grace: July 2006

Cuz I'm a High Plains Drifter

Left Below

What’s left to say about these Astros? The hitting stinks, the pitching is inconsistent, you know the rest.

--Carlos Zambrano has more home runs (4) than losses (3). Adam Everett and Brad Ausmus have 3 home runs. By the end of the season will they catch up or heaven forbid pass Zambrano?

--The Astros aren’t the only team this week that hit their low water mark of 6 games below .500. The Brewers are 4-11 in their last 15 and sit six below. The Dodgers are 1-13 and have been outscored 81-29.

--The Twins are just ridiculous. Make it 34-8 in their last 42. During this stretch the team is hitting .305. Their starters are 26-6 with a 3.13 ERA. The bullpen is 8-2 with a 2.74. Johan Santana is 7-1 with a 2.70 ERA and 69 K’s. That’s good. Francisco Liriano is better at 8-1 with a 1.58 ERA to go with 75 strikeouts.

--If you’re interested in that sort of thing the auction house, Lelands, is offering the toilet whose home was the Red Sox dugout from 1986-2004. The reserve is $300, but I’m thinking it’ll go for a crapload more.

--Writing of the Sox, David Ortiz’s 34 HRs in the teams first 100 games is a new club record breaking Jimmie Foxx’s mark of 33.

--In hitting streak news…Chipper’s career-best 20-game streak ended Wednesday. Minnesota’s Nick Punto’s sits at 18. San Diego’s Adrian Gonzalez’s just ended at 17. He also had a 17-game streak earlier this season. Philly’s Chase Utley’s streak is at 27 and counting.

--Congratulations to Atlanta manager Bobby Cox who on Wednesday received his 124th ejection. That ties him with Leo Durocher for 2nd on the all-time list. John McGraw has the top spot with 131. If you’re wondering and I know you are Earl Weaver was ejected 98 times.

--Before beating the hapless, Nomar-less Dodgers on Wednesday San Diego’s Jake Peavy was 0-5 with a 6.61 ERA since his last win in late May.

--The White Sox have dropped 12 of 15. Ozzie Guillen, “For the first time in my life I’m speechless.” Thank God.

--Because this might be the most important news of your week…the chorizo will join the bratwurst, hot dog and Polish and Italian sausages at the races in Milwaukee.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Is it just me or does Miami Vice look bad? Not just ehhh, but bad.

--How can you not love Mexican soap operas? Brazilian ones sound promising as well as I’m sure the women are as hot if not hotter and you also have crazies apparently. The other day on the set of Brazilian soap “Snakes and Lizards” (something lost in translation?) they were doing a scene with gunshots were fired. At first they thought it was a part of the show then smartly figured otherwise. Some actor who was an extra let go a while back showed up at the Rio de Janeiro studios and just started firing while talking “nonsense.” Eventually the Brazilian nut (get it?) was captured and no one was hurt.

--Stephanie McMahon and HHH spawned their first child on Monday. Vince announced it live on RAW, but thankfully didn’t show it. I think we’re all still trying to get over them showing Mae’s birth of Mark Henry’s baby. By the way, how am I supposed to be excited and take the new ECW seriously if freakin’ Kane and Big Show are fighting for the title. C’mon ECW is easy, easy to make it like it was and yet the powers that be screw up at every turn.

--The U.S. Navy diver that Cuba Gooding Jr. portrayed in Men of Honor, Carl Brashear, passed away from respiratory and heart failure at the age of 75.

--The Killers are touring North America in November is support of their new album which drops on October 3rd.

--Headline of the week: ‘More Americans too fat for X-Rays, scans’.
Your no sh** headline of the week: ‘World Doesn’t Respect Bush’.

--Despite the fact that it is going to lose well over $100 million this fiscal year ESPN continues to push Mobile on us. Whatever, but I will write this, that Reggie Bush fantasy football draft spot is hilarious. If you haven’t seen it Reggie is hanging with some fellas getting ready to start the draft. The guy sitting next to him takes “my boy Reggie Bush.” Reggie says he’ll take Larry Johnson and that guy is stupid. May all my drafts contain those stupid guys.

--As I’ve mentioned before this season of Deadwood has been out-freakin’-standing! The fight of the year between Dan Dority and Captain Turner is among the highlights. Lately there’s a storyline concerning a guy portrayed by Omar Gooding who supposedly came over from Liberia. Back to current days for the first time in 15 years Liberia has running water and electricity. This coming on the 159th anniversary of the country’s founding by freed American slaves.

--Vin Diesel and Maria Menounos?!

--Some of the very rough Simpsons movie clips are out.

--Over the last three days in Nigeria a Korean man has excreted not 1, not 2, not 20, not 30, not 40, but 48 wraps of cocaine weighing a total of 3.5 pounds. Let’s hear from the spokesman for the National Drug Enforcement Agency, “He is still excreting. It is a scary quantity to swallow.” Shouldn’t he have learned in Spokesman 101 that you don’t use the words “excreting” and “swallow” in back to back sentences?

--Prince got a divorce?! Prince was married?! Why we have yet to see a pay per view one-on-one game between Prince and Charlie Murphy is beyond me.

--It’s no secret I have a fantasy football problem. I’ve been looking at some average draft information to get an idea on where certain guys are going. If you want to join me in my pathetic endeavor, here ya go…

--Want a happy ending? Are you sure?

--Reason # 243 why SportsCenter is pretty much worthless now…On Tuesday Danica Patrick left Rahal-Letterman racing and of course, those crazy and very entertaining SC anchors came up with a knee-slapping, side-splitting top 10 list of reasons why she left the Letterman racing team.

--Reason # 244 why SportsCenter is pretty much worthless now…The Budweiser Hot Seat has always been lame, but putting their own analysts on the hot seat is just silly. Unless they put Harold Reynolds on the hot seat then I’m watching. I’m sure you know this by now, but HR was fired for multiple sexual harassment violations. Little League coverage will never be the same.

