybelle expressed hers through her extraordinary hats.

I love hats, and some of Maybelle's will stay in my closet. The rest will be offered for sale in our store at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion . We've got enough hats to last for months, so check back often!

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Educated? No ... Stupid? Yes

Who Are You?

The Texans fan base has been eroding steadily since the plunge early on last season. I’m not saying beating the Jaguars is going to be the turnaround that catapults this club into 8-win territory. There are still problems up and down the lineup. But I think this win is just as big for the fans as it is for those players. It was the second straight win at home and it was damn near dominant. Yeah, the Jaguars are hurt and yeah, they were dumb for not playing David Garrard, but a 27-7 win is a 27-7 win. I hope every fan got to see Gary Kubiak address his players in the locker room afterwards. It was on Inside the Game and it gave an inside glimpse of the atmosphere in that place. Kubiak gave a great speech talking about the look he saw in David Carr and how Carr wanted it on his shoulders. Even if for just a moment it made you believe David truly is the guy. The only game ball he presented was to Eric Moulds for being one of just 23 players to ever have 700 or more catches. Kubiak thanked him for coming down here and Moulds stood up and spoke about how he knew after two games against this franchise in the past that eventually it was going to go places and he wanted to be a part of it. He also talked about how much the coaching staff believed in every single one of the players in that locker room. My b.s. detector is always on, but the words being spoken in that locker room came straight from the heart. Very good stuff, the kind of stuff that makes you want to think the Texans are on the right track and yeah, there are going to be a lot of obstacles along the way, but life is pretty boring without obstacles. Good for those guys and good for the fans. Now if we can just petition the NFL to always wear Battle Red and just go ahead and eliminate the 3rd quarter then we might be looking at a 7-win season. (It feels weird to be in a positive state of mind on a Monday after a Texans game.)

--In 3rd quarters it’s… Opponents 48 Texans 0 .

--It’s crystal clear after 9 games Houston owns Jacksonville. Yeah, it’s only up 5-4, but that counts as ownership in my book. The only other bigger margin of victory than the 20 point difference was when the Texans beat the Jags by 21 two years ago.

--Houston has won the time of possession twice this season and those were both the wins.

--It was the first game the Texans outrushed somebody since last year when they outrushed the Cardinals, which shouldn’t really count.

--I’m not dogging him because he has been playing better, but have you ever seen 2.5 weaker sacks than the 2.5 Mario has?

--NFL.com has DeMeco Ryans listed with one fewer total tackle than Brian Urlacher and three more than Ray Lewis. Good company.

--Ladies and gentlemen your NFL leader in receiving yardage and in receptions…Mr. Andre Johnson. It couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. Are we sure he went to Miami?

--Don't know if you caught the story last week on SportsCenter on Earl Campbell, but it wasn't pretty. Most of us are aware of the pain this man endures every single day after giving Austin and Houston everything he had. This one from Austin...


--Jacksonville safety Deon Grant had six tackles and an interception nullified by a penalty in the first half, but was benched for the second half?! And Leftwich wasn’t benched because?

--All three of Philadelphia’s losses have come on the last play of the game. None worse than watching Matt Bryant blast a 62-yarder through the uprights on Sunday. The Eagles offense outgained the Bucs 506-196.

--The dumbest decision I have ever seen in a college football game was when the Longhorns threw, basically, a jump ball up for Limas Sweed on third down at the 5-yard line with under a minute left. Dumb, dumb, dumb. What a game, though. Colt is a bad man.

--The Raiders won on Sunday so no NFL team is going 0-16. In college your winless teams are 0-8 Stanford, 0-7 Florida International (split decision loss to Miami hurt), 0-8 Temple and 0-7 Duke.

--Are the Chargers the West Coast Bengals or are the Bengals the Midwest Chargers?


--Joey Harrington throws the ball 62 times (more than Marino ever did in a regular season game) and Chris Chambers had just two catches?!

--Everything is right in the world and Peyton and Donovan are 1-2 in passer rating. Not that that stat means squat. I mean Mark Brunell is ahead of Tom Brady.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--No column on Friday because I’ll be learning about the rich history of Las Vegas by drinking my ass off and making futures bets on every Texans/Jaguars game from now ‘til 2010. Any suggestions on where I absolutely must go (and can find stumbling drunk) on my first Vegas trip ever?

--Scarlett Johansson in Allure…wow.
Not from Allure, but not bad.

--If you haven’t been watching it, you’re not going to start now, but Heroes is the best new show I’ve seen this season.

--The other day during mine and Rob’s award-winning Sports Saturday the traffic guy read a public service announcement with a little true or false action.
True or False: If you lock your keys in your car you should call 9-1-1?
False and then he went on with an explanation, which probably wasn’t needed.
Anyway people in Omaha are now being encouraged to dial 9-1-1 to report any infractions just like they would normally report a crime they observe being committed. Oh, the crime that officials want reported? Smoking in public. The new ban is nearly three weeks old and bans smoking in nearly all public places.

--If you click on one clip of a marathon runner “crossing” the finish line this week, make it this one.

--“The NY Post spotted... Joyce DeWitt, Moby and Cal Ripken sitting at ringside during Joan Rivers' gig at the Cutting Room.”
Joyce DeWitt?! Joan Rivers has “gigs”?!


--Hurricane Borat has left a slew of victims…

First 4 minutes of the movie.


--I don’t know why this actually took a study to figure out, but according to a study by the Liberty Mutual Research Institute teenaged drivers say the biggest distraction they have while driving is text messaging. LMAO.

--I don't know what movie this is from nor do I care. I just know that this is the best YouTube video any red-blooded male will click on this week...

--Someday we’ll get to the point where parents won’t be able to watch their kids participate in sports until the collegiate level, but until then…At Castro Valley High in San Francisco parents have been whining about the girls basketball coach for a while now. Coach Nancy Nibarger has a solid résumé, but a group of parents led by an attorney and a Superior Court Judge don’t like the way the coach runs things. She did such crazy things as cut practice early because the team wasn’t practicing well. She also no-showed on picture day just like every other Castro Valley coach. Bottom line, the coach ain’t going anywhere so now you have things like this…The coach and her assistants won’t choose the team alone. They’ll be helped by a six-person panel made up of parents and members of the community. There will also be an “ombudsman” present at every single practice to keep tabs on things.

