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Got To Do It Like This Like Chachi And Joanie

Dumbass of the Week


No need to delve back deep into the Michael Vick thing. I’m not the legal system so due process doesn’t apply to me and I think the guy is guilty and needs to go down just like the rest of the sickos who practice this despicable, inhumane and oh yeah, illegal behavior. Let me just share some of what dumbass Deion Sanders had to say about this. Deion now overtaking Charley Casserly for biggest dumbass on CBS. Deion:


"What a dog means to Vick might be a lot different than what he means to you or I. Hold on, don't start shaking your head just yet. Listen to me. Some people kiss their dogs on the mouth. Some people let their dogs eat from their plate. Some people dress their dogs in suits more expensive than mine, if you can believe that. And some people enjoy proving they have the biggest, toughest dog on the street. You're probably not going to believe this, but I bet Vick loves the dogs that were the biggest and the baddest. Maybe, he identified with them in some way. I believe Vick had a passion for dogfighting. I know many athletes who share his passion. The allure is the intensity and the challenge of a dog fighting to the death. It's like ultimate fighting, but the dog doesn't tap out when he knows he can't win. The reason this is turning into a three-ring circus is that baseball is boring, basketball is months away, football is around the corner and we in the media don’t have a thing interesting to write about.”


The “allure”?! So you think there’s an allure to it because you don’t say “what I think the allure is” you just straight up say “the allure.” The comparisons that some morons make are just unbelievable. Seriously, “it’s like ultimate fighting, but the dog doesn’t tap out”?! No sh**, the dog ends up getting wetted down and then electrocuted. I didn’t see Ken Shamrock get taken out back after he last lost and get his head held underwater until he died. You’ve got to be f’n kidding me. The goal is death in ultimate fighting? How f’n clueless can you sound? Oh yeah, we in the media have nothing else to talk about…biggest NBA scandal in history, NFL training camps, signings, holdouts, MLB trade deadline a week away, Barry Bonds about to break the most hallowed record in sports, bo-ring. Way to reaffirm your stupidity Deion. Congratulations. Who wants to be the next dumbass former athlete to have Michael’s back?


Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--It took two and a half years for Jessica Alba to kick Cash Warren or Warren Cash or Cash Money Brothers or Warren Beatty or whoever to the curb, but the kicking is over. Because of Miss Biel’s appearance on the God awful Who’s Now segments Miss Alba is back at # 1 in the official ‘Tribes rankings.

--Tell me the Ford Explorer and the actual umbrella Britney Spears smashed said Explorer with is on e-Bay with the starting bid at $25,000.

--How we can turn this Tim Donaghy into a fix-it idea involving the dissolution of the WNBA?

--Seriously, Lindsey? You were wearing someone else’s pants the night you were arrested and cops found coke in the pants you were wearing? That’s almost as good as your “I wasn’t driving, the black kid was” defense. I think it’s time you started going with “Opposite Lindsey” and just start doing the exact opposite of what you would normally do.

--Do you like The Simpsons? Do you like drugs? Do you like watching The Simpsons on drugs?

--Your WTF is going on with that State story of the week comes to us from Wisconsin. There last September three 21-year-old creepy pieces of crap saw an obituary photo of a 20-year-old girl who apparently was good-looking…when she was…you know…breathing. These sickos went to the cemetery and started digging before abandoning the plans. Thankfully a car pulled up and they were busted. Of course, Wisconsin has no law against necrophilia so these guys skated on attempted sexual assault charges. Congratulations Wisconsin.

--Your sicko sub of the week comes to us from Long Island High School. Former substitute Michael Williams started off some classes with, “What I say in this class, better stay in this class.” Yeah, Michael then would start talking about how much enjoys oral sex. Talk of oral sex by a teacher to young teenage students – frowned upon. Of course, Michael claims he was discussing sex in the context of hip-hop lyrics. Uh-huh.

--Damn I almost feel stupid for not remembering that The Transformers PSAs end the same as GI Joes’.


--Drudge Report headline of the week: WASHPOST: Bush Most ‘Unpopular President’ in Modern History?
There’s a ‘?’ at the end because? And for that matter ‘modern’ is in the sentence because?

--29,000 people can no longer select their moods on MySpace. Seeing as how those 29,000 profiles belonged to sex offenders this is a good, if not very, very overdue thing.

