MCA hu-huh I'm gettin' rope y'all

DAMN YOU JAZZ!

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Secret Talents of the Stars, really?! Guess not, CBS cancelled its ass after one whole show.

--Mike Myers has the hosting duties for this year's edition of the MTV Movie Awards.

--Wait, Lindsey Lohan volunteered to take off her clothes in that sex-addicted waitress movie and they turned her down?! Umm...if the words to describe your movie are "sex-addicted waitress" maybe we should see her big tips.

--Lauren Graham in The Office spin-off?!

--I'm not sure if there's any real reason to get excited about Oliver Stone's W (I mean we get it, W is an idiot), but Rob Corddry as Ari Fleischer is a start.

--I love me some Mary-Louise Parker. The Weeds star has called off her engagement to Jeffrey Dean Morgan who played(s) her dead husband. Apparently they have "differing lifestyles." Back to Conrad?

--I don't know if I've ever seen the magazine known as King, but holy crap Stacey Dash is on this month's cover and BAM!
She's 42?!


--In coloring news it's the 50th anniversary of the big ass 64 box that Crayola offers. Eight of the colors have been changed to appeal to today's kids. So Laser Lemon is gone with Super Happy taking its place. Screamin' Green was always too controversial so it's been replaced by Giving Tree (great book). Beaver is out and Bear Hug (Colbert Threat Down Alert). I never liked Hot Magenta, but Famous?! Famous is a color?! I guess because Best Friends is replacing Orchid.

--Note to the kids out there...Please, I repeat please remember hit lists that you make are not as hilarious as you might think. Two teenage boys in New Jersey found out that the hard way. Apparently they made a list that had a few students' names and a staff member. The list also included Chuck Norris who i presume is in hiding.

--Your drunkard of the week comes to us from Rapid City, South Dakota. Monday night Loren Two Bulls (yeah, Two Bulls) was standing in the middle of the street threatening motorists with???? Assuming you answered bow and arrows, you're correct! In case Two Bulls ran out of arrows he also had a large razor knife with him. He shot off a couple of arrows, but the white man's automobiles were too powerful for them. Eventually Two Bulls was arrested.

--I'm surprised it took this long, but there are now Antipoleez lozenges out that the makers say take care of your alcohol-laden breath or your ganja-laden breath or both if you're having a really good night. Go figure, but D.A.R.E. and police aren't all that happy about these.

--Our Florida story of the week comes to us from oh wait, I already mentioned Florida, but more specifically Fort Lauderdale. There you need to make sure you have a roof over your head or Stephen Sticht may come after you. He's accused of chasing after five homeless man with a chainsaw. Stephen says he was just trying to clear some underbrush where the homeless people sometimes sleep. As for the shots he supposedly fired at them, well, he says he didn't fire any shots. Which may be true because back in 1999 when he was charged with trespassing with a weapon it was just a chainsaw he had on his person. And yes back then he was also chasing homeless people with the chainsaw.

--What's a football player, who can't work when he's playing football, to do to make some money? Sell drugs? Yeah, that'll work, but then people will start bitching about the way said football player collects his money. A Bethune-Cookman QB, Brandon Wright, faced that quandary. He was owed $200 for some drugs he sold and dude didn't pay. So the QB smacked the guy upside the head with a shotgun and then taped his hands and feet together. Yeah, the police kinda frown upon that sort of thing. Wright admitted to the beat down he applied and when police checked his dorm room they found cocaine, marijuana and a shotgun. He must not be that good of a QB because he's already been kicked off the team.

Questions, comments, or if your WristStrong bracelet broke and you're not sure if life is still worth living...