We need body rocking not perfection
First the worst, so we can get Norbit out of the way. I assume Norbit won every major Razzie. Congratulations to Eddie Murphy for hitting the trifecta for Worst Actor, Worst Supporting Actor and Worst Supporting Actress for Norbit. You would think Lindsey Lohan would get a break seeing as how she did show us her freckled boobies just last week, but no she gets Worst Actress for I Know Who Killed Me, which beat out Norbit for Worst Picture. Lindsey's picture set a record (until Hottie and the Nottie is eligible next year) by winning 8 Razzies. Those eight, one better than what Battlefield Earth and Showgirls (hey Jessie Spano) garnered. Worst sequel fell to Cuba Gooding Jr.'s Daddy Day Camp. Seriously Hanes stop showing those Cuba/MJ spots, they're the awfullest thing on television (excluding anything involving New York on VH-1).
As for the good movies...well you know all about those....or maybe you don't seeing as how no one apparently watched the Oscars. I presume No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood dominated, well except for any sound editing categories because as I was watching Bourne Ultimatum all I could think about was how this movie was gonna clean up in Sound Editing and Mixing.
--Star of Silver Bullet and D.C. Cab, Gary Busey, scared the living hell out of Jennifer Garner on the red carpet...
--Anne Hathaway is about as close to perfect as you can get...
--When the Rockets went to commercial I was fortunate enough to catch Regis interview some 86-year-old woman who sits in the bleachers every year. So Regis asks the 86-year-old when she started this tradition of sitting in the Oscars bleachers. She said, 1986. Really slacker grandma? Cause this has been going on 80 years so maybe you coulda made it down there before you turned 66. Not your fault though it was Regis who put your fascinating story on the air.
--One of my favorite (does that make me a bad person) parts of the Oscars is watching the ummm, well, death montage. Maybe it's just me and I know he wasn't in any Oscar-winning movies, but geez ya really gonna leave out Brad Renfro?! Bitch move, Oscars, bitch move. And my boy Roy Scheider?! Cut-off date for including deceased Hollywood contributors?! Really?!
--As always HBO knocked it out of the f'n park with its Joe Louis: America's Hero Betrayed. Just great stuff for 90 information filled minutes. Didn't expect to see Bill Cosby talking about what it was like when Joe Louis beat James J. Braddock, I mean that was in 1937. Exactly how old are you Bill?! Jerry Lewis' story was great and marked the first time Jerry Lewis made me laugh. If you really want to dig in more on Louis and Schmeling and the hysteria surrounding the fights including all of the interesting Nazi aspects of it all than I highly suggest you check out Beyond Glory Joe Louis vs. Max Schmeling, and a World on the Brink. That book barely edges out Unforgivable Blackness as my favorite boxing related book I've ever read (I've read two).
Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts
--In an awesome move NBC is putting some of its classic series online. Classics like Battlestar Galactica, Buck Rogers and who really cares about the others. Not me. I remember the good ol' days when Starbuck was a guy and cylons didn't look quite like Tricia Helfer...
--CBS is doing the same thing with shows like Star Trek, The Twilight Zone, and Melrose Place.
--There's no real good reason to watch all 9 minutes and 49 seconds of this...except that every several seconds they show THEM again. THEM's looking good...
--By the way these shirts are out-standing...
--A major Ghostbusters announcement at ComicCon?!
--It was just a matter of time before bus drivers started feeling left out on the whole teacher-student sexcapades. Enter Joyce Sheldon of Ocala, Florida. Apparently the 45-year-old bus driver was sending sexually explicit text messages to some students and for good measure she was also making sexual comments (I assume to the tune of Hail to the Bus Driver or perhaps The Wheels on the Bus Go Round n Round). It goes without saying said bus driver is u-g-l-y who ain't got no alibi, otherwise this would be completely acceptable, right?