--Thanks for the thought CNN, but I don’t feel the need to watch the video attached to the headline, '28 pounds of tumor cut off man’s face.'

--Tim McGraw and Faith Hill no more?!

--Seriously three of the top four rated shows last week were The Singing Bee, America’s Got Talent, and So You Think You Can Dance.

--Entertainment Weekly ranked the Best 50 Love Songs Ever and we start paying attention at 23 with "Purple Rain". At 21 we find "Time After Time" and yeah, I had Cyndi Lauper’s She’s So Unusual cassette. For some strange reason Beyonce’s "Crazy In Love" is 18. I mean the words ‘Best’ and ‘Ever’ are in the title of this list so… Anyway, would’ve thought "Unchained Melody" would be higher than 17. "At Last" is a great selection at 14. Thankfully no Michael Bolton, but Percy Sledge’s "When a Man Loves a Woman" at 13, which seems low. I don’t consider "Ring of Fire" a love song, but it’s 12. Paul McCartney at 11 with I"’m Amazed", me too Paul. F’ yeah, "In Your Eyes" at # 10!
Top 10 looks strong as hell with U2’s "All I Want is You" at 9. But what the hell EW saying “it’s the only reason to own Rattle & Hum” is just dumb. "Desire"? "Pride"? "Angel of Harlem"? Live versions of "Bullet" and "I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For"? Okay, did not expect or need to see "Sweet Child O’ Mine" at 8. Huh? I don’t know the Stones well at all, but "Wild Horses" at 7. No surprise Whitney’s "I Will Always Love You" landed at 6. Al Green’s "Let’s Stay Together" at 5, worked great in Pulp Fiction when the boxer met Marcellus Wallace. "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman" at 4. The Beatles’ "Something" at 3. This would have been my # 1, but Elvis’ "Can’t Help Falling in Love" at 2 while the # 1 spot goes to Johnny Gill’s 16-minute version of "My, My, My"…or this…


--Season 2 of Weeds is out on DVD!

--Maybe you’ve seen the pictures of Vanessa Minnilo and Lindsey Lohan playing knives-ies and pulling at each other’s tops. Those were from a year ago and apparently those pics were tough for Vanessa to deal with. "It was a tough time. I want people to see me for who I am. When a photo like that gets more press than you do it's sad. Nick said to me: 'This is one bad chapter in a book of your life.'”
People like to see you for you Vanessa….As long as you are getting hammered from behind by Nick in a hot tub.

--Sylar as Spock in the JJ Abrams Star Trek movie is an example of perfect casting.

--The first month of next season’s Office episodes are all going to be an hour-long!?! Sorry Scrubs, but that pushes you back to October 25th for your season premiere.Bring back Heather! By the way, Zach Braff is the 5th highest paid television star out there as he’s pulling i$6.3 million a year. Holy Sh**!! Obviously Oprah is the top dog at $260 million. Next up, no surprise, is Simon Cowell at $45 mil. Judge Judy at $30 million. Kati…wait, Judge Judy makes $30 million a year?! WTF?! Hell, Bob Barker was only making $10 million at the end. Katie Couric steals $15 million a year. The original C.S.I. guy makes $500,000 an episode. Charlie Sheen makes half that per episode. Someone pays Tyra $3.5 million for that show?!

--Michael will be back on Lost. Also told to us at Comic-Con was that Season 4 will have both flashbacks and flashforwards, we’ll find out why Ben was on the other side of the island when he got caught up in the net a coupla seasons ago, we’ll find out more about Libby, and Shannon will be back for ABC’s first nude scene…we can dream.

--Easiest bust of the week comes to us from Arkansas. There Patrolman Chris Castleberry was chilling in his cruiser when Thomas Michael Everett pulled up alongside him. Thomas told the cop that he had a gambling problem and to support it he had robbed banks in three states. The cop said he understood and told Thomas a couple of bad beat stories and then they played heads-up for each other’s car OR the cop took Thomas to jail. I forget how this one ended.

--Tell me R. Kelly is not coming out with ten new installments of Trapped in the Closet.

--WTF is this?!


--At this point it would be easier to count the non-porn stars who are on Bret Michaels’ Rock of Love.