--I can cross Teacher Man off my summer reading list. Teacher Job still on my list, unfortunately.

Questions, comments or if your iPod is broken and you don’t know why you still get out of bed in the morning.

Yeah, That's Right I'm the Egg Man

It Was A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Trip

It’s not just that it was a 4-6 roadie, but it was an ugly 4-6 roadie. And yet the Astros wake up Monday morning just five games behind the Reds who visit for three beginning Tuesday. Such is life in the very average National League. Nevertheless the Astros better not lose this series. They’ve already dropped five of the first six meetings against the Reds. We all know the offense is pathetic and this team will only go as far as its pitching. In the six previous meetings against Cincy Houston’s pitchers have a 6.50 ERA. The only guy not to give up a run was Brad Lidge. Roger Clemens goes against 10-game winner Aaron Harang in the first game. Two of Harang’s wins are against Houston, but he did allow 5 runs in 13.2 innings so all Houston has to do is get Roger two runs. Is that too much to ask for? Of course, it is, but let’s be optimistic. Game 2 features Andy Pettitte against Bronson Arroyo. Andrew Eugene is 0-2 with a 10.64 ERA against Cincy so uhh, yeah, that’s not promising. The third game has Taylor Buchholz opposite Elizardo Ramirez. Taylor has Houston’s lone win and Elizardo has Cincy’s lone loss so chalk that one up for the good/average guys.

--Homers in 19 straight games for the Cardinals, a new franchise mark. The streak stopped Monday when Colorado’s Jeff Francis blanked them. It was Colorado’s fourth shutout of the season tying its franchise record.

--The Dodgers are 1-10 with three shutout losses since the break.

--Jered Weaver went 6.2 allowing one run in a win against the Royals. His ERA skyrocketed from 1.12 to 1.15. Obviously the league is catching up to him.

--Don’t look now, but the Braves went 7-2 on their road trip. Told ya not to look.

--The Twins are 32-8 in their last 40. They picked up not one, but two whole games on the Tigers in that stretch. In those 40 games Justin Morneau is hitting .400 with 43 RBIs while Joe Mauer is batting .392.

--Alfonso Soriano is “very close” to being traded to the White Sox. Or maybe not.

--Carlos Beltran’s 80th RBI the other night set a record for Metropolitan center fielders.

--Because apparently Elias hates Alex Rodriguez it looked up and found out A-Rod is the first player in more than six years to have a three-error game and a four-strikeout game in a span of six days.

Thunder
Thank you Arturo Gatti. The boxing world owes you a debt it can never repay. You have your money, your health, your first child and nothing left to prove to anyone. Thank you and God bless.

--A highlight package including just about every incredible, amazing second of round 9 in Gatti/Ward I.

--I’m not sure anyone is ever going to take on Antonio Margarito. Floyd turned down $8 million and Carlos Baldomir wants either Ricky Hatton or Floyd. Oh well. Juan Diaz has mentioned the names Diego Corrales and Acelino Freitas. Diego is taking on Joel Casamayor for the third time come October. Jim Lampley said Diaz vs. Freitas is the best fight that can be made at 135. I hope we get it.

--I’m reading Beyond Glory, which takes a deep look at the Joe Louis and Max Schmeling fights. Of course, you can’t do that without also including James Braddock and Max Baer among others. Over at boxrec.com (fantastic site) I was looking at some of those guys’ records to see how long they lasted and what kind of work rate they had. After Baer lost to the Cinderella Man in 1935 he lost to Joe Louis three months later. Then Baer didn’t fight again until June 1936. From June through October he fought a ridiculous 25 times. Granted the competition wasn’t the best, but still, 25 fights in four months is 25 fights in four months. He traveled from Utah to Canada to Idaho to Wyoming to three fights in Texas in Tyler, Dallas and San Antonio. He won all of those fights against the likes of Millionaire Murphy, Cyclone Lynch, Cowboy Sammy Evans, and Bearcat Wright. Baer didn’t get the best treatment from Ron Howard in The Cinderella Man. In 1930 Baer (as seen in the movie) knocked Frankie Campbell’s brain loose from the connective tissue that holds it in place and that was it for him. To Baer’s credit he did put Campbell’s kids through college. It ain’t much, but it’s more than he had to do and more than you think he’d do after watching The Cinderella Man. If you want to see Baer knock the hell out of Primo Carnera, here ya go…

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--The best $35 you can spend this week is on the first season of The Boondocks. I’m not sure how much longer Aaron McGruder is on hiatus, but I hope it ends soon. I’m ready for more shows, much less more comic strips.

--Nice, never-a-doubt job by Tiger over the weekend despite backing off of every single shot at least once because of those idiot fans snapping pics on their cell phones.

--Oh Joy! Eight albums from American Idol contestants are slated for release between September and November this glorious year.

--The run of the final three episodes of Chappelle is over. This week was the worst except for Cribs and the Jurassic tone it took. That Monsters stuff was just awful. All in all, it was all right by me. We all knew it wasn’t going to top or even come that close to Seasons 1 or 2. And why couldn’t we get a Charlie Murphy story out of three episodes? That’s about the only thing I’m upset with Dave about. You think it’s a sign that they know it’s not great and so release it on DVD this week, put a seemingly cheap price on it like $12 before people start telling other people “don’t buy it, it’s not worth it”?

----There are no accidents or maybe… "Yeah, you and Turtle crossed swords in your threesome. Accident?" I guess that’s the last we see of Tori and that’s a shame.

--I didn’t watch a second of it and didn’t really pay attention until Floyd Landis collapsed from 1st to 11th on Wednesday. Not even just 11th, but 8 minutes and 8 seconds behind the new leader. Then in the last mountain stage he gets within 30 seconds of the spot, which he and his arthritic hip overcome for the yellow jersey in the last time trial. His reward? Hip replacement surgery in the fall and probably an oh-so-coveted ESPY, which will be the next time you see or hear from him.

