How Long Until Opening Day?

Time to wash my hands of this Rockets season. Just disgusting.

February is in the books and the Rockets went 10-3 over the 28 days. As you might expect it wasn’t a good month for Tracy on or off the court. On the court Tracy shot a miserable 35% and just 26% from the arc. He averaged his fewest points (19.4) and fewest rebounds (5.3) of any month this season. C’mon T-Mac turn the page. Yao averaged over 21 points and 11.4 rebounds a game while also shooting 51% from the field and 85% from the line. The guy has been money and the future is looking really bright. Statistically Rafer Madness had a better January than February, but not by much. His 3-point percentage was a decent 36%, but just 57% from the line. How does that happen? Skip averaged just over 8 assists and continues to push this team up the floor in a controlled manner. David Wesley had another 40%+ month of shooting from beyond the arc and 48% from the field overall. Luther Head played the fewest amount of minutes (20) than in any other month, but for the first time shot better than 40% from the field. Like in January, Stromile played just 7 games in February putting up his best shooting percentages for whatever that’s worth.

--The Rockets are still looking for a win in their own division and that’s just sad. Granted it’s the toughest division in the league, but still.

--The NBA’s leading scorer in February was Paul Pierce at 33.5 per. Kevin Garnett averaged 14.5 rebounds to lead everyone. Yao’s 11.4 was good for 7th. Brevin Knight was your assists leader at 10.7. Rafer’s 8.2 was just behind Steve Nash’s 8.6.

--No one likes going to Toyota Center for games judging by the crowd and the crowd’s noise level. So why do they insist on these Sunday night games?! It makes zero sense.

White Russian=Good….Wife Russian=Great!!!!!

I think a lot of married men liked what Larry’s lovely wife, Cheryl, gave to him for their 10-year anniversary. Cheryl gave Larry a pass to have relations with another woman for one night. Masha Lopatova has kicked that up a notch. This forward thinking woman gives her husband and new American hero Andrei Kirilenko one free pass every single year. The former Russian pop star told ESPN the magazine, “What's forbidden is always desirable. And athletes, particularly men, are susceptible to all the things they are offered. It's the same way raising children - If I tell my child, 'No pizza, no pizza, no pizza,' what does he want more than anything? Pizza.”
Exactly! What a woman, she lets her husband be and gives the kids pizza. What’s that Russian mail-order bride phone number? Another nugget from the Mrs., “If I know about it, it’s not cheating.” Andrei says that he’s not planning on doing anything. That might be a smart move because this could all be one very clever trap because clearly he’s dealing with an intelligent, beautiful and almost too-cool woman.

One Wild and Crrraaazzzeeee Guy

How funny was it when Barry Bonds dressed up like Paula Abdul to judge Giants rookies’ singing? Oh, that Barry, so beloved, so funny, so cherished by fans and teammates alike. He really has changed and become a man we can love and be happy for once he breaks Babe Ruth’s 714. I know I’ll be rooting for him every step of the way. How can you not? Just because he was a ‘roided up jerk for the bulk of his career, look at him now. Ch-ch-changes. Phony idiot. Just go away and take your “reality” show with you

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Worst news I’ve heard all week…Boondocks creator Aaron McGruder is taking six months off beginning March 27th. Oh well, at least his can’t miss animated series was picked up for another season. Sunday nights on Cartoon Network at 10 if you’re interested and you should be.


--Much like Nick Cannon, The Weatherman is hil-ari-ous. Gotta love seeing a grown man get pelted with a Big Gulp and burrito among other fast food items.

--The always-reliable Page 6 is reporting that Showtime has picked up 26 episodes of Arrested Development. That would be a very, very good thing.

--Two of my most favorite things in life are movies and curse words so let’s discuss. FamilyMediaGuide.com says that Crash has the most curse words of any of this year’s Best Picture nominees with 182 including 99 variations of the F-bomb. The record for most profanities for a Best Picture winner? That would be Platoon with 329, shocking I know.


--Your sore loser of the week comes to us from Milwaukee. That’s where a paternity suit went the man’s way. So when the man and woman left court the woman decided to go Reservoir Dogs on him and tear off his ear. Except she didn’t have a straight razor, no, all she had was her teeth.

--I’m sure by now you’ve seen the video of the autistic kid who caught fire in his only appearance on the basketball team. The link is below on last Friday’s entry if you missed it. Not surprisingly over two dozen production companies, including Disney and Warner Brothers, have contacted the parents about the story.

--We all know from our elementary days that if we didn’t bring enough for the class then we better not get busted for bringing candy or gum or cocaine to school. A 2nd grade girl in Philadelphia knew this rule and so brought 18 bags of the white lady to share with her classmates. Some treated it like Pixie candy and ate away. Yeah, those kids went to the hospital, but apparently are all okay. A teacher took up the bags and the party is still going on in the teacher’s lounge.

--Favorite DrudgeReport.com headline this week: Pet Shop Boys Knock ID Cards, Blair, Bush in new tracks. The Pet Shop Boys are still relevant in the UK?!

