Radar detector to tell me where the cops is

Taking Care of Bidness

Now that’s what I’m talking about. 2-0 and they still haven’t played even close to their best basketball. Tracy is not going to be this cold all series. I’m thinking he’ll end up with more made 3s than Shane Battier who also has 4 right now. Yao has been Yao and I’m betting Mehmet Okur will not have another two block game against him. Hopefully Chuck Hayes can keep up his 88% FG. The Rockets would be tied 1-1 were it not for Chuck in that first half of Game 2. Who gets more out of the talent they have than Chuck and Shane? Who hits the floor harder and more often than Chuck and Shane? C’mon Luther what happened to that 60% 3-point shooting this month? Going 2-11 from the field ain’t gonna get it done. Skip may not be shooting it well (I know, shocking) but he’s averaging 8.5 rebounds and 6.5 assists. Houston is shooting 38% from the field and 26% from beyond the arc, but what’s been their saving grace (please TNT just one more depressing ass promo for Saving Grace) has been their 86% mark from the free throw line. For once the boys aren’t getting killed by the refs. Of course, I expect that to completely change in Utah, but it was fun while it lasted here.

As for the Jazz I’m tired of hearing about how they have no star power. What the hell is Carlos Boozer? The all-star was incredible in Game 2! 41 points!?! Deron Williams is a future perennial all-star and once his jumper becomes consistent forget about it. Utah is a horrific 5-26 from the 3-point line. Okur and Andrei (I’m not crying, I’m…okay I’m crying) Kirilenko are shooting 17%. Gordan Giricek has yet to get going though Matt Harpring has been his usual annoying self.

The Rockets can and will play better. The Jazz can and will play better. Nothing left to do, but play 48 more minutes Thursday night and see where things stand afterwards. I’m hoping by Sunday we’re concentrating on what it’s going to take to beat the Warriors and not if it’s gonna take us 5 or 6 to silence the Jazz.

--JVG finished 4th in Coach of the Year voting, which is two, maybe three spots lower than he should have. How does Pat Riley get a 2nd place vote? Two 3rd place votes for Gregg Popovich?! I would not have minded seeing Jerry Sloan get it. I mean guy has been a great coach for almost 20 years and has never won that award before. Seriously, Sam Mitchell and Doc Rivers have Coach of the Year awards and Jerry Sloan doesn’t.

--78.7% of the time the Game 1 winner wins the series.

Stuff

--Saturday is just ridiculous what with that little thing known as the NFL Draft, Game 4, and to top it off Juan Diaz and Acelino Freitas. Who knows what the Texans will do with that first pick? Trade down? Draft Levi? Leon Hall? Will Peterson miraculously fall into their laps only to see them go and pick Alan Branch? I’d like the 19-year-old DT out of Louisville Amobi Okoye, but that’s just me.

--The Brewers have 18 bobblehead giveaway days scheduled this season.

--Tell me, tell me that some Russian billionaire is not paying Jennifer Lopez $2 million for a 40 minute set at his birthday party.

--Ho-ly Sh**! Ho-ly Sh**! Don't worry the kid got an autographed football for his troubles.


--Top offensive lineman Joe Thomas turned down the NFL's invitation to New York because he and his father traditionally fish during draft weekend. Rest assured NFL Network has you covered with a boat cam to capture well, whatever happens. Hopefully dad pushes him into the lake.

--I don't know where he's going to go, but Anthony Gonzalez is going to be a difference-maker next season. More so than his college teammate Ted Ginn Jr.

--Chad Johnson was at Cincy's first offseason workout the other day and was asked what those workouts did for him. He answered, "Make me sexy. Sexy enough to take my shirt off anytime, anyplace." Then once he was asked, "Aren't you sexy enough as it is?" He answered, "I'm talking about Playgirl sexy." Ocho Cinco por vida!

--Anyone want to draft Jeff Smarzdija, just in case things don't work out with the baseball thing?

--Jeff Weaver off to a nice 0-3 with a 13.00+ ERA start for the Mariners.