--David Hasselhoff: The Musical?!

--According to wikipedia the F-bomb was dropped the most in what movie? The top five include Made, Narc, Goodfellas, Jarhead, and Casino. # 1 is…also the longest of the five mentioned…Casino with 398 F-words or 2.24 per minute. I’m pretty sure Deadwood blows 2.24 per minute out of the f***in’ H2 motha***** O.
Best character on television.

--If you’re planning on a summer trip to New Braunfels be aware of the new maximum $500 fine for violating a noise ordinance or having a beer bong with you. Though the City Council didn’t use the term beer bong it went with “volume drinking devices.” Classic. It’s also looking for a way to ban Jell-O shots.

--As I’ve written many times before Requiem for a Dream is the best movie I’ll never watch again. Its director was Darren Aronofsky who also directed Pi. I am nowhere near intelligent enough to comprehend exactly what the hell was going on in that movie, but its premise was very intriguing. Next up this fall is The Fountain with Hugh Jackman and the lovely Rachel Weisz.

----And while we’re looking at some trailers we may as well look at Borat...

--Can't leave Leonard Cohen out of the mix. Outstanding lyricist and pipes which only the gods can bestow. Any movie involving a performance by U2 is worthy of my dollar.

--Wanna guess who’s going to be president come next season of 24? Why Wayne Palmer of course. I’m not sure if Kim Bauer/Elisha Cuthbert is coming back, but she sure is selfish, "I wouldn't cancel out a nude scene but, right now, with my life and my career, I don't feel the need to do that. I don't feel it's necessary. There have been points where we've had to use body doubles, and, obviously, as I get older, the roles get more mature. I never shy away from saying, 'OK guys, we can do this; let's just use a double.' I feel I give a lot to the public and there's a few things in my life right now that I'd like to keep to myself - my breasts being one of them."

--And your 2006 Miss Universe comes to us from the land of Roberto Clemente and Tito Trinidad. Miss Puerto Rico Zuleyka Rivera Mendoza. She’s all of 18.
Your five finalists.

--Jake Gyllenhaal as Lance Armstrong in a biopic?!

--Democrat David Dickerson is running for the U.S. Senate in Maryland. Don’t think he’s going to get it. After all the guy sent away for a mail order bride from Latvia. And then the piece of crap allegedly raped and assaulted her.

--Ladies and gentlemen your halftime entertainment for Super Bowl XLI is none other than Prince.

--This is why you should watch more Discovery Channel…16-year-old Corey Workman was throwing rocks into a Central Florida lake when an 11-foot alligator decided to taste his foot. He likey so he started dragging Corey into the lake. Somehow this kid kept his cool and remembered the Discovery Channel show he watched two months earlier. It said that if an alligator has you that your best defense is to poke it in the eye since it’s the most sensitive part of a gator. He poked it with his thumb and the gator let him go. I, for one, would be dead at the bottom of the lake.

--Surprisingly there were no cut-aways to this, but AJ Hawk and (Brady’s sister) Laura Quinn were married Monday.

Questions, comments or if you remember that one day this summer that didn’t include rain…

Manipulating Stripes

When is a stripe not a stripe? When it is manipulated into other patterns by the use of cutting and sewing. Designers can use seams to great effect in changing the directions of stripes. Seams can be used to form angles, zig-zags, diamonds, and a myriad of other designs, all with a simple striped fabric.

This vintage 1950's full skirted sundress makes great use of this technique. The designer has used a simple blue and white cotton stripe, and by cutting the fabric in to rectangles and sewing those rectangles back together with the stripes facing in different directions, he has formed a bulls-eye design in the skirt.

The skirt of this dress is formed from 24 rectangles, all seamed together so the stripes line up perfectly. That's alot of work for one dress, and is just another example of why I love vintage so much more than modern clothing!

See this dress and more at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion .

I'm Like Jimmy Walker. I'm Dyno-mite!

Same Ol’, Same Ol’

A four-game split with the Marlins and a series loss to the Cubs. Wild Card Fever…Catch It!!! I’m not ready to completely wash my hands of the 2006 Astros, but the soap dispenser is within reach and my hand is on the faucet. When Houston is bad it is really, really awful. How you gonna lose to a Chicago team which was 0-8 on Thursdays? The Cubs got their first series win at home since the end of May. Pathetic. Thursday’s game was much like Tuesday’s when the ‘Stros get behind two runs it’s pretty much over. And yet the guys are still within four games of the wild card. Yeah there are a bunch of teams in front of them. It's not like those teams are all that scary. We’ll see what happens this weekend against the first place Mets. Probably another series loss, but then the ‘Stros have three big games against the Reds. That’s when it’s time to turn it around for good.

--Besides Lance Berkman what other Astro has three 4-RBI games? That slugger Adam Everett, of course.

--Note to the government and MLB: You are making Barry Bonds a sympathetic figure. Please stop the witch-hunt. If you got something on him, bring it now and bring it strong. If not then just leave him alone.

--The Reds trading Austin Kearns, Felipe Lopez and Ryan Wagner for relievers was a bad, bad move. Gary Majewski has a blown save and a loss in his three appearances with Cincy. That’s not good. On the other end of the spectrum Eddie Guardado is 4-4 in save opportunities since coming over from Seattle.

--Tampa Bay’s Scott Kazmir and Minnesota’s Francisco Liriano faced off on Tuesday with Liriano getting the win. It was the first time in 80 years that two lefties 22 or younger with at least 10 wins matched up against each other. The last time was when Washington’s Harry Harper took the mound against some guy from Boston named Babe something or other.

--The coolest story of the week that didn’t come from ESPN’s My Wish series. On Wednesday Milwaukee’s Tony Gwynn Jr. notched his first big league hit with a double. It was 24 years to the day, to the day that his father got his first major league hit and of course, it was also a double. Crazy.

