Mix Master Mike with the Scratch Routine

F’ugly

There aren’t a lot of teams that can go out and not only lose, but get embarrassed on an 0-7 road trip, but buck up Houston, your Astros are one of them. Yeah, turns out the teams out West pretty good, the teams in the Central pretty bad, really bad, suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked type of bad. Let’s look at the fun numbers from the trip. First I’d like to congratulate Orlando Palmeiro for ending his 0-19 slump with a couple of hits in 9 at-bats. Still no reason for you to be on the team though. Lance was 3-22 (.136). Sadly Wandy had as many RBI (1) as Puma did. Once upon a time Mike Lamb was hot, he hit .125. Craig Biggio continued his glacier-like “run” to 3,000. He had two whole hits in batting .118. Should he even be going on road trips? At this rate Hunter will reach 3,000 before Bidge. Brad Ausmus, Luke Scott, and Jason Lane also all hit below .200. Morgan Ensberg had 4 hits, 3 of which were home runs so I guess that’s a positive although he’s just as likely to go 0 for his next 15 as he is to hit three more HRs before the All-Star break. Carlos Lee was Carlos Lee (.308, 5 RBIs) and Mark Loretta continued his good play (.333). Hunter Pence continues to make you wonder why the hell he didn’t start the season up here. Hunter hit .370, but 0 HRs and just 1 RBI. The only pitcher to pitch at least 2 innings with an ERA below 4.50 was, oh wait, there wasn’t one. Even Roy had an ERA over 6.00 for the lovely swing out west. I’m sure by season’s end we’ll be pointing at this trip and laughing saying we can’t believe the Astros were once that bad. Or we’ll be saying remember when they only lost 8 in a row?
some of us are taking it harder than others...


--Troy Percival is trying a comeback?!

--I’m not much for baseball games, but checked out The Show for PS3 the other day. I feel fairly certain it’s the best simulation I’ve seen seeing as how there are button combinations for 8 different types of slides. They also have AAA and AA teams with a few real players among the made up ones.

--Let’s say, for instance, you have a baseball player who police have had to deal with four different times in the past four years for domestic violence issues. A little marijuana issue as well that police had to sort out. Oh this one time he barged into his wife/teacher’s classroom and had to be hauled out by school security. Good example for the kids. And finally he left a voicemail threatening not only her life, but their kids as well. For good measure he sent her a text message with a picture of a gun. So what kind of punishment do you mete out? Tampa Bay sat piece of crap Elijah Dukes down for two whole games. That’ll learn him. F’n ridiculous. Death, taxes, and D-Rays sucking are certainties, but at least you can have a team of decent, law-abiding human beings.

--Normally former Astros go on to do well elsewhere, but that looks like it’ll never be the case for Kirk Saarloos. He was 0-4 with an ERA over 7.00 before the Reds sent him back down. He allowed five runs in a start on Sunday in which he recorded 1, 2, zero outs.

--Winadaywithjose.com is the hottest site on the Net or maybe not. Either way head there if you have an idea about what you’d like to do if given the chance to spend a day with Canseco. One idea had some guy taking Jose to a Giants game so they could stand up and yell “steroids” every time Barry stepped to the plate. He’s trying to make a TV show out of this to put on, where else, VH-1.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Whoa, whoa, whoa Tony Romo is trying to date both Carrie Underwood AND Jessica Simpson?! Tony, you can’t even handle a snap, how ya gonna handle two womens like that?
Yeah, people are staring at you because of your voice.

--I’m not sure Tom Brady can get any more perfect especially seeing as how he recently said his DVR is full of The Shield and Entourage. Oh yeah, the first two artists he mentions when asked about his iPod content are U2 and Jay-Z.

--You only need to see about the first 5 minutes of Forrest Whitaker on the screen before realizing he was a shoo-in for Best Actor in Last King of Scotland. Wow.

--You think the action in the Western Conference Finals can’t get any more heated and then Bruce Bowen gets hit by Carmex. That’s how you kick things up a notch. Seriously Jazz Fan, Carmex?! Why not throw a wife at him? At least you know you have more of those back at the house.

--You know the bad thing about living in Houston is that we usually only get to see Western Conference teams. That’s why it’s been an absolute joy and privilege to watch the high-flying Easter Conference playoff teams this postseason. Wow, where has the NBA been hiding these exciting, thrill a minute, run and gun teams?

--Someday I’m sure there will be a better season finale than what Lost offered last week, but it ain’t happening in my lifetime. RIP Charlie.
Bad news is you're dead on the show. Good news is you still get to go home to this every night.

--Tell me Miss USA didn’t bite it during the Miss Universe competition.


--Smokin’ Aces is a nice little popcorn movie that apparently is going to spawn a direct to DVD prequel. Too bad Lloyd wasn’t cast as one of the bad ass assassins.

--If you’re not making the NCAA Lacrosse Championship apart of your Memorial Day viewing tradition you’re missing out.

--It’s also that time of year for The Spelling Bee. Sadly Mike and Mike are hosting the final rounds. Whatever. It’s all about Samir Peyton Manning Patel this year as he tries for first for the fifth and final time. Good luck although he’s a Cowboys fan so, aw screw it, good luck anyway.