--No one is going to be going to Devil Rays games, but give them credit for trying something. Tampa is giving away 10,000 cowbells to fans showing up Monday night. Of course, being Tampa they screwed it up by saying you have to be wearing Devil Rays gear to get a cowbell. Basically look for 9,900 cowbells on Ebay tomorrow.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--The only thing crazier than seeing Cro Cop get kicked the f' out was seeing Cro Cop actually stand up and walk. Nas-ty!

--Entourage needs to go ahead and start busting out hour-long episodes. Thirty minutes of watching Carla Gugino wake up and walk around the house in next to nothing would be a good start. You know that golf simulator Drama and Turtle are always playing on? Apparently there are only about 200 of those in the world and will run you about $75,000. I would just buy a Golden Tee, but that’s me. Although their play toy does include 50 real courses.

--OMG, this week’s is going to be the best Office ever, isn’t it?


--Fairly difficult (especially if you’re high) to come up with a Top 10 Stoner Moments in Movies. This list tries and I’m a big fan of # 5 - Killer’s adventure. You have to find room for Floyd/Brad Pitt in True Romance and no Dazed and Confused?!
Gotta love the Honey Bear.

--Note to 24: Bring back Charles Logan. Just find a way.

--Zach Braff turned down the Fletch role due to a scheduling conflict?! Fix the schedule how is that not Zach’s role?

--There’s a Death Race 2000 sequel on the horizon?! Jason Statham in the lead role?!

--Because I'm stupid I had no idea that Laurie David who helped produce An Inconvenient Truth and recently chastised Karl Rove at the Correspondents' Dinner was the wife of Larry David. Speaking of the Correspondent’s Dinner and its excellent choice of Rich Little as the “entertainment” tell me Sanjaya did not really get invited.

--Girls Gone Wild founder, Joe Francis, is in jail for 35 days for, well, obvious reasons. Apparently he’s having a hard time of it and is sharing a cell with a cop killer. Anyone feel sorry for this guy?

--Gotta love California what with its environmentally friendly policies and letting mothers, you know, give birth on city sidewalks before walking away like you just didn't drop a 5 pound baby in front of Starbucks. For the second time in the Bay Area this year a mom dropped a kid right onto the sidewalk and then walked away like nothing happened. Some people called 911 and the "mom" was found covered in blood a block away and of course, she said, "Baby? What baby?" Thankfully the baby is in good condition.

--Apparently there are some pictures in Us Weekly showing Laguna turd Jason playing Russian Roulette. He won, we lost.

--Your dumbass of the week is Mikhail Drachev. This genius made the biggest mistake you can make. He trusted the opposite sex. Rookie move Mikhail. Five years ago Mikhail and a couple of other guys snatched a police informant, drove him into the woods, stabbed him in the back, set him on fire, and buried him in a shallow grave. Since that time Mikhail hid out in Canada and fell in love…and told the love of his life his story. All was well, well for one week until they had a fight and she went to the cops.

--DrudgeReport headline I have zero interest in clicking on: Man ‘Cuts Off His Own Penis in Restaurant.’

--R.I.P. David Halberstam.

Questions, comments or if you saw a guy in Austin last weekend rocking a now black and white shirt and you instantly threw up the Too Sweet sign only to get a confused look and a fist bump…

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I'm Doing 120 Plowing Over Mail Boxes

