Vionnet Reborn

1930's Vionnet Bias Cut Gown

Madeleine Vionnet was arguably one of the most important fashion designers of all time. She was a master at draping and the inventor of the use of the bias cut. Her ingenious details and intricate seaming have fascinated designers and vintage clothing lovers for decades. For a detailed look at Vionnet's designs, we highly recommend
Betty Kirk's book.

Late 20's Vionnet Dress

Madeleine Vionnet closed her company in 1939, on the eve of WWII, but interest in her designs has never died. In 1988, Guy de Lummen, head of the ready-to-wear department at Balmain, bought the rights to Vionnet's name and spent two decades exploring ways to re-establish the brand, experimenting with perfume, scarves, and bags. Now, de Lummen's son Arnaud has announced the rebirth of the Vionnet clothing line. He has hired Greek designer, Sophia Kokosalaki, as creative director, and a line of high-end ready to wear will be offered in January 2007 through Barney's, New York and the Vionnet studio in Paris.

Fall 2006 Kokosalaki Dress

Kokosalaki was chosen "because her interest in technical innovations, combined with her romantic, feminine clothes, fit nicely with Vionnet’s legacy." Like Vionnet, Sophia drapes her designs, rather than using a flat pattern. Since bursting on to the fashion scene in 1999, she has consistently won praise for her artfully draped but thoroughly modern designs.

The first runway show of the new Vionnet line will debut in Spring 2007. It remains to be seen whether Kokosalaki can pay proper homage to the genious that was Madeleine Vionnet. We'll keep you posted!

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I'll Stir Fry You In My Wok

T.G.I.P.

The problem: A crappy, underachieving team. The cure: Pittsburgh Pirates. Good for the Astros winning not one, not two, but three straight games. Bad for the Astros they can’t dominate any team not named Pittsburgh. Houston is now 10-3 against the Central Division’s last place team. And miracle of miracles the ‘Stros trail the Reds by just 3.5 games. Yawn. Sweep the Brewers and we’ll see where you’re at on Friday. The important thing is that Willy Taveras’ hitting streak is now at 30. Incredible.
Thank you Jeriome Robertson. Thank you Cleveland Indians.

--Since the Padres got rid of Vinny Castilla their 3rd basemen have combined for a .182 average and have more errors (10) than RBIs (8).

--Ryan Howard has been just a little hot and now has 47 HRs, but just 16 doubles. That’s the same as fellow sluggers Willy Taveras and Aaron Miles.

--I’m not sure who the best manager in baseball is (I just know it’s not Phil), but I wouldn’t mind playing for Tampa Bay’s Joe Maddon. After a road loss on Friday the team got back to the hotel and Maddon came up with a Madden ’07 tournament on 360. He also talked about making it a year-long tournament next season with one game in each city.

--For whatever reason Barry Bonds still gets walked and over the weekend got his 100th free pass. Thirteen seasons in his career Barry has received 100 or more walks. He now holds the record for most 100-walk seasons along with the Babe. By the way, only Bobby Abreu has walked more than Bonds this year. Morgan Ensberg is 9th among Major Leaguers in free passes.

--Quick who leads the Majors in ERA? I’m sure you said Florida’s Josh Johnson at 2.87. Chris Carpenter is the only other starter under 3.00.

--Five ML players have scored 100 runs or more thus far. Four of them come from two NL East teams. Jose Reyes and Carlos Beltran rank 1st and 4th. Chase Utley and Jimmy Rollins rank 3rd and 5th. The other guy in the top five is Cleveland’s Grady Sizemore.

--Eric Byrnes has more extra-base hits than Alex Rodriguez?!

Almost There

Three preseason games in and the Texans are one game closer to the Sage Rosenfels era. Okay, that probably isn’t happening next week or the next or the next or even the next. But maybe, the week after that. I know Sage is going up against 2nd and 3rd teamers, but he looks like a legitimate NFL quarterback. David Carr does not. To me it’s as simple as that, but I also would have drafted Reggie Bush so what do I know? I know that it took David until the second quarter to complete a pass to a wide receiver. I know that Kubiak believed in Carr and Domanick enough to pass on Vince and Reggie. I’m not the biggest Domanick fan in the world and he’ll never play 15 games in a season, but cutting him?! When healthy he’s the most talented guy they have, but I guess Kubiak can just wave his magic wand over a rookie or a second-year back and they’ll turn into Terrell Davis. We’ll see.

--Lots of teams have had their share of problems with their running game. Taking a look around…Minnesota’s Chester Taylor has 29 carries for just 81 yards (2.8 ypc), Chicago has yet to run for a score and Thomas Jones has 3 yards on 4 carries, Indy’s Joseph Addai 21 carries for 32 yards, Arizona’s Edge has 7 carries for not one, but, oh wait, yeah, one yard and finally Dallas’ Julius Jones 2.8 ypc.

--Jeff George?! Really?!

--The Colts signed Jonathan Wells.

--Because your fantasy lives depend on this information…Denver’s Cedric Cobbs leads in preseason rushing yards. Green Bay’s Greg Jennings in receiving yards. New England’s Matt Cassel and Dallas’ Tony Romo in passing yards.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--I knew when I first saw it that Martin Landau/Bob Ryan’s house was the home of the one and only Robert Evans. Apparently the show wanted him to do a cameo, but for whatever reason Evans didn’t, but he did allow his home to be shot for Ryan. Evans is angry with the show because he thinks Ryan is based on him.
The ultimate battle of cool.
Firing Ari the same night he takes home the award for Outstanding Supporting Actor is real nice Vince and Eric. Real nice. I know Weinstein didn’t get Vince, but we need to remember how great Ari is/was…

--The Emmys have come and gone, unfortunately without me watching them. I’ll just assume Conan O’Brien was great as host. Stupidly Lost (last year’s winner) wasn’t even nominated, but 24 won Outstanding Drama. For reasons I can’t fathom Sopranos was nominated for that. Jack Bauer/Kiefer Sutherland also picked up Outstanding Lead Actor. Outstanding Comedy went to The Office as it should. Ari/Jeremy Piven took home Outstanding Supporting Actor. Before that Jeremy Piven walked the red carpet and owned Billy Bush. Outstanding Supporting Actress went to someone from Will and Grace and not Jaime Pressly and that’s just wrong.
Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series wrongly went to The Daily Show instead of The Colbert Report. The gentlemen put aside their Geraldo differences to present the Outstanding Reality Competition Series. Although I think The Colbert Report was robbed this is The Daily Show at its best…
If it wasn’t Jon Stewart breaking that down then it should have Jim Lampley. I think this gets my Green Screen Challenge vote.

--Not that I’ll be watching, but I’ll take Chris Jericho in Celebrity Duets.

--The WWE released the man, the myth, the Angle. The two sides agreed to this last Friday and that’s a very good thing. Angle, “I need my body to reheal and rehab, I have done this for too long without a break. I haven’t been able to really enjoy my life. I haven’t seen my family, I’ve had problems with medication - I’m just fried physically and mentally.” Take your time.

--This is one terrible, horrible, no good very bad way to go…39-year-old Charlie Pasley and his father were working on the roof of Charlie’s mobile home last week when they were attacked by bees. Not just any bees, but those serene, gentle Africanized bees. The father was stung about 100 times before rushing inside and jumping in the shower to get the bees off. Charlie, on the other hand, stayed outside and tried to fight the bees with a water hose. Three hundred stings later the bees won the fight and Charlie paid the ultimate price. Turns out underneath the mobile home was a 2 feet wide, foot-long hive whose honeycomb weighed 70 freakin’ pounds and was home to roughly a quarter of a million bees. How do you not notice that?

--There’s a MyDeathSpace.com?!