--Jessica Alba is on the cover of March’s Playboy. Unfortunately she’s not inside.


--Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa…Jane Fonda has a sex tape with another woman and Ted Turner?!

--On Tuesday we had the dumbass who thought he could jump from his 8th floor balcony to one two floors below. Today we have Rachel Kozlusky of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. She was sitting on the windowsill of her boyfriend’s 23rd floor apartment when, for some reason, according to her boyfriend she got the urge to bang her feet on the window below her. So she asked her man for an assist. He said she slipped from his hands and that was that. Of course, the cops are thinking homicide so we’ll see.

--One more week until The Sopranos!!! Woke up this morning...


--This week back in 1995 one my CD selections were I to be stranded on a Lost island was certified Platinum. That would be NIN's "Pretty Hate Machine."

--Joaquin Phoenix and Eva Mendes?! She could go a long way in Matt and Adam's upcoming Babe Bracket. Then again I would have thought Beyonce would have been an easy winner over Jennifer Love Hewitt last year.

--Nick Lachey and Alyssa Milano?!

--I know most of your entire weekends hinged on what happened in the battle of state pies in Florida. Rest easy the issue is settled. Despite the urging of some, pecan pie will not take over key lime pie as Fla's state pie. My vote goes to key lime as well. By the way, my exhaustive research indicates Texas doesn't have a state pie. However, I found out our state vegetable is the sweet onion, our state fish is Guadalupe bass, and our state cooking implement is a cast iron dutch oven. Cast iron rules!!

I need this.

--Your dumbass criminal of the week comes to us from Georgia. Robert Holcombe was described by a bartender at a local strip club as "Norm" from Cheers. That's not good unless you happen to have a helluva lot of money. Holcombe did not so how did he try to get some dough. By killing his wife, of course. Yeah, first he tried breaking a natural gas line to the water heater to cause an explosion. That didn't work. Next up he started the car in the garage and hoped the bedroom would fill with carbon monoxide because he had drilled a hole and put a hose from the tailpipe into the bedroom. That didn't work. Then came two attempts with poisons. Those failed. Next dumbass dad sought help from his son. Yeah, sonny decided to tape the conversation and alert the police. No more boobies for dumbass.

--Your e-Bay item of the week: Brokeback Mountain pez dispensers.

--If you didn't get enough of the Joker in this year's Dancing with the Stars don't worry Lisa "wait 'til they get a load of me" Rinna will be co-hosting with Tom Bergeron next season.

Questions, comments or if you wish they still made shrinky-dinks...

Read more...

Olympic Hangover

The More Things Change…

At least the game was actually game for nearly all four quarters. That’s about the only positive coming from Monday’s loss to the Suns. I understand Tracy’s going through personal things and his fiancee’s mother just died, but he has to bring it every single night if this team is going to make a run and he just looked disinterested from the get go. Fortunately the big man was ready to roll and he did, but the Suns are just too talented for these guys (ya think?). Houston has games left with Philly, Denver, and Portland on this homestand and those better be three W’s. The Grizzlies and Lakers are both sliding some and the Rockets have to start taking advantage before it’s too late.

--Tracy McGrady hasn’t led the Rockets in scoring since Valentine’s Day. Even Stromile Swift has led the boys in points during that five-game stretch.

--The Rockets are 4-2 since acquiring The Lamp, but 0-1 in games he plays.

--How good has Keith Bogans been? Prior to Monday’s game Bogans was averaging over 23 minutes a game scoring 8 points, grabbing 3 rebounds, and playing some strong defense. He’s shooting 49% from the field and almost 37% from the arc.

--How funny was that wuss’ reaction when Kevin Garnett lobbed that ball that accidentally hit him. Seriously did I just see that guy leave on a stretcher? What a joke.

--I wonder how things are going with the Knicks. Maybe the NY Post can give us a quick update: "Larry Brown is no different than any of his players now. Overpaid, underachieving--and stealing Knicks owner James Dolan's money. Isiah Thomas has assembled some mismatched pieces during his catastrophic reign. But the biggest mismatched piece Thomas added is the head coach.During the Wizards' rout a heckler yelled at new Knick Steve Francis, "Hey Stevie, Where are you going next?" Francis turned to the fan and quipped, "To the bank.", It took only three days for Francis to feel the emptiness of a lost season."
Sounds promising.

--Paul Pierce leads the Celtics in points, rebounds, assists, and steals.

--Heading into this week Adam Morrison leads the nation in scoring at 28.6 with J.J. Redick checking in right behind at 28. Each had their worst point output on Saturday putting up just 11 apiece. It was also the first time Morrison failed to make at least one three-pointer. I forgive you Adam.

--Remember when J.J. was the free throw king of college hoops? Well this year he sits at number 29 making exactly 88%. One of the players in front of him is UTEP’s Miguel Ayala who killed the Cougars and possibly their tournament chances over the weekend. Marquette’s Steve Novak, who stands, 6-10 is tops in free throw percentage at 98.6% making 72 of 73.