It’s Time

Way to go boys! Helluva regular season. Tracy starts off the season shooting horrifically, has back problems on and off, misses 10 games and parts of others, and yet a career high in assists and his best shooting percentages (not FT, of course) as a Rocket to help make this team a 4 seed. Yao was hearing MVP talk until he went down for over 30 games, but he came back and his numbers ended up being nearly identical before and after the injury to help make this team a 4 seed. Rafer didn’t shoot all that well (that’s being kind), but the offense was ugh-ly if he wasn’t out there on the floor running things to help make this team a 4 seed. It’s not fun watching Luther run the point, but it is fun watching him jack up 3-pointers. He’s at 44% from long-range and if it’s not going to be Tracy taking the last shot, it better be Luther because he’s been a big part of making this team a 4 seed. I hope Shane Battier retires a Rocket because he “gets it.” Some people say they leave it all out on the court, but Shane really does no matter if it’s against the Blazers in October or the Mavericks in May. Go ahead leave him open from the corner and watch him knock it down to help make this team a 4 seed. Juwan Howard’s role changed weekly, but his professionalism and mid-range jumper never did and those borrowed sunglasses helped make this team a 4 seed. Not a lot of players get more out of what talent they have than Chuck Hayes does and now that he’s making lay-ups it’s no wonder how he helped make this team a 4 seed. When the big man went down it was up to Father Time Mutombo to fill in the gap and he did it by grabbing over 10 boards a game in Yao’s place. Here’s to us hearing your voice from a broadcasting booth someday and here’s to you helping to make this team a 4 seed. John Lucas III contributed more than anyone could have hoped to help make this team a 4 seed. Nobody is a better warm-up shooter than Steve Novak and in some way I’m positive that helped make this team a 4 seed. Kirk Snyder was banged up from almost the beginning, but he helped make this team a 4 seed. Billy Spanoulis taught those of us who attended Rockets’ games Greek words and that helped make this team a 4 seed. Nike! Scott Padgett gave us Jake Tsakalidis to help make this team a 4 seed. Jake gave us, ummm, depth and that helped make this team a 4 seed. Bonzi Wells did not help make this team a 4 seed. Jeff Van Gundy and his assistants did a fantastic job piecing together lineups and never letting this team accept mediocrity or a “woe is us” mentality and that helped make this team a 4 seed. Some of you fans and definitely the Red Rowdies helped make this team a 4 seed. Clyde Drexlers’ dancing did not, in any way, shape or form help make this team a 4 seed.
Also a reason this team is a 4 seed.

--Boki Nachbar continues to wreck up in Jersey. The other day he busted out 25 including 6 for 6 from three-point land.

--On Sunday for the 57th time Chipper and Andruw both went deep in the same game. The top three tandems are Willie and Willie (68), Babe and Lou (73), Hank and Eddie (75). I'm still looking to see where Adam and Brad are on the list.

--Ichiro has 40 straight successful steal attempts to tie Tim Raines' AL record.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Damn you walruses for letting that polar bear die instead of feasting on one of you blubbery bastards. Planet Earth and HD were made for each other.
That one didn't get away thankfully.

--Now that's what I expect Sopranos. Not some Bobby and Tony's weekend at the lakehouse garbage. RIP Johnny Sac. I sure hope Phil Leotardo, I mean Leonardo, doesn't share your fate. Leotardo and children should have a five minute gabfest every episode. Crazy ass song at the end was "Chickentown" by John Cooper Clarke.

--Just couldn't let it go, could ya Turtle?

--De La Hoya/Mayweather 24/7 is pretty strong. It’s ridiculous what those guys can do in their training. Floyd and 50 = BFF, shocking.
If he only had more confidence.

--Your tough love story of the week comes to us from Nebraska. There a 15-year-old girl got into the car with her mom after the teenager had a bad game of soccer. So mommy started making her recite lines about improving her performance. Dumb kid messed up the lines and the mom, rightly, pulled over on the Interstate right there and told her to get the hell out, presumably yelling, "Cars are for finishers!" The girl got out and was picked up by a teammate who probably has one of those mothers who believes in her kid.

--There’s a saveltfrommadden.com to ensure LaDainian doesn’t feel the wrath of the cover curse. It musta worked because that one guy, can’t remember his name, went to Madison, UT, won a national championship, drafted by the owner who ripped open Houston’s heart once before, what’s that guy’s name, well, it’ll come to me, but That Guy will be on the cover.

--Congratulations to Vikings cornerback Cedric Griffin who was kicked out of a Minneapolis club because he wouldn’t pull his pants up. That is a very, very good reason to get yourself arrested and get yourself a little taste of mace. Every real man has to know when to take a stand for what he believes in and letting your pants hang halfway down your ass is something that can unite us all.

--Because this has taken waaay too long to make the rounds online…


--Keith Olbermann has been added to the Football Night in America broadcasts. Thank God because that show is still three to five more hosts short.