--Oh Ocala, will you ever have a boring week? We head back to Florida for some shoplifting fun. David Clark was swiping items at a Bealls when police were called. Some detective got there first and saw Clark jump into a car and speed off...well, until some fast-moving trees jumped in front of Clark's car. So Clark jumped out and ran into some nearby woods while police went in after him and also set up a perimeter (I assume this perimeter is better than any perimeter ever set up on 24, I mean has a 24 perimeter ever worked?). Now Clark ain't no dummy, he knows he's got to immerse himself in the woods, become one with the ground. So Clark stripped naked, rubbed mud all over himself, and tried to cover himself in leaves. That may have been good enough to fool us humans, but not Titan the police dog. Vick...err Clark punched Titan and grabbed the dog by its ears twisting its neck. By that time a cop came over and told Clark to let the dog go. Clark didn't so cop let his baton go on Clark. I hope you're happy David Clark. All of these charges...possession of less than 20 grams of cocaine, fleeing and eluding, offense against a police dog, possession of drug paraphernalia, retail petty theft, and driving with a suspended license. All of that so you could steal two Panama Jack hats and a pair of Hager pants. Advantage: You.
--We have pot vending machines in California and now we have Nathan's hot dog vending machines coming outta New York. Now if we can get pot dogs invented I think we'll all be set.
--I watched about 30 minutes of Knight Rider, but much to my dismay Val Kilmer's K.I.T.T. sounds like Val Kilmer and not Doc Holliday. What a waste.
--Despite weekly reminders from a friend of mine I'm late in the Fight Quest fun, but holy crap that's must-record TV every Friday night on Discovery. It's basically like History Channel's Human Weapon except (at least from what I've seen) more hardcore and both guys fight at the end. The Israel episode learning Krav Maga was just insane.
--You do not want to miss Israel Vasquez and Rafael Marquez on Showtime next Saturday night. Solid night with that and UFC 81 or 82. And a thank you to Planet Hollywood for sponsoring the Hopkins/Calzaghe fight on April 19th ensuring it'll be on regular ol' HBO instead of PPV. Obviously Klitschko/Ibragimov shouldn't have been on TV at all much less fought in Madison Square Garden which has enough crap to deal with what with 41 Knicks games.
--Did you see the ugliest, most hideous uniforms in college basketball history? Obviously they came courtesy of Oregon.
--You know those arguments you get into with your girl when y'all are trying to decide which one of you is less drunk to drive? In Florida we find Richard Zubowicz and his wife in a grocery store parking lot. They step out of the car to presumably give each other sobriety tests. Wife failed seeing as how the husband pushed her to the ground and she couldn't even get back up. We know she couldn't get back up because husband circled the parking lot once and then went back to the spot of the argument. But wait, where's wifey? I didn't, no, I couldn't have, well let me just get out of the car and che....awww sh**?!?! What the hell are you doing underneath the car honey? She's in critical condition, he's in jail.
--Because you can't afford to forget the lessons and sometimes the raps of the ninja...
--There's a Scott Baio is 46....and Pregnant?!
--I stumbled across Paula's Party late the other night, just in time to see Paula say, "I'm here with one of my heroes. One of America's heroes." Wow, with an introduction like that this should be good. "Y'all put y'alls hands together for....Henry Winkler." To refresh Henry Winkler = American Hero.
Questions, comments or if your friend hooked you up with the Beastie Boys' The Mix-Up and now you realize you underestimated just how good a Beastie Boys instrumental album could be....
Now Let me get some action from the back section
Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts
--First there was the awesome "I'm F**king Matt Damon" from Sarah Silverman. Kimmel's response? "I'm F**king Ben Affleck" of course.
--I'm just about done reliving my N64 past with Turok and it looks like just in time as apparently Lost is going to be out later this month. I assume the mission is having relations with Kate and maybe getting off the island. But priorities. By the way, these first three episodes of Lost this season have been out-f'n-standing!
We miss you Shannon.
--Dammit Paulie, Tony Soprano's body is barely cold (or is it?) and you're having to do Denny's commercials?!