--More fun with high school girls…(wait that didn’t sound right)…Three Denver area Air Academy high school cheerleaders stopped by Douglass Valley Elementary School on their way to the football game. These pony-tailed pom-pomers thought it would be just hilarious if they covered up the “Dougl” in the sign leaving it to read, “ass Valley Elementary School.” Good one. So funny that Air Force Academy (Douglass Valley on its grounds) base officials forgot to laugh. But they did remember to handcuff the cheerleaders in front of their classmates and parents. Who’s funny now?

--No real reason, except it's Stephen Colbert and he influences how Oprah speaks...


--State Department official Alberto Hernandez might as well have gone to the “I’m an alcoholic” card rather than take back the words you know he believes in, "Upon reading the transcript of my appearance on Al-Jazeera, I realized that I seriously misspoke by using the phrase 'there has been arrogance and stupidity' by the U.S. in Iraq. This represents neither my views nor those of the State Department. I apologize."

--If Joe Theismann and Tim McCarver are on the TV screen and you only have five bullets left in your gun who gets the 5th bullet?

Questions, comments or if you’re a stone cold gentleman…

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Hey Ladies, Get Funky

Won’t You Be Our Rival?

The Texans only get the Cowboys once every four years. You can’t really have a good rivalry if both teams are down so that eliminates the Titans, plus it’s hard to root against Vince. That leaves us with the Jaguars who’ve brought out the best of the Texans. The all-time series sits at 4-4 with Jacksonville sweeping last year. This season the Jags are 3-2 losing by 7 to the Colts and then somehow getting into and losing a shootout against the Redskins 36-30. Of course, they followed that with a 41-0 smackdown of the Jets, so who knows what to expect from them Sunday. Jacksonville averages nearly 24 points a game, a threshold the Texans have gotten to once this season. There will be a lot of Byron Leftwich to Reggie Williams, a lot of Fred Taylor slashing, and a lot of Maurice Drew-Jones dashing. We know how good that defense is although Marcus Stroud could miss this one. I don’t give the Texans a chance against many good teams, but the Jaguars are one that Houston always seems to play tough and hopefully Sunday is no exception. I don’t expect a win, I’m just hoping for a non-collapse.

We Must Protect This House!!!!

Obviously a big story this week has been about the “dirty whores” supposedly targeting Reliant Stadium this very Sunday. That’s right on a Sunday, the day of our Lord, these “dirty whores” are alleged to be arriving by the truckload. Trucks?! What your heels are too uncomfortable to transport you there? How many of you tailgaters are enticed? What would your family say? We’ve long had a problem with “dirty whores” in this community.

(Danny, it’s dirty…)

No, wait, let me finish,

Why just the other day I was offered a, well a, umm…well, bottom line is she said it would cost me 20 f@#%in’ dollars. So I says, “20 f@#%n’ dollars?! You dirty whore, last week that dirty whore over there said it would cost me only 10 f@#%n’ dollars. What’s wrong with you dirty whores?”
And both of these chicks looked like they couldn’t even get on Flavor of Love. If you’re gonna be a “dirty whore” at least appear like you’ve seen a shower and met a toothbrush since last spring.

(Danny, you’re getting this all wron…)

Wait! You had your turn and now this is my time.

“Dirty whores,” you’re representing this city to out-of-towners and I don’t like travelers going back home and telling their friends about Houston’s ugly, dirty whores. We’re already one of the fattest cities so we could use some good pub. And won’t somebody please think of the children? All week they’re gonna be hearing about the “dirty whores” at Reliant Stadium and they get enough of “dirty whores” from watching the Bratz. And pimps, let’s not forget about you. Dropping off “dirty whores” by the truckload at NFL stadiums is just too easy. C’mon guys, why not take a challenge and drop them off at a WNBA game and try to sell them to those guys? Then we’ll see what kind of skills you have. Bottom line, call the Texans and tell them if “dirty whores” are going to be at the game, you won’t be. Thank you.

(Danny, it’s actually “dirty bombs.” A web site said “dirty bombs” would be set off at Reliant.)

Oh, that’s something different entirely.
Nevermind.

--The Texans have more sacks (10) than the Bucs (9) or the Colts (8).

--The Broncos are allowing just 7.4 points per game. The record is 9.2 by the ’77 Falcons. As good as Denver’s defense is it has as many sacks as Houston and is -2 in turnover ratio. Who leads in takeaway-giveaway? No, not the Bears (thank you Rex), not the Ravens, but the Rams at +11. You’ve probably heard that Denver has allowed just one touchdown. Atlanta has allowed just two.

--Despite not playing the last two weeks, Daunte still leads in sacks with 21.

--Now that David has come back down to earth, the only QBs with ratings over 100? Donovan McNabb and? And? Phillip Rivers. Who’s completing a higher percentage of passes than David’s 69.6%? No one.

--Guys with more receiving yards than Chad Johnson’s 300. Desmond Clark, Amani Toomer, Mike Furrey, Derrick Mason (0 catches last week), Wes Welker and so on…

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Sadly “E” couldn’t hang on to Nicky Hilton. “The Old E” would have gotten away with cheating on a Hilton sister. Let’s take a look at “Old E” in my favorite Rocky, Rocky V…


--I caught The Machinist the other night on one of the movie channels. Holy stick figures Batman! Nicole Richie suggested Christian Bale work in a hamburger for that one. That’s one weird and creepy movie.

--On November 3rd two landmark cinematic achievements open up head-to-head, mano-a-mano for all the movie marbles. In this corner we have the hilarious, outrageous, impossible to overhype, incredibly awkward, genius, international man of intrigue, without further ado gentlemen, horses, dogs, rats, cockroaches and women…the Man from Kazakhstan…Booooooooooooraaaaaat!!!!!!
And in this corner at a combined weight of whatever the sum is of two pieces of crap as heavy as the first two Santa Clauses. That’s right, Tim the Toolman Taylor is back in his first role since his breakout hit The Shaggy Dog and joining Taylor is the man who last made us laugh back in 1989 as Ned Nederlander in Three Amigos…Martin Short!
Let’s Get It On!!
I probably shouldn't admit I still remember how to do their little dance.