--There are things that you make you sick and then there are things that make you sick and want to beat the sh** out of some people. Apparently vandals visited veterans’ cemeteries over the weekend and put swastikas on markers and burned American flags replacing them with paper swastika ones. Where’s the Strike Team when you need them?

--Your dumbass teenager of the week comes to us from Wisconsin. Moua Yang was a bit of an entrepreneur, so so far, so good. His business was growing and selling pot. Hmm, well that’s still illegal so maybe that’s a bad idea. Moua thought a good idea would be to post pictures of his pot plants on his MySpace profile. Yeah, apparently cops have online access.

--You never know when you’re going to meet that special someone so you’ve always got to be ready. Two men, one a romantic, charged into a U-Haul store in Milwaukee the other day demanding cash. They got the cash and the bad guy robber left. The misunderstood, sweetheart of a thief stayed behind a few moments and used his always money line of, “Hey baby, you’re pretty fine.” The smooth operator was somehow turned down when he asked for her number.

--Note to 24: Piss poor excuse for a season. Piss poor.

--We’re coming up on June so all of those Father of the Year candidates are busy trying to sneak in one more good deed to put them over the top. Justin Lenegar of Milwaukee had two DUI convictions and a suspended license, but when it’s time to put on a show you put on a show. Justin walked right by some officers with a Bud Light in his hand. Not smart. He got into his car. Dumb. He then loaded two of his kids and one of their friends into his car. Dumbass. He drove away and the cops pulled him over quickly and he blew twice the legal limit. Did he blow his chances at Father of the Year? We’ll see.

Questions, comments, or if you smashed the back window out of an Infinity G-35 parked in front of my house last weekend….

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Kenny Rogers' Gambler is my gambling theme

Walkin’ Maybe, but These Boots Aren’t Made for Hitting

Sometimes I wonder if the Astros really want that Silver Boot. The Boot has been a source of pride and sign of accomplishment in this state for years and years. It’s like Lombardi Trophy, Heisman Trophy, World Cup, and Silver Boot. And yet the boys handed the Rangers the early Boot lead. Like all Houstonians I dread hearing the calls to the station this week because I’m sure 99% of them will be Rangers fans calling to tease us about being down 2-1 in the quest for the Boot. First the Texans lose to the Cowboys and now this? Oh well, I guess Texas was going to eventually win its first series on the road and it might as well come against its most fiercest rival. New York-Boston…whatever. Buckeyes-Wolverines…bo-ring. Duke-North Carolina…yawn. Last time I checked none of those “rivalries” have a piece of footwear in silver that goes to the winner and that, my friends, is the true hallmark of a genuine rivalry. Seriously on the prestige meter does Silver Boot fall above or below, say, a Certificate for Perfect Attendance?

--Honestly how many players do the Astros have that have no right being up in the Majors much less with a team that has postseason aspirations? Orlando Palmeiro is now 0 for his last 16 and has 4, I repeat 4 hits on the entire season. Wandy Rodriguez has 3 hits. Jason Lane hits .163 against lefties and yet Garner keeps this stupid platoon going. Luke Scott has more hits against lefties than Lane does. Is Lane married to Purpura’s daughter? How many chances does he get? Brian Moehler’s has been done for a while and yet the Astros have him and his 6.00 ERA taking up a spot. Lefty specialist Trever Miller has an ERA approaching 6.00 and he can’t get lefties, righties, or switchies out. I haven’t even brought up Mo-fer. Ridiculous. If the kids on the farm are no better then Houston, we have a problem (how clever and original am I?).

--I'm not good at photoshopping, but can't we put Palmeiro, Lane, Ensberg, and Everett in a movie poster for 300 and put .300?! I'm looking at you Chance.

--Because you need to know this…you have a 1-563 chance or .17% chance to catch a foul ball. Presumably that number drops at Minute Maid seeing as how the home team rarely makes contact be it foul or not.

--Andrew Jones had a Sunday that would have made you think he was an honorary Astro for a day. Andruw went 0-5 (horrible), 5 strikeouts (terrible), final out of the game with tying run at the plate (no good, very bad).

--Since 2005 the Astros are 5-13 in interleague road games. The Dodgers are a sparkling 1-20.

--Remember a couple of weeks back when Derek Jeter had his 20-game hitting streak snapped. His new one is now up to 16.
Coulda been an Astro.

--Last year at this time Albert Pujols had 22 home runs. This year the Cardinals, as a team, have 20. Ouch.

--Cleveland’s Fausto Carmona outdueled Johan Santana last week leading Torii Hunter to utter this great quote about dude’s sinker, "It's not normal. He's not even human. It was so scary, I thought I was hung over.''

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I’m not saying it wasn’t time for Jeff Van Gundy and the Rockets to part ways. I am saying the organization looked foolish in the process (senior consultant?) and just handing the job to Rick Adelman without so much as interviewing anyone else makes zero sense.