--Note to racists: Leave Boise State RB Ian Johnson and his soon to be wife, who happens to be white, the hell alone.
Personal threats? Threatening letters? Get over it people.

--R.I.P. Skip Prosser.

Questions, comments or if you’re pissed because you forgot to tape To Catch a Predator this week…

Listen to the Sh** Because Both of Them is Boney

No Sports, Just Good Clean Fun…

Well Maybe A Little Football With What May or May Not be Madden’s ’08 Opening


Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Whoa, whoa, whoa Lindsey Lohan arrested for DUI and possession of cocaine?! Must be a different Lindsey Lohan.

--Notre Dame and Washington State are going to meet at the Alamodome in 2009?!

--Clearly the highlight of this week’s Flight of the Conchords…


--David Barron took a shot at Friday Night Lights the other day noting that it didn’t garner an Emmy nomination, which apparently is the end-all, be-all of whether or not a television show is any good. I guess critical praise and a renewal for a second season wasn’t good enough for him. Lights did win Outstanding New Program from the U.S. Television Critics Association. Of course, what do you expect when you say you wish you were as funny as Norman Chad. Planet Earth, Heroes, and The Office were other big winners so obviously the Association knows what the hell it’s doing.

--Good god, I like soccer, but holy crap this Beckham stuff is ridiculous. America does not and cannot be forced to care. C’mon media, I’d almost, almost rather be overwhelmed with Red Sox/Yankees talk that this Posh/Becks crap.

--Note to Kim Kardashian: First off nice ass. Now that that’s out of the way, your father you might recall helped this guy O.J. get away with murder (allegedly). So maybe showing up at a Nicole Brown foundation fundraiser is not the classiest idea you’ve ever had.

--Scott Baio is 45 and Single = yawn. Charles purposely was never given a last name on Charles in Charge = fascinating.

--Your slice of domestic tranquility pie this week comes to us from New Port Richey, Florida. ‘Twas (‘twas is making a comeback, by the way) there Phillip Spears’ girlfriend was making spaghetti on the stove when SMACK! 3-iron to the head from Phillip.
Girlfriend: “Why did you hit me?”
Phillip: “I hate everything.”
Girlfriend tried to leave the kitchen and WHAP! another 3-iron from Phillip. One more BAM! after Phillip politely ordered that she sit by his feet while he sat on a chair and smoked a cigarette. Somehow girlfriend has hung around with Phillip for 14 years.

--According to the Exxon off of Westheimer and Kirby Barack Obama will be the next Commander-In-Chief. It was a fair vote and as of last Friday afternoon two Obama lighters had been sold, 1 Hillary lighter, and 0 lighters representing any of the Republicans. So if that’s any indication, and I think it’s safe to say the Exxon gas station next to the Bed, Bath, and Beyond accurately represents the melting pot that is our nation, then all hail President Obama.

--Those whorish Bratz! dolls are being made into a movie to further ensure our nation’s little girls dress like Atlantic City hookers who take blasts from make-up shotguns, but apparently this project means a lot to people like, oh I don’t know, this whacked out chick…

http://images.usatoday.com/sports/baseball/_photos/2006-02-28-inside-bonds.jpg

--Best food/beverage idea I’ve heard today…if you like your coffees iced then why not use coffee iced cubes for your drink? Almost makes too much sense and how has Starbucks not started doing this? On a related note, sometime over the next week Starbucks will be raising prices by an average of 9 cents for most beverages because of milk prices and some other excuse.

--For the record, Number 5 is alive and be auctioned off on eBay.

--Drew Carey is your next host of Plinko.

--I don’t know crap about The Punisher except I’ve never watched the movies or read the comics. However, if Ray Stevenson/Titus Pullo is the new Punisher and the guy who directed Green Street Hooligans is in charge, I’m down.

--Cherry Jones is your new President of the United States coming up on 24. You may remember her from, well probably from nothing, but maybe you’ll recognize her when you see her. Not that 24 is unrealistic, but who’d have thought back-to-back African-American presidents followed by a female president?
George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, David Palmer

--I loved me some Underdog back in the day, but this movie looks Garfield bad even without Breckin Meyer.

--The Futurama crew is working on four straight-to-DVD movies?!

--Seth Rogen as The Green Hornet?! Stephen Chow (Shaolin Soccer, Kung Fu Hustle) as Kato?!