--If you missed Kelly Pavlik and Jermain Taylor you missed an outstanding fight. Just high quality stuff. Love both of those guys.
--Yeah, Tank didn't have a prayer against Kimbo. Knockout of the weekend belonged to Conroe's Yves Edwards.
--Vernon Forrest and Sergio Mora?! Although that's more exciting than seeing Kelly destroy Tito.
--It's that time of year again, time for the new cast of Dancing With The Stars! Yeah, that exclamation point really didn't want to go at the end of that sentence. I had to promise it would follow a random Marissa Miller pic. Anyway, where were, oh yeah new cast....some telenovela star and it's a guy so who cares? Mario who is apparently so famous the singer doesn't need a last name. Penn Jillette will either go far or be the first out. Short Circuit (or was that more of a Johnny 5 movie?) star Steve Guttenberg is approaching 50, but I'm giving him good odds. Kristi Yamaguchi should be strong. Monica Seles will somehow incorporate getting stabbed in the back in her Paso Doble. The grunts may not go over well with the old guy in the middle. Jason Taylor needs the money? Shannon Elizabeth takes time out of her poker career to officially end her career. Adam Carolla also apparenly in desperate need for money. Unfortunately I can't see him going too far so expect the laughs to end by the second week. Someone named Marissa or something is in it. Marlee Matlin is your sympathetic vote-getter. Priscilla Presley looks scary about now. So there ya go.
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--Your piece of crap of the week comes to us from...the Houston Texans?! It's bad enough Jerome Mathis can't keep his four pit bulls behind, I don't know, a gate?! Mathis came home the other night and was pissed about his cell phone charger or something else soooo significant that he felt the need to (allegedly) choke his pregnant common-law wife. Just go away Jerome, just go away.
--Best Buy, Netflix and Wal-Mart have all cast their lot with Blu-Ray. Eat it HD-DVD!
--If you care and I know you don't SNL comes back this weekend with Tina Fey hosting.
--Probably not a lot of Hollywood types did what My Name Is Earl creator/executive producer Greg Garcia did. He worked at an undisclosed fast food restaurant for a month to get back in touch with the commoners. No one knew who he was or how rich he was until he left. He also left one employee a super-sized cashier's check for $10 grand.
--Yeah, Associated Press, you probably can stop telling us the obvious. This is from an AP article last week after another Barack win..."Obama, who would be the first black U.S. president, holds a small lead in the state-by-state competition to represent the party in the November election."
--Your weekly G.I. Joe casting update is Sienna Miller as Baroness.
--For your Street Fighter movie we have Michael Clark Duncan as Balrog, Chris Klein as Nash, Kristin Kreuk as Chun Li as well as Moon Bloodgood and Taboo from Black Eyed Peas.
--Riggins or Taylor Kitsch will be Gambit in X-Men Origins: Wolverine.
--A federal bankruptcy judge in Massahoweveryouspellthispart resigned last week. Wifey was out of town so Judge Robert Somma thought it'd be a good idea to go down away from home and enjoy a drink...in a black cocktail dress....with fish-net stockings....and high heels. Yeah, the 63-year-old was pulled over and arrested for DWI. In his written report the officer didn't mention the cute outfit the good judge put together, but the officer did mention the judge "had a difficult time locating his license in his purse."
--If you're so inclined MeetMeAtTheRaces.com is your NASCAR singles site.
--I took me a while to start checking it out, but Dinner Impossible ain't half bad if nothing else is on. Turns out though Robert Irvine is quite an accomplished liar. He's facing some lawsuits in St. Petersburg after two restaurants he was set to open aren't even close to being ready despite opening night being scheduled for three months ago. So The St. Pete Times had a pretty thorough article that contradicts parts of his resume. Things like how he worked on Princess Di's cake, yeah he picked the flowers for it. Also good stuff on some fake ass award that sounds cool except the recipient usually has to pay for the award.