--Tony Danza’s wallet? It’s the one that has “BMF” on it.

--Roy Jones Jr. vs. Peter Manfredo?!

--I don’t know if I’ve ever seen more blood come from one cut than the pints Bam-Bam spilled on last week’s Ultimate Fighter. Can’t wait for Ortiz/Shamrock III. I’m sure Shamrock will last at least 60 seconds this time around.

--Because you won’t click on a better two-minute Ricky Gervais concert while you’re on this site…

--It only took a couple of weeks after she ummm… did number ummm…dropped the kids umm…took a umm…oh I know…crapped on the carpet, but Flava didn’t give Somethin a clock on this week's Flavor of Love….that’s bad…you knew that, right?

--Bravo to CSI for giving Kevin Federline a chance to flex his acting muscles. He should be great.
--I feel safe in saying Find Me Guilty will be Vin Diesel’s best performance ever.

--There is no doubt John Mark Carr is a sicker. And no doubt he didn’t murder JonBenet. This psycho wanted Johnny Depp to play him in a movie and described how Willy Wonka is "very similar to my personality except for the fact that Willy Wonka did not know how to treat children, he had no knowledge of how to be around children." And you do? Throw the freak in jail and let’s be done with him.

Questions, comments or if you’re still wondering why that guy picked Reggie Bush with the 8th overall pick in front of a guy like Ronnie Brown or why you just saw Kevin Jones go 5th overall...

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If You Try To Knock Me You'll Get Mocked

Going Out In Style

I washed my hands of this crappy team a couple of weeks ago. Why I waited so long I have no idea. A lot of people have a more expanded vocabulary than mine and can convey the same meaning without using descriptions like ‘the Astros suck.’ My vocabulary is limited…
the Astros are the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked.

--Prior to Tuesday’s game Craig Biggio had batted in one of the top three spots in 2,276 straight games going all the way back to 1990 back when the Niners won the Super Bowl, Buster beat Tyson, Madonna was voguing, Johnny Gill was rubbing you the right way, Mariah had a vision of love, and After 7 couldn’t stop. Another way of looking at it like Elias did is that when Biggio started this streak Emmitt Smith had yet to score his first TD. Holy %^&^!

--Morgan Ensberg is 0-7 this year when the bases are loaded.

--Let’s talk about the Midwest Astros otherwise known as the Cardinals. Seriously, Preston Wilson homering in his debut is one thing, but Jose Vizcaino doing the same?! And then to top it off Preston Wilson with Wednesday’s #1 play on SportsCenter was a combination of two great catches?! Keep it up, we’re enjoying this. Mark Mulder came back for the Cardinals and for the 2nd straight start allowed 9 earned runs. Only three other pitchers in the last 50 years have achieved something that magical. John Thomson of the Rockies in 1998 and not one, but two Astros. You probably guessed Jose Lima and that’s right. That happened in 2000, who is the other Astro to give up 9 in back-to-back starts. Hint: Also 2000. No, not Scott Elarton, not Tony McKnight, not Dwight Gooden, but 8-16 Chris Holt. If you want to take a trip back to that team and see the horror for everyone not named Bagwell, Alou, Hidalgo, or Puma then float on.

--The Phillies went 17-18 during Chase Utley’s 35-game hitting streak. The Astros are 12-15 during Willy’s. Crazy to have a 27-game hitting streak and take until the 27th game to get your average to .280. In the last 40 years Willy is the only player to have a hitting streak longer than 20 games, but go hitless in 10 or more consecutive at-bats. Willy went 0 for his last 8 in that 18-inning game and then started 0-3 the next day.

--There’s no way you’d guess that Pittsburgh’s Mike Gonzalez has the longest save streak going. He’s saved his last 28 opportunities. No one else is at or over 20.

-- No one thought Adam Everett would hit as many bombs as Derrek Lee and yet…Everett’s 4th on Wednesday ties him with D-Lee for 146th place in the NL.

--The Marlins are the first team in 54 years (’52 Dodgers) to have three rookies in double-digit wins.

--The Red Sox may be fading like the Astros, but they did manage to hand Angel rookie Jered Weaver his first loss after nine straight wins. Weaver was trying to become just the third pitcher to win his first 10 decisions. The others were Hooks Wiltse of the 1904 Giants who we all remember. The other pitcher to make it to 10-0 to start his career did it nearly 90 years after Hooks. Wanna guess? He was in the National League. He did it with the Expos. His name is Kirk Reuter.

--The previous 13 games between the Indians and Royals before Wednesday were all won by the home team. Then Wednesday Kansas City, at home, put up a 10-spot in the first inning and lost in extra innings. Yeah, that’s about right.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--R.I.P. Pluto. You were my favorite planet. Did the scientists not think of the ramifications? Now what is My Very Educated Mother Serving Us Nine of exactly?

--For you Contender fans…Friday Night Fights features Sergio Mora and also on Telefutura Ishe Smith fights someone, quite possibly a Latino.

--There are certain places you just don’t want to pass out drunk like a frat house or a port-o-potti or behind the wheel of your car or your driveway. Richard Gonzalez passed out in his driveway in Arkansas. That’s unfortunate, made more so when his wife came home at midnight, turned into the driveway and then hears a cracking sound that may be her husband’s ribs or a fibula or ulna. Somehow he avoided any serious breaks and is in pretty good condition, well except for the fact he lives in Arkansas.

--A terrible, horrible, no good very bad, but extremely lucky day.

--Your funny/topical headline of the week comes to us from North Carolina: Spartanburg County Enters Abner Creek/Sugar Tit Annexation Fight.

--I’ve signed it so obviously you should to. Optimus Prime did not and will not ever have freakin’ flames on him. Here’s a peek at some of the Transformers.
Megatron. The petition to get Megatron changed should be coming in 3, 2, 1...
I don't see any freakin' flames.
--A sequel to Heathers with both Wynona Ryder and Christian Slater making appearances?! Well, f&*# me gently with a chainsaw, I am completely down for that. What’s your damage? Time to rewatch the original.

--If you don't really care for Stuart Scott and drop f-bombs on him while he's on one of the twenty shows on ESPN he's a part of then you might enjoy this song.
By the way, props to Scott Van Pelt whose voicemail was on Deadspin a week or two ago. If you missed it you can find it one of my blogs or on Deadspin. Anyway, the other night Scott busted out a "you might have heard I have a checklist" as he was heading to The Top 10. Very nice.

--This may be the most important thing we follow over the coming days. Stephen Colbert and his Green Screen Challenge.

----Most absolute shocking, surprising DrudgeReport headline of the week: Some who returned to New Orleans consider leaving. Gee, I wonder where they’ll leave to.

--Like most of you I enjoy CNN’s The Situation Room whenever I can. Imagine my surprise on Wednesday when Wolf Blitzer was interviewing a supposed woman who knew that freak who may or may not have killed JonBenet Ramsey. Wolfie, "Wendy Hutchens is joining us on the phone right now. Wendy, thanks very much for doing this. Tell our viewers how you got involved with John Mark Karr." And then he/she stumbled through an answer, then Wolf went on, “When did the E-mail, when did the talk of JonBenet Ramsey begin?" The fake Wendy answered: "It started around September of 2001, when he told me that he knew more about the JonBenet Ramsey case than what anybody else had known - and that he was instructed to kill JonBenet by Howard Stern." Classic Wolf, "All right. Well, that sounds like we've just been Howard Sterned, as they say."

--More delusional about their “music career”: Paris or Kevin FederSpears?
Or Britney about Kevin?

--The next edition of Survivor is going to divide the teams by races? Huh, I’m sure that’ll go well. I’m also sure I’ll never watch. As you can tell I watch a lot of crap, but I’ve never seen on second of Survivor or American Idol. I’ve also never watched The Biggest Loser, but it is going to have each state represented by one fattie during its new season. That’s a good idea. Dividing up by races in the year 2006 is not.