--And now our long national wait for a new season of The Office begins. Hopefully we get some webisodes this summer to tide us over. Obviously a great finale. And we’ll see what happens with those crazy kids Jim and Pam. They belong together as do the boyfriend and girlfriend from hell combination of JD and Elliot on Scrubs. For shame, foooooor shame.


--Big-time wait in between new seasons of Entourage. The 3rd season finale is on June 3rd and we have to suffer until June 17th for the 4th season premiere. Good luck occupying Sunday night on June 17th.

-- Just like everyone who pays cursory attention to boxing knew Floyd/Oscar was going to be boring everyone knew Jermain Taylor and Cory Spinks was going to follow the same pattern. Thankfully Edison Miranda and Kelly Pavlik delivered as expected. Did not think the guy who grew up on the streets of Colombia hunting cats for dinner was going to lose, but Pavlik was outstanding. Great plan, great execution, great destruction of a tough, tough SOB. Pavlik and Taylor – make it happen. Edison – learn more than one way to, well, skin a cat.

--I'm a week behind on Sopranos, but hopefully there's more of Sarah Shahi...

--Not that you needed reminding, but Chuck Liddell and Rampage (sorry not Scoop) Jackson on Saturday. Team Penn looking pretting strong on The Ultimate Fighter. Did anyone else want to strangle that unappreciative Asian dude last week when he was being a girl about switching to Pulver’s team?

--Robert Rodriguez to direct a Barbarella remake?!

--Damn hockey I know you’re already considered irrelevant, but NBC switched off of a Conference Finals game between Buffalo and Ottawa for pre-race, yeah, pre-race coverage of the Preakness?! Ouch. It was nice enough to put it on Versus, so much for HD coverage.

--Chris Henry failed a drug test?! Are you sure? Oh, you’re not. Henry’s agent compared the first test to a home pregnancy test

--Congratulations to Quincy Carter for getting AF2 in the news. Apparently the once and future Cowboy king has been missing team meetings and so the Shreveport Battle Wings suspended him for two games.

--They’re going to release an updated version of Tecmo Bowl?! That’ll be disappointing.
I'm not sure, but I think Bo scores on this one.

--Which of these Drudge headlines do you actually think might be true:

Women claim ‘handsome’ men are ‘boring’ prefer to date ‘ugly’ men

Paper: Iran’s secret plan for summer offensive to force U.S. out of Iraq

Summer Reading Material: Paris Hilton turns to Bible!

--In “yeah, that figures” news…O.J. Simpson has put up for sale the suit he wore on the day he got lucky in court.

--Johnnie Morton is going MMA?!
Gratuitous Sarah Shahi

--You ever be driving along with your girl and y’all are arguing and you come up to train tracks, see a train, and decid to park, jump out and let the train kill both your car and your girl? Exactly, who hasn’t thought of doing that once or twice. Some Los Angeles man is no longer here to tell you that’s not the proper way to end a relationship. In retrospect he might have gone with a text message as opposed to letting the train hit the car thereby launching the car toward dumbass’ direction killing him. His girl got hit by a train and is still alive, he is not.

--We all know Jason Street’s parents were in the wrong when they sued Coach Taylor on Friday Night Lights for not teaching QB Street how to tackle properly. A Staten Island mom is suing her then 9-year-old son’s Little League coach for not teaching her son how to slide correctly. This kid who never watched Tom Emanski apparently got his first hit of the season and coach told him to take 2nd. When the boy slid he suffered “serious bodily injury” and faced multiple surgeries that have left him scarred and disabled. I know what you’re thinking. How has a slide that sounds like that not shown up on YouTube already?

--In the last 4 seasons only once in 16 regular season meetings have either the Pistons or Cavaliers scored over 100 points. Oh boy, this is going to be gr-r-r-reat!

--San Antonio didn’t sell out Game 1 of its match up against Utah?!

--Drudge Report headline I have zero interest in clicking on:

Nude photos of nursing home residents prompts investigation.

Questions, comments, or if you can’t believe it’s not butter…

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Passion for Purses

Hello, my name is Jody and I am addicted to vintage purses. I have so many in my stash, I can't keep any more. But I also can't resist buying them. I mean, someone has to save all the vintage from those dark closets and attics. Someone has to bring these marvelous handbags back to life, right?

These are recent estate finds, and it is really hard to let them go, but it will be good karma to share the wealth.....right?

And so, it is my sworn duty to offer you this incredible 50's faux leopard fur purse. It's a beauty and it's huge!

Or how about this deliciously sweet box purse, in a unique oval shape, also from the 50's.

But wait! How can you resist this pearlized pink teardrop shaped bag from the 1960's????

Or this unusual green alligator bag from the 50's?

Do you see my dilemma? They're like potato chips! If I keep one, I have to keep them all. Please help me! Purchase these poor lonely purses and give them a good home! You'll be so glad you did when strangers on the street ask, "WHERE did you get that bag?"

See these purses and more at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion .

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We're gonna turn this motherf'n party out!