--Who’d have thought a To Catch a Predator marathon on MSNBC could provide so much hilarious albeit disturbing entertainment. Two Predator all-stars with the second guy having the best line ever uttered on the show…”Gentlemen, have a good night.” (walks out the door)


--Heather Locklear and Jack Wagner?!

--Seriously how has the Jon Lovitz/Andy Dick fight not made its way onto YouTube. What it wasn’t videotaped?! Fights happen that don’t get taped by someone?

Questions, comments, or if you think Family Circus has lost its edge…

Ad Rock Down With The Ione

Guess Who’s Back, Back Again, Stevie’s Back, Tell a Friend

Well, well, well, if it isn’t Steve “go the playoffs once in five years in Houston frustrating its fans with dribble, dribble, dribble, turnover or occasionally dribble, dribble, dribble, shot clock violation, get traded with no one in Houston disagreeing with the move only for three years later the majority of Houston thinking you’re the missing piece” Francis. I wasn’t against this from the beginning I just thought a lot of questions needed to be answered. Apparently he’s healthy, he’s not going to hamstring the club in terms of cost, surely he’s been humbled by the last couple of seasons, surely he realizes he doesn’t have the physical tools he used to so all that’s left is to endure watching him play point guard. I’ve always been a Rafer guy or at least not as much as a hater as most of you. I think the way this team is built it needs a point guard who doesn’t turn the ball over, gets the team in its offense before there are 4 seconds left on the shot clock and can occasionally knock down a 3. Which of those things has Steve done in his career? Maybe Steve has some gas left in his tank, maybe his knees won’t bother him, maybe he’ll have the right attitude and maybe he’s magically learned how to play point guard. Bottom line is it’s a low-risk move that could yield high rewards. That has been the way to characterize all of Daryl Morey’s transactions thus far and that's a good thing. It’s remarkable how much improved it is than it was at the end of last season. Now if we can just get Morey to swing by Tim Purpura’s office sometime before the trade deadline…

--An NBA official is dirty? Just one?

Who Let The Dogs Out…Only To Force Them Onto The Rape Stand Or Wet Them Down Before Electrocuting Them Or Drown Them Or Smash Their Heads Onto The Concrete Or Let Them Fight To The Death And Then Bury Their Carcasses In The Back Of A Property You Own…Who Who Who…

Federal indictments are kind of a serious matter seeing as how the government wouldn't bother unless it feels pretty certain it can nail your ass to the wall. Whether you're Michael Vick or Michael Scott when the federal government comes a'callin you're in some trouble what with that close 100% conviction rate. And yet the image-conscious commissioner Roger Goodell who was so hard on Pacman and Chris Henry and Tank is taking his foot off the pedal on Vick. Because? Because he's a quarterback? The face of a franchise? A superstar in the endorsement world? Whatever. I understand those previous three bums were repeat offenders, but this isn't the first time Vick has stepped in dog doo-doo. Double rods to home fans ring a bell? A hidden compartment in a water bottle for jewelry that smelled a whole lot like marijuana? The behavior he's been accused of is inhumane, disgusting and something the league needs to distance itself from not tomorrow or next month or after the trial, but right now. Innocent until proven guilty? Hell yeah. But that phrase belongs in the court system and if his employer wants to give him a leave of absence, so to say, then it should do it if it feels like the charges are casting a shadow the league doesn't desire to be under. Arthur Blank should have already given Vick a leave of absence, but that’ll be forced upon him because I think Vick is going down. How could Vick not know just about every grisly detail that was happening on his property? This was not a summer hobby, this is something that's been going on for 5 f’n years! Inexcusable. Irreprehensible. Unforgivable. F'n sickos.

--This may surprise you, but I really like NCAA '08. I know, shocking. It's not like the first night I had it I played it until 6 in the morning while watching an internet feed of the final table of the Main Event at the WSOP. It's very close to that though, like 5:30-close. Anyway, expect to see this happen in the upcoming football season…Jamal Charles will not be tackled, ever. It will be very hard to keep Texas from winning another championship if this holds true and I certainly expect it to because tv, the internets, and video games don’t lie…West Virginia's offense will grab the headlines, but the defense will get it to the championship game…Ian Johnson will keep Boise State in the news…there will be a lot of missed extra points (seriously, WTF, I'm bringing it back and then straight, get the hell through the freakin' uprights already!)…

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Only Tom F'n Brady can get away with having a baby born on the same day as the birthday of the supermodel he's currently dating.