--Houston is 3-4 on its first 7 of 10 on the road. Tampa Bay just went 0-7 including a sweep at the hands of the Twins who it hasn’t beaten since June ’04.

--The Tigers took two of three against the White Sox. Chicago’s 1-4 hitters went 0-29 in the last two games. Ouch.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--As you probably know the newest in video crack, NCAA ’07, is out. I’ve barely scratched the surface on it, but it’s great as always. If you’re wondering...Notre Dame is unbeatable with the Quinn-Samardzija connection, Jamal Charles is a freakin’ beast, Florida State is back, South Carolina will average 40 points a game, UH will go undefeated and that’s about as far as I’ve explored thus far.

--SMU has a tight end named Vincent Chase?!

--We have to wait a couple more months before the new one from The Killers comes out. In the meantime we got the first single off of it, “When You Were Young.”

--I think SportsCenter has made me cry every night this week and not because they keep forcing Mobile ads on us. Those My Wish segments have been pure gold, Jerry. Each one has been just heart wrenching. The Rockies one, the Mariners one, the Eagles one and of course the ones featuring Roger Clemens and Tracy McGrady. Tracy and Kobe are perfect for things like that with kids. So personable and so good at making the kids feel comfortable instantly. If you missed them here ya go…

--Back to ESPN Mobile for a second…Merrill Lynch says ESPN the Phone will lose $135 million for the company this fiscal year. Throw in the freakin’ towel already!

--Start saving your money because come September the world’s largest plasma TV will be available. All 103 inches of glory can be yours for 6 million yen or $50,000.

--Heath Ledger as The Joker in the next Batman?! C’mon next Batman you’re better than that.
--You know how when you’re on a plane and you don’t have anything to read after your second time through the Sky Mall magazine so you decide to see if the barf bag has anything amusing written on it so you grab it and then you have to reassure the lovely woman next to you that you’re not about to lose your honey roasted peanuts despite the collection of mini red wine bottles that is piling up beside you and she says okay and then you ask her how long it’s been since she’s vomited and she lets you know without speaking a word that the conversation took a creepy turn that she’s not interested in so you apologize by telling her about your last vomiting experience only to change the story because you were remembering the second to last time and because you want to be truthful you tell her about the real last time and for some reason neither story does anything for her and then she goes to the lavatory and you wonder if she’s going to have her own story when she gets back and then you try to remember the made up name you told her was yours and then, wait, what was I going to write about. Oh yeah, US Airways is going to start putting advertisements on its barf bags. Kind of a long way to go for that, but um…yeah…sorry about that.

--Rivalfish.com busted out a list of the Top 50 Movie Rivalries of All-Time. At #49 we get Indy vs. The Boulder. Gotta love 47 with Chet vs. The Old 96er from The Great Outdoors. At 40 we find Andy Dufresne vs. 500 Yards of S*** Smelling Foulness. At 30 is the Titanic vs. the Iceberg although I’m not sure that was much of a fight. Carl Spackler vs. the Gopher at 22 and that has to be higher.
Also Daniel Larusso vs. Johnny Lawrence has to be higher than 17. At 12 the classic Goonies vs. Fratellis match up. Batman vs. The Joker at 9. Your top five movie rivalries as provided by rivalfish.com. # 5- Marty McFly vs. Biff. # 4- Indigo Montoya vs. The Six-Fingered Man from the top five desert island selection The Princess Bride. The Lords of Hell vs. The Babysitter from Adventures in Babysitting. I loved Elisabeth Shue back in the day too, but c’mon. Skywalker vs. Vader from Empire checks in at 2. At # 1 we find Ferris Bueller vs. Principal Rooney.
Oh, that lovely Sloane. She's married to Jason Connery (son of).

--I’m down with Clerks II in as much as I’ll wait for it on DVD. I’ll probably even watch the entire movie unlike Good Morning America movie critic Mr. Joel Siegel who stayed for all of 40 minutes. Siegel was watching a screening with well-behaved critics when he got up and let everyone know what he was thinking, "Time to go! First movie I've walked out of in 30 [bleeping] years!" Kevin Smith responded on his MySpace with this eloquence, "I don't need Joel Siegel to [bleep] my [bleep] the way he apparently [bleeps] M. Night Shyamalan's, gushing over his flick ['The Lady in the Water'] before he's even seen it, but [bleep] man, man - how about a little common [bleeping] courtesy? You never, never disrupt a movie, simply because you don't like it. Cardinal rule of moviegoing: Shut your [bleeping] mouth while the movie's playing.

--By the way, the only movie I’ve ever walked out of was The Big Hit.

--Does anyone have anything nice to say about M. Night Shyamalan’s Lady in the Water? If so, I haven’t heard it.

--In “it was a matter of time” news…YouTube is getting sued. Robert Tur, who shot the video of Reginald Denny getting beat down during the ’92 riots in L.A., says the video is on the site without his permission and hurts his ability to license the video. YouTube has basically told him to bring it because they comply with everything it is supposed to. The site has taken off the clip. At least Tur isn’t crazy about what he’s asking in his lawsuit. He simply wants $150,000 per violation (per viewing) and there were only about 1,000 of those so he’s being reasonable. Either way what your day is missing is a little Rico Suave.

--I did see The Matador with Pierce Brosnan the other day. Not as good as I thought it’d be and it feels longer than 97 minutes. However, the music is outstanding. Anything that can incorporate both Asia’s “Heat of the Moment” and The Killers’ “All These Things I’ve Done” is okay by me.

--If you’re keeping score at home Oprah = not gay. Lance Bass = gay.

--For the next week you can bid on Matthew McConaughey’s 1971 Chevy Corvette Stingray convertible. All proceeds go to Oprah Winfrey’s Angel Network Hurricane Katrina and Rita recovery efforts. Opening bid is $42,000.