I Call Shenanigans

I’m still fuming about the b.s. suspensions the league handed down against Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw. C’mon NBA you’re not only screwing over the Suns and their fans, but you’re screwing over fans of the NBA at-large and that number isn’t going to be growing this postseason unless Phoenix pulls of a huge upset. Your letter-of-the-law ruling is crap. This is the postseason and they didn’t do anything wrong. Hell, they didn’t even walk onto the playing court. They were parallel to the bench and walking in Steve Nash’s direction. Robert Horry was on the other side of Steve and I don’t think they were ready to step over a fallen teammate to take a shot at Horry. And what a f’n cheapshot it was. Nice job NBA you rewarded the dirtiest and whiniest team in the league by punishing the most entertaining and most watchable. Great body check Horry you’re only 8 inches taller than Nash so way to pick on someone your own size. You think you know somebody. We had a couple of callers on Tuesday night say that they wouldn’t be upset if they get pulled over and received a ticket for going 56 in a 55 because the law is the law. First off you’re a more understanding man than I. Second off you’re a liar. Nice cover job by the NBA telling the Jazz/Warriors referees to take the heat off the league by giving Game 5 and the series to the Jazz. One terrible decision deserves many others. The NBA is the hardest league to ref and it’s also the worst officiated. I’ve seen more logical rulings handed down by Vince McMahon. Hell, Vince Russo making David Arquette the WCW Heavyweight Champ made more sense than this decision. Okay, maybe I’ve gone too far, but so did the league.

--In That’s So Gay news regarding That’s So Gay…A California judge correctly ruled against awarding monetary damages to Rebekah Rice and family for ridicule she faced in high school after using TSG (I think that’s the way the kids text it) in response to rude questions about her Mormon family history. When the teacher heard Rebekah, it was off to the principal’s office she go (underrated Young M.C. song). Rebekah also got the dreaded school note placed in her permanent record. The family sued the school for allegedly violating Rebekah’s First Amendment rights. De-nied. Back to the permanent record, I remember once in high school I was told by Principal Ben that he would take me to see my permanent record as long as I killed my father. Well, I really wanted to see my permanent record and get the answers I’ve been waiting for since I crash landed at that school, but kill my father? So I got this long-haired con man named Sawyer (same name dad used as an alias, small world) and he apparently had some grudge against my father so he strangled him. I took the body to the principal, beat up the Russian exchange student who wanted Principal Ben to take him somewhere, and off Principal Ben and I went to see the Permanent Record. After crossing what appeared to be a circle of black sand (deconstructed Smoke Monster? What the hell is a Smoke Monster?) we came to a small cabin and went inside. Principal Ben sat down and started reading from my Permanent Record except I didn’t see anything on the table that Principal Ben could be reading from. So I started calling him a phony and a liar and then as I was walking out of the door I heard someone, some thing say in a desperate, slightly-muffled voice, “read me.”….wait that was last week’s Lost, not my field trip with Principal Ben. Hell, there never was a Principal Ben or a Smoke Monster. Boring ass life I lead. Shoot me now. Sorry for all of you who don’t watch Lost and simply think I’m losing it. I am, one TV show at a time.

--You know how much trash gets tossed into containers designed specifically for recycling? Well, not shocking the Japanese baby box (yeah, drop it in and it’s no longer your responsibility) got more than just an infant the other day. Yeah, Japanese drop box do y’all take 3-year-olds? The country is outraged although police say the dad who dropped him off won’t be charged because he didn’t leave the child in any immediate harm, which sounds like the biggest loophole ever.

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I'm a kleptomaniac K-Mart shoplifter

That Makes Sense

Despite the fact Phil Garner likes the versatility a lineup with one or two guys hitting .220 or worse the Astros have won a couple of series as they head into a stretch of six more at home. Really Phil, what’s it gonna take to get Morgan Ensberg a permanent spot on the bench? He’s lost it. Injury or not (and he should have been more honest about it at the time) he was horrible last season. This season the only question fans ask themselves when he walks up to the plate is: Lookin’ or Swingin’? Granted, it’s a fun game to play, but c’mon. It’s not like the alternatives at 3B are barely hitting their weight. A more recent all-star than Morgan, Mark Loretta is hitting .355 while some guy named Mike Lamb is at .419 after a huge Saturday. One of those guys must be in the lineup every night. Seems simple enough. One more question, why in the hell is Orlando Palmeiro on this team? What other Major League roster would he be on except this one? He was a good pinch-hitter. Was! He’s below .200 now and has zero versatility unlike Chris Burke who y’all forced to all but demand a trade. Nice job. I’ve never heard a manager call a player he is sending down a “leader” on the same day he’s shipping him to Triple A. Lead those Express, Chris. Weak. Let’s see what else, oh yeah, how the hell is Brandon Backe almost back from freakin’ Tommy John surgery while Jason Jennings is just barely ahead of him in rehab for his elbow injury? Somehow they’re around .500 and that’s good enough to stay in the wild card mix most years, not the Central this year because the Brewers are really this good. The Astros appear to be really this average.

--Adam Everett’s OPS is a terrible .556 while Mike Lamb’s slugging % alone is .581.

--Seriously in 19.1 fewer innings Wandy has one fewer strikeout than Roy.