--Tell me Rosie is not going to make a 5 or 6 episode arc on Friday Night Lights. Oh God no, apparently she is set to play some volleyball coach who whines about the school allocating more money to football than boring ass volleyball.

--Do yourself a favor and watch the documentary HBO is running on the Brooklyn Dodgers. Great stuff.

--If you haven't seen Tammy Faye Messner lately you're lucky. The former Mrs. Bakker is dying from inoperable cancer and she looks, well I don't want to be mean so…ummm…let's go with she's looked better. And note to Tammy, probably can lay off the tanning beds at this point.

--Your Babysitter/Ex of the Year candidate comes to us from New York. Miss Michelle Rondino, 20, had to find a way to get back at her boyfriend, but first she had to watch the four kids she’s been put in charge of. If there was only a way…Yeah, she chose this way to resolve this difficult problem. Miss Rondino went into the woods near Syracuse’s Inner Harbor and there she had someone take nude pictures of her. Of course, she couldn’t let the kiddies see her so she just straight up left them outside. Some fisherman saw the kids (oldest was 6) crying and alone and so called the police. The 6-year-old told police that “Aunt Michelle” went into the woods to take “nasty pictures.” And so goes the final chapter of The Babysitter Club.

--It's the 10th anniversary of one of the greatest albums ever made, Radiohead's OK Computer, and stereogum.com has a link to a bunch of interesting covers or remakes or whatever by bands I've never heard of, but a couple of the songs standout to me: Exit Music for a Film and No Surprises.

--Seriously Nicole Richie, the father of your baby is down to DJ AM, Brody Jenner, Joel Madden or Jeff Goldblum?! Aren’t we all rooting for Jeff Goldblum?

--Fresh off the ESPYs LeBron will host the SNL premiere coming up in September which is odd since it hasn’t been funny since he was born. LeBron and I have this thing in common.


--Emmy nominations are out…It won’t win, but it’s nice to see Top Chef nominated for Best Reality-Competition Show…Surely The Office walks away with Best Comedy oh wait Ugly Betty is nominated, that’ll win…Where the hell is Weeds in that category?...Make it up to Mary Louise Parker with Best Actress in a Comedy…

Go Hiro for Best Supporting Actor in a Drama!!...Best Supporting, Comedy we got Ari, Johnny Drama and Dwight Schrute facing off. Doogie and Duckie are in that category as well…Gotta love Martin Landau for Guest Actor, Comedy Series. Is that something you’d be interested in?...Biggest screw job? No love for Connie Britton or Kyle Chandler in Friday Night Lights. They, along with the entire cast (I’m imagining you naked Minka Kelly), do a fantastic job that wins critical praise, but results in no Emmy noms. I still can’t see why this didn’t do well in the ratings.


--I’m not remotely interested in watching The Coreys on A&E (I prefer to remember them in their Dream A Little Dream days), but seeing as how Haim cried when told he wasn’t going to be asked to cameo in Lost Boys 2 and they fought when Haim insulted Feldman’s wife, maybe, just maybe if I come stumbling home drunk and it’s on and I lost the remote I’ll watch.

--Holy crap, I like soccer, but this Beckham publicity machine is ridiculous and unnecessary. America doesn’t care! What reasons have we given the media to make it think we give two sh*** about this?

--Promising Drudge headline: “75% of Americans overweight by 2015”

--Entourage has been good the last couple of episodes, but I'm tired of being asked to buy Eric as this tough guy. Whatever. Apparently at some ESPYs afterparty 'E' and Suge Knight of all people were play wrestling (who the f play-wrestles with Suge Knight?) when Suge bit Eric's finger and he started bleeding all over the place. Smartly Eric took it like a man and didn't try to bite back.


--I was a big ECW mark back in the day as you can tell from the first line of my Steve post. I’m sure two people realized I was invoking the brilliance of Joel Gertner. Anyway remember the tag team of Perry Saturn and John Kronus. One of those guys just died. It wasn’t Perry. This will get blamed on steroids in 3, 2, 1…

Questions, comments or if you love you some Red Diamond Tea…

The Big Gamble - How to Protect Yourself When Buying Vintage Clothing on EBay

Have you every been disappointed with an item of vintage clothing you purchased on EBay? I'll bet the answer is, "Yes!".