--Tell me Britney isn’t asking her fans to help sell Kevin Federline’s new album. Tell me Britney is not offering a chance to party with her and her no-talent husband on Halloween for whichever of her fans sells the most. Tell me 2nd prize isn’t the shoes that Federline wore at The Teen Choice Awards. Tell me the 3rd place prize isn’t a $200 gift certificate. Tell me that runners-up don’t get stupid ass medallions that Federline wears. Tell me that Britney doesn’t have another K-Fed bun in the oven.

(Dear Danny,
Britney is not pregnant.)

Thanks. I was beginning to think she lost her ever-loving mind.

And before we leave these two let’s revisit Raw and the Best Week Ever remix of the best thing John Cena has ever done…

--If I was a rich man…
Odds of this going over $10 grand...very good.

--Oh, the print and Internet tabloids, ripe with gay rumors about Lance Armstrong and Matthew McConaughey just because they spend a lot, a lot of time together. The bongo player told Details, “We tried. It just wasn’t for us.” Lance, “It's like, either you sleep with everything that moves or you're gay.”
Now that’s a guy who gets it…..a lot of it.

-Chris Rock's mother is suing Cracker Barrel?!

--How ridiculously hot is Minka Kelly/Lyla on Friday Night Lights? She’s 26 and is apparently good friends with Donald Faison a.k.a. lucky scrub.

--Oh Lord help us...Flavor of Love has inspired a spin-off dubbed Flavorette. You know the lady who will have 20 bachelors trying to impress her. Yes, New York. Incredibly more than 7.5 million people watched Sunday's Flavor of Love season finale.

--Best news of the week...Radiohead is starting to make headway on its next album.

--Petra Nemcova and James Blunt no more.

--Scary Spice is having Eddie Murphy’s baby?!?!?

--DrudgeReport headline that I probably don’t need to click on to understand the story:
“Man decapitates, dismembers and cooks girlfriend before leaping to death in the French Quarter.”

--Elementary schools in Wyoming, Washington and now Massachusetts have banned kids from playing tag because they’re scared of kids getting hurt and the schools being held liable. That’s nice. Maybe there’s a way they can be bubble-wrapped and wear a helmet before recess.

--Welcome back, Locke the Hunter.
Someone's lost.

--Patrick Stom Jr. of Jacksonville is accused of strangling Christopher Chamberlain back in 2002. After strangling him for a while Patrick is accused of then shooting Christopher (former business partner) in the back of the head, taking the body into the woods, setting it on fire, and then chopping off the head, which he then threw in a creek. Patrick is claiming self-defense. Well, duh, it’s self-defense. This should be a speedy trial.

--You have to do something pretty special to make your teacher/student sex story stand out from all of the others. Ms. Withrow of Cleveland is accused of having sex with a 5th grade student three years ago. The student just now came forward and according to reports Ms. Withrow also slept with the student’s father. Talk about Open House.

--Parents of teenagers probably don’t want to click here…

Questions, comments or if you’re a stone cold gentleman…

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I'm Telling Her Every Lie That You Know That I Never Did

Thank God We’re Not The Raiders

It’s been a long time since I truly wanted the Texans to walk off the field winners. Last year unraveled so quickly that I was thinking Reggie Bush by this time and every loss, I assumed, got Houston one step closer. This year it’s not so much that I wanted them to lose, I just didn’t really care. Of course, along came the Dallas game and hate overcame indifference. I did care and I did want them to win and I did think they would. Yeah, the Cowboys have more talent. But until noon or really halftime on Sunday the Texans owned the Cowboys. A 6-3 lead on the road and not only could Houston walk away with a win, but Dallas’ entire season would have been blowed up. This week we’d be talking about Bill Parcells telling Jerry Jones, “T.O. goes or I go.” We’d be talking about Tony Romo replacing Drew Bledsoe. We’d be talking about David Carr putting it all together. We’d be talking about how the Texans got a large portion of their Vince/Reggie fans back. We’d be talking about which beatdown of the Cowboys was better. We’d be talking about Houston’s incredible 1-2 running punch of Ron Dayne and Samkon Gado. Okay, a Texans’ win probably wasn’t going to be because of the running game. It sucks. It may not have been pretty, but bottom line was the Texans had the lead at the break. After that, well you saw it, turnovers, penalties, 1-yard runs, turnovers, no deep passing game, no defense, no nothing except an avalanche of T.O. TDs. Oh well, it happens. At least Mario had his best game and, unfortunately, that’s about the only thing I’ll take out of that one. That and Philip Buchanon never needs to be on the field again for anything other than a punt return (since released, thanks Charley...moron...although it's not like those draft picks were going to be even marginal players). Other than that, same old, same old. This team is so many players and maybe coaches away it’s not even funny. Well, maybe a little, just not after a loss to the stinkin’ Cowboys.

--Sometimes it’s better to be a Cowboy. Sometimes it’s better to be a Texan. Sometimes it’s better to be an Oiler.


--Watching ESPNnews Sunday night it was funny seeing the bottom line recapping the Cowboys/Texans game, showing David Carr’s stats and then in parentheses (0 sacks). How sad that that has to be highlighted when talking about David Carr?

--Good luck Seth Payne.

--I’m not sure what kind of offseason additions are forthcoming along Houston’s offensive line, but Raiders OT Chad Slaughter looks like a candidate what with his four false start penalties Sunday night. Oakland 0-5 for the first time since 1964.

--Under Bill Cowher the Steelers are 114-12-1 when leading at the half. Ridiculous.

--This is the worst call I’ve ever seen. The Bengals could have sealed the game up and really did by recovering this fumble, but no, the refs called a roughing the passer and so the Bucs hung on to the ball and marched in for the game winning score.


That was the first loss for the Bengals against an NFC opponent since 2003.