--PacMan Jones was arrested for disorderly conduct and public intoxication. Are you sure? Maybe it’s a different PacMan.

--Finally got around to watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. That was a mistake or the mistake was not shoving a sheet of acid in my mouth beforehand although I don’t think that would have made it any more entertaining.

--Sunday is looking strong with the Entourage finale, the Deadwood finale, the Astros game (ha!), the Texans game and Conan hosting the Emmys. I like.
Awesome season.

--66-year-old Thomas Milam ain’t the smartest man in Bossier City, Louisiana. Genius was in court and lucky enough to be found not guilty on an assault charge. So as he’s leaving the courthouse a TV reporter wants to ask him some questions. That made him angry and everyone in Bossier City knows you won’t like Thomas Milam if you make him angry. So Thomas was quickly arrested for on one count each of simple battery, simple criminal damage to property and simple assault.

Questions, comments, or if you think your name somehow got into the guide for scammers or crackheads or alcoholics or just plain poor or all of the above and they aren’t from the area and they can’t drive to their parents’ house because they have a flat tire or they accidentally put diesel fuel in their car and they don’t normally ask for money, but they don’t know what else to do because of their kids and did I mention they don’t normally ask for money, but this time they have to and blah, blah, blah…

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If My Rap's Soup, My Beats Is Stock

Absolutely Shocking

Who would’ve thought that these Astros who have shown such grit, determination, strong relief pitching, intelligent and well-thought out managerial decisions would have started an incredibly important 10-game road trip 2-3? Carnac the Magnificent couldn’t have predicted this. Surely leaving Chad Qualls in there for two innings on Monday was the right move. I mean what was Phil supposed to do go to Dave Borkowski? Can’t do that because you’re saving the guy who has a 1.59 ERA since the break for a possible 13th inning. So that’s easy to understand. Also easy to understand why you double switch out the guy who had two solo home runs. I mean c’mon Aubrey there’s no I in “solo shot.” I’m sure he’ll be back next season, but Phil Garner is destroying the faint hopes this below average team had.

--Am I dreaming or did the Astros actually call up a hitting prospect?

--I went to Round Rock last week to catch my first minor league game. That park is fan-freakin-tastic! That team isn’t bad either. Taylor Buchholz was solid and then Mike Gallo finished things. J.R. House went deep and Eric Bruntlett looked as sad and listless as a fantasy owner who drew the 4 spot. Great park, great announcer, great atmosphere, great beer prices, great souvenirs, great talent (on and off the field), great promotions, a Texadelphia and I’ll definitely be back for more.
Winners play here...for a long, long time...

--Francisco Cordero who couldn’t hang on to the closer’s job in Texas is 9 for 9 in save opportunities in Milwaukee.

--The Mariners went 0-11 on their 11-game road trip. Seattle has also dropped 20 straight in its own division. Ouch.

--Like most people not from or not currently living in the northeast I hate the overexposure of the Red Sox/Yankees games. However, Sunday’s game was out-freakin-standing! The other four were as well. Congratulations to the Boston Astros or is it the Houston Red Sox? Because you absolutely need to know this…After his single Monday Derek Jeter is now tied atop the Yankees all-time list for singles with Bernie Williams and Lou Gehrig.

--The Twins have won each of the last 20 games Johan Santana has started at the Metrodome. Elias says that no team has won 20 straight starts by a particular pitcher since 1900.

--The Mets Carlos both went deep on Sunday making it 8 times this season they’ve homered in the same game. That ties them with Ryan Howard/Chase Utley and Big Puma/Preston Wilson for the most this season. You know Berkman and Wilson will exchange homers at least twice in the remaining Cardinals/Astros games.

--The Indians have not one, not two, not four, not eight, but eleven grand slams this year.

--Have there now been more trades past the non-waiver deadline than before it?

--If you’re keeping score of former Astros at home…Chad Harville has been released by the Devil Rays.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--She’s never going to win a Babe Bracket, but she’s a perennial Final Four entrant in the Marriage Bracket. Miss Pam Beesley/Jenna Fischer…
This
Or
That?
Jenna's 10 Things You Don’t Know About Women…

--If you see one CD cover this week make it Outkast’s new one.

--Gotta love this site that was pointed out to me by Time Magazine…Pandora.com allows you to enter a music artist and then it gives you similar songs from other artists and you can create your own station a la my Postal Service station. Seriously this and Madden ’07 is going to fill my entire week. That’s sad, but very enjoyable. Oh yeah, I guess I better prep for my fantasy drafts.

--If there’s one show that makes me feel better about my impending fantasy drafts it’s ESPN’s Fantasy Draft Special. Last year’s highlight was Suzy Kolber taking Brett Favre because of the “intangibles” he brings to the table. Some of this year’s highlights from the 8-team draft…Chris Mortenson taking Reggie Bush with the 6th overall pick. We’re supposed to want this guy’s help at our draft?!? I could play in a league with Casserly, Purpura and Garner and Bush wouldn’t go 6th overall. Domanick “haven’t played or practiced in weeks” was taken in the 2nd round by Steve Young. Mike Ditka took the Bears defense in the 4th. Four receivers went before Chad Johnson?! LaMont Jordan went in the 5th to Nick Bakay who seems to have a clue. Laurence Maroney went before Willis McGahee and Chester Taylor.

--Best commercial I’ve seen in a long, long time...
That's one big ad.

--Jessica Biel is outstanding, but thankfully plans for a spin-off from Blade: Trinity using her’s and Ryan Reynolds’ characters ain’t gonna happen.

--You probably didn’t see The Teen Choice Awards Sunday night, but that’s why I’m here. Big Momma introduces the man who is redefining the word “music” and the “world premiere” of his soon-to-be mega-hit “Lose Control”! And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how they closed the show. Wow. What the Internet did for Snakes on a Plane it will do for K-Fed’s “career” except opposite. I mean why Federline is making DrudgeReport for how bad he is that’s not promising. Also, nice dress Britney. Always classy.

--Has there ever been a more hollow threat than “maybe we should fire Ari.” Ari ain’t going anywhere, Vince. Hell, you go before Ari goes. Only one more episode left this season and then you football takes over Sunday nights.

--That coattail-riding slob Vincent “Don Vito” Margera was arrested on a charge of sexual assault of a child namely inappropriate touching. This allegedly happened not once, but twice with 12-year-old girls. Sicko. One scary pic.

--Two words: Stacy Keibler. Your welcome.

--Tiger, Tiger Woods y’all!! When Tiger plays Majors the new Sunday is Thursday.

--Not Garfield, not Shaggy Dog, not even anything Hulk Hogan was in has achieved the ultimate score of 0% on RottenTomatoes. Ladies and gentlemen we have a new zero. Joining the likes of
and SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 is the latest in Tim Allen’s rapidly declining career…Zoom. Congratulations to both Tim Allen and Courteney Cox whose names grace the top of the poster. Let’s sample the reviews shall we?
Commercial Appeal: "Stink jokes, snot jokes, Smash Mouth songs, dependably dull Tim Allen, some truly obnoxious product placement and 'We're more than a team, we're a family' bromides leach the potential pleasure from this overfamiliar story..."
Quad City Times: "Just picture, if you will, Chevy Chase being covered by green slime. From someone's nose. If that's sets you guffawing, you won't want to miss "Zoom," an alleged family movie that is nothing of the sort."
San Francisco Chronicle: "Your ability to tolerate this movie depends on how much music from the band Smashmouth you can stand."