I sell exclusively on EBay and have one of the largest vintage clothing stores on the EBay site. I consider it my job to be aware of what is happening in the vintage clothing categories on EBay, so I set out to discover why customers of vintage clothing are so disenchanted with buying on EBay.

For the last 6 months, I have been conducting an experiment. I have purchased over 100 vintage clothing items on EBay for my personal use. I used a different EBay account to purchase these items, so the sellers I purchased from did not know who they were selling to. I only purchased items described as being in excellent condition. I purchased from experienced, well-known sellers as well as new and inexperienced sellers.

I was appalled at the results of my experiment! More than 50% of the items I purchased were damaged in some way! These pieces could not be considered to be in excellent condition by any stretch of the imagination. I received a dress covered in mold and mildew, a dress that overwhelmed me with the smell of moth balls, and a dress that had been washed and shrunk so the lining hung 2 inches below the hem of the dress itself! I received items with actual measurements up to 2" off from what was stated in the listing. I received items with moth damage, iron shine, stains, fading, popped seams, broken zippers, splits in the fabric, underarm odors, tears and holes, alterations, and cut off and shortened hems. NONE of these issues had been disclosed in the listings so I could make an informed buying decision.

It's no wonder buyers of vintage clothing no longer trust EBay sellers! But, take heart! There are many professional vintage clothing sellers on EBay who offer wonderful merchandise and can be trusted. The trick is to find them. An easy way to be assured you'll be happy with your purchase is to shop with Vintage Fashion Guild members. Sellers who are members of the Vintage Fashion Guild have gone through a rigorous review process and meet the standards set forth by the Guild. Couture Allure has been a member of the VFG for over 4 years. We highly recommend all sellers who are members of the VFG.

In light of my dreadful experiences buying vintage clothing on EBay, we're announcing a major policy change at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion. We are so confident you'll be happy with your purchase from us, we now accept returns on most of the items we sell. You can find the details on our Policies Page on EBay.

There are many other ways you can you protect yourself when considering making a purchase of vintage clothing on EBay. I've just written an EBay Guide with several tips which you might find interesting.

Shop for vintage clothing on EBay with confidence at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion .

Phone is Ringing, Oh My God

Wait, The Astros Aren’t Going to Make a Miraculous Run…Really?

This just in, just like the first series of the season the second half has started with the Astros getting swept by a divisional opponent. I know, this is all very shocking because Houston has looked so good what with only being 11 games under .500 at the break and looking up at the Pirates in the division for basically the entire season. Pittsburgh took the first set against Houston 6-Love so we’ll see if the Astros can get a game in the second set which begins Friday. First a date with one of the two NL teams with a worse record. Of course, Houston will be seeing Tim Redding on Tuesday so that’ll be a win…or a no-hitter from Redding. This might be the last little Astros blurb until they start making deals because really what’s the point? Congratulations to the Chronicle guys for coming up with articles every single day on this sorry ass team.

--How reassuring is it that our nation’s president doesn’t get a lot of time for television viewing what with that thing, you know that thing, the one where young Americans die on a daily basis for inexplicable reasons, ummm, Iraq something or ever, oh well, I’m sure it’ll come to me later, anyway, a “big chunk” of that television viewing is devoted to Baseball Tonight? This speculation about him being the next commissioner is really, really promising. Jim Lampley said it best after I posed the question to him about whether George W. Bush is a “great president” or the “greatest president.” Lamps, “George W. Bush is the WORST president in the history of the republic!” That wasn’t a choice so I just put him down for “great.” (Thank you Colbert)

--Barry is 0 for his last 20 heading into the new week. It was 12 years since his last 0-5 game until last weekend.

How Long Until Chance creates a song for Scola to the Tune of "Lola"?

Who loves him some Scola? Thanks Spurs. I guess I understand what you were doing by saving a bunch of money and clearing the way for Tiago and whoever else, but you had to send him to Houston? Seems like they could have found a way to keep him out of the division much less the state. I don’t know how Daryl Morey will work long-term, but I do know you’ve got to like turning Juwan and Billy into Mike James, Luis Scola and Jackie Butler. Probably have to like Aaron Brooks considering his outstanding summer league play. Gotta love former Rice Owl Mike Harris getting a non-guaranteed deal that hopefully will end up with him on the opening night roster. Looking good.