--There’s nothing like watching young men, not only looking to educate themselves, display their love for the game of football every weekend. This weekend Miami and Visible Changes U. (that doesn’t sound right), oh, Florida International came together for a football game for the first time ever despite the fact their campuses are only separated by nine miles. You’ve seen the way the players honored themselves, their schools and the game of football. I’m sure after some cool down time the players will say the right things and be accountable.
Miami’s Kenny Phillips, "It's not our fault. Whatever it was, it wasn't us."
Miami QB Kyle Wright, "It's something they started, And our guys finished it. ... They're going home with a 35-0 loss and they're 0-7."
I’m sure former Miami WR Lamar Thomas said the right thing while he was broadcasting the game, "Now, that's what I'm talking about. You come into our house, you should get your behind kicked. You don't come into the OB playing that stuff. You're across the ocean over there. You're across the city. You can't come over to our place talking noise like that. You'll get your butt beat. I was about to go down the elevator to get in that thing. I say, why don't they just meet outside in the tunnel after the ball game and get it on some more?”
Stay classy, Miami.

--Shocking as it is, Charles Barkley delivered the best line on Monday Night Football…after watching Jay-Z’s new video Sir Charles, “He shouldn’t do videos without Beyonce.”
Pay whatever you need to and let Charles replace Theismann. Pretty please.

Friday Night Lights

South Sevier and Richfield don’t mess around when it comes to game week in Utah. South Sevier’s mascot is a ram, but apparently Richfield couldn’t come up with a ram. A sheep, on the other hand, no problem. So early Wednesday morning on the goalpost at South Sevier’s field was a dead ewe hanging from a chain wrapped around its neck. Before PETA gets all upset about the brutality and viciousness of hanging a sheep, it’s important to note the ewe was first shot in the head. Let’s hear from the South Sevier coach, "It's part of the rivalry," the coach said. "It gives our kids an incentive to play harder."
Rewind. Shooting and then hanging a sheep from a goalpost is “part of the rivalry” and “an incentive to play harder.” So if a sheep wasn’t needlessly slaughtered your team may not have been ready to play?

Alberton High in Montana had its football season cancelled by the school. Why? Well some of the kids thought it would be fun to tape a student to the ceiling of a school bus they were all riding in. Forget the fact that two coaches or even the bus driver didn’t notice someone taped to the freakin’ ceiling. The school didn’t learn about it until a parent saw a pic on the cell phone of her daughter.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Kevin Federline on CSI…yawn. Kevin Federline getting FU’d by John Cena on Raw…yawn, with a slight smile.

--It’s hard to get away with crime in Omaha, Nebraska no matter how careful you are. For example, early the other morning a genius robber was driving along with his loot and an alert driver called the cops on the robber because the robber’s car was deemed suspicious. Why?
“It was deemed suspicious because it had a safe attached to it by a chain and the driver was dragging it through the intersection of 45th and Hamilton.”
You know you put so much work into something and then someone sticks his nose into your business and your genius plan of dragging a 500 pound safe behind you car unravels. So to Plan B, which consisted of getting out of the car and running if/when the cops see you. Plan B = successful.

--Scarlett Johannsson is coming out with an album?!

--I watched the first episode of Flava of Love and the last so I missed the memo about bringing back last year’s loser/finalist New York who may or may not be the craziest person in the world. Then again Deelishis did tell Flav that after last season’s run of shows she made a poster of Flav and slept with it. Of course to him, that sounded normal and sweet. Apparently he has a scar fetish because he went with Deelishis over New York and NY was none too happy. I’m not sure if there is a known record for bleeps over a two-minute span, but I’m sure the record belongs to New York.

--Damn you Heroes for giving me another show I have to DVR.

--There are dumbass criminals and then there are Dumbass criminals. Stuart Ross, 18, and Thomas Yule, 20, of Peterborough, Ontario fall under the latter category. Late one night last week these good citizens were in a pick-up and ran off the road hitting a stop sign and a parking meter. Cops got there about 2:30 AM, but the geniuses were gone by then. The cops then went to a nearby parking lot to fill out some paperwork when they noticed a truck pull up to the accident scene. Stuart and Thomas got out, picked up the broken meter and started carrying it to their truck as a souvenir of their wild and crazy night…which ended up with them getting charged with possession of stolen property, careless driving and blah, blah, blah.

--Wesley Snipes facing federal tax fraud charges?! Blade: Fourbidden, here we come.

--So Clint Eastwood is directing two movies about Iwo Jima? Flags of Our Fathers from the American perspective and Letters from Iwo Jima from the Japanese point of view?! The latter is going to be released here next year in subtitles. Sounds like a great idea.

--Movie I'm glad I revisited over the weekend...Do The Right Thing.
Let me tell you the story of "Right Hand, Left Hand." It's a tale of good and evil. Hate: It was with this hand that Cane iced his brother. Love: These five fingers, they go straight to the soul of man. The right hand: the hand of love. The story of life is this: Static. One hand is always fighting the other hand; and the left hand is kicking much ass. I mean, it looks like the right hand, Love, is finished. But, hold on, stop the presses, the right hand is coming back. Yeah, he got the left hand on the ropes, now, that's right. Ooh, it's the devastating right and Hate is hurt, he's down. Left-Hand Hate K.O.ed by Love.

--Paris and Lindsey: Friends Again? There is a God.

--Finally after many sad years I will be busting my Vegas cherry next week. I believe I am the only person in our great nation to have gone to Atlantic City three times and Vegas none.

Questions, comments or if you’ve ever actually read Alice in Wonderland…

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An Exciting Estate Buy

I recently got a call from a lovely woman who was selling her home and downsizing to an apartment in a senior community. She told me she had some of her mother's things she needed to get rid of and would I be interested? I agreed to go and visit her the next day to see what she had. Mrs. S. had a lovely home with many treasures lovingly collected over the years. I could tell that she was having a difficult time letting go of some of the things she had lived with for a lifetime, but I could also see that she was excited about her move and ready to begin anew.

Mrs. S. had set aside three small boxes of clothing for me to go through. I opened the first box, and the lilac silk velvet devore fabric and peeks of ostrich plumes and rhinestones took my breath away. As I continued to explore, Mrs. S. told me that her mother had lovingly stored her trousseau after returning from her honeymoon, and that she couldn't bear to part with it when her mother passed in the 80's. Now it was time to find a new home for these fabulous garments.

We are now beginning to offer these items for sale on EBay. Over the next several weeks we will be offering a selection of 20's and 30's dresses and lingerie that are some of the finest we've ever seen. Don't miss them!