--Maybe someday in a galaxy far, far away I’ll get a job teaching history. Unfortunately I don’t have the brain capacity to do something like Dan Holden did in his Louisville 7th grade social studies class. Mr. Holden was doing a lesson on freedom of speech and thought it wise to burn two small American flags and then ask the kids to write about it. Surprisingly by 8 AM the school’s office was filled with upset parents.

--Tough pick for Drudge headline of the week: Psycho Killer Raccoons Terrorize Washington Town…or…Blackberry addiction ‘similar to drugs.’

--Congratulations to the University of Texas for achieving the top rank of party schools according to the Princeton Review. Second in the nation in hard liquor consumption and third in beer guzzling are noteworthy rankings. Rice was ranked # 1 in best quality of life. I don’t think it’s official, but according to what’s in my box UH is # 1 in junk mail like alumni donation requests and pay your freakin’ fine already requests.

--Poor Leonardo DiCaprio has had to go from Giselle Bundchen to 20-year-old model Bar Rafaeli.
Tough life.

--From Jim Plunkett to Marcus Allen to Tim Brown to Charles Woodson among others this is the first year since 1978 the Raiders don’t have a Heisman winner on the roster.

--Kamehameha Highway in Haalu isn’t the safest stretch of road in the world. Sadly two teenagers were killed on it Saturday morning when their car lost control and hit two utility poles. Later that night some of their friends gathered for a roadside memorial service. Nice idea, but bad execution. There were about 15 people remembering those young lives when a car barreled through killing two more people.

Questions, comments, or if you’ve already wisely stocked up on Simply Sauce’s Hatch Queso e-mail…

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When I Wrote Graffiti My Name Was Slop

Hands Are Washed. I’m Through With You.

The more things change, the more shutout innings the Astros offense accumulates. Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. I was at each of the last two losses and I was washing my hands of this team before that miraculous two-out, four-run rally that gave the Astros a 6-5 lead on Tuesday. Brad Lidge came on and you know how that worked out. Just about every one of those extra innings Houston had a guy on and it just didn’t matter. The bases loaded and one out and it just didn’t matter. Chris Burke reaches base four out of five times and it just didn’t matter. The Borker was in for five shutout innings and it just didn’t matter. This team is not a good one and it does not have a good in-game manager. Every odd button Phil Garner pushed last year worked. Every Jason Lane/Brad Lidge/Morgan Ensberg button he’s pushed this year has failed spectacularly. Despite a starting staff that rivals any other team’s this team ain’t making a miraculous run. Maybe they’ll win five or six in a row and tease, but I just can’t see this team closing the deal. That’s what they get the classless way they let Preston Wilson go. They knew they were going to have to make a roster move and yet they let the respected, well-liked veteran show up on a sunny Saturday afternoon when the team seems to be hitting its stride and they drop an unexpected ax on him. I just don’t get it. Yeah, we all thought he was going to hit a minimum of 25 HRs and he only hit 9. The guy was hitting .301 with runners in scoring position and last time I checked that has been the ‘A’ number 1 weakness of this team in 2006. Ooooo, scary, some team claimed Jason Lane off waivers so you can’t send him down. Good, let him go somewhere else. By the time next season rolls around he’ll be 30, if he’s not contributing now then when?? He spent his prime years in the minors and on the bench and that’s on the team and I just don’t see him coming around now. It’s probably best for him and the team if he moves on. Phil can’t give him any more of a chance than he did in April in May when Lane was a full-time player who at the end of May was hitting .194. By the way, the Astros have yet to win since Preston was basically let go. I guess the good part is the Astros saved a million dollars. Whatever. I’m sick of this team. I’m sick of the way this franchise handles its players. I’m sick of Junction Jack’s weight loss. I’m sick of leaving runners on third. I’m sick of Roger being wasted. I’m sick of Phil’s decisions and his penchant for giving guys chance after chance after chance when the results never change. I’m sick of rookie pitchers shutting the Astros out. I’m sick of the Attendance Quiz. I’m sick of it all.
We all want to believe, but it’s becoming clear this team is not worth believing in. We appreciate the last two years, but we’re mad as hell about this one.

--If you don’t care or have outgrown Madden then you skip the next half page because it’s nothing, but nuts and bolts Madden 07.

Christmas Is Almost Here

The only day better than the day Madden comes out is the day all of the ratings are released and that day was yesterday. Of course, we begin our journey with the Houston Texans and the number one overall pick. Mario checks in as the 10th highest rated Texan at 86 overall. (I know he’s not that, yet, but in parentheses will be Dwight Freeney’s numbers) He’s 85 (87) on speed with 90 (97) acceleration, 75 (76) on strength, 94 (99) on finesse moves and 86 (83) on shedding blocks. Okay, which Texan has the top overall grade? Andre? Dunta? Wand? No, it would be Mike Flanagan at 92 overall. Domanick and Dunta get 90’s. Domanick gets a 90?! Okay, I’ll be manually downgrading these numbers, but the game has Domanick’s injury, stamina and toughness grades all between 84 and 86. Andre is an 89 while Robaire is an 87 (we wish). Moulds is also an 87 with 85 hands (Andre’s are 86). David Carr is an 84. Philip Buchanon gets a 64 on toughness, which is one point fewer than rookie Owen Daniels. Jason Babin gets an 83 while Antwan Peek is at 81. For whatever reason Eric Winston is a 74 while Charles Spencer is a 67. Seth Wand at 76 (another we wish). Enough of them and onto Reggie Bush;
overall he’s an 87 (Deuce- 88), but Bush gets a 97 on speed, 98 on acceleration, 98 on agility, and 86 catching (Horn- 92). The cover boy Shaun Alexander is a 98 overall, with 91 speed, 98 acceleration, 94 on trucking and 98 on stamina. Terrell Owens is Dallas’ top player with a 97 overall including 93 speed and 98 catching. Incidentally Julius Jones is an 87 while Marion Barber III is an 81. I don’t think there’s that big a drop off. Billy Volek an 84 while Vince Young checks in at 82.

VY an 89 on speed, 92 on throwing power, 82 on accuracy and of course a 92 on elusiveness. The Colts have six players at 95 or better including Peyton’s 99. The rest of the Fightin’ 99s…Champ Bailey, LaDainian and Antonio, Shane Lechler, Ed Reed, and Walter Jones.
Other notables, Phillip Rivers- 83, Larry Johnson- 96, Warren Sapp- 86, Daunte- 92, Tom Brady- 98, Chad Johnson- 97, Carson- 95, Ray Lewis- 98, Roethlisberger- 92, Donovan McNabb- 94, Eli- 88, Alex Smith- 82, Edge- 96, Leinart- 81, Steven Jackson- 89 (worse than Domanick?!?!?), Chris Simms- 84 (same as Carr), Michael Vick- 91, Steve Smith- 97, Drew Brees- 92, Urlacher- 98, Roy Williams-UT- 88, and Favre- 88.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Jimmy Woods and his 20-year-old girlfriend, Ashley Madison are no more. If I told you the stress from that relationship sent him to the emergency room is that something you’d be interested in?

--Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson?!

--Borat with Entertainment Weekly. Between Borat and Oleg Maskaev this is the year of the Kazakhstanian? Kazakhstanite? Kazakhstanonian?

--Congratulations to Lonny Baxter for making the front page of Drudge with his shooting escapades. In case you didn’t hear, the former Rocket was driving around with one his boys near that place called The White House when they decided to go ahead and fire a gun for no apparent reason. Maurice Clarett thinks Lonny Baxter is a crazy moth********.

--There’s a How To Eat Fried Worms movie coming out?!

--Are we supposed to be surprised that Andy Dick allegedly licked Farrah Fawcett and Carrie Fisher’s faces, bit a journalist, urinated in front of her and offered her cocaine at William Shatner’s roast?
Planetary Intergalactic.