--Jeff Weaver was 0-6 with a 14.32 ERA. When your ERA is close to the year that Columbus discovered America you might have a problem. In Jeff Weaver’s case he’s been shut down with gingivitis. Oh wait, I mean tendonitis. Gingivitis would have been more original, but whatever Jeff it’s your lost season.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--The Warriors have made it six straight games with at least 30 three-point attempts. Yeah, that’s an NBA playoff record. It would be the longest streak in the regular season since the 95-96 Mavericks did it in 12 straight games.

--Some post-draft over/under win totals came out the other day. They nailed a great number for the Texans at 6.5 wins. Tough call on that one. That’s the same as the Vikings. The Bills and Lions are at 6 with the Browns at 5.5. The Raiders’ over/under on wins is 1…okay, it’s really 5 and I’ll definitely take the under. The highest total belongs to the Patriots at 11. Junior Seau back?! The Colts and Chargers at 10.5. The Jaguars at 8.5 and rounding out the AFC South the Titans at 7.

--The Yankees put chains across their aisles so you can’t leave your seat during God Bless America?! They’re the only team that plays it every game too.

--Best news of the week…Friday Night Lights was picked up for another season. It’s going to be hard to top the first one, but they’ll git r done. Of course, a big thank you to NBC which is going to show FNL in that hot time slot of 9PM on Friday nights. Yeah, let’s show a high school football show on the same night our target audience is at high school football games. F’n Brilliant!! Southlake Carroll put its season tickets on sale the other day for its upcoming football season. It plays in a 7,500 seat stadium and had 92 whole seats available this offseason. For the low, low price of $600 you too could enjoy all of four home games. Oh yeah, you also had to pay $90 for a seat license that gives you the right to that seat for the next three years. So in line you had parents whose kids are in elementary and junior high trying to get tickets to assure seats by the time their kids are in high school. Apparently football kind of a big deal in Texas. Who knew?


--Last week on Lost we all saw that Uncle Rico wasn’t very kind to Ben on his birthday what with his, “You were born and your mother died because of it” blah-blah-blah. Danny Ribbott of Jersey also a strong candidate for Father of the Year. Saturday night Dannyboy took his two-year-old to a family member’s house for his son’s birthday party. Sunday morning Dannyboy woke up in bed and had no idea where not only his boy, but where his car was. Apparently Danny had parked blocks away from his house and stumbled home forgetting things like, you know, his car, and oh yeah, that little booger who is always calling him Daddy. The entire family started looking for him and found Daddy’s Lexus in some parking lot where cops were about to break the glass to get the kid and his bag o’ potato chips out. Apparently you could tell that the car was almost broken into overnight as there was a footprint on one window and scratches on another. Danny’s brother Rudy with the quote of the day regarding his bro, “Unfortunately, one drink too many.” One?!

--Next season Heroes will have 30 episodes including 8 Origins episodes where viewers will be introduced to a new character each week and then vote online to decide which ones to keep for the following season.


--After watching five minutes of Eight Below with the dogs, who by the way out-acted Paul Walker every step of the way, I’ll add seals to the worthless Antarctica animals list joining walruses. C’mon seals let a sled dog get a piece of that rotting killer whale. Walruses, you know what you did on Planet Earth. Consider your species all On Notice!

--Writing of On Notice….way to bring a touch of class to Colbert, Jane Fonda. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Lots of female guests sit on Stephen’s lap trying to screw him while he’s attempting to conduct an interview. Happens all the time.

--Another season of My Name is Earl is in the books and what a finale. Jamie Pressly/Joy out of jail. Earl in. Very underrated show with a tag team of hotties in Joy and Catalina that are tough to beat.


--Cannot wait for The Office finale this Thursday. Note to Pam and the writers: When you have Pam tease that she’s going to the beach in a two-piece then it would be nice if you actually showed Pam at the beach in a two-piece. How money was Creed with his successful bare-handed fishing technique.


“Tell them I’m floating down the river, obviously!”

--Whoa, Floyd wants Oscar again or Tito. Mighty brave of you Floyd!

--One of the best boxing sites out there is MaxBoxing.com and one of its readers sent this very fitting idea in:

At some point in the not to distant future Las Vegas is going to have a fight, where they will ring the bell 10 times in tribute to Diego Corrales. Could you try and convince them to stop at 9, and just assume that wherever Diego is, he just got up and punched somebody? – Kirk.


--Donald Trump and Mark Cuban can’t play nice. Trump fired first dogging Cuban for his cancelled stab at a reality show and said the Mavericks would never win because Cuban isn’t a winner. Cuban responded to Page Six with this:
"I guess Donald is still upset that he can't afford to buy an NBA team. No doubt the cash requirements of more than $10,000 created a problem for him. Hopefully he will sell enough Trump Steaks, Trump Perfume and Trump Dolls to save some money and buy a team. Then we can see how he does. Until then he is a wannabe that needs to get a new spiel."See a Sharper Image catalog near you to see what Trump Steaks are all about.

--Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian?!