And Mrs. S.? As I carried the boxes of treasures to my car, I promised her that her mother's garments would go to new homes where the new owners would love the clothing just as much as her mother had. She shed a tear, gave me a hug, and returned to her packing. I sure hope she is happy in her new home!

See this dress and more at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion .

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Date women on TV with the help of Chuck Woolery

Steel Curtain…pft…Whatever

There’s no Texans loss or win to review so let’s take a trip back to the second greatest win in Houston Texans’ history….It was a cold, wet December day when we touched the ground at JFK. Snow was melting on the grou…wait that’s Angel of Harlem. Our story begins in Pittsburgh on December 9th in the year of our Lord 2002. Now I know that was a loooong time ago so to set your mind in the right place…Dubya fainted after choking on a pretzel, Stephen Colbert filled in for Jon Stewart an entire week, Left Eye left us as did Davey Boy Smith, Spider-Man was the first movie to open 100+million in its opening weekend, and so on. Anyway, the Texans were 13.5 point underdogs. Jermaine Lewis returned rookie kicker Jeff Reed’s kick 31 yards to the 37 yard-line and away we go. You might not believe this, but David Carr was sacked twice on the first drive before punting. On their first possession the Steelers had back-to-back false starts leaving Tommy Maddox a 3rd and 18. Maddox was in the shotgun and scrambled for 5 yards before, basically, throwing the ball down for Kenny Wright to pick up and run in for a touchdown. Houston 7 Pittsburgh 0.
Steelers’ 2nd possession, 2nd and 11 at HOU 35. Maddox drops back and throws it towards Plaxico, but
Aaron Glenn picks it off and 70 yards later…
Houston 14 Pittsburgh 0.
Steelers’ 3rd possession ends in a Randle-El fumble picked up by Jason Simmons, but sadly he didn’t run it in. Just before the half Pittsburgh gets on the board with a field goal to make it…
Houston 14 Pittsburgh 3
After another Reed field goal to start the second half…
Houston 14 Pittsburgh 6
Early in the 4th Reed missed a 43-yarder.
Then this from your Houston Texans...1st and 10 HOU 33…James Allen over left guard 3 yards. James Allen over right guard 6 yards. James Allen over left guard -3 yards. Classic. So Pittsburgh gets it back trailing 14-6 with almost 11 minutes left. It drives behind the running of Amos Zereoue and the catching of Terance Mathis. On 3rd and 3 from Houston’s 18, Zereoue rumbles 17 yards down to the 1-yard line. But ohhhhh, holding on Hines Ward makes it 3rd and 13 from Houston’s 28. Then on 4th and 3 Maddox gets sacked by Gary Walker and James or Jeff Posey (I forget which one). Then and you won’t believe this, but Houston gets the ball and goes three and out. So punt to Randle-El who muffs it at his own 20-yard line allowing Troy Evans to recover. The Texans run the ball three times losing 5 yards and then kick a field goal to make it…
Houston 17 Pittsburgh 6
Pittsburgh gets the ball, drives to a 4th and 2 at Houston’s 38. Tommy Maddox passes the ball to Aaron Glenn, which was nice because Glenn plays for the Texans.
Another TD return and it’s...
Houston 24 Pittsburgh 6.
Ballgame. Go crazy, folks!! Man, I used to like this team.

--Hines Ward summed it up, “That was the most crappiest performance ever.”
Aaron Glenn, "We're not the typical expansion team. We're not going to lay down and say, 'Oh, we're not supposed to win, we're an expansion team.' We have nothing to lose, we're trying to be a spoiler."

--Texans had three points on offense, three first downs and 47 whole yards of total offense, the fewest ever, ever in a win.

--David Carr was 3 of 10 with all 3 completions going to Billy Miller. Jonathan Wells ran 10 times for 12 yards. Jamie Sharper had 2 sacks. Kailee even had 1. I’m not sure, but that might be the only game that season in which the Texans outsacked their opponents (5-4). The Steelers outfirstdowned (it’s a word) the Texans 24-3. Houston converted 1 third down play and committed only 1 penalty. Time of possession 39:41 to 20:19.

--I don’t know what Daunte Culpepper and Nick Saban’s argument about whether Daunte should play consisted of, but all Daunte had to say was, “Joey Harrington?! C’mon, coach, Joey Harrington?! C’mon….C’mon…C’mon”
C'mon

--Tom Brady is 53-2 when leading at the half. And now that the Patriots have Jabar Gaffney you might as well give Brady another ring now.

--Keyshawn is averaging 13.8 yards a catch. Steve Smith – 11.3. Wow.

--Look, I like Reggie Bush more than the next guy, but ESPNews using its bottom corner for “Breaking News…Reggie Bush scores 1st NFL TD” for four hours is just ridiculous. That play doesn’t even get on his best of DVD.

--The Texans are the only team to have picked off Donovan McNabb this season. He is your fantasy MVP to this point.


--Quote of the week from Giants RB Brandon Jacobs on Redskins S Sean Taylor: "He throws his whole body out there like he's got another one in the closet."

--Not that they apparently need to, but Florida is one of two schools that haven’t kicked a field goal this season. Utah State the other.

--Yeah, there was a football game, but let’s face it we all knew Texas was going to beat the crap out of Oklahoma. The only thing of interest at the State Fair was the jalapeno eating contest. Your winner, Richard LeFevre, who you may remember from the hot dog eating contest. I mean the guy is ranked 8th by the FCE (Federation of Competitive Eating, but you knew that) so he’s pretty much a household name. 247 jalapeno peppers in 8 minutes netted him esophageal tears, waterfalls for eyes, and $2,000. That, my friends, is the life. Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas had never eaten a pepper before the contest and she finished 2nd with 239. Christopher Huang ate just 53 and said afterwards, “I can’t feel my face.” Wuss.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--So I’m sitting down minding my own business Sunday afternoon when Albert Pujols comes up to the plate. Cla (no ‘y’ because he’s got that) Meredith struck Pujols out. And then as Pujols walks away Fox decides, ‘you know what the nation has never seen?’, yep that’s right Pujols taking Brad Lidge deep in Game 5. No mention whatsoever about the fact that the freakin’ Cardinals lost the next game to the National League Champion Houston Astros. Not one mention of that. Just like when networks run Teresa Witherspoon’s half-court shot to get the Liberty past the Comets in Game 2 back in the day. Big freakin’ deal! The Comets came right back and showed the heart of a champion winning Game 3, but you’ll never hear about that. Kids today grow up thinking that in 1999 the New York Liberty won the WNBA cup? title? belt? vase? and that’s just wrong.