Wooderson: Say, man you got a joint?
Mitch: No, not on me, man.
Wooderson: It’d be a lot cooler if you did.

--This week back in 1989 the Beastie Boys unleashed Paul’s Boutique. Gotta love that.

--Bad move with the haircut Steve Nash.

--Questions, comments or if despite Vince’s stupid decision you think Eric had the best week ever…

And I Got More Hits than Sadaharu Oh

Not Bad, Not Good, Just Average

Oh well, no big surprise the Astros split, considering how horrible they’ve been on the road this season. There are going to be a lot more games like the one on Sunday when one pitch can ruin a weekend than games on Saturday when they beat up on one of the best rookie pitchers around. The bullpen continues to be a major problem with Phil Garner having to go to the box of chocolates in key situations. Anybody else need to see more of Wandy up here this season? I don’t. At least Fernando Nieve’s ERA has gone down since he’s been relegated to the pen. If Timmy P. wants to give this one more try then he’s got to find some help for the ‘pen. But by no means am I willing to give up a Jason Hirsch to get it. I think the Reds were foolish to give up Austin Kearns, Felipe Lopez and Ryan Wagner for relief help. No need for the Astros to get crazy, maybe just get creative. I’d figure it out for them, but first I’ve got to figure out how to get my fantasy team out of fourth place.

--Wandy’s month-by-month ERA…April- 2.53, May- 5.29, June- 6.42, July- 9.28. I’m not Darryl Morey, but I see a trend here.

--In basically the same amount of innings Andy Pettitte has 17 more strikeouts than Roy Oswalt. In 82.1 more innings Roy has given up the same number of walks (24), as has Brad Lidge.

--Lidge is one of two Astros who have more strikeouts (62) than innings pitched (44). The other? Why Trever Miller, of course, with 33 K’s in 26.1 innings.

--Nothing like seeing those great crowd shots in Florida. Really is reminiscent of World Cup crowds. John Smoltz sums up the air of excitement, "You're not supposed to hear the lights! When you hear the lights buzzing, it's not good. I don't know how baseball is going to survive here."

--I like Morgan Ensberg, but he’s got to admit the pain earlier. We’ve all seen it; we all knew he should be on the DL. Why Garner or Purpura didn’t sit him down for the good of the team is beyond me. And Morgan this is twice you’ve played hurt for long stretches of time and it doesn’t help the team or you. Get smart.

--Note to Jesus Ortiz and John Lopez who were on Sports Sunday last weekend. First, Mr. Ortiz the Marlins are far, far from being the worst team in the National League. Hello? The Pirates and Nationals are both worse record-wise and the Marlins have the kind of young players nobody likes seeing on their schedule right now. And c’mon Mr. Lopez describing Aubrey Huff as “Jason Lane at his best” is just silly. I guess Jason Lane was his best last season when he hit 26 HRs, drove in 78 runs with a .267 batting average. Over the last four seasons Huff has averaged 27 HRs and two of those years drove in over 100 and his career average is .287. Huff also has never struck out 100 times in a season like Lane and he’s much more versatile in the field.

--By now you probably know the story of Philly starter Brett Myers who is accused of hitting his wife in front of a lot of people one late night outside of Fenway. He pitched two days later and then took a leave of absence. Now he’s back and we turn to Ryan Howard, "You hope fans will rally behing him. Forgive. Forget about it. Hopefully the fans will put it behind them. And behind us."
You seem like a good guy Ryan, but keep your mouth shut when it comes to wife beaters.

--The Brewers’ rotation will get a Ben Sheets boost next week. That’s not good.

--How crazy was it that on Saturday there was not one single save in Major League Baseball?

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Props to Juan Diaz for another strong showing. The day will come when he meets Diego Corrales or Acelino Freitas and then it will really, really be on. Tuesday night a new season of The Contender starts on ESPN the Channel. Can’t hardly wait.

--Better video: Shakira’s “La Tortura” or Beyonce’s “Déjà vu”?

--I’m not, but if you’re a Cingular guy or gal then you receive a special miniseries of Entourage episodes. They’re four minutes long and were specifically created for your cell. The stories revolve around one character with Johnny Drama getting the bulk of the screen time, which is a very, very good thing. VICTORY!!

--Your youtube.com fun comes courtesy of Dave Chappelle and Howard Dean. BYAHHH!!!

--Avril Lavigne and the lead guy from Sum 41 got married on the same day this past weekend as Allyson and Matt Jackson did. The difference being that in five years from now you’ll still know who Matt Jackson is.

--Seriously, the NHL wants broadcasters to start referring to overtime goals as “skate-off goals”?

--Back to Matt and Allyson’s wedding…It was at a nice church and I don’t normally make the weekly or monthly or even yearly visit, but I still know the Lord’s Prayer or so I thought. I was rolling along through the “daily bread” part and then boom! the words changed on me. I always thought the “trespasses” line was next. But then the much more knowledgeable people around me started saying something about debts or something and I had to put myself on mute and just mouth the rest as I normally do in those types of situations. Either way it was a beautiful and beautifully quick ceremony and congratulations once again to those two crazy kids.

--In four games with the Argonauts Ricky Williams has 214 rushing yards with a 4.0 average per carry. His total is good for fifth in the league. Leading the league is former Cougar Joffrey Reynolds. The man who single-handedly put an end to beach flag football former ‘Fin Robert Edwards is fourth.

--Because nothing else was on I caught bits and pieces of The ESPYs. Not real sure why Danica Patrick says she doesn’t want to be the Anna Kournikova of auto racing one day and then the next turns her backside to the audience and shakes her rump (badly I might add). Will Ferrell’s Ricky Bobby SportsCentury

and then reuniting of Lance and Neil Armstrong were probably the highlights. I’m happy Ben Roethlisberger is okay, but bringing him out at the end by himself like he’s some sort of special hero was just silly. He’s just a guy who made a dumb, dumb mistake. He should have gone up there with his team. The award was for Best Team and then he comes out from the side by himself? Also please don’t ever let the real hero of the free world, Jack Bauer, present an award with Venus Williams again. Seeing our nation’s greatest asset being towered over by a female tennis player was just a little alarming.