--In other foodie news Martha Stewart now owns Emeril. At least Emeril's books, cookware, and TV shows. She got all that for just $50 million though that could rise as much as $20 million more before all is said and done.
--One more food-related not, have you ever seen Paula's Party or whatever it's called when she has "celebrities" on cooking with her. The old girl is this close (thumb and index finger really close....closer...there ya go) to senile. Deion was on the other night and they made some just awful food that of course they said was delicious.
Questions, comments or if you can't sleep because finally Champ Car and IRL are merging...
Barack on 8-0 Run; Rockets on 7-0 Run, Kings Realize They Have No Chance
Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts
--You'll never guess which major sport people say is their favorite sport according to the latest Harris poll? Oh wait, you did. NFL first and then MLB followed by college football and auto racing. I assume the NBA is somewhere on the list perhaps behind competitive eating and figure skating.
--Speaking of figure skating a HUGE thank you to Chronicle waste of space David Barron who continues to bash Friday Night Lights for no reason except he's out of touch with no discernible sense of entertainment and humor. It's very simple, entertaining, funny, popcorn television at its finest. Critics love it and hate NBC for mismanaging it (honestly let's put a show about high schoolers on Friday when high schoolers are at football ga...wait). Anyway in his worthless weekly TV/Radio notebook (which rarely mentions radio despite four freakin' sports stations) he pointed out an inaccuracy in a show two weeks ago. Imagine that an inaccuracy on a television drama! Coach Taylor told his team that it'd be the first team in Texas football history to win the championship and not make the playoffs the following season. Thankfully Barron pointed out that Coach Taylor is a liar and Barron used an example from the 70s, which may have well been the 40s. I mean who freakin' cares? Imagine that, television does not always equal reality. Crazy. Soon he'll point out that there is no Dillon, Texas and no Dillon High School and no TMU so how could it offer a scholarship to Smash? Wait has there ever been a Texas RB named Smash Williams. That might be false. Has any school had two world class hotties like Lyla and Tyra along with a hot counselor like Coach's wife? Please clear this up Barron, we need you now more than ever. So petty about a show that he supposedly hates. Stop watching it! Stop commenting on it! Although it was extremely unrealistic that the very religious boy didn't smash Lyla right then and there when she took off her jacket. Ain't no guy turning down Lyla...
--Apparently because of some GM work that Will Arnett once did he can't be the new voice of K.I.T.T. since it's a Ford. So now we get Val Kilmer. I'll watch every week if K.I.T.T. sounds like Doc Holliday.
--Honestly U2 3D IMAX was just as religious experience as any live U2 concert I've ever been to. Just incredible, incredible stuff. If you're a U2 fan and you don't see it, you aren't really a U2 fan.
--I don't know what we're counting down to, but it feels like a Chris Berman advent calendar with a new video coming out each day. Awesome...
Dude knows his wine...
--According to the always reliable Page 6 we're "going to be blown away" with the lesbian sex scene between Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz in Woody Allen's next movie.
--Just in time for Valentine's Day we have this love story that played out in Italy. In Vicenza a butcher by the name of Antonio de Pascale fell for a 13-year-old girl. They had a love affair for the ages until those meddling authorities got involved. The guy's lawyers argued for leniency from the court because there was a "deep tenderness" between the pair and the guy "had fallen head over heels in love with her." The court agreed and only gave this guy a year and four months and since there's general amnesty for sentences under three years dude probably won't do any time at all. Once again he = 34, she = 13. A judge in Rome actually said, "Every relationship is a relationship and the real maturity, whether physical or psychological, of the minor must be weighed, with the help of experts" and that the law in these cases "must look to be reasonable." WTF?! Sounds like Chris Hansen and Dateline need to take a road trip.