--I love watching Florida’s Joakim Noah on the floor. The guy is always active and a helluva leaper. He’s fourth in the nation in field goal percentage at 65.9%. The son of Yannick is averaging 13 and 6 for a Gators team that will likely be the victim of a first round upset.




You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me

America what the hell was that?! You know what I’m talking about so don’t play. How could you vote for Jerry Rice over Stacy Keibler? Where did our founding fathers go wrong when a 5’11” bombshell like Stacy loses to a has-been, attention-starved, just barely better than Master P. dancer like Jerry freakin’ Rice. C’mon America! You’re better than that. Yeah, Jerry improved in his last couple of dances and that afro was cute, but c’mon. Stacy Keibler’s legs alone should put her in the final two. She was asstanding every single time out and was gracious and humble every tantalizing step along the way. I’ll have to end this now before my ulcer starts acting up. Damn too late.
your winner

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--Wonderlic, schmonderlic. I’m so confused about what happened or might have happened or who is to blame for what. Did he score a 6? I don’t know and even if I was a GM I wouldn’t imagine caring all that much. That 6 would explain his decision to hire Major Adams as his agent. He obviously should have had Vince prepared for the test. It’s not like it was a pop quiz.

--Lindsey Lohan explaining her skeletal days, "I will say that I went through a phase. I lost weight when I was in the hospital, and then I wanted to keep it off. Sometimes being that thin doesn't look healthy. I kind of didn't realize that. It was an attention thing, too. You start to wonder if your friends are your friends because you look a certain way."
A phase?! Sometimes it doesn’t look healthy?! Are you saying you had friends because you looked like a bulimic cokehead?

--Walk The Line is now out on DVD and that’s a very, very good thing.


--Your too gross, too sick, vomit-inducing story of the week comes to us from Columbus, Ohio and it doesn’t even include Maurice Clarett. This story is about a 54-year-old sicko named Alex Patton. Like a lot of sickos Patton has an unhealthy fascination with little boys, except in his case it’s the little boys’ urine he enjoys. WTF?! This sicko goes to the theatre or restaurant, goes into the bathroom, turns the water off the child-level urinal, puts a cup in the bottom of it, hides in a nearby stall and waits for a little boy to fill the cup. Then sicko drinks it. Detective Ron Fithen, "Listening to him describe it, it's like listening to a crack or cocaine addict. He's addicted to children's urine." What a pleasant thought. Sicko has been doing this for forty years and admits it makes him sick, but says it’s worth it because of the near spiritual feeling he gets. Thankfully a father caught this guy in the bathroom staring at his boy and alerted the cops who took it from there. Let us not speak of this ever again.

--Tell me Sugar Shane doesn’t think he can beat Floyd Mayweather.

--A fourth Blade movie might be in the works?! Oh please no.


--Frank Thomas vs. Kenny Williams is now over?! It was just starting to get good. In case you missed the Chicago general manager’s comments: “He's an idiot. He's selfish. That's why we don't miss him. If you go out there and ask any one of my players or staff members, we don't miss him. We don't miss his attitude. We don't miss the whining. We don't miss it. Good riddance. See you later." Unfortunately the biggest mouth in Chicago, Ozzie Guillen, is staying out of this one, "I won't put my nose in something above me. He never mentioned my name and if you don't mention my name, I try to stay away from every part of the conversation." Our loss.

--In “Yeah, That’s About Right” news…Howard Stern’s last month on free radio earned a 7.9 share. His replacement David Lee Roth pulled a huge 1.7 in January.

--Are you sitting down? I’m serious, you need to sit down for this headline I read from the World Entertainment News Network: Damian Marley admits to smoking weed. Absolutely shocking and very newsworthy. I mean who would’ve thought that a son of Bob Marley would actually smoke ganja.


--Congratulations to the University of Washington’s student senate which voted against honoring World War II hero Pappy Boyington with a statue. One dumbass Senate member said she “didn’t believe a member of the Marine Corps was an example of the sort of person UW wanted to produce.” Huh? Yeah, you’d hate to honor a military hero who only spent a measly 18 months in a Japanese POW camp. You don’t want people thinking the University of Washington is capable of producing someone who was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor. Idiots.

Thanks Pappy.

--Your dumbass drunk of the week comes to us from San Diego. That’s where Carl Brown, 44, was drinking the afternoon away. He was staying on the 8th floor at a hotel there and decided it would be a good idea to bet his fellow drinkers that he could jump from his balcony to one of the 6th floor. Turned out it was not a good idea. He gone.

--A collection of hip-hop history at the Smithsonian. That’ll be worth a trip.

--I’m not sure if David Beckham would actually register a score on the Wonderlic after reading this about him and his 6-year-old’s homework: "Their homework is so hard these days. I sat down with Brooklyn the other day -- and I was like, 'Victoria, maybe you should do the homework tonight'. "I think it was maths, actually. It's done totally differently to what I was teached when I was at school, and you know, I was like, 'Oh my God, I can't do this'.
Umm…maths?! Teached?!

Questions, comments, or if you got spirit…

Read more...