--The Hulkster and Mrs. Hulkster on the rocks?!

--Edward Norton as The Hulk?!

--Please, please let Wayne Palmer just die. Worst actor on 24 evah! The cougar in season one had more range.
RIP David. Can't the Chinese be holding him too?

--Okay, I can understand how hospitals need to be ultra-secure to make sure babynappings don't happen. So when Baby Lewis was being taken out of the Women's Hospital without permission, the other day, and abduction alarms started going off (what a great sound for other new mothers to hear) I understand the hospital security and police need to get involved. But, ummm, can't we just block the door. I mean, I know we're in Taser Country here in Houston, but I'm thinking tasering daddy while he's holding baby isn't the best way to go about remedying this situation. Apparently the baby checked out okay after being dropped to the floor, but now that kid will always use “you dropped me on my f’n head” every time report card day comes around.

--You missed the West Coast contest, but you still have time to sign up for the East Coast National Texting Championship. Basically it’s a bracket format with two guys, hands behind their backs to start and then a message pops up on a sign and the first to text it to the ref moves on. There’s actually 8 pages of boring rules like no gambling. Huh? Why would anyone go if they can’t bet? You have to take the female every time and if both contestants are female choose the younger one and I don’t see how you would lose.

--Cold Pizza will be known as First Take once it moves from Bristol to New York next month. That’ll make a big difference.

----"It's gotta be hard waking up everyday knowing you got to be you. I know I couldn't do it. You brave, man. You Braveheart."

Questions, comments or if you remember the good ol’ days when Craigers had a talk show…

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No Sleep Til'...

Sadly the first season of Friday Night Lights is in the books, So my new early morning work ritual is looking at the Chronicle sports section online and I noticed David Barron took another shot at the show and asked readers to send in their cliches FNL could use next season, so I calmly sent in a comment, which follows...

cliche like your countless columns breathlessly retelling jim nantz's latest comments on golf? this just in, it's a freakin' tv show. it's a little about football, but it's more about people in a small town and yes, in this case texas. after the first episode you stated you were going to watch every show and list the inaccuracies every week. yeah, didn't ever see that list. wonder why that is? maybe it's because you're the only curmudgeon who doesn't enjoy this show for the popcorn entertainment it is. yeah, the football is unrealistic and dillon probably shouldn't have won every single game on the last play of the game. however, beyond you, who holds that against them? lay off one of the rare full hours of entertaiment one of the big networks has to offer. you don't agree this is better than watching fat people lose weight or people eating worm-wrapped cockroaches or sanjaya or billy ray dancing? now go call one of the usual suspects and get some boring, been there-done that comments and offer it up as your tv-radio notebook instead of doing something crazy like mentioning what's going on with the three sports radio stations in the area or a word on the big ufc event that was just in our backyard. anxiously looking forward to your next groundbreaking notebook...

anywho, we exchanged pleasant emails and are having a Friday Night Lights marathon next week unless he's on the phone getting Jim Nantz's takes on the NBA playoffs.
Happy Schedulemas

There's nothing like the hope and promise that NFL Schedulemas brings each year. Let's take a look at the team co-owned by Bob McNair and Vince Young...the pretty much worthless strength of schedule ratings have the Texans in the middle of the pack. The boys start off at home against Larry Johnson who will have about 125 yards and two TDs, but I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy inside so let's give the Texans a win. 1-0. Next up, hopefully David Carr and the Panthers, but assuming Carr doesn't play that'll be a loss. 1-1. Entering Week 3 the Colts still will not have lost since the Texans beat them last year and this year Indy resumes its annual sweep of Houston. 1-2. There's no way Matt Schaub loses in Atlanta, right? Right, 2-2. Beating the Dolphins at home puts them at 3-2. Then comes a 3-game losing streak against the Jaguars on the road (no Carr, no Jax win), Vince here, and then at the Chargers. 3-5. Some guy names Reggie Bush comes in after the bye and I'm thinking an OT TD pass and catch (yes, he'll do both) to drop Houston to 3-6. They'll beat the Browns to get to 4-6 and then back to 4-7 after they play Vince again (at least there's no PacMan, so safety won't be an issue). Then they come home for the crappy Bucs and get to 5-7. 6-7 after they beat the Broncos on a Thursday night technically primetime game. Can't see them beating the Colts on the road so 6-8 heading home for the finale against the Jaguars and the Texans go out with a win to go 7-9. The sky's the limit for the Texans...as long as that sky is on planet mediocrity.