Oh the memories...

--Eleven universities have five or more players in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Which Texas-based school can make that claim? UT? A&M? Nope, SMU.

--When is it acceptable to start doing mock fantasy football drafts? Another week? As soon as possible?

--‘Tis the season for summer vacations. For most of us that means Galveston or New Braunfels, for Michael Douglas it means the beaches of Spain. Unfortunately it wasn’t the best trip for Mike D. who explains, "I took my kids down to the ocean the other day and we had a little problem - we have jellyfish. I got stung actually pretty bad, across my back just last week. There's sort of a remedy that we've all heard...urine. It's the remedy if you have a bad sting. So I asked my five-year-old son if he would pee-pee on my back. He looked at me like he'd gone to heaven. He was like 'This is what I call a good summer holiday! Pee-pee on daddy's back!' I don't know if it helped at all, but my son was happy. We'll work it out in 20 years (when he's in therapy)!"

Questions, comments, or BYAHH!!!!!

Fall Fashion Trend - Brocade

Beautiful brocades are bountiful for cocktail and evening dresses this fall as seen on the runway by Oscar de le Renta and Dries van Notten. These gorgeous fabrics have lots of texture and shimmer and are a perfect antidote to those little black dresses from seasons past. Stand out from the crowd during the holiday season!

If you're adding a touch of brocade to your wardrobe this fall, why not make yours vintage? Here are a few example available at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion .

A 1950's brocade dress & jacket

A 1950's draped brocade dress

A 1960's tone on tone brocade dress

October 31st-that is my date of birth. I got to the party and I did the Smurf.

U-G-L-Y

Everything started fine enough with the Astros taking the first game against the Cards putting them just 3 back with 3 before the break. You know what happened next. The boys continued to make things hard on themselves and dropped three straight, the last two in spectacular fashion. I was at Sunday’s epic loss and it felt nothing like a game in mid-July. It had a postseason atmosphere and afterwards it was the worst I’ve seen the clubhouse this year. It was just dead in there. I don’t think the Astros are all that good, but there’s no way they’re this bad. And even though they’ve been this bad they find themselves 3.5 out of a wild card spot. Such is life in the National League.

What was your favorite part of Sunday’s loss? When Jason Lane fell down while trying to tag, when Eric Munson was picked off of first or when Roy Oswalt was called out for not touching first? My two favorite moments (not involving Erin Andrews) from one memorable game were when Andy Pettitte doubled and in gazelle-like fashion rounded the bases. I also loved the tension and drama when Brad Lidge faced Albert Pujols with two on. When Lidge got that out I truly believed that 3 months from now we’d be looking back at that as a turning point for when things started clicking for Lidge and this team. Oh well. I still thought Lidge looked good and I still think this team is going to the postseason. Of course, I also thought Preston Wilson would have at least 17 homers at this point…

--I was at the game on Sunday, but have heard from a few people that the ESPN Deportes play-by-play that came on briefly was a lot more entertaining than the normal announcing. It does get boring hearing the Astros always lose in English.

--Congratulations to the Astros for becoming the first team to lose a game they led by at least two runs with two out and none on in the 9th. That was on Saturday, but you knew that.

--The American League is clearly the superior league and it won’t help to have Phil Garner having to make the decisions for the NL. No offense to Phil, who is a great guy, but I just don’t think he’s the best in-game manager around. Edgar Renteria batting 5th ahead of David Wright?

--How incredible is it that the Astros have one of the worst offenses around and yet somehow, some way Lance Berkman has more RBIs than any other National Leaguer? Out of the 16 NL teams Houston ranks 13th in runs, dead last in average (.255), 9th in OBP, and 15th in slugging.

--Detroit has a ridiculous 3.46 team ERA, which leads the Majors. Surprising to me that the Tigers are 5th in HRs with more than even the Red Sox. In Detroit’s last 29 games the starters went 18-2 with a 2.82 ERA. The Tigers aren’t going away.

--The Blue Jays lead everyone with a .293 average. The White Sox are at .288 and have scored 520 runs, 32 more than any other team.

--The Royals, Cubs and Nationals are the only teams still looking for their first complete game. The only team still looking for its first shutout? The Red Sox.

--Kansas City is 5-4 this month. Its last month of .500 or better ball? July of 2003.

--Some players like to spend their All-Star Break with family or friends. As for Tampa’s Jonny Gomes, “I’m going to drink some beer and get some tattoos. I’m going to stay on the beach. And hopefully I’m going to pick up my new dog, an albino boxer.” The name of the dog? Jager. Gotta love that.

Futbol

What a wild and crazy World Cup Final that I’m sure you watched every minute of. I didn’t have a real rooting interest, but was kind of pulling for the old guy, Zinedine Zidane, and his Frenchy friends. The first goal on that penalty kick barely minutes in was just b.s. so I was happy to see Italy even up things. I wasn’t happy that the scoring stopped there. I hate penalty kicks deciding things like a freakin’ World Cup Final that comes along once every four years. I know the guys are tired, but the Golden Goal has to be the way this all-important Cup is to be decided. Like Marcelo Balboa kept saying give the team’s another sub or even two when things get into overtimes. As for Zidane’s impressive head butt I still can’t believe that’s the way his legend is going to end. Having written that, what a freakin’ head butt!! Technique + Power + Perfect Landing Spot = 1st non-flop of an Italian. I’ve always loved the World Cup for its raucous crowds and hey, it fills the otherwise boring afternoons on television. I love the video crack that is FIFA World Cup and I think I might actually start paying attention to the leagues overseas. Although that just seems like crazy talk.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--That last episode of Entourage was some of Vince’s best acting yet. Not all good for Vinny Chase as the new Pirates movie broke Aqua-Man’s opening weekend record. Vince/Adrian Grenier also turned the big 3-0 on Monday.
Ray Allen and our boy in Harvard Man.