--In honor of the upcoming roast and in honor of the man, the myth, the Colbert we give you Colbert roasting Chevy Chase.

--As fantasy drafts approach here come the studies…According to one released on Wednesday fantasy owners cost their employers as much as $1 billion dollars in lost productivity in a given week. Apparently owners spend an average of 50 minutes a week messing with their teams instead of their boring, unfulfilling, thankless jobs. On average owners spend 34 minutes a day just thinking about their team and spend an average of $500 a year on fantasy sports. Dude, if you’re spending $500 a year on fantasy sports then you have a major, major problem. I mean you can use that money for online gambling or strip clubs or lottery tickets. You know life’s necessities.

--I’m just now going through season one, but Weeds is pretty damn good. Mary-Louise Parker is outstanding.

--You know we wonder why the youth seem to becoming less and less accountable and then we see f’d up stories like this….In Kenton, Ohio two dumbass teenage boys thought it would be hilarious to steal a deer decoy from a neighbor’s house. It only had two legs so they built a base for it to stand on. They placed the decoy in the middle of a road and then watched car after car swerve to miss it. Oh the hilarity. So along comes another car this one driven by a couple of teens. The car swerves and crashes into a pole and fence. The driver is facing his 11th surgery after a broken neck, collarbone, arm and leg. The other boy has brain damage. The hospital costs for the two are approaching a million dollars. Among other things like a fine and a 500-word essay the judge sentenced the dumbass boys to 60 days in juvenile detention. Oh, but before they serve that incredibly lengthy sentence they get to play out the football season with their team. Ain’t that just great! Unbelievable.

--My brain is still sore, but What The &*?@# Do We Know was very interesting/plain weird/stupid/intriguing/informative (if not factually wrong in some parts with beneficial omissions in others)/fun/different/new age weird. Did I mention the central message belongs to a woman channels a 35,000 year old god/warrior named Ramtha? It’s been showing on one of the Starz!

--We’ve been following this story for a while about the New Braunfels City Council and its battle with tubers over those “volume drinking devices” and gelatin alcohol shots. The wise men and women of the council have banned the use of Jello-shots in containers 5 fl. oz. or less. Jumbo Jell-O Shots coming to a river near you.

--It doesn’t get much more disturbing, rather romantic than what happened in Claremont, California the other day. A man and woman were joined in holy matrimony at their elementary school where they first met. They weren’t love at first sight and didn’t even speak throughout any levels of school. They met at some parade and I’ll just let Diana Sholley who wrote the article get to the sappiest lines I’ve seen in a long time: Their life journey began July 29, when, in front of about 200 friends, family members and a few former faculty members, the couple married in the courtyard at Sycamore. Felzer made a beautiful bride. With every step she took toward her husband-to-be, Felzer glowed with an aura that overshadowed her gorgeous dress, perfect white rose bouquet and crowning tiara. In her eyes, in her smile, in her heart, there was love. Lunch pails and recess now a faint memory, under sheltered lollypop trees the couple joined hearts, souls and cultures.
I’ll pause for you to call that special someone and remind them how much you love them…

--R.I.P. Bruno Kirby.

Questions, comments or if you don’t like dealing with things and prefer imagining they don’t exist…

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Beastie Boys Known To Let The Beat Drop...

Well There They Go Again

A short, short time ago in a wild card race not so far away the Astros trailed the imploding Reds by 1.5 games. We’ll call that time Friday. On Tuesday Houston wakes up to a 4 game deficit and 4 games under .500. The Padres and Cubs aren’t good teams and most days neither are the Astros. They had a nine-game homestand in front of them against two teams they’re trying to chase down and one team that has stumbled over itself all season. Of course, the best Houston can do now is 5-4. Pathetic. The reasons? The usual suspects. No clutch hitting, strikeouts left and right, inconsistent starting pitching, consistent bad managing and so on and so on. We’ve seen it all season, but we’ve seen the miracles of the past two seasons and every win means this is the start of something big. Well, it’s not. It’s just the start of another tease. This team is below .500 for one reason…it’s not any good.

--Willy Taveras’ 17-game hitting streak is the longest for the Astros since Jeff Kent set the franchise mark with 25 straight in 2004. Willy’s average has gone from .260 to .274 over this stretch.

--Houston catchers are 0 for their last 22. That’s nice.

--I thought Brad Ausmus throwing out just 16% (9-58) of would be base stealers was bad. Mike Piazza is out 8% getting just 6 of 80. I think I write for everybody when I write how did he throw out six? By the way, Piazza was all of 1-16 against the Astros this season.

--When Craig Biggio homers the Astros are 14-1.

--Sorry to see ya go Preston. But you know our cracker club (mmmmmm club crackers...). Can’t let the invaluable Jason Lane go. He’s this close to becoming a contributing major leaguer. He’s just never gotten a chance.

--Matt Maloney, yes that Matt Maloney (or maybe not), is 14-7 after beating Houston’s Lexington Class A team over the weekend. He plays for the Mets Class A affiliate.

--The Orioles are 1-11 against the Red Sox this year.

16-0?

Probably no need to get too excited about the Texans after one preseason game, but a win is a win is a win. After all, that ‘W’ tied the team’s franchise mark for preseason wins so…uhhhh, yeah, that’s huge. Safe to say the offense has the rollout and bootleg plays down. Also safe to say that DeMeco Ryans is going to be a stud. Mario Williams had an assist that turned the tide of the entire game (Caution: Watch For Dripping Sarcasm). Yeah, Reggie Bush had a highlight reel 44-yard run. But he didn’t even get in the end zone on it. He managed just 3 yards a carry on his other 5 rushes. And if he’s so good then how come the head coach didn’t play him in the 4th quarter when the game’s outcome was still in the balance. I’m sure someday I’ll forgive the Texans for passing on the man, the myth, the Reggie, but today is not that day.

--As someone who sits in the stands directly in the path of the sun every Sunday afternoon the 50-80 rule is fan-freakin’-tastic. Although on the very off chance it ever snows during a game I sure as hell want that roof open.

--What’s the over/under on games with Domanick Davis this season? 11?

--The silliest/stupidest thing I’ve ever seen at a Texans game had to be the halftime quotes distributed in the press box. The highlight being Wali Lundy’s comments on scoring a TD, “It felt good. The game’s not over yet, so it’s hard to say how I feel. It’ll feel good if we go out here and win.”
The Titans have a raccoon for a mascot?! How very Tennessee of them. Nice job by T-Rac of running over Saints QB Adrian McPherson with the T-Rac-mobile (scaled down motorcycle with a bucket seat). That happened right before the second half in which McPherson was supposed to see action. That stupid raccoon put an end to that. Sticking with Tennessee which is quickly giving Cellblock Cincy a run for its money..DT Randy Starks spent his weekend in jail on charges of domestic assault. Apparently he tried to pull the engagement ring off his fiance’s finger and the affidavit said: "This action caused nine of the victim's fingernails to break and bleed. He then began banging her head against the towel rack in the bathroom where the physical altercation began. The victim then went downstairs, the defendant threw the victim over a chair."
Maybe they’ll trade you Vince.

--There’s nothing worse in fantasy football than running back by committee situations, which seem to be a growing trend. One case is Indy with Dominic Rhodes and Joseph Addai. Maybe we can read something into this Peyton Manning quote to get a better idea who is going to get the bulk of the action: "I’m really happy with the way Dominic and Joe Addai have started off training camp. Both of them have really reported in great shape, both of them have their noses in the playbook, are really trying to get comfortable within this system. We feel good with both of those guys in there.”
Thanks for clearing that up.

--Note to self: When drafting stay away from Raiders.

