Ho ho ho and a pint of Brass Monkey

Dynamo-ite!!!!

Hell yeah, that's what the hell I'm talking about! Can't F with the Dynamo. I don't see how even non-soccer fans aren't excited in this city about this team. That atmosphere at Robertson is just awesome and a big reason this team is going for back-to-back titles. Anyone doubt they'll get it? This team is so much fun to watch and has had one loooong year with the extra tournaments and several of the key players getting banged up and/or playing for their respective national teams. Then of course they had to overcome a 1-0 deficit against FU Dallas which they did in style with goals in overtime or whatever the hell soccer calls "overtime." Love this stuff and whenever 11 o clock rolls around Sunday I won't be scouring the net for nfl injury updates or on my way to the Texans game. My ass will be on the couch watching the best sports team in Houston repeat as the best team in Major League Soccer.

--Congratulations to the Lions for rushing for all of -18 yards against the Cardinals.

--Remember when we thought the Texans were good because they beat Carolina at home? The Panthers have lost six straight at home.

--The Bills converted just two third downs and still kept the Dolphins winless. Five have Miami's nine defeats have been by three points.

--Congratulations to the Redskins for finally throwing a TD pass to a receiver. Only took 10 weeks.

--The Niners are nine games in and have had four games in which they've been held to single digit first downs including all of six on Monday.

--Adrian Peterson could probably sit out two weeks and still lead the league in rushing when he gets back. Ridiculous.

--The Steelers, Colts and Patriots are the only teams converting at least 50% of their third downs.

--Even after throwing 6 interceptions the Colts are still +8 in turnover ratio, good for 4th behind the Patriots and Chargers who are at +11 and the Falcons? at +9. Didn't think I'd see Atlanta up there in that department. The only team worse than the Texans at -8 is the Saints at -9.

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--How great was the Curb finale? If that's the end of the series it went out in style. When Vivica shuts up Suzy's screamdown of Larry I literally fell out of my chair.


--The only Steve Carell vehicle movie I'll kick the tires is Get Smart especially now that the lovely, lovely, lovely Anne Hathaway is Agent 99. The Rock is Agent 23. Bill Murray has a cameo so that doesn't suck either.

--Love Jason Lee. Love David Cross. Love Alvin and the Chipmunks.
Hate Jason Lee, David Cross, and Alvin in the Chipmunks in a movie.

--I really, really need to get my ass to a multiplex to watch No Country for Old Men.

--Didn't you figure when you were a kid that by the year 2007 we would have advanced our toilet cleaning technology? I mean seriously we're still using a brush for this? There isn't an easier, less nasty way? There isn't a self-cleaning bowl? We have self-cleaning ovens, but not toilet bowls? The only improvements we can make in this department are cute little toilet brush holders? C'mon scientists let's get back to solving cancer and aids once we figure out how the hell we can keep our bowls spotless without resorting to the toilet brush that our great-grandparents thought was old-fashioned.

--top ten things i learned from tv this week...

1. Human Weapon - sambo the sport, 1941-russian peasants joined army and passed sambo along. it helped forestall hitler's assault on russia and paved the way for allied victory.

2. Heroin Hero is literally video crack.

3. worry about Jim and Pam breaking up because Jim doesn't want to end up being Michael. Can't believe next week's is the last new one because of the strike.

4. Gordon Ramsay must get paid millions to not slap the F outta these stubborn biyatch owner/chefs on Kitchen Nightmares. You are not a chef if you squeeze mashed potatoes out of a plastic bag.

5. no other ED tablet except Cialis is clinically proven to go to work fast or give us the option of having up to 36 hours to get back to whatever got interrupted. (uh-huh, i guarantee you in 36 hours she's thinking about what got interrupted a day and a half ago, oh yeah for sure)

6. Food Network on HD might be the # 1 reason america is one fat ass country.
She had a baby girl this week.

7. don't donate to Katy D.A.R.E.