--Deputies in Florida arrested a 31-year-old man for growing marijuana. He was busted with 94 plants. No joke, dude’s name is Jason Stoner.

--In case you’re into that…Nudist camps are offering big-time discounts to college students and others under the age of 40. Apparently our nation’s young, who drop their clothes faster than Kobayashi eats a hot dog, aren’t down with the whole nudist camp thing.

--I had some mean ass teachers back in my school days (I’m looking at you Mrs. Hall), but none like the 6th grade teachers at a school in Tennessee. These teachers took about 69 students out on a field trip to the state park and on the last night of the trip the teachers thought it would be educational? fun? amusing? to tell all of their students that a gunman was on the loose so lie down on the floor and stay down. So yeah, seeing as the Virginia Tech tragedy was all of 3 weeks in the past the kids were crying and thinking this was it for them. Most probably hoping their loved ones would put up a bad ass My Death Space profile in their honor. One teacher actually dressed up in a dark hoodie and rattled one of the door handles. Poor kids not only do they have to be raised in Tennessee, but they have to deal with teachers like this who, so far, have not been disciplined.

--In case you were wondering there is such a thing as internal decapitation. It occurs when the skull separates from the spine. 30-year-old Shannon Malloy of Denver had this happen to her after a car wreck and miraculously she’s alive to talk about it.

--For his next trick David Blaine will dive off of the Brooklyn Bridge. Yawn. I do like his NBA spots though. Yao or Yaos?

Questions, comments or if you know where I can find Dual Clean replacement heads for my Oral B Vitality, seriously…

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More from Maybelle!

Several months ago, we featured some of the hats from the Maybelle Farrell collection in our blog. Maybelle had such flair when it came to hats.

We've recently pulled another load of vintage hats from storage and there are several more from Maybelle's closet in the selection. Those of you who follow the fashion runways know that hats were featured prominently in several designer collections for Fall 2007. We think hats are the next big trend, but more on that later......

See these hats and more at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion .

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Concoct a black and tan in my brandy snifter

Sonuva...

The Jazz was the better team. That doesn’t mean it still doesn’t suck big, composite leather balls. There’s no need to rehash and blame him and him and the coach. I think we can all agree that Jake Tsakalidis just didn’t get it done and his career may very well be defined by yet another first round exit. C’mon Sloth, you gotta pick it up this offseason or you’re never gonna get to that next level!

--If you were keeping track it took the Suns’ trainer 20 pairs of latex gloves, 20 gauze pads, several Steri-Strips and about 10 Band-Aids to keep Steve Nash’s bloody nose from looking completely like a crimson mask.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--And so the world loses another human being, another son, another father, another troubled soul who only knew one way to live. We always believe our favorite athletes can’t die especially those who have displayed a warrior’s heart and determination time and time again. We don’t expect them to be cut down before even reaching 30. We don’t want to believe that they’re real people. We don’t want to lose the illusion of invincibility we grant these extraordinary talents. We don’t want to see weakness or fault of character. We don’t want to see our idols fall. I don’t want to believe Diego Corrales is gone. God has his hands full with your restless soul. May you find the peace you rarely found on this earth.


--The most disturbing/stupidest thing I heard this week came courtesy (not surprisingly) of Dear Abby. Some mother wrote in about this new teenage girl trend her daughter told her about. Apparently some high school senior girls don’t feel they can handle the pressures of college, but are completely capable of handling a newborn baby. So these girls try to get preggers on prom night to buy themselves extra time before taking on the rigors of college, which they will have to eventually do while also taking care of a child so clearly these are some bright girls.
There's a rumor that there's a minivan behind her.

--A double blast of Dear Abby this week as the following was asked by Questioning on Thursday...

"Dear Abby:
This may seem like a dumb question, but I really need to know the answer. Can you get pregnant when your breasts are underdeveloped?
My boyfriend says you can't, but I need to know for sure."

Then it goes from there and the first line of Abby's answer is, "There is no such thing as a dumb question." Really? No such thing as a dumb question? I'm telling you Dear Abby is the most hilarious thing the comic section has had going for it since Boondocks departed.

--Shane has got some big ones trying to deflect blame on Vic for setting a bad example. I hope that’s not the last we see of Antwone.

--That’s what you get for caring about a cowardly woman who six hours after laying eyes on Ricky Stratton, despite being physically tortured by him, loves Ricky for forever and a day. Dumbass Milo. Good final 40 minutes of the show, but next season 24 needs to stay the hell away from any and all romantic subplots…unless Elisha Cuthbert is back on the show, then by all means.
Damn, Erin Gray was awesome back in the day.

--One thing we here at Sports Radio 610 pride ourselves in is our ability to lay off of the competition’s mothers. We drew the line there a long time ago and we’re not crossing it. Sorry, but that’s not how we roll. 860 AM in Milwaukee however not only crosses the line, but completely erases it by pissing all over it. Some sweetheart of a guy named Mike McGhee has his own talk show, a talk show he actually pays to have on the air (much like Rob and I do for Sports Saturday). Down the dial is a conservative talk show host, Charlie Sykes, who apparently Mr. McGhee is not real fond of. So the other day Syke’s mom dies in a house fire in Mequon. And McGhee gets this blast off, "A woman that had a fool like that deserves whatever's comin' to her, 'cause she raised a sure enough idiot.” Uh, probably never the right time or never the right place to say that, but he did and so the station manager had to come down really heavy on him. McGhee was suspended not definitely, but indefinitely. Not only that, but his show will now have to be hosted by his son Michael. Wow, what to make a stand. Don Imus on line 1 for a job.