--Rambo is going to take on pirates next?!

--C’mon Chronicle can’t we be a little nicer to the new guy on the Rockets. Putting Bonzi Wells’ picture in between “Hall of Shamers” Terrell Owens and Albert Haynesworth is a bit much. If you’re looking for a basketball player as an example ummmm how about Ron Artest or Stephen Jackson.

--Charlie and Kate will walk down the aisle.

--There are movie legends and then there are movie icons. Biff Tannen from Back to the Future falls under the latter category. Priceless.


--And here I thought David Barron listing the inaccuracies of Friday Night Lights was lame and petty…There’s an entry on Wikipedia concerning the inaccuracies of last week’s South Park about the World of Warcraft or whatever it’s called.

--If you had “lettuce” in the leafy green death pool, you win.
Run, fool!!!!

--The other day on e-Bay was none other than Alex Rodriguez. It got taken down fairly fast, but some of the seller's comments are below for your enjoyment...

"You are bidding on great regular season baseball player Alex Rodriguez. Now you may wonder why I listed him in the category of antiques. That is a fair question. The answer is quite simple. The baseball from his last playoff RBI is an antique. Casey Stengel has hit a playoff homerun more recently that Arod.
Now you may wonder what is Arod even good for these days. There are many things.
1.If you teach an EMS class Arod chokes all the time. Youll have tons of practice trying to revive him.
2.Arod is a perfect gentleman. He would never hit a woman. 2 days ago a woman walked up to him and kicked him in the balls, I asked her why she wasn’t worried about him hitting her back. She told me she would never do that in April but had nothing to fear. Arod couldn’t hit her in October if he wanted to. "

--Match.com did a survey to find out some of the weirder/funnier/mean ways gals have turned down guys for dates. Let’s sample:
"A girl I liked said she wouldn't date people born the same month she was."
"She didn't think her father and I would get along."
"She told me it wasn't a good idea because she was anemic and was having her period."
And your winner, "She told me she had to go buy the donuts for her Singles with STDs group.”

--Because it had Ray Liotta, Virginia Madsen and Amy Smart I gave Smith a chance. It was awful and apparently it’s already been axed.


--I’m not sure if it’s a bomb, but if you got your butt kicked by Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning that’s not a good sign Employee of the Month. # 1 was The Departed followed by Chainsaw then Open Season and then Employee. Maybe one day I’ll “get” Dane Cook, but that day is not this one.

--Because any history lesson on The Middle East that can be taught in 90 seconds is worth clicking on…

--I can’t believe Diego Corrales didn’t make weight to fight Joel Casamayor. It was like watching Diego’s ghost in there with Joel. He just had nothing in the tank. If this is the end of his career then thank you. If not, then good luck, be safe and be smart. Whatever has to be done to get Jorge Arce in the ring with Vic Darchinyan has to be done.
Sergio Mora and Fernando Vargas in January?!

--Apparently NBC is set to use Battlestar Galactica, which just kicked off its third season on Sci-Fi, as a mid-season replacement, much like the Astros did with Luke Scott. The results will be even better seeing as Galactica should be in HD and Tricia Helfer in HD is a good thing. It’ll replace one of those numbered shows NBC just rolled out. I think one of them sucks.

--Houston will beat Dallas on Sunday and got a head start with our city finishing 3rd in front of Dallas on a list of the most impatient cities. Austin beat everyone to finish 1st. Apparently it has more time-saving devices per capita such as quick copy places or wi-fi hot spots or speed dating services than any other of our nation’s top twenty cities. Sounds stupid, but if we beat Dallas then it’s not. Very simple.

Questions, comments, or if arguing correctly means you’re never wrong…

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And I've Got More Hits Than Sadaharu Oh

Gone Fishin’

The Texans have the week off so nothing to criticize or praise. You know how I like to praise the Texans. I haven’t really felt like a fan after the offseason, but Dallas is Dallas and it needs to be beaten. 19-10 has a nice ring to it. No way the Texans lose to a team whose star player writes children’s books and whose first book is about a little boy named Little T who refuses to share his football until he figures out he can’t enjoy his new ball unless he shares it with his friends. No way, Houston loses to that guy.

--The Jerome Bettis of tight ends, Mark Bruener has a total of 2 catches for 3 yards and 2 TDs.

--Gary Kubiak’s weekly show on Mondays at 5 on SportsRadio 610 is good, but I’m thinking Kubiak won’t be calling out players or a position like Dennis Green did to his offensive linemen on his radio show: “They need to quit whining so much. Half those guys are making over $3 million a year. They need to get off their butts and start doing the job. I don’t like to feel sorry for guys — there’s no room for crybabies. You are offensive linemen getting paid big money, then do your job. You can go to watch Mesa High School play and know if the offensive linemen are doing their job or not. A 75-year-old woman in the stands can tell if you are doing the job or not. The guy got blocked, or he didn’t.”

--How did Steve McNair go through 11 seasons in the AFC without facing the Broncos until this Monday night?

--Philly Fan must be proud of themselves for this shirt: Dallas Sucks, T.O. Swallows (pills). Last Monday’s Lincoln Financial Fan of the Game must also be proud of himself for getting arrested and hauled off before the game even ended. Apparently the lucky fan is randomly drawn and this one held the title for 20 minutes before getting handcuffed. Gotta love Philly.

--The Colts have 2 wins in Giants Stadium this season. The Giants and Jets combined have 1, 2, 3, zero.

--We all know Daunte Culpepper has been sacked the most times at 21 followed by David Carr and Carson Palmer at 15. Who has been sacked the least? The quarterback of the team that runs the ball 67% of the time…Philip Rivers.

--Sammy Morris is back practicing with the Dolphins after a serving a four-game suspension for violating the league’s substance abuse policy. The suspension meant he couldn’t step foot on Dolphins property, which made getting paid interesting, “I had to meet in a Whole Foods parking lot to pick up my last preseason check. I was like a drug dealer that had leprosy or something.''