8. Larry and the Blacks could be the greatest sitcom in television history.

9. Boondocks showed me just how promising a Soul Plane 2 could be.

10. Never go on CNN...


--Best non-Dynamo news all week: two more seasons of Damages on the way!

--How awesome was the doubleheader combination on My20 on Sunday with La Bamba followed by the Rockets and Bobcats? I don't know if a movie has ever made me more sad than these 4 minutes and 19 seconds did...

RITCHIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

--Your No Sh** Sherlock headline of the week comes to us from clickondetroit.com...

Police: Head Found, Possibly that of Homocide Victim

Ummm, possibly?!

--Really Riddick Bowe?! MMA?! By the way, Brock Lesnar is supposed to debut in UFC in February.

--Note to Hollywood: Yeah, umm if you couldn't tell we don't really want to go see movies about the war in Iraq. Yeah, we know it was one colossal clusterf*** that should and could have been avoided so no need to hammer it home with movie after movie.

--Matthew Perry and Mandy Moore?!
Let her go Vince, let her go.

--There are all kinds of serial killers I guess, but when you're talking about Thailand you get a special type of serial killer. This one was murdering security guards in Bangkok and surrounding provinces. Seven guards were murdered and 10 others were seriously injured over the last five months. The serial killer is, of course, a hospital security guard and explains why he did it, "I hate guards who fall asleep on the job and don't perform their duty." After his explanation he was let go without being charged...or he's in jail. One of those.

--I haven't watched one second, but apparently Keeping Up With The Kardashians is getting another season.
That is one huuuuge purse.

--Thank you to our nation's veterans and those currently serving around the globe.


Questions, comments or if you're wondering how the hell you're going to keep up with the world now that The Daily Show and Colbert Report are done until the strike ends...

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Sipping pints of ale out the window sill

The Killers' new video for "Tranquilize" off their B-sides album, which I'm guessing is awesome...just a guess though...





Wow, Oakland Is A Special Kind of Suck

Not to take anything away from the Texans, but the Raiders are one terr-u-bull football team. Seriously, you're going for a 64-yard field goal?! Seriously, you're gonna leave Josh McCown in?! Seriously, you're gonna allow Ronnie Dayne to go over 100 yards?! Seriously, you can't get one sack against Houston?!

--Seriously Shaun Alexander hasn't run for over for over 50 yards in 4 straight freakin' games and has gone 6 in a row without a TD. Awesome. C'mon Shaun, DeShaun and LaMont have more rushing yards than you.

--Make it 8 straight weeks without a TD catch for TJ.

--Randy Moss now has 12 TD catches or as many total TDs the Raiders scored a year ago.

--I’ve been saying 16-0 was a certainty since Week 2 when I actually got to watch the Patriots juggernaut for a full game. All Don Shula did by commenting on it was motivate those boys that much more and Belichick wasn’t lacking in the motivation department.

--The common theme for Jamal Lewis’ record breaking 295 yard day and Adrian Peterson’s 296 yard day? Chester Taylor was backing up both of them on those crazy days. So yeah, the Texans need to trade for Chester so Ronnie can get 300.

--Last year the NFL had 50 different starting QBs. If Brooks Bollinger and Patrick Ramsey get the calls on Sunday this year that number will be up to 51 already.

--I hate David Carr now more than ever since he's killing my Steve Smith teams. In 5 of the last 6 games Steve hasn't broken 50 yards receiving. You suck David, but you didn't need me to tell you that. I'd think whatever manufacturer you get your gloves from wants to pay you to use someone else's. Get healthy Vinny! I'm thinking John Fox doesn't have all that much confidence in Matt Moore when Fox answers a question about if Moore is ready to start by responding, "It depends on how you define 'ready'."

--David Garrard is 3rd right in front of Peyton Manning in QB rating. Maybe David gets back this week and we can see how much longer before he throws his first pick of the year.

--Ben Roethlisberger now has the honor of being a distant 2nd to Tom Brady in TD passes. Ben - 20. Tom- 33. Tommyboy is still completing over 73% of his passes.