--What a great Monday Night Football schedule! I mean the chance to see those exciting Ravens and equally exciting Broncos three times apiece is just FANTASTIC.

--I can't believe Brett Favre didn't get his usual possible MNF finale at Lambeau.

--The Cowboys are on MNF one more time than the Texans are this season. Dallas does have at three Sunday night games even before the flex scheduling kicks in.

--All your fantasy Colts will be playing the Texans in most leagues' championship week (Week 16).


TTYL

Did pudgy little Bonzi get his feelings hurt because big, bad Jeff Van Gundy wasn’t playing him 30 minutes a game. Whatever. It’s real simple, it’s okay to break up with a girlfriend with a text message or even end your marriage that way (see Britney), but you don’t quit on your team via text. And that’s exactly what Bonzi did. Pathetic and completely predictable. He was out of shape from day one. Just about every day after that he was banged up to one degree or another. I don’t know why he got so much love from callers wanting to see him in the playoffs and thinking he would make a difference. He wouldn’t have and JVG comes out and says he’s going to play Bonzi down the stretch to better gauge what he might be able to do come playoff-time. And how does Wells respond? With a freakin’ text and not even to Jeff, but to Keith Jones. Ridiculous. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out. No really, don’t let it, your fat ass may break it and you know you’ll be out 6 weeks if that happens.
If you were wondering he did actually score two points this season.

--Even people who can’t spell reliever are making fun of Brad Lidge…


Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--The NFL has Pac Man and MTV has Jason from Laguna Beach. Four arrests in nine months for that idiot who used some unkind adjectives towards an arresting cop last Sunday. It seems the cop wanted Jason to get up off the floor after he had passed out. Jason used the n-word, the gay derogatory a.k.a. English cigarette, and also called the cop “a poor f***.” Someone needs to get his ass kicked.

--Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson?!

--Not surprisingly The Sopranos dropped almost two million viewers from its sixth season premiere last March to its premiere last Sunday. Also not surprisingly Entourage improved by about a million from its last premiere.
Raise your hand if you want AJ to bite it.

--Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel have made up?! Step 1: Cut a hole in the box.

--The Sun is throwing this out there to see if it sticks, but Britney and Luke Walton?!

--I would have liked to seen it a little more drawn out, but it was just a matter of time before Vic got over on Kavanaugh. He does have that other job as the Last King of Scotland going for him. How about when Corinne busted Kavanaugh's ass in front of the barn? Hopefully Vic gets smart and the focus shifts to that mass murder discovered two weeks ago. Vic ain't getting smart, is he?

--In some surely crappy movie Willa Ford will play Anna Nicole.

--For the first time in a while 24 came through with a solid effort. I was getting bored with Fayed. Bring it Chinese Consul!

--Giada and Tiki are going to host the fourth hour of the Today Show?!

--Carmen Electra’s Naked Women’s Wrestling League?! “The Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart is involved?!

--It’s popular in Japan so how long until an American network picks up a show based on Air Sex. Yeah, like Air Guitar.

--A fourth Friday with Cube and Chris Tucker?!

Questions, comments or if you’re seeing The Killers Friday night in Austin…

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I do not sniff the coke I only smoke sinsemilla

One Step Forward, Five Steps Back

First the good news, the Astros won a game. Sure before that the Royals had won, the Devil Rays had won, the Pirates had swept them, but now 0-162 ain't happening. And until the final out was recorded on Saturday 0-162 was a distinct possibility. Props to Sports Sunday for the long and tedious work it did in somehow coming up with a Top 5 Astros plays of the week. Remember when Brad Lidge's ERA in the spring was over 11.00 and people were worried? I'm thinking the club would throw a parade if it was “just” an 11.00 ERA about now. He's a great guy, but a terrible pitcher right now. I don't know if anything will be solved by sending him down, but I do know you cannot keep sending him out up here.
That was unfortunate.