--That’s the Christopher I know.

--The Floyd/Oscar fight was about exactly what I expected and that’s a shame. No need to come back Floyd, just stay away and keep talking sh** about how you’re one of the greatest of all-time.

--Hail to the bus driver,
bus driver,
bus driver.
Hail to the bus driver,
bus driver man.
He takes us to Mets games.
He masturbates with the “assistance of a mechanical device.”

Doesn’t quite rhyme at the end, but that’s what a 68-year-old bus driver did the other day in a parking lot at Shea. Hopefully it wasn’t the kiddies who busted him.

--I’ll bet you a sprite zero that you can guess the state where a four-way dispute has broken out over a 13-year-old dog whose owner passed away. Of course, it’s Tennessee. And of course in Tennessee an attorney had to be appointed to represent the dog’s interest. Among the people wanting the dog were the dead guy’s son’s fiancée and the dead guy’s former girlfriend. However, the dead guys divorced parents will share custody of the golden retriever.

--In more even-when-Michael Vick-tries-to-do-right-he-still-f’s-up news…Mr. Mexico was at the center bar at The Venetian and bought a round of drinks. Nice, you know maybe we had that guy figured out wrong. He left no tip. F’n jerk, I knew it!

--Amanda Beard in Playboy?!

--These ideas seem like they should be reversed, but the Dodgers are now selling tickets at Costco. Starting next week you can buy A’s tickets on your cell phone.

--Tell me the Brewers weren’t offering free rectal exams the other day before a game and if you underwent one you got a voucher for two tickets to a game.

--Carl Pavano – a loser on the field, but oh, wait a winner in life. Gia Allemand…

--Joe Mauer is not using Extra to find a chick, right?

--One of the most underrated shows on TV is Everybody Hates Chris. Tichina Arnold (from Martin) plays Chris’ mom and anyway, she was at the Kentucky Derby and got a tip from Michael Jordan and so put $100 on it. She lost and she started dogging MJ and teasing him and so MJ simply reached into his pocket pulled out a $1,000 for her to bet on the big race itself, because that’s how he rolls.

--Whoa, whoa, whoa…Tom Sizemore arrested for using crystal meth?! Must be a different Tom Sizemore than the actor because the actor went through rehab and I’m pretty sure he’s sticking with the sober route.

--I’ve never been crazy enough to trifecta box an entire field of dogs, much less 19 horses, but that’s what some moron did for the Kentucky Derby. It cost him $13,680 and he won $440. I have superfecta wheeled 1 dog over the entire field. Sure was fun when MDM Roughneck led until the photo finish. Damn you OK Right Turn.

--Ummm, what exactly happened to Cate Blanchett?! Kate Bosworth thinks you need to eat.

--Three more Spider-Man movies?! But they keep getting worse and worse.

Questions, comments, or if you remember the good ol’ days when you got at least 6 hours of sleep a night…

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It's Five Dollars Extra Get The Porno Flicks

Sometimes You’re Tracy. Sometimes You’re The Sheep

You saw it. You knew it was gonna come down to this. No need to look back at Game 6, just gotta take care of business in Game 7. Don’t sing it, bring it!

C'mon Tracy show us you got big ones.

That Made Sense, You Feelin Okay?

Hard not to like what the Texans did on draft day, particularly the first round. Amobi Okoye was the one guy I wanted most for this team and somehow he was still there at 10. How can you not want a guy who was in elementary school at two and a half years of age? Who graduated high school at 15? Who got his first collegiate sack at 16? Who was accepted at Harvard? Who graduated from Louisville with a psychology degree at 19? Who told ESPNNews that he "almost peed himself" when the Texans selected him? You can't pass on that kid. The Texans didn't and avoided something monumentally stupid (sounds familiar) like taking Ted Ginn Jr. had he been on the board like Adam Schefter reported.

--Second halves of Texans' preseason games may actually be worth watching with Boise State's Jared Zabransky now on board.

--Former Baytown Lee and Iowa QB Drew Tate signed with the Rams.

--I'm not sure about the Randy Moss trade from New England's perspective seeing as how he's sucked the past couple of years and isn't the most hard-working of players, but why the hell not take the gamble. He does have 101 career TD catches and if you add up the totals of every Patriots receiver they had last year that comes to only 61, the bulk of which, of course, were provided by Jabar Gaffney. Tom Brady will be getting a lot of love come fantasy draft time.

--Long snapper David Binn of the Chargers is giving hope to long snappers everywhere as he is apparently smashing Pamela Anderson.

--Oh yeah...EAT IT DALLAS!!!!!!!!!!