--I was reading about Robert Downey Jr. making a deal for his memoirs. It referred to him as the Natural Born Killers star. Huh? Come on, he was strong in Natural Born Killers: Batonga! Batonga! Batonga! In Batongaville!
But Chaplin (Oscar nomination) is the movie I think of when I think of Robert Downey Jr., well that and Johnny Be Good. Or maybe Black and White when he hits on Mike Tyson. By the way, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang with Downey and Val Kilmer is pretty strong.
Another, more lovely reason to watch Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.
Apparently the Chaplin star was also in The Shaggy Dog, which I’m sure he’s already forgotten.

--If you have a nice picture of Elvis in your head and in particular his “Are You Lonesome Tonight” then you might not want to click. But if you feel like laughing/crying then click away.

--I hope you’re sitting down because Paris Hilton is about to shock you with these comments about her Simple Life: "Simple Life is a reality show and people might assume it's real. But it's fake. All reality shows are fake basically. When you have a camera on you, you are not going to act yourself. So before I started the show I thought I'd make a character like the movies.”
In a somewhat related story, Sunday’s Outlook section of the Chronicle had a story on My Super Sweet 16 and how contrived it is. If we can’t believe in TV, what is there to believe in?

--If you want to know the magic of taking one red paper clip and turning it into a house then this is the spot for you.

--Because I’ve started watching The Ultimate Fighter series I decided to check out UFC 61 even though I was sure Ken Shamrock wouldn’t last two minutes with Tito Ortiz. Ken ended up lasting just over a minute before Tito started blasting elbows that forced the ref to step in. Very predictable, but not nearly as boring as the main event in which the two heavyweights, Orlovski and Sylvia, stayed on their feet the entire time for the entire five round match. Bo-ring, but I’ll be back for TUF 4 in August.

--I like The Contender and like Sergio Mora, but surely there are others more deserving of a title shot against Jermain Taylor than Sergio. It’s not official yet, I think, but apparently Jermain wants a little bit of break after some tough fights against Bernard Hopkins and Winky Wright. Sergio would be a break, but a little too much of one.

--Chappelle’s Show is back with one episode down and two to go. The skits did seem like a bit of self-prophecy with the first sketch detailing how money changes everything and his bodyguard dying, but tossing out one last bit of advice: "Money, the root of all evil. The I.R.S. pulled the trigger, but your greed did this to me, Dave. You didn't have to do two more seasons, no matter how good this show is. They're only going to say it's not as good as last year was."
Dave knows it, you know it, I know it, but I still want more.

--720 dunk anyone?

--Two very good, very different books I can cross off my summer reading list. Jimmy Carter’s Endangered Values and Bill Buford’s Heat. You can probably guess what Carter’s book is about. Heat is the story of a writer turned Batali kitchen slave who travels around Europe to learn the ways of Mario’s original teacher, the ways of pasta and much, much more. A very, very good read especially if you’ve ever worked in a restaurant and think the Food Network is the best background channel you can have on.

--Alex from Laguna Beach and Nick Carter?!

--The ESPYs are on Wednesday and I’ll have a full run down on Friday. Well, maybe not. The stupidest part of the stupidest night on ESPN is that ESPN Radio actually runs a pre-show and post-show show. Yeah, that’s really necessary.

Questions, comments or if you saw Eddie George sporting a fedora and a fake mustache on an episode of Made then e-mail…

That hypocrite smokes two packs a day...

Break Check

The Astros score about as often as the U.S. soccer team, they have three regulars hovering around .240, Phil Garner still gives playing time to a .200 hitter, their catcher is fresh off an 0-40 stretch, their stud closer has a 5.18 ERA, three starters have ERAs over 5.00, their ace has lost back to back complete games, they insist on that dumb attendance quiz instead of the old school multiple choice way it worked at the ‘Dome, .500 baseball feels like .750 ball and yet the Astros find themselves merely three games behind the division leading Cardinals. I guess, that’s baseball or more specifically National League baseball where .500 allows you to start printing playoff tickets. It hasn’t been pretty and there are a lot of teams in between the Astros and the division much less the wild card, but you’ve got to like their chances. It won’t take a miracle it’ll just take more solid starting pitching, some managerial decisions that make sense and I don’t think three runs a game is too much to ask for. I don’t think a sweep of the Cardinals is too much to ask for either. So let’s make this the last time .500 is looked at as something positive.

--Roy Oswalt losing back-to-back complete games was the first time an Astro has accomplished that sad feat since 1979 when J.R. Richard did it.

--Friday night the Dodgers are going for a Guinness record for “largest Bingo house in the world.” They’re playing the Giants and expecting 50,000 and everyone gets a bingo card. Just another wild and crazy Friday night in L.A.

--Funniest thread title I’ve seen in a long time….
If Billy Joel redoes “We Didn’t Start the Fire” he should include Jonathan Papelbon.

--Carl Everett got into a shouting match with his manager Mike Hargrove before a game on the 4th?! This can’t be the same Carl Everett who doesn’t believe dinosaurs ever roamed the earth, can it?

--Albert Pujols reached 2,000 bases the other day in just his 854th game. That’s faster than any other active player reached 2,000. Who did it the next fastest? Bonds? Junior? A-Rod? Nope, it was none other than deserving All-Star Nomar Garciaparra who did it in 869 games.

--Sammy Sosa wants to come back next season?