--For the love of stuffed crust pizza why is Morgan Ensberg "hitting" 2nd?

--Craig Biggio now has the exact same number of home runs, 282, as times he's been hit by a pitch.

--The two top RBI guys from a year ago (Howard, Pujols) waited until Sunday to get their first ribbies of the new season.

--In their first five games of the season Yankees' starters have allowed more runs than they've pitched innings.

--Games cancelled due to April cold weather – 6. Games cancelled due to global warming – 0. Just sayin'.

--Heading into the week Nationals starters are 0-6 with an ERA over 7.

--The gametime temperature for the Reds on Saturday was 30 degrees. That's colder than it was for any Bengals' home game last season.

--You’re not going to believe this, but Mike Hampton had a setback in his attempt to return from an injury to his left side. This time it’s his elbow. Ken Griffey Jr. thinks Hampton is injury-prone.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Because you need to support the local arts particularly SportsRadio 610’s own Chance McClain…

--I still can’t believe what happened at UFC 69 at Toyota Center. Matt Serra beat down Georges St. Pierre with time to spare in the first round. Just incredible. Unbelievable and another big reason why the UFC is growing by leaps and bounds every week. No one and I mean no one expected little Matty to beat a future hall-of-famer. Simply amazing. Diego Sanchez and Josh Koscheck was unwatchable. Kos did what he had to do to win, but it was bo-ring. The Garcia/Huerta fight was a throwdown from beginning to end and was second only to the main event. Houston’s Mike Swick was facing a tough opponent and couldn’t get anything done. Kendall Grove looked great and improves each time out. Cannot wait for UFC 70 on Spike in a couple of weeks.

--In another major, but due upset SportsCenter actually showed UFC highlights. About time especially if Arena League games get highlights.

--I haven’t yet, but will soon see Grindhouse simply because Tarantino and Rodriguez have their names on it. Evidently it won’t be too crowded when I go, seeing as how it finished 4th when it opened this past weekend.

--Worst news of the week…just one more Friday Night Lights left this season and then NBC has the chance to do something stupid like cancel it. I blame you, why the hell aren’t you watching?

--An L.C. sex tape?!

--Tell me Mario Lopez is not one of the three finalists to take the place of Bob Barker on Price is Right.

--The Tudors is no Rome, not even close. Maybe because it deals with England and everything English is inherently soft and boring.

--Apparently Will Ferrell wants very much to be included in Extras so why don’t you go ahead and make that happen Ricky and Stephen.

--Okay, I’ll type this really slowly so you wanna-be dumbass criminals can understand. When you choose to rob a fast food restaurant, do not, I repeat, do not go back to said restaurant for some burgers and fries for, I don’t know, at least a week. I’m talking to you Jean Belony. Dumbass’ journey began on March 22nd when he tied a bandana around his face, got his gun, and ordered Wendy’s employees at a North Miami Beach location to open the safe. Jean got away with $400. Dumbass’ bandana kept slipping off revealing a tear tattoo under his left eye. Dumbass gets away temporarily until four days later when he visits the same Wendy’s to grab a bite to eat. The cashier recognized him because of the tattoo and dumbass’ luck ran out when the cashier told a cop who was having lunch in the restaurant at the time.

--The Sopranos is back and hopefully it’ll be better than the first half of this last season. As always we need more Meadow and more than 10 seconds of Christopher because his cameo was the best part of the first episode.

--Like a lot of people last Sunday I attempted to roll out of bed and head to church. But it was Easter so I felt kind of lazy and slept in. However, had I known of this Church for Men I might have had to wake up before noon. This Church for Men is in Florida and meets one Saturday evening a month. It features a rock band, a one-hour-in, one-hour-out guarantee and my personal favorite, a shot clock to time the preacher’s message. No word on big screens dedicated to ESPN or what they have on tap.

--More importantly Vince and the boys have returned. Unfortunately no mention of Johnny Drama's Poseidon Adventure. Fortunately Carla Gugino has been added as Vince's agent (at least for now) and that's a good, very hot thing.