--Remember scrub pitcher Lary Sorensen from back in the 70s and 80s? He used to be a Tigers broadcaster and right now he's likely still drunk from his recent bender. Back on February 2nd, a mere two days from Danny's birthday, Lary was found parked on the shoulder, slumped over the steering wheel. The cop hammered on the window, but shhhhh, Lary (with one 'r') is sleeping. Cop called emergency medical services and finally Lary woke up and unlocked the door. EMTs took Lary to the hospital because dude had severe alcohol poisoning. His BAC was .48. On BadJocks.com they have an all-time BAC level leaderboard among athletes and Lary is now #1!!!! and No. 4....and No. 5....and No. 15. Yeah, what I'm saying dude enjoys his alky-hol. This was his seventh, SEVENTH! arrest for drunk driving! He's done some jail time including some boot camp style stuff to only serve the minimum. But obviously guy has a major, major drinking problem. He might get really f'n lucky though. When he was found, the car's engine was off and there was no key in the ignition so there may not even be charges. But seeing how he was still on probation I imagine he's in a bit o' trouble. As for the insane .48...A doctor at the Center for Alcohol Studies at Rutgers said, "That's what we call an 'LD-50' -- a level that's above the lethal dose for 50 percent of the population." That's impressive.
--Grammys....I'm not sure why Stormy Daniels is at the Grammys, but I'm not complaining (remember when Stormy shocked the world and won the AVN Best Supporting Actress Award in Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre?)
--Milwaukee is the new Detroit. It had three separate shootings early Saturday morning killing 11 people in all. All that in a span of 90 minutes.
--Karolina Kurkova is your Cover Girl in the G.I. Joe movie which I think literally has a cast of thousands.
--Nice job America, last week I heard none other than Gene Shalit (yes, still alive) absolutely dog Fool's Gold. However, it did score an impressive 10% on RottenTomatoes. Because you won't go to RottenTomatoes, let me relay some of the comments...
Bob Strauss: "The best thing you can say about Fool's Gold is that it gets less bad as you go along."
Peter Sobczynski: "It was co-written by the authors of Anaconda 2..." I'll just stop there...
Elizabeth Weitzman: "Nothing about the movie is memorable, unless you happen to be McConaughey's undoubtedly proud personal trainer."
--Because many times I'm late on shows, AMC has been replaying Season 1 of Mad Men and the first two episodes were good, but I was still wondering about why all of the hype and Golden Globe. That was two episodes ago and since then that show has been absolute money. Who didn't smoke back then?
--That first half of the friendly between Mexico - U.S. last week was great stuff and not very friendly.
--You know you're listening to a story about an obese person when you hear the reporter say, "For the first time in years (dramatic pause) she could wear jogging pants."
--Only time will tell if Senator Arlen Specter is going to get anything good out of the Spy-crap and the NFL. But in the biggest no-brainer he's introducing a bill to allow churches to hold Super Bowl viewing parties. This is one instance where the league is just being beyond stupid threatening that churches showing the game on big screens would be violating copyright law.
--R.I.P. Roy Scheider.
Absolutely loved 52 Pick-Up and though I never saw Night Game I'm sure I was in the crowd shot at some point it was filming at the Dome.
Questions, comments or if you the best meal you ever had was at The Oceanaire (and maybe part of it was you didn't have to pay)...
EU TE AMO
Chico Buarque
Ah, se já perdemos a noção da hora
Se juntos já jogamos tudo fora
Me conta agora como hei de partir
Ah, se ao te conhecer
Dei pra sonhar, fiz tantos desvarios
Rompi com o mundo, queimei meus navios
Me diz pra onde é que inda posso ir
Se nós nas travessuras das noites eternas
Já confundimos tanto as nossas pernas
Diz com que pernas eu devo seguir
Se entornaste a nossa sorte pelo chão
Se na bagunça do teu coração
Meu sangue errou de veia e se perdeu
Como, se na desordem do armário embutido
Meu paletó enlaça o teu vestido
E o meu sapato inda pisa no teu
Como, se nos amamos feito dois pagãos
Teus seios ainda estão nas minhas mãos
Me explica com que cara eu vou sair
Não, acho que estás te fazendo de tonta
Te dei meus olhos pra tomares conta
Agora conta como hei de partir.