And Then There Were Two…

March Madness never disappoints and neither does the World Cup. Incredible. Yeah, the U.S. squad would’ve lost to the Ladybugs and we have to wait four more years for redemption. But the games have been out-freakin’-standing. The Germany/Italy semifinal was just stoopid. Great, exciting play for a game that was 0-0 heading into OT. I don’t like penalty kicks deciding games of that magnitude so I was somewhat happy Italy scored. They just remind me a little too much of the Spurs with all that crying. Imagine Germany and France in the final. I’m not positive, but I think there’s a history between those two. Oh well, Italy and France should be a helluva show.

--If you need more reasons to like the World Cup, beyond the fact there are no commercials and when they say the game starts at 2 that means the game starts at 2, then maybe these ladies can get you interested…
Frightening, funny, disturbing and happy all in one logo.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--The newest in video crack: FIFA ’06.

--I’m sure this can’t be true, but RVD and Sabu were pulled over last weekend and busted for marijuana and vicodin. By the way, RVD’s real name is Robert Alex Szatowski while Sabu’s is Terry Michael Brunk. Sabu is a Terry?!

--It doesn’t get much better than this You Tube link to all the full-length cartoons you can imagine. From Animaniacs to Heckle and Jeckle to Justice League to my personal favorite, Beast Wars.

--I’m not saying every single person in Santa Cruz, California is an idiot, but the city did just have its “2nd Annual Old Time Flag Burn” to “celebrate” July 4th. Co-organizer Sha Lar says it’s a celebration of the 1st Amendment and not a protest, "It seemed like a good idea to burn some flags just because we can." Great logic.

--First there was the unfortunate incident with a chandelier in the shower of a London gym. Now this weekend, according to the always-reliable Sun, David Hasselhoff was kicked out of Centre Court at Wimbledon because he was a little tipsy. The aIways-100% factual Sun quoted a security guard saying of the Hoff, “He was steaming drunk.” Now I’ve been ****faced drunk, drunk off my buttocks, p*** drunk, drunk as a skunk, but I’ve never been “steaming drunk.” Something to shoot for, I guess.

--In even more drunken news…the Humphreys had a fun time in Milan, Michigan over the weekend. The husband and wife were at a bar, presumably steaming drunk, when they decided to leave. The two got into an argument and she got out of the truck and he drove on. Later the loving husband went back to fetch wifey. Problem being wifey was passed out in a ditch. Oh and she was missing an arm. Yeah, in a ditch and missing an arm. No one has a clue as to what happened and she’s in serious condition. Oh those Saturday nights in Milan, Michigan.

--This is just a rumor and likely won’t happen, but apparently Lost co-creator Damon Lindelof has mentioned the possibility of doing like five seasons of Lost and then closing out the series with a cinematic release. I hope not. I don’t want to look like those Star Wars geeks who camp out days ahead of the first showing. Because if Lost ends its run on the big screen then I’m ready to start standing in line tomorrow.

--Brendan Fraser as The Hulk?!

--There’s two hundred scary My Space sex predator stories to every one like this. Seventeen years ago Stephanie Lovatos gave birth to a little girl named Celina. Stephanie’s relationship with the daddy didn’t work out and she kept Celina until she felt she wasn’t able to adequately care for the little one who was two at that time. So Celina moved in with daddy and his new girlfriend. Shortly thereafter the couple disappeared with the girl who thought she was growing up with her biological mother and father. Fifteen long years passed until a relative told Stephanie, who was desperately searching, to try out My Space. So Stephanie had a friend create a profile and because Celina’s boyfriend had created one for her the two reunited last Friday. Warm fuzzy.

--Your spanking brand new official bumper sticker for the state of Pennsylvania: I Break for Shoo Fly Pie. I saw Tyler make this on Food 911 once and it did not look appetizing at all.
Yeah, I'll pass.

--Last week it was that intelligent young man digging up a grave and hacking off a skull all in the name of making a bong. This week we head to Indiana where we find 43-year-old Lucinda Jacobs. Apparently Ms. Jacobs thinks it perfectly acceptable to steal Beanie Babies off of gravesites. The police beg to differ.

--Jeff Goldblum and Nicole Richie?!

--The Emmy nominations are out and I’ll probably rant about the undeserving winners when they’re announced in late August. A few thoughts though…The Sopranos getting a nod for Outstanding Drama Series is an absolute joke particularly when you don’t see Lost nominated. Lost did win it last year it was just as good this season. The fix is in if The Office doesn’t win Outstanding Comedy Series. Jeremy Piven is a shoo-in for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy. The Colbert Report should win, but probably won’t in Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy.

--I’ve heard mixed things about Superman Returns and likely won’t see it until DVD time. I love Kate Bosworth, but I can’t see her pulling off Lois Lane at all. One of the movie channels has been showing the original and I watched it the other day for the first time since I was a kid. Christopher Reeve, Margot Kidder and Gene Hackman were just fantastic. Can’t forget the vital role John Ratzenberger/Cliff played as one of the engineers who helped launch and then track down the missiles.

--I thought Tony Reali was bad on Around the Horn and then Duke Castiglione showed up.

--Gnarls Barkley and the Raconteurs at the Austin City Limits Festival in mid-September if you’re looking for a trip somewhere.

--The extremely creative people at lapopart.com are at it again with this Rocky poster using every word of the script to make a pretty picture. Love this stuff.

--Props to New Jersey for shutting down all of its Atlantic City casinos because it can’t agree on a budget. You don’t look foolish at all.

Questions, comments or if you’ve ever sat in gum…

Fall Fashion Trend - Capes

Drama is coming your way this fall, and what better way is there to show off your style than to sweep into a room wearing a sensational cape, such as those shown above by Derek Lam, Ralph Lauren, and Marc Jacobs.

Of course, capes are not new. From dramatic velvet evening capes in the 30's, to caped dinner suits in the 40's, to structured Mod styles in the 60's, and hippie ponchos in the 70's, we've seen capes return again and again. If you're adding a cape to your wardrobe this fall, why not make it vintage? Here are a few examples available at Couture Allure Vintage Fashion .

A 60's Mod era camel wool cape