--I love me some Spike, but a Guy’s Choice Awards Show?!

--Congratulations to our fair state for leading the nation in DNA exonerations. We’re kicking ass with 27 exonerations, 12 of which come from Dallas County. Keep up the good work fellas.

--Bedbugs are making a comeback?! Don’t worry only 50 states have reported outbreaks.

--I’m not up to date on my West Papua international freedom fighters, but apparently Jacob Rumbiak is one. Also apparent is Jacob likes to play five on one, especially on trains. At 4:30 the other afternoon he was in Melbourne and taking a train. A woman reported seeing him pleasure himself and a closed circuit camera confirmed it was Jacob going up and down his ladder. Within an hour he boarded another train and another woman reported Jacob was pumping himself up. Another train trip later that night and another chance for Jacob to choke the West Papua chicken. He was busted again. Thankfully no more trips on a train that day, but a trip to the courthouse ensued.

--Seriously Jason Kidd, in high school, you broke up with Gabrielle Union?!

--Far be it from me to call b.s. on a 102-year-old woman, but the AP ran an article over the weekend that said Elsie Mclean became the oldest person ever to record a hole-in-one. What hole? Didn't say. What course? Didn't say. What club did she use? Didn't say. It did say it occurred in Chico, California, but that sounds made up too, like Paris, Texas.

--I’ll keep reminding you as we get closer and closer, but on April 29th NBC will air an hour-long special about Barbaro: A Nation’s Horse. Yeah, not even that title captures what that horse meant to every single red-blooded American….white person….over the age of 60….or if under the age of 60…female.

--Congratulations to Dr. Cox who married a yoga teacher this past week.

Questions, comments or if you want Turtle to pimp you party…

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Happy Birthday, Mr. President

In May of 1962, Marilyn Monroe made a splash when she sang "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" to John F. Kennedy at his birthday celebration in Madison Square Garden. Ms. Monroe wore a skin tight flesh colored dress by Jean Louis which was covered with 2500 sparkling rhinestones and beads. That dress sold at Christie's Auction House in 1999 for $1,150,000.

This 1960's beaded dress captures the essence of Marilyn's sultry evening gown. Fashioned from pink silk, it is covered with silver beads and irridescent sequins. This is a true wiggle dress, as the width of the hem is much narrower than the width of the hips.

And from the same estate, another 1960's dazzling evening gown in chartreuse green crepe, covered in silver beads and sequins. Have some fun the next time you sing "Happy Birthday" to that special someone!

See these dresses and more at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion .

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Rock my Adidas never rock Fila

Hey, I Remember You

Well, good to see the more things change, the more they stay the same. Sadly, I think the Astros really are this bad. When you get swept by a Pittsburgh team that hasn't had a three-game road sweep since 2004, well that kinda says it all. Pathetic. Sorry ass offense. Sorry ass bullpen. Sorry ass managing. Okay we all know Brad Lidge shouldn’t be the team’s closer and by “we” I mean every single person in Houston not named Phil Garner. Adam Everett hitting 2nd?! Whatever, I hate to see the magic go, but that was about as crappy an opening series as you can possibly have. I’ll be surprised if these guys finish over .500. The starting pitching is weak, the lineup has holes, the bullpen has to be money and just isn't right now and Phil Garner is “managing.” Uh-oh...

--Seriously in 132 years of MLB the Pirates became just the second team ever, ever to win the first two games of the season despite trailing heading into the 8th?!

--Worst first pitch in the history of first pitches…Cincy Mayor Mark Mallory…


--St. Louis has its pulse on the young generation as REO Speedwagon sang the national anthem before its first game.

--The Andrew Daisuke Matsuzaka love continues to build. Some ice cream company up there is renaming its Curse Reversed flavor to "Dice-Kream."

--Last year the Mariners went 2-17 against the A's. This year they won each of the first two matchups.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Congratulations to the Gators for completing their mission. Congratulations to Joakim Noah for almost completing a coherent sentence.