Composição: Tom Jobim / Chico Buarque
You Should Be At U2 3D IMAX Right Now
Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Lose
Ouch, that had to hurt. Emmitt Smith said it best when he said, "The Patriots strength got debacled." Debacled indeed. It's an upset, but not a huge one to me. If you just look at what these teams have done over the last six weeks the Giants have been more impressive, came in with more momentum and left with a championship. I guess they didn't have four cars to give out, but the NY D-line was phenomenal.
I think Tommy will be all right.
--Commercial-wise the dog/horsey/Rocky thing won USA Today's Ad-Meter rating. The Fed-Ex giant carrier pigeons was the runner-up. My personal favorite was the one with lizards doing "Thriller" with Naomi Campbell. Another good one was the Tide one with the shirt stain. Both of those tied for 9th. I thought the two worst were the Under Armour one, which was just stupid, and anything from Salesgenie and their brilliant, overtly racist spot with the panda. All in all a crappy set of commercials.
--No one really thinks that the '72 Dolphins would've beaten the '85 Bears, right?
Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts
--Kendra Wilkinson and Shawne Merriman?!
--Oh West Virginia, sometimes you act just like you're expected. Lawmakers are considering a bill that would teach school children how to handle a gun and hunt safely. So instead of our fat ass children actually moving during physical education classes they'll be standing still and playing with guns. Very West Virginia of West Virginia. This is all in an effort to gain more revenue from the sale of hunting licenses which anyone over the age of 10 can purchase.
--My Bloody Valentine remake?! Out-standing news.
--How strong was Colbert v. Stewart v. O'Brien!?
--Cloverfield 2 now in the works.
--If you were wondering what that smell was it was probably coming from Camden-Rockport Middle School. But that odor now has consequences. Intentional flatulence will now result in detention for 8th grade boys. Apparently girls can fart their little hearts away. The boys have been having contests in the middle of class to see who could fart the loudest and grossest. One kid's comment, "It's a natural occurrence and we all do it 16 times a day." When asked where he got his facts he said from some other boys who are no doubt more reliable than wikipedia.
--Hannah Montana wigs for sale?! Really?!
--Your misplaced priorities lush of the week comes to us from Florida. There Tina Williams was enjoying some alky-hol on Super Bowl Sunday. A cop saw Tina run a red light and start swerving around almost like she was drunk...which she was. When the cop got to the car he saw a case of beer buckled up safely in the front seat. In the back seat? Oh, just a one-year-old girl without as much as a seatbelt on. When the cop asked why, Tina cooly answered, "I don't know." Well played, Tina, well played.
--Reebok Kool-Aid shoes?!
--An Arrested Development movie?! Make it happen.
--Haven't seen a new Dateline: To Catch a Predator in a while so I assume creepy, old men are not trying to hook up with teenage girls online anymore. In Evansville, Indiana a guy wanted to get the attention of a registered sex offender there. So dude painted "GET OUT PERV" on the garage door and then for good measure set fire to the inside of a trailer that was parked in the driveway. Yeah, dude got the address wrong. Whoops.
Questions, comments or if it's your birthday...
Manipulating Stripes #2
In the past,, we've shown you different ways that designers manipulate striped fabric to make a new pattern. Designers can use seams to great effect in changing the look of a striped fabric. At a quick glance, you might think this 1950's dress is fashioned from two co-ordinating fabrics. Not so. The designer has used a technique of wide tucks sewn between the stripes to give the fabric a completely different look.
As you can see, the floral stripe pattern is centered in a deep vertical tuck sewn between the stripes.
The tuck is spread so the line of stitching is centered behind the stripe pattern, then pressed flat. This pulls the stripes much closer together and adds texture to the bodice. Cute, don't you think?
See this dress and more at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion .
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