Naugels, Isaac Newton Scientific E.Z. Ben Franklin with the kite getting over with the key.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Yes, BJ it's totally worth filing a formal complaint over GSP having Vaseline on his shoulders and back. What an absolutely dominating performance from St. Pierre. And holy crap how bright does Jon Jones' future look. Lyoto was impressive as hell and who'd a thought he'd have the Knockout of the Night? UFC Fight Night 17 coming up Saturday.

--The Killers have improved dramatically live. Monday at Verizon was f'n awesome as Brandon was obviously inspired by the appearance of Chank.

--Because he doesn't own every hour on Fox (yet) Gordon Ramsay is coming up with a cooking show or cook-a-long. He wants everything from beginning to end for a three-course dinner done on camera. Apparently this was pretty huge across the pond with viewers knowing in advance what ingredients Gordon was gonna use so they could cook with him. I think Hell's Kitchen and I have broken up.

--Michael Phelps and a bong. Yawn. Oh and just STFU South Carolina sheriff.

--On the other hand Nike reportedly signed Leryn Franco and that's a good thing.

--Your Masturbator of the Week comes to us from (no, not from 610's old Sportsflash Studio) Santa Barbara City College. Girl parks her car, gets out, sees a guy in the car next to her playing a little five on one. The girl goes to class comes back an hour and a half later and the guy is still Eberting Siskel. So the girl calls and tells her softball coach who in turn calls the campus cops. The guy, Harold Hall, wasn't in a good position to try and lie about things seeing as how he had moisturizer, paper towels, and a Barely Legal. Yeah, good luck with that one Harold. He told the cop it was his first time (uh huh) and he couldn't do it at home because he had roommates. I hope it was worth Taking Little Johnny dancing down at Knuckle Junction.

--Your Threesome of the Week comes to us from Florida. Another parking lot the location as George Bartusek was allegedly having his way with two ladies. The kind of ladies whose motto is:
Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue.
Sometimes the best dates,
Are the ones you blow into.
So witnesses saw George "aggresively" kissing the dolls and "performing activity consistent with masturbation." George told the cops he was on his way to Target to buy his dolls clothes. George himself was dressed like you'd expect...short shorts with an open crotch and no underwear. Gotta be classy if you want a chance with dolls.

--We've now hit the parking lot story trifecta. We head down to an Orlando parking garage. Michael Merritt of the Chiefs didn't play last year as a rookie, but at least he's making a name for himself now. Cops rolled up on Merritt who was in his car rolling a joint. Merritt saw the cops and decided to put the joint in his mouth. Those clever cops told him to spit it out. And then he uttered a beautiful line, "All this for a little bit of weed?" They found a few grams of pot in one of Merritt's shoes. Big loss for the Chiefs.

--There are All-Star teams and then there is what Top Chef gave us last week. Miguel, Andrea, Josie, etc. these are "All-Stars"?! They got worked over by the worst season of chefs yet. Jeff got absolutely screwed as there was not one redeemable thing about Fabio's venison. Jeff not too happy in People saying about Tommyboy: "My opinion about Tom Colicchio’s food is that it’s extremely boring. I’ve been to his restaurant. His chicken dish on his menu is roasted chicken with roasted potatoes, thyme and olive oil. If I want that, I’d go to my grandmother’s house."
I picked Leah, but she's not very good. Hosea seems cool, but not special. Carla is crazy. Fabio is not nearly as good as his accent. Jamie and Stefan are your final two standing.

--Nadal v. Federer no matter the time, no matter the place is must-see television.

--The good for Phil Ivey was he had $800,000 on Arizona covering the TD. The bad for Phil Ivey was he had $800,000 on Arizona +3.5 in the first half. James Harrison hates Phil Ivey.

--There's gonna be a major character death on Heroes this season?! Please let Suresh drive a taxi cab off a cliff with Peter and Claire Whiner in the backseat.

--If you're scoring at home this will be the last season of Scrubs. It's going out in style

--One more week until Important Things with Demetri Martin. Fan-tastic.

--I read Moneyball and it was a good read, but I still can't imagine how it's going to make an interesting movie. Brad Pitt as Billy Beane? Whoopdeedoo, you're still not gonna get your girl to watch it with you. At least it apparently is keeping Steven Soderbergh from that 3D Cleopatra musical.

--If you need more Joe Buck in your life then HBO will give him to you in 90-minute doses four times a year now that Bob Costas is going to the MLB Network. Yay.

--South Alabama coach Ronnie Arrow simply wants to see a monitor so he can verify the other team got its game winning shot off in time...


--Lawrence Taylor on Dancing with the Stars?!
Lovely Julianne.

--Of course in Esquire Sarah Palin said she named her daughter Bristol because that's where ESPN was located and she always wanted to be a broadcaster.

--Candyland the movie?! 3D with a look like Speed Racer and a free hit of acid on the way in and somehow work in Megan Fox I'm down.

--17 of next season's Dynamo games will be on KHOU's digital channel?! Out-standing...unless you're like me and have satellite.

Questions, comments or if you know somebody who knows somebody...