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Troy Hudson has an album dropping soon titled "Undrafted." So be looking for that bad boy in a bargain bin near you.

--Elisabeth Shue wants to be a professional tennis player?!


--Holy crap last week's Office was the best this season. So many lines,
Michael: "We need two men on this…that's what she said….not now….but she did."
Kelly: "This day is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S"
Andy: "God…beer me some strength."And of course Dwight and Jim impersonating each other was just a little funny.

--Best news all week: The Pacific Ocean version of Band of Brothers is a go for HBO.

--"You Got Got! You Got Got! You Got Got!" Two pilots in one season. It's Drama's world we're just lucky enough to have courtside seats for it.

--Props to Juan Diaz for handling his business against Acelino Freitas. Hopefully Joel Casamayor is up next and then maybe Manny Pacquiao which would be just a little good. As far as Oscar and Floyd does I’ll take Oscar by decision in my heart. In my head I’ll go Floyd by decision.

--F’n Heroes is the best show on television since I don’t know when! Seriously who doesn't root for Hiro, but who wouldn't have minded seeing him be delayed in the future a bit longer so we could see Sylar and Peter square off? Sylar as Nathan was just too damn sweeeeet. If for reasons unknown you are not watching this then you have to get the DVD set when it drops (do DVDs "drop"?).
wants some?
Who wants some?

--How draining is watching The Shield week in and week out? F'n dumbass Shane. Dutch on one way The Shield will wrap up the series next season: “There's this joke that the final shot of 'The Shield’ will be of Vic Mackey. But the penultimate shot is of Dutch coming home and unlocking his front door, unlocking a door within his house, going down a set of steps to a group of people chained up in various states of decomposition. And the final line (of the scene) is, ‘Who had a good day?'""
works well with kittens.

--What I learned this week…thingamajig and doohickey do not pop up on spell-check, but whatchamacallit does. Now you know. Yes, my paper money job sometimes leads me to type in random words to see if they come up on spell-check. You got a better timewaster that doesn't involve getting online?

--Nothing like the ol' "Wait, I gave you a $20, not a $10" conversation with the gas station cashier. Usually one of you is right and realizes what happens, make the correction and everybody lives happily ever after. Sometimes though…In Florida the other day Walter General Jr. was in a gas station and told the clerk that he handed him a $20, not a $10. The clerk disagreed. Walter stabbed the clerk in the stomach while yelling "Keep the change, motherf******!!!" Then Walter jumped over the counter and tried to open the register, but it wouldn't so he banged the cashier's head on it until it finally cracked open and then he lifted the cashier's bloody f'n head and told him to look at the $20 that was in there and Walter dared the cashier to tell him that that wasn't the $20 Walter handed him. But there was no $20 so Walter looked at the stack of $10s and realized the top one was his because his 5 year old daughter wrote her name with a heart dotting the 'i' on it and it read "I heart Daddy." Walter told the cashier, "Huh, whaddya know, you were right. My bad" and he walked away.
Or Walter stabbed the clerk in the stomach and the police came and arrested him, but that story is so much more boring.

--Whoa, whoa that wasn’t even New York’s mom, but an actress on I Love New York?! Shocking, I know.

--Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon?!

--Seriously a lawyer in Washington is not suing a mom and pop dry cleaners for $67 million because they lost his favorite pants that he wanted to wear on his first day on the bench, right? I mean that still can't be in the court system, right? Wrong. Roy Pearson is the guy who should get his license to practice revoked not to mention be removed from the bench. F'n ludicrous. The moron came up with $67 million because he's charging them for 10 years of weekend car rentals so he can take his clothes to another dry cleaner.

--I'm not saying Florida is the stupidest state in the country seeing as how Tennessee and Mississippi are still around, but…State Senator Jim King wished that when it was his time that he could be buried with the ashes of his Great Lab. However, Florida funeral laws forbid that so now Governor Crist is being asked to sign a bill allowing the remains of pets, if in separate urns, to join their owners in their eternal rest spot.

Questions, comments or if you've ever had a happier day than Field Day back in elementary school…

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Another Alix dress

In a serendipitous juxtapostion of two recent posts, today I listed this gorgeous vintage 1960's dress in my EBay store. It's another beauty by Alix of Miami. Didn't I tell you all their dresses are incredibly sexy? This one is fashioned from off-white lace over matching taffeta and the whole thing is covered with swirls of irridescent sequins. And doesn't it bring Marilyn to mind?

See this dress and more at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion .

For those of you who may have wondered why I haven't posted in awhile, I just got back from sitting under that palm tree on the far left on a beach in Jamaica. It was a much needed break from our long, cold Boston winter. The weather was perfect, the water warm, and the beach uncrowded. But now I'm back, I'm rested, and I'm ready to get back to work! I'm adding new vintage daily! Come check us out!

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Spend another night at the Motel 6

Between my paper money job and this one I haven't had nearly time enough to write as much as I'd like, but I'll have something up come Friday reviewing the Rockets' Game 6 win in Utah (is there any doubt?...oh there is?) and some stuff on De La Hoya/Mayweather along with the usual crap.

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