Man, living at home is such a drag. Now your mom threw away your best porno mag (Busted!)

Are Those Words About Sports?

--Bill Kollar, not from Denver. Sweet.

--Look everyone around here, except maybe some Galveston cops, loves Brandon Backe. But how does a guy who ranked 85th in ERA nearly double his base salary?! $1.55 million coming off a 9-14, 6.05 ERA season?!

--Rod Marinelli almost made it through to next season with a bit of class after 0-16 took a crap all over him. Rod is now a Bears coach and was at the Senior Bowl when some Detroit writers approached him. He said he didn't want to talk to them and as they turned away he came with, "Goodbye ladies." Burn! Burn! Or just childish and stupid and believe me I know childish and stupid.

--They may not have Hard Knocks this summer, but the Cowboys will be represented via reality television. Whew. Michael Irvin is gonna host some show on Spike that has a bunch of guys competing against each other as WRs and DBs in order to win a spot on Dallas' 80-man training camp roster.

--Really deranged Arizona fans? You're gonna burn "Go Cards" on the lawn of a house Donovan McNabb owns in Arizona? One of the masterminds left a box at the scene that had idiot's address on it.

--Yeah, okay Chicago, just because you got an Illinoisite? Illinioinian? a guy representing Illinois in the White House don't think you're going to be getting a second NFL franchise.

--First Charles now the Arizona Diamondback mascot busted for the drinky drink. D. Baxter the Bobcat (uh huh) wasn't getting serviced, but was driving 95 mph when pulled over last September. Apparently, the D'backs waited until now to fire him because they had to conduct their own investigation. Anyway, Mr. Bobcat was speeding and was arrested for extreme DUI (sounds fun except for the driving part). The guy was driving his Scion which has a D'backs logo on it solidifying his coolness. Also cool is telling the cops you smoked pot earlier that day. Maybe I should ask J-Fizz this since this is his territory, but how exactly is a Bobcat a mascot for a team called the Diamondbacks?

--One of the many reasons I really need to get another job to afford NBA League Pass...Thunder edge the Warriors the other night 122-121 on Jeff Green's buzzer beater after Jamal Crawford's 1.6 seconds beater.

--His act didn't always go over well with me (I'm sure he regrets that), but major props to Alonzo Mourning for sending a busload of underprivileged children and chaperons to the inauguration.

--You mean Italian-Americans think it's stereotypical for the Knicks to blare "Volare" after Danilo Gallinari makes a bucket? No, stereotypical would be playing "That's Amore." Oh, they play that too? Well it's a-not-a like-a they say-a his name-a like-a 'Daneeelo Gal-lin-ar-ay.' That too, huh? Then yeah, pretty ridiculous.
I had no idea Luigi's last name was Risotto.

--The Mavericks have never made the playoffs with a Democrat as president? What about a Socialist? I like when Dallas was up 36-25 on Milwaukee only to end up losing 133-91. Yeah, that was fun.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--The most amazing thing about Tuesday is I never once saw Barack yawn. I mean, let's face it, there's some boring sh** you gotta look interested in and he kept smiling and waving. And when you think about it, what a quick eight years it was with Dubya and Dick. Oh they were quite the pair.

--Seriously Wex, Barack Von Wexler would have been an awesome name. Congratulations on Ryan Henry.

--Of course, Tom Colicchio was at the Art.Food.Hope dinner in D.C. and performed the Heimlich maneuver after a fellow cookbook author started choking. She lived unlike Radhika who learned her leadership skills from Tony Romo apparently. I mean you want to be a Top Chef and you put yourself in the front of the house?!

--I don't know many people who are excited about Affliction this weekend, but I'm looking forward to seeing Andrei Arlovski upset Fedor. Maybe you're just a fan of UFC and that won't get much better than next weekend headlined by GSP and Penn. That countdown show they've been showing on Spike is strong. Oh, look Arianny.

--Ken Shamrock v. Tank Abbott?! Uh-huh, still 2008 right? K, Just checking.

--Your 12-year-old BMF of the Week comes to us from Sacramento. There he and his punk 17-year-old friend were reportedly involved in a home burglary. The cops showed up and arrested the older kid while the 12-year-old ran like hell. He ran until the cop grabbed him so he had no choice. Bam! Cop = KTFO. One punch and the cop goes down, gets back up, and falls right back down. That meant it was time to release the hounds. An eyewitness marveled, "If you'd see it, it was like poetry in motion. The dogs couldn't even keep up with him." Eventually though the dogs cornered the kid and that was that.

--As we say goodbye to another fantastic season of Friday Night Lights we do it with a fantastic link to coedmagazine.com and its gallery of 32 Friday Night Lights ladies...

--In What a F'n Idiot news we have War Machine. If I gave you three guesses as to why he'll never be in the UFC again, you'd get it. War Machine decided to post something on his MySpace about Barack. It was not complimentary, something about hoping someone "smokes" him and every president to come. He added "F any president that was RICH before he came into office." Uh-huh. A real bright one here.

--When a 23-year-old female Russian figure skater exposes a breast you'd think she and her partner would be higher than 12th place.

--I need to see Black Dynamite.

--Time to take care of more business Margarito. By the way, the tripleheader HBO is giving lovebirds Valentine's night is really strong.

--Playboy has its list of the sexiest sportscasters down to 5 so let's run through them. First is Bill Walton. My bad, first is Erin Andrews who will no doubt win. Bonnie Bernstein also in. Charissa Thompson is in despite that brief unfortunate time she dyed her hair. Lauren Shehadi is on CBSCollege Sports so I have no idea what she looks like. I'll take Molly Sullivan who works for the Mountain West Sports Network.

--Your pothead acting like a pothead story comes to us from Florida. Christopher Cadenhead was pulled over for an expired tag. And then arrested, something about having 200 pounds of marijuana in the car. How'd the cops managed to find it?

--Sticking with Florida someone at UF got access to the emergency text message system. So he sent out a message that might be the perfect emergency text to send. It read: The monkey got out of the cage. Awesome.

--Damages is kicking some major ass again. You should be watching.

--Rich people suck. People head over heels in love suck. So put them together and you get Simone and Ryan Feeney who in the past year have gotten married in Turkey....and in Britain....and in Australia.....and twice in the U.S. Awwww, you make people sick all around the world.

Questions, comments or if parked in the wrong downtown parking garage and didn't notice until you stepped out on the sidewalk and thought, damn why is my building so far away...