--In their last 100 games the Arizona Cardinals have had a 100-yard rusher seven whole times. Leading the way doing it three times? The man, the myth, the Marcell Shipp. Emmitt accounts for two of those seven.

--Al Jazeera has press credentials for the Eagles/Cowboys game and previously covered the Saints return to Nawlunz?!

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Yeah, Jim Hickey was the problem. The crappy pitching was been the problem this entire time. Nice job.

--Thankfully Lost is back and all of our questions have been answered. It all makes sense now. Wait…


--Oh, those quaint small towns in Iowa where the theatres don’t show Jackass 2, but they do offer up Jackbutt 2, at least that’s what the marquee outside the theatre reads.

--Man, who would have thought Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston wasn’t going to work out?

--Forbes came out with a list of the top 10 most trusted celebrities. At 10 is Reese Witherspoon. Morgan Freeman should definitely be higher than 9. Ty Pennington at 7 and I’ll never understand the appeal of that show. Denzel at 6. Figured Oprah would be # 1, but she’s # 4. Michael J. Fox at # 3. For some reason # 1 Tom Hanks is more trusted than # 2 Rachael Ray. No freakin’ way. Rachael has never told a lie in her life and rides to work on a unicorn while tossing out friendly hellos and fresh chocolate chip muffins baked with love and laced with happiness. What’s not to trust? Tom is the one who deceived an apartment building full of women by dressing as a female.
Yum-Oh.

--Movie Monday on The Office was out-freakin-standing. Ex-lover-ish. Crentist. Reject a woman and she will never let it go...one of the many defects of their kind, also weak arms. Let’s hug it out, bitch. Michael and Entourage = match made in heaven. Best episode of the new season. Earl’s highlight? Any scene involving Jaime Pressly and her deaf lawyer Marlee Matlin particularly the one where Jaime/Joy was laughing at Marlee and saying, “If you could hear how you sound when you talk, ha ha ha.”

--Is anyone besides Paris upset Shanna Moakler punched her in the face? Didn’t think so.


--You ever knock on your pot-smoking friend’s door pretending to be the police? Sure, who hasn’t. One guy at Arizona State did this and his three friends inside freaked out. One more than the others. That one tried to escape through a window…and he promptly fell two stories landing on a covered entryway before finally plopping onto the ground. Oh those crazy college daze.

--If you’re keeping track, Tony and Eva have now not broken up.

----The new Killers album is out and that’s a very, very good thing. And now thanks to Jimmy Kimmel we know how they got their name.


--I’m not sure who’s going to win the World Series, but I am sure Eric Byrnes has a future in broadcasting. And how great is it to see Peter Gammons back?

--Christopher Jones of Tampa had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad Wednesday night. Christopher got drunk. Good. Christopher got behind the wheel. Bad. Christopher crashed into police headquarters. Amusing. Christopher refused to get out and tightly hugged the steering wheel until a visit from Mr. Taser. Hilarious.

--Women, even those not engaged, are not booking churches and reception halls to get married on the luckiest of days, 07/07/07. Are they?

--Exactly how many different “special edition” Scarface DVDs do we need?

--Mack Brown knocked it out of the park in Friday Night Lights. Great stuff. The show itself was all right if you don’t take every little thing as gospel. Goodness gracious David Barron, compiling a list on your blog of the inaccuracies of a television show’s portrayal of high school football is just dumb. How about compiling a list of inaccuracies about plane crash survivors on an island or crime scene investigators? It’s a television show whose goal is to entertain. I know boring and accurate to the letter is your cup of tea, but ask someone to borrow their sense of humor for one hour a week.


--My favorite boxing site, MaxBoxing.com, says it best with this title, Corrales vs. Casamayor – An Underrated Rivalry. Maybe it’s because it’s on Showtime or maybe it’s because Corrales will always be linked with Castillo, but Corrales/Castillo gave us one incredible fight, one b.s. one, and one that didn’t even go off. Saturday night Diego and Joel break their 1-1 tie. Showtime has been running those first two bouts and it has them OnDemand. It’s worth checking out especially the first one. Round 4 from the first one with announcers that make me think a soccer game has broken out…


--The Revenge of the Nerds remake has been cast and the head nerd will be Christopher Marquette who was Eli in Girl Next Door. Pedro/Efren Ramirez is also in it fresh from that awesome MTV movie. Lovelies Katie Cassidy and Kristin Cavalleri play two of the sorority girls.
Kristin and Nicky, but where's E?

--"Israel and Thailand have well-trained teachers carrying weapons and keeping their children safe from harm. It can work in Wisconsin." Ummm, I’m not so sure about that Mr. Wisconsin lawmaker guy.

--If you gave serious thought or did actually buy doggie stairs or if you’re more concerned about what your dog is going to be for Halloween instead of you then you’ll probably want to take a look at this.

Questions, comments or if you lost money in poker to a guy who said RV “wasn’t all that bad”…

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There's More to Me Than You'll Ever Know

Can’t Win ‘Em All (or even 2 out of 3)

It was a fun ride for those last 12 games or so. For a team as bad as this one was for 150 games for it to come down to the very last day was unbelievable. Everything that went wrong for the first 150 came back to haunt them in the last three games. Sunday they left 11 runners on base. Worse than that how ya gonna lose a must-win when you out-hit your opponent 9-3? Pathetic. Almost as pathetic as the Cardinals. You can’t talk about how good Houston was without mentioning how nearly historical awful St. Louis was over the same stretch. That is the very definition of backing into the playoffs. Yeah, they were the better team over 162 or 161 games, but just barely. So now we turn the page on this Astros squad and the next page better have some new names added and some familiar ones erased. Thanks for making things interesting, but for future reference an 8.5 game deficit on September 19th is too much to make up, even for you guys.

--The Astros and Devil Rays tied for dead last in batting average at .255. Houston was 25th in runs scoring more than playoff-bound San Diago. Who had a better slugging percentage than the ‘Stros? Everyone except the Pirates.

--Houston was 5th in the Majors in team ERA at 4.08. St. Louis was 16th including a 5.30 ERA in its final 12 games.