I wanted the Gators and the SEC continue to pound on Ohio State and the Big 10 so a win like this was fine by me, but that was one yawner of a tournament. It must have been difficult to make “One Shining Moment” out of all the chalk wins and boring finishes.

--Best news all week….There will be an Extras Christmas series finale.

--Damn you NFL for playing with our hearts. How dare you say one week that the schedules will be released Thursday April 5th and then only days later say, you know what, we're just going to release them sometime between April 9th and April 19th?

--Holy sh**, The Shield is back in a big way! F'n Kavanaugh!! What a great Johnny Cash song to bookend the terribly depressing episode. There's no way Vic goes down, right? I mean Dutch will figure out Kavanaugh is a dirty liar, right? If he doesn't Shane will step up and take the blame, right?
Don't go away mad, just go away.

--Dave Navarro and Kelly Carlson?!

--Stuff came out with its Sexiest 100 Women list and at # 10 we find the lovely Christina Aguilera. At 9 we have a great selection in Malin Ackerman/Tori from Entourage.

I think she graces us in the upcoming season. Angelina Jolie at 8 and honestly she needs to just be honorably retired from lists like this. Olivia Wilde at 7 with Sienna Miller at 6. Somehow Katherine McPhee made # 5. Eva Longoria at 4. My permanent # 1 Jessica Alba is 3. At 2 we find the Scarlett Johanssons. And checking in at # 1 as Stuff’s Sexiest Woman is the one, the only Jessica Biel.

--I knew we would have been better off if Wayne Palmer just died. It's not enough he's a terrible actor, but now he's a terrible president. --Not that this is at all shocking, but Keith Richards once mixed his father’s cremated ashes with some coke and snorted what, I guess, is now known as a “White Daddy.” Although apparently his manager has denied all of this, which means it's
definitely true, of course.

--Jenna Jameson had a vaginoplasty?!

--Tell me ESPN didn’t run a clock all day Tuesday counting down the hours, minutes, and seconds until Tennessee and whoever met in the women’s national championship game.

--An X-Files 2 movie?!

--Soccer analyst Eric Wynalda wants to do what to Jim Rome, "You will never get a guy, in me, who is more of a believer in the American player. Jim Rome can suck my dick! And he should be very afraid, because I'm the kind of guy, if I get too many drinks in me, I will club his ass. I've been on with Jim Rome, and I said, 'Let me get this straight, you're more impressed with water polo?'"

--I think we’re all a little surprised K-Fed got “only” a million dollars out of the divorce settlement. Thankfully the little tater tots are spending the majority (4 days) of their week with him instead of whatever it is the former Britney Spears has morphed in to.

--Look we all love our pets especially the ones that aren't cats. An elderly couple in India loved their dog very much for the 13 years he lived with them. Sadly the dog died and the couple held a huge feast in honor of the aptly named "Puppy." After the husband and wife said their last goodbyes to Puppy and to their guests they retired to their bedroom and hung themselves.

--Drudge Report headline that you probably don't need to click on: Principal admits throwing excrement on child!

--Marky Mark now says there won't be a Departed sequel featuring his character. More scenes between him and Alec Baldwin would have been a good thing.

--Rest in peace Eddie Robinson.

Questions, comments or if you enjoy the 20 minute nap on the Park ‘n’ Ride on your way in to work even though you sleep past your stop…

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Rare 1920's labels

In all the years I've been selling vintage clothing, I have only had three dresses from the 1920's with labels in them, and two of those dresses just went up for sale today in my EBay store . The first is a stunning beaded dress dating to about 1921 by Lucy Perret, Paris. I can't find any information about Miss Lucy anywhere, but I would imagine she was a small custom dressmaker, as the dress is completely sewn by hand and has exquisite detailing.

The second is another outstanding beaded dress by Adair, Paris dating to about 1924. The House of Adair made beaded dresses in France for export to the Unites States, United Kingdom and Canada. This dress is also completely sewn by hand.

Finally today, we have a gorgeous 1920's black silk and ermine fur coat with a label from Porteous, Mitchell, and Braun, the finest department store in downtown Portland, Maine.

See these items and more at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion .

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