--Kevin Durant’s summer action wasn’t all of that as he averaged 24 points on 33% shooting while grabbing just two rebounds a game.

--Aaron Brooks averaged 21.4 points and 5 assists. Mike Harris went for 12.6 points and 7 rebounds per. He also shot 68% from the field and was 21-23 from the line. Carl Landry was a 7 and 7 guy.

--How did ESPN sign an 8-year deal with the WNBA when the league will only be around for two more? I mean haven’t we had our little fun with that whole fad of women’s sports being relevant.

Remember When ESPN Used To Be Cool?

--A big GIANT F*** YOU to ESPN and its ridiculous ESPYs. So at the beginning they show all of these montages with the best moments of the sports year and then the music changes and we get the roll call of those who left us in the past year. Red Auerbach, Eddie Robinson, etc. and yet for some unknown reason they didn’t show a picture of Diego “Chico” Corrales. WTF?! Ridiculous.

--Devin Hester over Kevin Durant for Breakthrough Athlete?! All I know is Kevin Durant had zero fumbles in the Super Bowl. What about Devin?...Peyton – Championship Performance?! Ummm, he wasn’t even the Super Bowl MVP so….Peyton must’ve loved having that awesome seat next to the Christian Slater whose Monday Night Football appearance was perhaps the greatest MNF segment ever (unfortunately not on YouTube)…I’m sure there was more to bitch about and wonder why (My Prerogative) about, but 30 minutes was about all I could stomach.

--I’m embarrassed for you Kirk Herbstreit, Michael Wilbon and Keyshawn Johnson. I understand you have to do what the network tells you, but you guys, especially you Kirk, are taking this Who’s Now crap way too seriously. It’s a f’n stupid idea arguing the merits of who’s now between Ronaldhino and Kobe or some surfer or whatever and these dumbass brackets named for legends. I mean, this is truly awful. Round 2’s judges are supposed to include Jessica Biel which may make it watchable…on mute. For shame. For shame. Oh yeah, F U for not recognizing the passing of Diego Corrales!

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Megan Fox and David Silver?! How I still haven’t seen The Transformers is beyond me.

--Brooke’s last doctor trip may give you two more reasons to watch the new season of Hogan Knows Best. Apparently the Hulkster and wifey are on the outs.

--I’ve never seen a Harry Potter movie much less read a book, but Harry/Daniel Radcliffe has the right attitude: "Girls who want to go out with me just because I'm famous has never been a problem. I'm 17. I don't care. Obviously, if I wanted a deep and meaningful relationship then I wouldn't want to be going out with somebody who is only with me because I'm an actor, but if you don't a relationship like that then it's fine."

--When you listen to the morning show you hear Andre Ware says he knows when it’s football time by the smell of the air. Danny Vara knows it’s football time when NCAA ’08 drops. It drops Tuesday. Football starts Tuesday! I’ll sleep when I’m dead.

--Holy crap, I love this show…


--Giselle Bundchen will be in U2’s next music video because apparently she and Bono are now BFFs.

--It’s reportedly down to Mark Steines and Todd Newton for the next host of The Price is Right. I know, I know…how’d they get such big names to even consider hosting. Who thought they had a shot at a Steines or a Newton.

--Look at some point or another in our lives we’ve all reenacted scenes from Teen Wolf whether it was going into a closet with a girl named Boof or remembering coach’s advice about not dating women with the same first name as a state and who among us hasn’t car surfed to Surfin’ USA? Yes, we were all much cooler for it in the end. But when you start tandem car surfing you’re just asking for problems. This out of St. Paul where Mom of the Year candidate Blythe Jarrett was having a tiff with her live-in, ex-boyfriend (btw, the words “live-in” followed by the word “ex” is always a recipe for s-u-c-c-e-s-s). So boyfriend takes the car last Wednesday evening. Did I forget to mention that five hours earlier Mommy was released from jail on a DWI arrest? Okay fast forward to ex taking the car. Mommy didn’t like that so she jumped on the hood…while holding her 4-month-old baby. Surely the ex-boyfriend wouldn’t driv…oh sh** he would! Hell, it’s not his kid after all. So Ex of the Year candidate runs a red light, swerves everywhere, hops a curb and hits a pine tree before police finally pull him over. For what, I have no idea. He was wearing his seatbelt. Mommy and the kid weren’t and that’s not his problem. Commander Shari Gray with the best parenting advice you will ever hear, “It’s just not acceptable for any parent to put a child in that situation and for the driver to continue driving knowing there is a baby on the hood.” Remember parents, this is NOT acceptable behavior. Glad we cleared that up.