--The Big Puma finished 7th in the NL in batting average at .315 just ahead of fellow MVP candidate Ryan Howard (.313). Lance was 4th in home runs and 3rd in RBIs trailing Howard and Pujols in each of those categories. That trio was also 1-2-3 in OPS with Berkman at 3.

--Willy T. was 10th in steals with 33 one fewer than he had last season. Coulda swore he had more than 34 last year.

--It just seemed like Brad Ausmus led the NL in grounding into double plays. In reality he was 5th doing it 21 times. Right behind him? Preston Wilson with 20. Who led MLB in GIDP? Miguel Tejada.

--Roy Oswalt and Johan Santana were the only starters with ERAs under 3.00. At home Johan went 12-0 with an ERA of 2.16.

--Congratulations to the Red Sox who finished third after a record eight straight 2nd place finishes. Your Houston Astros have finished 2nd five straight seasons, which is the second longest streak ever.

--Despite an ERA of 5.00 Randy Johnson won 17 games and, not surprisingly, received more run support than anyone at 7.51. The best supported Astro was Roy at 5.22 good for 43rd in MLB.

--Joe Mauer’s .347 batting average led the AL. He’s the first catcher to ever win the AL batting title. His Twins are the first team to ever make the postseason after taking sole possession of first in a division for the first time on the last day of the season.

--The Cardinals became just the third team to win its division despite a sub-.500 record in it (39-42).

--There’s limping into the playoffs and then there’s the Tigers. Detroit lost its last five games including Sunday’s game against the 100-loss Royals. The Tigers only had a 6-0 lead and a win would’ve put them in a series with the A’s. A 12-inning loss and they get the Yankees. Swept by the Royals at home the final weekend of the season. Ouch.

--Congratulations to the Devil Rays who edged out the Royals to win the first overall pick for the third year in a row. Dynasty?

--I'll take the
to win it all.

Hallelujah

It’s official. Crappy is worse than Sucky. The Crappy Dolphins just had no answer for the Sucky Texans. Was that defense I saw? Certainly not from Miami, but Houston actually ran some blitzes and got sack happy all over Daunte, who should really just change his last name or something because that is not Daunte Culpepper out there. Yuck. I mean allowing a team that in three games had three total sacks to sack you three times in the first half alone was inexcusable. Welcome to the NFL, Mario. The guy finally looked good although those 1.5 sacks were about the weakest 1.5 sacks you’ll ever see. Far more impressive to me was his tip of that Ronnie Brown pass on the two-point conversion. His freakish athleticism was on full display right there. Good for him. Now keep it going. The offense did just enough and Andre Johnson made David Carr look good yet again. Andre is just ridiculous right now. It’s just too easy for him. David makes a bad pass and Andre goes and gets it. The Dolphins aren’t the worst team in the league, but they’re worse than the Texans. It’s been hard to scream and yell in support of the Texans, but nothing can galvanize a partly angered and frustrated fan base than beating Dallas in two weeks. 19-10.

--Seriously, a halfback pass on a two-point conversion play? Nick Saban, "It's like every other play. When it works, it's a good play and very innovative. When it doesn't work, it's a bad play. So it was a bad play because it didn't work." Yeah, having your big offseason free agent acquisition hand off and throw a block while your running back tries to pass you into overtime is exactly like every other play.

--Jason Taylor with the most obvious statement of the week, "I'm going to tell you like this. Some people might not believe what I'm about to say. Some might not agree, some might agree. And quite frankly, I really don't care what they think. We are not a very good football team. You could take that, print it. Bold print. We're not a very good football team. Whatever people want to say is the worst team in the league, that's us. That's how we're playing."

--Albert Haynesworth probably should have been gone for the season, but five games is the bare minimum. Classy of PacMan Jones to say after that game that the Titans needed “more thugs.” You sure you don’t want to be fired if you’re Jeff Fisher?

--Four weeks in and Peyton has two rushing touchdowns while Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne have zero receiving. That makes sense.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Eva and Tony done?! Such a shame, those two combined for three and a half feet of good relationship. Four feet of good relationship between Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody, but apparently that’s done as well. Rachel is my sleeper pick for Matt and Adam’s Babe Bracket next year.

--Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man?! Nice.

--Kinda weird that a discrimination story comes out of tolerant Nashville, Tennessee. However, a popular bar there has a dress code banning baggy clothes, chains, sunglasses and even grills. Not only that, but you can’t wear certain labels like Southpole, ECKO, ENYCE, Sean Jean, Phat Farm, FUBU, and more. When will the discrimination against illegal immigrants end? Oh wait.

--Alanis Morrisette and Ryan Reynolds back on, so now you can sleep again.

--Lance Armstrong and Ivanka Trump?! Orlando Bloom and Penelope Cruz?!

--The Departed looks promising and so does this.


--I never thought Borat would get to the point that he’s appearing daily on The Drudge Report. Umm, people do understand he’s a character, right?

--Your mother of the year candidate hails from Tampa. Esther Soto allowed her underage son to grow marijuana. Why? Soto said, “It was a nice looking plant.” For some strange reason she went to jail. Another mother of year candidate for the great state of Florida comes to us from Spring Hill. There Theodosia Haynes got into an argument with her 18-year-old daughter. Mom followed daughter to her room and then sat on her. Somehow the daughter managed to pull out her cell phone, call 9-1-1, and for good measure took pictures of her mother’s awesome child-rearing…child-sitting skills. The cops came, saw the pics and bye, bye Mommy.

--If you’re wondering whatever happened to Zangief, Dhalsim and the rest of the Street Fighter crew, here ya go.

--My favorite drama featuring stranded plane crash survivors on an island with a polar bear, a horse, test hatches, a shipwreck, cool blacklight maps and a black smoke something or other combined with my favorite Phil Collins cover yields this as we get set for season three.


--Sean Penn’s advice to any boy taking out his 15-year-old daughter: “I tell them that whatever they do to my daughter that night, they better be prepared to come home and do it to me too.”

Questions, comments or if you knew little about the entire story and got halfway through reading former Representative Foley’s IM chat before realizing he was chatting with a teenage boy…
By the way, what a completely unpredictable play by Foley going to the alcoholism card. Wow, who saw that coming?

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