--No more all-important weather segments with Jillian Barberie on Fox.

--You think the Texans had bad music, check out the Panthers.

--Charley Casserly got the job he left the Texans for, oh wait he didn’t. Instead he got a job as an analyst with CBS. Great. Can’t wait to hear his great insight. Deep breath, count to 5, release. Serenity now….serenity now…serenity now.
Thanks for the memories.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Big shock Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker are divorcing. I’d rather watch a Next! marathon than one second of Meet the Barkers.
Moakler is also on the next edition of Dancing With The Stars. Joining the apparently horrible parent (according to Travis) will be Emmitt Smith, Tucker Carlson (gag me with a bowtie), Jerry Springer, Vivica A. Fox (need work much?), Harry Hamlin, Joey Lawrence (whoa, I think he’s trying to go by Joe now, whatever Joey), Mario Lopez, Sara Evans (who?), Willa Ford (nice) and Monique Coleman (I have no idea). Because I follow this way too closely...Joey gets Edyta who was previously with Evander and George Hamilton. Harry gets my favorite Ashly. Emmitt gets last year's winner Cheryl.

--On Thursday Ultimate Fighter 4 begins on Spike and that’s a very, very good thing.

--Everyone rejoice!! RV is now out on DVD!!! C’mon Cheryl Hines you’re better than that. You too Robin, no more attempts at comedy for you. Stick with the creepy character that you’ve become money at.

--There’s a I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer?!

--Despite those dumb video walls Heather took Hell’s Kitchen over Virginia. Did Charley C. help you with that draft Virginia? Gordon Ramsay’s best show is Kitchen Nightmares which occasionally comes on BBC where America gets all of its ideas.

--Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson no more?!

--Maybe you’ve seen this, maybe you haven’t. Maybe it’s sad, maybe it’s hilarious. Big Momma and Jethro chew the cud.

--DrudgeReport headline of the week: 118,000 FEMA trailer locks to be replaced; Same key opens all…

--Don’t you just love Little League Baseball…

--How hilarious was it when Suge Knight err..Saigon’s old manager dropped a Viking Quest on Vanilla Ice err…Johnny Drama? Last week it was the list of all of your lovers, this week the celebrity list, what list are we going to get next week? How solid was Martin Landau?

--Because you need to know what the world's longest slam dunk using a trampoline is…

--Just so you know…Viacom owns anything that begins with “Pimp My…”.

--Your “my bad” story of the week comes to us from La Vista, Nebraska (there’s a La Vista in Nebraska?!?). Carlos Vazquez and his girlfriend were hungry so they decided Domino’s was the way to go. The girl made the call, but instead of dialing 9-9-1 like the number starts she dialed 9-1-1. She realized her mistake and then compounded it by hanging up thereby ensuring a visit from the police. Oh I forgot to mention Carlos is wanted for a shooting two months ago. The police quickly showed up, recognized the girl, searched the apartment and found Carlos behind a stereo speaker in 30 minutes or less.

--Your quote of the week comes to us from the Holyoke Police Chief in Massachusetts. It was there that police came upon a domestic violence situation. Victor Cruz allegedly bloodied the lip and bruised up his wife Yesenia who fought back. Taking it from there is Chief Anthony Scott, “She grabbed another knife and stabbed him in the winky, and at that time he decided it was time to leave.” Cruz and his winky are in jail where winky really isn’t safe.

--There’s a lot of news in the world to keep up with and I try to bring you the important stuff…Apparently frozen sperm can be taken from long dead animals, in this case woolly mammoths, to produce offspring. It’s been a bad 27,000 year stretch for the woolly ones.
Don't call it a comeback...

--Pluto not a planet? There was a bit about this in the Chronicle over the weekend. Apparently Pluto doesn’t meet some of the standards so there’s this big conference to establish criteria for a body to be labeled a planet. The article actually stated that perhaps one factor for proponents of Pluto remaining a planet is that it is the only one of the nine planets discovered by an American. America’s international reputation is in the crapper and now we can’t even let this go??

Questions, comments, or if you make the homies say ho and the girlies want to scream...

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I Am Known To Do The Wop. Also Known For The Flintstone Flop.

It’s About Time

Every single year the Astros keep pushing back the start of their real season. If you hadn’t noticed the real season has begun and the boys are rolling along the sorry National League. The Pirates are the worst the league has to offer, but the Astros took care of business in all facets of the game. Seven wins in their last nine games and the Astros are just 2.5 back in the wild card. The way things have gone as of late Roger has to be happy he’s not back at Fenway. The Sox may have Big Papi and Manny, but the Astros have Big Puma and Willy. In a week’s span not only did Brad Ausmus hit a grand slam, Willy Taveras smack a home run for the first time since we found out what a Papelbon is, but Roy Oswalt went deep for the first time since high school. That my friends is what we call rolling! The next team to get flattened should be the Padres followed by the Cubs. The Reds next six are against the Phillies and Cardinals. Advantage: Houston. I’m not forgetting about those West teams, but they’ll just continue to beat up on each other…hopefully.

--For the lovely cool month of August Luke Scott is hitting .438. Lance- .400. Willy T. is hitting .378. Aubrey is at .367. Roy Oswalt’s 4 RBIs match Berkman’s total this month.

--Make it two years straight for Roger Clemens holding the opposition to three or fewer earned runs in his first 10 starts. The only other active pitcher to do that was Pedro who did it three years straight.
Roger and his boy Joe Perry.

--Even in this homer happy era the Twins have gone 19 years without a player hitting 30+ bombs. Justin Morneau hit # 30 on Wednesday. In 1987 Kent Hrbek, Tom Brunansky and Gary Gaetti all did it.

--As dominant as the Mets have been this season they just completed their first 3-game sweep at Shea this week.

--C’mon Paul Lo Duca and all those other gamblers out there. No one believes that you only bet on horses. As for cheating on your Playboy model wife, well that’s just dumb. I mean she was easily the highlight of 2000’s Playboy: Lusty Latin Ladies and now you want to cheat on her before her acting career really takes off?

--Bronson Arroyo started 9-3, but doesn’t have a win in any of his last 10 starts.

--Since July 4th Ichiro is hitting just .242 and an Ausmus-like .157 in his last 12 games.

--On Thursday Curt Schilling gave up 9, 9 doubles in a loss to the Royals. That’s the most doubles allowed by one pitcher in nearly 50 years. The 10 extra base hits he allowed were the most given up in 37 years. Those 10 Kansas City extra base hits were the first 10 hits K.C. had.

--Sportsbook has released odds on the Cy Young and MVP races. I’ll give you three guesses to name the player who has the second best odds behind Brandon Webb. Not Tom Glavine. Not Carlos Zambrano. That’s all the guesses you get, it’s Billy Wagner. The lefty is 3-1 to win it. The 3-1 favorites in the AL are Joe Nathan and Roy Halladay. So where does Lance Berkman come in for the NL MVP. 7th of course. Whatever if I had the money that’s where I’d put it. Big Puma is 10-1. Albert Pujols is the 3-1 favorite followed by Carlos Beltran and Alfonso Soriano. Chase Utley, Andruw Jones and David Wright round out the candidates before Puma. You can actually get a decent 4-1 on David Ortiz. He’s the AL MVP favorite. Justin Morneau right behind him.

--The Cubs lead everyone in both walks and strikeouts. The last team to do that was the 1989 Rangers. They had that washed up Nolan Ryan who struck out 301 batters. He was one of three starters that walked 90+. Also in that rotation was 24-year-old Kevin Brown (12-9 3.35). In the ‘pen was another 24-year-old Kenny Rogers (3-4 2.93).
Never gets old. Eat it Robin!

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--There’s no way that talentless, but stacked Virginia is going to win Hell’s Kitchen, right?