--Seriously Adrian Peterson has damn near 300 more yards than anyone else in the league. Sick. How awesome would it have been if the Texans had the chance to pass him over too?

--Tennessee center Josh McNeil is the BMOC this week. Police came to his dorm room to investigate a burglary after a neighbor heard a crash. So the police came and found a potted plant thrown threw a window, some handguns and rifles and what else...oh yeah, three chicks in Josh's bed. For some reason Josh claimed one of the girls was his girlfriend and the other two were her friends and they were sleeping on the floor. Can't you just say to the cops "be cool" and they just go away in situations like that?

--Ummm, note to Andy Reid's son, Garret: yeah, when you get arrested and sent to jail probably not a good idea to stick a pillbox up your ass because you think you're smart enough to smuggle in your fun Flintstones.

That’s What I’m Talking About

Anytime you can split in a back to back in Texas you’re doing just fine. When these Rockets are on, they’re freakin’ on! Just think how good they’d be if Steve Francis played. Obviously they’d be 4-0 and probably be considered just a notch below the Patriots on the dominant teams scale. Seriously people why all the love for a guy everyone was happy to see leave a few years ago? I don’t get it, but I also didn’t get the guy who called me on Feedback Tuesday and said Bonzi was worthless. I don’t like the way he acted last year, but the guy is one valuable, versatile, and (umm need another ‘v’ word let’s go with) voluptuous (means good rebounder right?) player and apparently he is part-owner of the Spurs. Time to roll the Bucks and Bobcats and finish up the first two weeks at 6-1. This is gonna be fun.

--The NBA Live jinx (if there is one) is in full effect. Coverboy Gilbert Arenas is shooting 33% and just 1 for 17 from beyond the arc.

--Jay Williams is doing motivational speeches?! No offense, but ummm, is he going to motivate us to not throw away millions of dollars by riding motorcycles? I mean he didn’t come back to the NBA after that so don’t know what inspiration he can provide, but good luck with that.

--We’re only a week and a half in, but Rasheed Wallace has yet to get T’d up.

--Seriously Dennis Rodman wants to coach in the WNBA.

--Is Baron Davis from Europe and we didn't know it?


--A special Charles Barkley Air Force 1 Rockets shoe?!

Quick Hitters and Random Thoughts

--For some reason this took waaaay longer than it should have to come out and I’m sure the audiobook is outstanding, but Borat is now an author. This from an interview with Reuters:

Q: Who do you favor for President in the United States?

A: "I cannot believe that it possible a woman can become Premier of US and A - in Kazakhstan, we say that to give a woman power, is like to give a monkey a gun - very dangerous. We do not give monkeys guns any more in Kazakhstan ever since the Astana Zoo massacre of 2003 when Torkin the orang-utan shoot 17 schoolchildrens. I personal would like the basketball player, Barak Obamas to be Premier."

--Last season wasn’t anything special, but Scrubs this season is definitely going out a winner.

--After three years Evangeline realized she was engaged to a hobbit. No offense, Charlie.


--A “Wag of the Finger” to the South Carolina Democratic Executive Council which voted last week to keep Stephen Colbert off the state’s primary ballot because they’re skeered. Even worse news is that this writers’ strike which I didn’t care about until now is keeping The Daily Show and Colbert off the air. Awwww, sonuvabitch! I just read the last new episode of The Office airs next week because Steve Carell isn’t gonna cross the picket line. Good for him, bad for us. Looks like Danny is gonna catch up on some movies.

--Mikkel Kessler is good, very good. Joe Calzaghe is great, very great. I like Bernard Hopkins the man, I just hate watching his fights, but I’m down with a Calzaghe/Hopkins fight. How weird was it seeing Oscar de la Hoya on a Showtime promotion? What a bad cut caused by a headbutt that Rocky had to fight through all night. I don’t think it would’ve mattered either way though, he’s just not as good as Juan Manuel Marquez. No shame in that. JMM and Pacquiao need to meet again now.