--Like you need another reason to never spend a single second in Detroit…it is about to lose its last two major chain grocery stores as Farmer Jack is about to shut it down there. Not even so much as a Wal-Mart will dare to enter Detroit city limits. Your city might be a hellhole if…

--Ever since Weekend at Bernie’s as a society we’ve come to appreciate the humor in dead bodies not yet buried. This from Pennsylvania where Dennis Laslo came across a pickup truck with the dead body of Maynard Anthony in it. So good citizen Laslo decided to take Anthony to the bank so he could use Maynard’s ATM card since he wouldn’t be needing it any longer (no word on if he fastened Maynard’s seatbelt or stuck him in the trunk or put sunglasses on him…we need these details police people, c’mon). Yeah, that didn’t work. Dennis the menace then decided to go supermarket shopping with Maynard. So Dennis drove into the parking lot of a store, got out, and tried to take the purse of some woman who wasn’t dead so that didn’t work out too well for Dennis. That’s when the police got involved and through some CSI-type of detective work they discovered Maynard’s dead ass in the truck. Laslo was charged with abuse of a corpse and some other boring charges.

--Dax Shepard and Kate Hudson?!
Need to revisit this.

--The sport of boxing will miss you Arturo Gatti. You drew more people into the sport than Floyd Mayweather and you likely won’t be in the Hall of Fame, but your contributions will never be forgotten. Tremendous win for Paul Williams over Antonio Margarito. Good stuff there. Margarito was the guy nobody else wanted to face and that title no goes to Paul Williams.

--Broadcasting & Cable handed out some television awards the other day. Medaling for Best Show was Sopranos, Friday Night Lights, and Heroes in that order. I would go with Heroes, Lights, and Lost, but that’s just me. Best Comedy gold went to The Office followed by 30 Rock and Ugly Betty neither of which I’ve ever seen. I would have tossed in Weeds. American Idol, The Amazing Race, and Project Runway were voted reality’s best offerings. Obviously I would’ve put in Top Chef and Hell’s Kitchen. BBC America the Network More People Should Watch. The only thing I’ve ever seen on it is Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares, which is coming here. Worst Show went to National Bingo Night followed by Sons of Hollywood and Til Death. Congratulations War at Home the business has churned out stankier crap than what you offer. C’mon Michael Rappaport, you’re better than that.

--Friday Human Weapon debuts on The History Channel. Basically it’s some professional fighter and some former football player/wrestler visit martial arts experts and blah, blah, blah, they fight at the end, which is why I’ll be watching and by watching I mean DVRing and fast forwarding to the fight.

--Ace Ventura 3! I know many of you said it can’t get better than Ace Ventura 2, but maybe it can, maybe it can.

--Another X-Files movie?

Questions, comments or if your new favorite sandwich spot is Which ‘Wich…

L-A-Z-Y I Ain't Got No Alibi...I'm Lazy...Yeah, Yeah, I'm Lazy..

I’ll be back next week with the ‘Tribes y’all. I’ve just been extremely busy as the paper money job and the pocket change job have morphed into double-digit hour work weeks and those are for society-contributing adults…..obviously not me. So rest assured next week we’ll back to those things that matter…Dumbass of the Week, Criminal Mastermind of the Week, the Jessicas and who is dating them, The Flight of the Conchords, Top Chef, why Mandy Moore should never let herself be photographed in a bikini again, how many days until our hero The Cheerleader turns 18, why Fruity Pebbles and Flintstone vitamins will always be the real Breakfast of Champions, and my always rocky relationship with my girl Jager. We’re talking, but I’m not committing right now. Oh yeah, maybe some sports. See ya on Tuesday.

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