--How meaningless are these preseason games? LaDainian Tomlinson has a whopping 14 carries combined in his five preseasons!

--I’m quite sure you missed it, but the final 10 minutes of the FC Barcelona-Club America game at Reliant was just insane. Not much longer until Premiere League play is on. So start getting ready for your fantasy draft. By the way, apparently the new English coach is booting David Beckham from the national team.

--Brock Lesnar is going into Ultimate Fighting?!
Guess that didn't work out so well.

--Have no fear The World Series of Darts is off ESPN the Channel.

--Jenna Jameson and Dave Navarro?! Jamie Foxx and Carmen Electra?!

--Thankfully HBO has finally gotten Larry David to agree to a sixth season of Curb. Next summer or fall we should have a new batch of episodes and that’s a very, very good thing.
What Would Larry David Do...What a fun world this would be.

--Writing of HBO there’s a wee bit of controversy over a Best Supporting Actress Emmy nomination Ellen Burstyn received for Mrs. Harris. Apparently she’s onscreen for a whole 15 seconds and has 3 lines of dialogue, which she must’ve knocked out of the f’n park.

--More HBO…Daniel Baldwin on The Sopranos?! He’ll play himself in Christopher’s horror movie. No role for Johnny Drama. C’mon HBO, you’re missing out. You know he’s doing a pilot with Eddie Burns, right? So he’s not good enough for Christopher Moltisanti?

--That hardcore reputation New Hampshire has is even harder now. An 18-year-old girl and a 14-year-old one started running smack at each other on MySpace. Big shock. So the two were ready to throw down at this park. The 14-year-old didn’t have the sort of fight experience that only 18 years in The ‘Shire can bring. The older girl actually hid razorblades in her hair in the very good chance that hair pulling would be central to the brawl.

--Gotta love that picture on the front page of ESPN.com on Thursday. It was of the passenger seat in Maurice Clarett’s car. You see this huge assault rifle, a couple of more guns, a half-empty bottle of Grey Goose vodka, a CD and of course, what every crazy person has…a lint brush.

--Your youtube clip of the week comes to us from the boys of OK Go and their magic treadmills.

--Probably have to get this T-shirt…

--One of the few SC anchors on ESPN the Channel who don’t force me to change the channel is Scott Van Pelt. How can you hate on a guy who incorportates Aqua Teen and Entourage bits into his highlights? In short, Scott met girl, Scott called girl and left voicemail, girl/b**** put voicemail on the Internet. It’s pretty much exactly the kind of voicemail you’d think he’d leave.

--I hate Taco Bell, but love the little sauce packets. Although not as much as these crazies from Indiana. The other day 10-15 masked people showed up at a Taco Bell location with six 40-gallon trash bags filled with nothing but…yep…sauce packets. Roughly 25,000 packets were collected by these freaks over the past three years. Apparently they felt guilty about having them and so they returned them.

--According to a poll in The Washington Post 30% of Americans don’t know what year the 9/11 attacks occurred. Wow.

--Now time for fantasy football advice from Clinton Portis…"Year in and year out, fantasy football has a fantasy stud. And this guy has a spectacular season and people think this guy is going to have another spectacular season, all of a sudden, he's the next big thing. Year in and year out, I do the same thing. You know what you're going to get with me. Until I go wrong, until I get injured, until something happens, I don't see any reason to change. You can go out and take a shot at whoever you like, but Clinton Portis is going to be stable." Is he the 4th pick?

--Okay, you’ve decided to rob a bank. Probably not a wise decision, but it’s the one you made and so you go through with it and give it 100% otherwise just stay in bed. 20-year-old Tavish Yeargin went into a Greenville bank and handed the teller a note demanding $50,000. The teller looked at it and then Tavish realized he wasn’t going to get away with this so he walked out calmly. Unfortunately he left his fingerprints all over the note and now he’s in jail. 100% people or don’t even bother.

--In “when opportunity knocks” news…A liquor store in Sacramento was broken into early the other morning and the bad guy attempted to steal a carton of cigarettes. Unfortunately for him the guy, Leandro Diaz, who lives above the liquor store heard the commotion and with the help of a neighbor caught the would be robber and held him for the police. A whole 12 minutes later Diaz the supposed Good Samaritan shows up on the store’s surveillance tapes and he decides to help himself to the register. The good turned bad guy was arrested, hopefully by the same policemen who arrested the first idiot.

--Interesting dilemma from Rick Reilly…

Questions, comments or if you can tell me what the other half of the battle actually is…

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Height of Fancy

In the late 1930's, new heights were reached in millinery designs, and I mean that literally! Perhaps influenced by the fanciful designs of Elsa Schiaparelli, daring women wore hats with extended tall crowns. This hat is by American designer Marion Valle. The cream wool hat is accented with a magenta velvet band and large velvet roses.

The style of this hat brings to mind the 1939 movie "Ninotchka" in which Greta Garbo is enthralled with a hat in a store window. She eventually succumbs to her desire and wears it with great panache.

See this hat and more at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion .

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To Sweet To Be Sour, To Nice To Be Mean

Yeah, That’s About Right

A week ago the Astros looked like toast after that demoralizing loss to the Diamondbacks and not getting anything done at the trade deadline. Of course, a week later after a 4-2 road trip they’re just 3.5 games out of the wild card lead. Sure there are six teams for Houston to pass, but do any of them scare you? Like we’ve seen all year the National League is just plain bad. I mean the Astros are 5-5 in their last 10 games and over that span still managed to pick up 2 games on the Reds. Yeah, the Dodgers have won 10 straight, but that’s after a 1-13 stretch so they don’t exactly worry me. The Diamondbacks looked pretty bad this weekend. The Phillies don’t have the starting pitching to stay in the mix. The Rockies are 3 games below .500 and won’t finish more than a game over that mark. The Giants don’t have what it takes. The only one of these teams with solid and sometimes dominating starting pitching at the top of the rotation, a strong ‘pen (when Phil doesn’t screw it up), and Lance Berkman is the Astros. How ridiculous is that guy? In his four games since coming back he’s hitting .545 with 2 HRs and 4 RBIs. Stick his name, Carlos Beltran’s and Albert Pujols’ in a hat and pick the National League MVP. Aubrey Huff (.364), Willy Taveras (.407) and Luke Scott (.435) all wrecked over the trip as well. Huff could’ve hit .500 if he had gotten a break or two because he’s been smacking the ball, but right at people. Morgan has looked good since his return. Basically, what I’m saying is the Astros are no longer underachieving and that’s bad news for the National League.

--No doubt the highlight of the weekend was Brad Ausmus’ grand slam on Saturday. So now time to adjust the totals in our race…
Ausmus and Everett- 4 HRs
Carlos Zambrano- 4 HRs

--That slam was Ausmus’ lone hit on the trip. His 4 RBIs tied for the trip lead with that Berkman guy.

--How good did Fernando Nieve’s stuff look in his one inning of work on Saturday?

--The bullpen guys not named Lidge or Qualls didn’t allow a run on the trip.

--Chase Utley’s hitting streak is in the books and so is Vladimir Guerrero’s 44-game hitting streak against Walker, Texas Rangers. Hard for him to keep that going when Texas decides to walk in his first four plate appearances including three times intentionally.

--Todd Jones has had rough patches, but not in his last 19 outings for Detroit. Over that span he has 14 saves and a 0.99 ERA.
Not that they need him, but Detroit hinted it might bring up 6-6 lefty Andrew Miller who they drafted this year.

--The Cardinals now have two 8-game losing streaks and at the end of each one they still found themselves atop the Central. That’s something no other team has done in the game’s history.