--Something you're bound to see more of are cell phone jammers. Apparently these little bad boys can send out a powerful signal that jams the communication between cell phones and towers with a range working from several feet to several yards. They're totally illegal because radio frequencies for cells are protected by the FCC, but damn wouldn't it be totally cool to knock off the cell of that punk kid talking in the movie theater or the punk kid in the grocery line or the punk kid who is sitting at the green light talking on his phone or the punk kid...basically the punk kids and those of you who are adults with celly addictions. I know restaurant managers are loving this technology.

--Owen Wilson and Jessica Simpson?!

--How great were the Imaginationland shows?

--Really China, 3,491 people with the name "Aoyun" meaning Olympics?! There are also more than 4,000 Chinese with names of the five mascots Bei Bei, Jing Jing, Huan Huan, Ying Ying, and Ni Ni. Geez parents I know there are nearly 6,000 people named Yao Ming, but can't you come up with something a little better than Jing Jing?

--Interesting story in London developing for the Law Lords to decide. The piece of crap in question is Iorworth Hoare who was jailed in 1989 for the rape of an elderly woman. So this guy goes to jail penniless back then. Then in 2004 he bought a lottery ticket during day release from prison and this happened just before he went free on parole. So the piece of crap is 7 million pounds the richer. Now the rape victim wants the money she should have gotten and more. The High Court ruled her compensation claim was outside the legal six-year limit to sue for damages. The Appeal Court agreed. Now the Law Lords (sounds so much cooler than Supreme Court) are looking to see if this is fair, which it obviously is not.

--We have two fun in the sun Florida stories. First in Jacksonville where Final Destination made an appearance. A 19-year-old guy was on a bridge standing over his bike when a car smacked him. Dude shook it off and jumped over the concrete barrier where he started to then walk before, yeah, another car hit him. I assume the ambulance didn't come and finish him off since he's in serious condition in the hospital.

--In Orlando we head to a church for a funeral. Some guy walks up to the open casket and starts wailing away on the corpse. Then people started beating the crap out of that guy until cops came and took the guy away. Nobody knows who he was or why picked a fight with a dead guy.

--Flight of the Conchords on DVD is out! You should already have four copies by now.

--Fight! Fight!


--Larry isn't getting back Cheryl is he? That's okay as long as Leon stays on board we'll all be fine.

--Damn between Southland Tales, American Gangster, No Country for Old Men, and There Will Be Blood all coming up I may have to get my ass to a theater! First things first though, gotta see Bee Movie. How hilarious does that look especially since the endless commercials for it are so funny? There's not enough smoke and honey in the world to make that entertaining.

--Remember a few Curbs ago when Larry's date to the play, the exterminator, stomped all over that hideous rat-looking dog? Another deadly stomp comes our way except this one was real and on a football field. It happened at a high school in Utah where two dumbass players released a pheasant onto the practice field. Assistant coach Richard Layton takes it from there, "After several minutes of unsuccessful attempts by others to catch the bird, it came running toward me on the sideline. In an effort to pin down the bird, I tried to stop it with my foot, causing me to lose my balance."
Yeah, Assistant Football Coach - 1 Pheasant - 0
The bird had to be euthanized and the coach was cited for animal cruelty.
Assistant Football Coach - 1 Pheasant - 1
Tie goes to whoever is still alive.

--More high school football fun....In Washington two high school teams lined up to shake hands when one 17-year-old dumbass decided it would be cool to have his folding knife in his hand and cut some of the opposing players since they beat his team down 55-7. He cut three guys before everyone figured out who was going Last Boy Scout lite.

--Apparently it's not enough that UT-Austin has the hottest chicks in the state, now UT-San Antonio could be getting a porn club. Some dancer/student, Riley Jackson Starr, is putting Club X together to watch and discuss sexually oriented materials. The club still needs a professor to be an official advisor. Seems like that won't be hard to find.

--RIP Fabulous Moolah...

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