--Chase Utley hit .405 during his 35-game hitting streak. Over that same stretch only one other guy had a better average (minimum 100 at-bats) and that would of course be Baltimore’s Nick Markakis who hit .422. Since July 1st though it’s Paul LoDuca’s .430 that tops the Majors.

--Randy Johnson has a current streak of 32 outs without a strikeout. Yeah, that’s the longest such streak for him.

--The Dodgers came out of the break and promptly went 1-13. Of course now they’ve won 10 straight and are tied for the wild card lead.

--The Twins are 3-11 vs. the Tigers this season including 0-7 at Comerica. Francisco Liriano’s ERA against everyone not named Detroit is 1.39. Against Detroit it’s 7.63.

When Wrestling Didn't Suck

Rivalfish.com busted out a list of the top 50 WWF (get the E out) rivalries of all-time. Some of the highlights…At 49 we find Andre the Giant vs. Jake the Snake’s snake, Damien. The 1-2-3 Kid vs. Razor Ramon at 44. Unfortunately I can’t think of The 1-2-3 Kid without thinking of his appearance on The Surreal Life when he tried to lure Chyna back to the dark side. Yokozuna vs. Lex Luger at 40. Geez, I figured
Iron Sheik vs. Hulk Hogan would be in the top 10 instead of 37. # 36 was one of my favorites with Macho Man matching up against George “The Animal” Steele. How do turnbuckles taste and what did he use to make his tongue green? HBK vs. Razor at 32. Their ladder match at WrestleMania X is a top fiver of all-time. At 25 HBK vs. Rocker buddy Marty Jannetty. Big John Studd vs. Andre the Giant at 21. For the incredible fallout alone HBK vs. The Hitman should be higher than 17. At 10 we find Demolition vs. Legion of Doom. Excellent. The Rowdy one against Superfly at 7. Macho vs. my favorite wrestler of all-time Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat at 6. A decent list ruined by his 5th rivalry of Owen Hart vs. Zip Cord/Gravity. Classy. Piper v. Hogan at 4. I guess for mic work alone we get Austin and Rock at 3. Undertaker and Mankind at 2. Has it really been 8 years since Mick took the bump from the top of the Hell in a Cell. #1 is Hulk vs. Andre the Giant.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Was that the best episode of Entourage this season? Fantastic music, strippers, Vegas, two munchkins arguing over Sloane, Jager..excuse me Vodka, and Johnny Drama’s punch for all the heterosexual males out there who simply appreciate the hands of a male masseuse more than most other people. Sadly I think we only have three more episodes left this season.
What up now?

--One thing Entourage brought up that I had never heard of…this exchanging lists with your significant other with the names of all the people you’ve slept with. What the hell is that?

--Because we have nothing better to do than click on pictures of NBA players and their wives…

--What a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad Saturday night for Ike Quartey. He and Vernon Forrest were in what was essentially a loser leaves town match and things looked about as in the bag as possible when Forrest suffered a point deduction late. Of course, this is boxing and the judges all gave the decision to Forrest. In short, Ike wuz robbed.

--Not a lot of movies force product placement more than The Island.

--Apparently the premise for the next Halloween from Rob Zombie is that David Loomis (son of Donald Pleasance’s character) picks up his dad’s work including all of his files except for one, which is for some guy named Michael Myers something or other. A mutilated body is found and for whatever reason people are quick to think Michael Myers is back.
Will the son get revenge? Will Jamie Lee Curtis come back in any capacity? Will Michael Myers kill whoever came up with Halloween 3: Season of the Witch? Will Busta Rhymes return in this one? Will I ever stop having nightmares about Michael Myers? So many questions. I loathe/love the original Halloween, but had no idea when the question came up on The World Series of Pop Culture about who the mask was of that Myers used. It’s a Willie (his non-friends call him William) Shatner’s Captain Kirk mask touched up some. That movie was shot in just 21 days. It cost just $300,000 to make and the actors used their own wardrobes.

--Now it’s time to play guess the whitest state in the country as judged by what percentage of its population is minority. Your first guess was Alaska and that’s wrong. Iowa? New Hampshire? No, it’s none other than the Pine Tree State, which I’m sure you knew is Maine. For whatever reason the U.S. Census Bureau doesn’t have a category for Hispanics, which that cracker state has plenty of, but as for the other minorities…they account for 1 whole percent of Maine’s total population. That percentage has actually doubled since 2000.

--The Johnsonville World Brat Eating Championship was this weekend. Major surprise as Kobayashi won by downing 58 brats in 10 minutes. Defending champeen Sonya Thomas “only” ate 34. Joey Chestnut once again finished second to the Japanese Jabba with 45.

--Emmitt Smith on the next Dancing With The Stars?!
I guess Jerry just told Emmitt that there's no way he can be as bad as Evander was. Always nice to see legends sticking with one uniform.

--For reasons no one can fully understand Flavor of Love 2 came back on Sunday. Houston is actually represented and she’ll be known as H-Town. Sadly H-Town couldn’t get past the first round of clocks and her time was up. She did have tough competition from the likes of Payshantz, Buckwild, Eye-z, Deelishiz, Toastee and I’ll just stop there. If you like ‘em hoodratty, blubbery and/or with gap teeth these are the women for you and Flav. By the way, Mini-Me’s piss job on The Surreal Life has been topped. The behemoth known as Somethin’ actually ummm…dropped the kids off, but couldn’t make it to the pool, so she dropped them off on Flav’s floor. Then said "it could happen to anybody." Yeah, who hasn’t that happened to at one point or another?

--Far more entertaining is Celebrity Fit Club with such A-listers as Bone Crusher (highest weight I’ve ever seen at 424 pounds), Carnie Wilson, Tina Yothers (Family Ties), Ted Lange (Isaac), Nick Turturro (NYPD Blue and cousin is Janice from Sopranos ((she’ll be on by season six))), Angie Stone (singer), Vincent Pastore (Big you know what) and the lovely, now fat Erika Eleniak.
Your Erika Eleniak trivia: She was the little girl Elliott kissed in the classroom in E.T.

--As dedicated readers I’m sure you remember a couple of weeks ago when I wrote about the problems New Braunfels is having with the wild and crazy tubers. The highlight being the city council banning “volume drinking devices” or as normal people say “beer bongs.” On Sunday the Chronicle had a story on the problem and it termed beer bongs as “homemade beer-chugging devices.” That’s not nearly as good as volume drinking devices. Let’s hear from intelligent 21-year-old Marine John Rossi on this issue as I’m sure his perspective will be wise, “I’m home on leave, and I can’t even have Jell-O shots or a beer bong. I have a beer bong in my car right now that I can’t use.” They call this America?!? The man has a beer bong in his car he can’t even use because of your strict, forbidding laws. Why bother making a volume drinking device if The Man ain’t gonna let you use it?

--If you want to waste some time shaking your head try judgeoj.com.

--Your dumbass of the week comes to us from New York. It’s there that 18-year-old Abdullah Date has had his share of run-ins with the police. Last month he was alleged to have thrown vials of crack from the window of his Brooklyn home. So Abdullah thought he’d write the cops an anonymous letter just to see how they were living. Abdullah used lots of cuss words that I dare not reprint. He also wrote, "Ha, Ha (you) thought it was anthrax. Catch me if you can. " Smartly Abdullah didn’t sign the letter…but did have a return address on the envelope. They can catch him.

--The two highlights for me this X Games were the 19 times Shaun White tried a 1080 on his skateboard. He failed each one, but failed 29 times last year so he failed less this year. In Moto X Freestyle (I think that’s what it’s called) Travis Pastrana busted out a double back flip and stuck it perfectly. How he didn’t get a perfect 100 is beyond me.

Questions, comments or if you’ve rediscovered Radiohead’s OK Computer…

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